She Shall Remain Nameless
A/N: I just got this idea after I saw some Harry Potter gender bending pictures on deviant art and I thought this would be funny. Then I realized how many flower names JKR uses. Anyway I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: They're all mine! Buwahahaha!
Except they're not; if you didn't know, all Harry Potter stuff belongs to JKR. It's nice to dream though.
"You can do it Lily. Just one more push," the healer said calmly.
"I love you Lil," James whispered soothingly in her ear. He kept drumming his fingers on his thigh to distract himself from how nervous he was, but he wasn't very successful; particularly because Lily had an iron grip on his other hand. During her last contraction she squeezed him so tightly, he was sure that he'd broken at least one finger, but his own health could wait right now. "Everything will be better soon."
Lily glared at him and said between breaths, "Hee Hee Hoo, You know, Hee Hee Hoo, James, Hee Hee Hoo, I love you, Hee Hee Hoo, but right now, Hee Hee Hoo, all I can think, Hee Hee Hoo, is that this is YOUR FAULT!" Lily screamed the last few words and she clamped down on James' fingers again. It was all he could do to keep from screaming in agony with her.
In what felt like forever and no time at all, a baby's cries filled the room. The healer held up the child and proudly announced, "It's a girl!"
It's a girl, James thought in shock. He looked at his wife smiling happily into the face of her baby, their baby. He was a daddy. Emotion welled up from places that he didn't know he had and threatened to overwhelm him. He had never believed in love at first sight, but he immediately changed his mind once he set eyes on his baby.
"Would you like to hold her?"
"Huh," he said, realizing that Lily was talking to him.
"I said would you like to hold your daughter?" Lily smiled at him and shook her head slightly.
"My daughter," he whispered stepping closer. Then a look of fear crossed his features. "I've never held a newborn before. What if I break her?"
"James, stop being so silly. Come here," Lily said, going into instructor mode. "See how I'm holding her. Here, put your right arm under and hold her close to your body. Now wrap your other arm around her and make sure to support her head. That's it."
"How'd you get to be so good at this."
"I used to baby-sit a lot during the summer."
"Hmm, lucky babies." James said looking down at the little girl in his arms
"None more lucky than you."
James didn't respond because he was already speaking to his daughter. "Hey baby girl. I'm your daddy. I'm going to protect you, especially from horrible creatures known as teenage boys, but you don't have to worry about them for a while. I'm also going to show you how to pull all kinds of pranks. I know some really good ones!"
"James!"
"Oops. We won't tell your mom about that. See that pretty lady over there frowning at us. That's your mummy. You probably already know who she is but we are very happy to meet you." He handed the baby back to Lily.
"So James," Lily said after taking the baby, "You told me last night before I went into labour that you had the perfect name for our child. What is it?"
"Oh, uh... well Lily... um... you see," he said nervously scratching his head. "I was sure we were going to have a boy..."
"Why would you think something like that?" she said. Her eyes were narrowed in suspicion and she didn't look very happy.
"Well, I um... I know you didn't want to know the sex of the baby until he or she was born but I couldn't wait that long."
"What did you do?" Lily said accusingly.
"Nothing bad," James said waving his arms in front of him as if to deflect her anger. "I went to a licensed practitioner of the divining arts."
"You mean you went to a fortune teller?!"
"Hmph, if you want to put it crudely, then yes. I think her name was Treelooney or something. Anyway she just got a job at Hogwarts but she hadn't started yet, so she was doing a little prophesying to earn a little money on the side."
"James," Lily said shaking her head. "You wanted to know so badly you went to a fortune teller named Treelooney?"
"Well, Dumbledore seemed to think she might have something important to say about the baby but when I went to see her and while I was there I thought I might as well ask. How was I to know this crazy bird couldn't even predict our baby's sex. She told me we'd have a boyish child, so I assumed she meant we'd have a boy."
"Isn't your daddy silly?" Lily said to the baby. She looked up at James and raised an eyebrow. "So what was this wonderful boy's name you came up with?"
"I thought we could name him Harold after your grandfather. Ahem, his full name would be Harold James Potter," James said and puffed out his chest in pride.
"You egotist," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "But you're right, it would have been perfect. Too bad we have a girl."
"Oh, I'm not disappointed. I just don't have any names planned. Maybe we could still use part of this one. What do you think of the name Harriet?"
"I don't know. I was kind of hoping we could name her after a flower. It's a long-standing tradition in my family you know. Like Petunia and I."
James frowned at the mention of Petunia. "I know she's your sister, but do you have to mention Petunia at a time like this?"
"Sorry."
"It's ok. So, do you have any names in mind?"
"Well, my mother's name is Rose."
"I suppose that'd be alright but let's ask the baby. She should have a say in her own name."
"James you are impossible," Lily said affectionately.
"Hey baby girl," he cooed. "What do you think of the name Rose?"
The baby scrunched up her face and she started crying loudly.
"Oh hush, hush baby. It's ok. Mummy's here." Lily gently rocked the baby in her arms until she calmed down.
"So that name is out."
"Oh come on, she just a baby. She doesn't know better."
"She doesn't like the name." James crossed his arms over his chest. "That's that."
"But James..."
