How to Play Chess
Edward, would you like to play a game of chess?
"All right, Alice." I call, flitting out of my room and down the stairs, "Um… Alice… what is that on your head?"
"Do you like it?"
"What is it?"
"It's a hat, Edward."
"Yes, I see that, but why is it made out of tinfoil?"
"It has flowers on it, see? Isn't it lovely?"
"Yes,but WHY is it made out of TINFOIL?"
"Oh… to stop you from reading my mind."
I sigh.
"Emmett, what are you doing?"
"Watching you play chess."
"Why?"
"Because, little brother, there is nothing better to do. And because it annoys you."
"May I remind you that I am a good fifty years older than you, little brother."
"Details." He laughs.
I sigh.
"Edward? Ah, here you are. I was just wondering if you knew where the latest issue of the medical journal has gone?"
"I believe it's still in your car Carlisle."
"Thank you." By the way, is that tinfoil hat of Alice's having any success?
I shake my head.
Don't you think you should tell her?
I shake my head again and smile.
He smiles back. Just don't be too brutal.
I sigh.
"You need to relax Edward, it's just a game."
"Thank you, Dr. Jasper." I tease.
"You're welcome. Now, let's take a break from chess and do some yoga."
"I'd rather not."
"You should."
I sigh.
"Edward? Be a dear and play something, you've been at that game for hours."
"In a minute Esme."
"Oh, all right dear." She turns away disappointed.
I sigh.
"EDWARD CULLEN!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?! I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR BRAINS OUT!!!"
"I'm in the living room playing chess, Rose," I call, "and I'd rather prefer you NOT to rip my brains out…"
"You STOLE my HAIRBRUSH!!!"
"I did nothing of the sort."
"Did SO!"
"Did not."
"DID SO!"
"Did not!"
"DID SO!!"
"Did not!!"
"DID SO!!!"
"Did NOT!!!"
"DID SO!!!"
"I DID NOT!!!"
"Edward!" Carlisle shouts, "Stop yelling!"
I sigh.
"CHECK!!! HA!!! I WIN EDWARD!!!!"
"Um… not quite…"
"Huh?"
"Checkmate…"
"But that not POSSIBLE!!!! You couldn't have anticipated that move!!!"
"Alice… about that tinfoil hat…"
"What about it?"
"It doesn't work."
"Edward?"
"Yes Carlisle?"
"Why are you hiding under my desk?"
"Alice has a baseball bat."
"So?"
"She's been trying to hit me with it."
He raises an eyebrow. "Why?"
I shrug, "Well… I rather bluntly informed her that her hat was ineffective."
"And now she's out for your blood? Figuratively speaking."
"Figuratively speaking, yes, I believe she is."
"Ah, well then, good luck."
I sigh.