James held up one hand and looked off into space until she stopped protesting. "Let's save Rose for some future baby, but the name just isn't right for her. What about naming her after your grandmother?"
"My grandmother's name was Iris," Lily said, making a face, but James wasn't paying attention, so he didn't see it.
"Iris, huh? I guess it could work."
"Oh no!" Lily said vehemently. "No child of mine is going to be named Iris!"
James raised his eyebrows. "Didn't like your grandmum very much Lily?"
"Um, No, she was fine. I just think Iris is such an old fashioned name. We could do so much better than that."
"Uh huh," James said, skepticism plainly evident on his features. "So what do we name her?"
"Oh I don't know. I'm tired. Let's leave it until we get home."
"So how about Poppy?" James said, reading names of flowers off a list Remus owled to him that morning.
"That's Madam Pomfrey's name," Lily said irritibly.
"Ugh, can't have our child named after a professor," James said emphatically, scratching the name off the list. "Hmm... Ok how about Daisy?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"There's a very popular muggle television show called The Dukes of Hazard."
"So, what's that got to do with anything?"
"Well let me explain it to you. There's a character named Daisy who wears really tight, short shorts and people think of her as a sex symbol. You wouldn't want people thinking that about your daughter would you?"
"NO!" James said, vehemently scribbling over the name with his quill. Lily cracked her first smile all day at the look on his face. "Ugh," James said shuddering. "I need to get that thought out of my mind quickly. Let's see what else Remus wrote. Hey did you know that there's a flower called a Black-Eyed Susan?"
"No child of mine will be named after a black-eyed anything," Lily said sourly.
"I wasn't suggesting we name her that. I just thought it was interesting." He was about to say that Lily was being testy but he saw the look on Lily's face so he cleared his throat and said, "So back to the list. What about Lavender?"
"The Browns just had a little girl two months ago they named Lavender."
"Oh that's right," James said hitting his forehead. "The baby that cries all the time."
"That's her," Lily said. "Her parents can't leave her alone for a second or she starts wailing again. She's always got to be the center of attention."
"Sounds like she's going to be a handful when she grows up."
"Yes I bet she will." Lily and James shared a knowing look for a second before she said, "So do you have anything else on that list?"
"Well there's Violet?"
"No."
"Ok, I never really liked that name anyway," he mumbled as he crossed it off the list. He rubbed his hand over his eyes and said in frustration, "Lily that was the last one. You have rejected every suggestion I have given you for the past two days."
"Well it's not my fault you have such terrible taste in names."
"I think you're being too picky. We can't go around calling our daughter 'flower baby' forever."
"I am not. I liked Rose."
"Well our daughter didn't. Besides I think that name will fit a Weasley better because they have red hair. Anyway this is beside the point since we already eliminated that one. I'm all out of suggestions. Do you have any ideas?"
"Well now that you mention it, I have a few. What do you think of Hyacinth?"
"And you dare criticise the names I chose," James said with raised eyebrows.
"What's wrong with Hyacinth?" Lily asked indignantly.
"Do you seriously want me to answer that?"
"Fine. What about Fleur?"
"The French word for flower? At least I was being more specific. Besides I don't want to give my child an identity crisis."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want our baby to grow up believing she's a prissy French flirt."
"She wouldn't be like that."
"If you have veto power, I do too."
Lily rolled her eyes but said, "Well I like the name Pansy."
"No."
"Why not?"
"That's a Slytherin name?"
"What?"
"It's a Slytherin name," James said adamantly.
"I heard you, you idiot." Lily was frustrated but couldn't help smiling a little "I meant what do you mean."
"Well why didn't you say so," James said but immediately explained when Lily threatened to hit him. "I mean pansies are weak, showy flowers that die at the first sign of frost and they never make it to the next year. Like Slytherins they are shallow because they are only known for their appearance and they are weak because they would rather take the easy way out than put themselves at risk to do what's right. Gryffindors are tough and bold. We want her to be tough with the fight we've got ahead of us. And besides, Pansy sounds like a typical, 'mean-girl' name. You wouldn't want our daughter to be like that would you?"
"Did you just think of all that?"
"Yup. Pretty good huh?"
"If you say so... James, that was my last suggestion. It looks like we're at an impasse again. What are we going to do?"
"I don't know Lil, at this point I'd say we should just give up and get used to calling our daughter Flower X or something."
Just then the baby started crying.
"I'll get her," James said, getting up from his easy chair in the living room. When he got up, he didn't notice that he dropped the list.
Lily reached over and picked it up. "James, you dropped Remus' list." When she unrolled the parchment it she noticed that the edge on the bottom was curled. "Hey, there's one more name on the list."
James walked back into the sitting room carrying the baby. "Really," he said with interest. "And what's that."
"Zinnia," Lily read.
"Hmm... Zinnia Potter. I like that."
"I do too," Lily said getting up and giving her husband a kiss on the cheek. "And what do you think little miss flower? Hmm?"
The baby burped and smiled.
"I think she likes it," James said.
"It was hard to find, but it's perfect," Lily said. They both beamed at each other for a few moments. The peaceful aura lasted until Lily asked, "So what should her middle name be?"
James groaned. "Oh no, not this again!"
A/N: Please Review. It really makes my day! You know you want to! ;-)