disclaimer: i don't own anything

hey guys! okay so i know that i took out my story, but i do like posting one shots so here is another one. It is quite sappy and not extremely original but i liked the idea and thought that I would give it a shot.

thanks to LM who have me one or two ideas and encouraged me to write this. and of course to KL and CJ...just because. (thanks to CJ for editing some of this!)

please read and review!! i dont mind constructive criticism and i love to know if i could improve this in some way...so please let me know!

James was sitting next to Lily at dinner, when a fifth year came over, "Excuse me, are you Lily Evans?"

"Yes, how can I help you?" responded the ever-polite Lily.

"Professor Dumbledore asked me to give this to you, he sounded like it was quite urgent," the fifth year said, as he handed her a small piece of folded parchment with her name scrawled on the top.

"Thanks," mumbled Lily as her brow furrowed into one. She glanced at me with a questioning and nervous look in her beautiful emerald eyes as she opened it.

Glancing over her shoulder I saw a very short note written:

Ms. Evans,

Kindly come to my office directly after dinner.

Yours sincerely,

Albus Dumbledore

P.S. I like Wonka chocolate

My first thought was, what on earth was Wonka chocolate?

And then I remembered that the headmaster having a very curt and urgent letter for someone was probably not a good thing.

I took one glance at Lily and my stomach twisted into knots. We had been friends for awhile now, and I have known her for seven years. In those seven years, however, I had never seen Lily Evans look more terrified.

Looking across from us, I remembered that Lily's best mate, Alice Redding, was in the hospital wing with a mild version of the Dragon Pox. This meant I was alone in comforting her.

Enveloping her in a hug, I felt all of my love for the woman in my arms come rushing back, it was overwhelming.

"Lil…" I stuttered, "It…it probably won't be as terrible as it sounds…"

"You don't know that," is all she said back.

"Yes, that is true, if you want; I'll go up there with you…?" Some of the other students started filing out of the Great Hall, and as Lily noticed this, she pulled away.

"No, I'll be okay…thank you James," she managed as she got up and started to walk away.

But I was better than that. I knew that she was scared beyond explanation by the way she was walking, with short, shaky, and quick steps instead of her usual long and graceful ones. I knew because the color of her eyes had changed, and they were a forest green. I knew that Lily was terrified, because when I looked at Lily walking away from me, I saw a totally different person from the beautiful woman I have known for seven long years.

And I knew that Lily looked different because Sirius tapped him on the shoulder with a mouth full of mashed potatoes and said something like, "Does your dearest Lily have something on her mind?"

Sirius was by far the most oblivious person I knew, and him noticing Lily's behavior definitely said something.

"She got a note from Dumbledore asking her to come to his office 'directly after dinner,'" is all I had time to say back.

Quickly getting up from my seat, I knew that I had to do something, I wasn't going to just wait until Lily came to me and told me what he was on about, not that she would at her own will.

Running down the corridor, I finally caught up to her outside the gargoyle. "Er…Lily, are you sure you don't want me to just wait out here for you? It really wouldn't be a problem at all; I have nowhere to be…"

Lily sighed and looked up at me with her big green eyes, mumbling, "If you really want to, go ahead. However, I really would be quite alright without you babysitting me."

I knew better than to argue with her at this point, and all I said as she said the password to the gargoyle was, "I'll be here."

After two minutes I got worried. I had been hoping that whatever she was there for was not going to be of much importance.

"Maybe…it is heads business…no, then he would have called me too… Maybe her parents just wanted to get a hold of her for something important…or maybe, with the war and all…no that couldn't have happened to a muggle family…"

And then I remembered all of the recent muggle murders in the Daily Prophet.

"Shit."

Just then Dumbledore came out of his office, looking very solemn. "James, I believe that Ms. Evans may need a friend right now. It has just been reported that her parents were killed. We know that it was a magical death."

"Bloody hell…" I whispered, looking at the stone floor. "Of course, she needs a friend; I will come up with you."

I expected, that when I burst into the headmaster's office, that Lily would be shaking with sobs, which she would be very loud and would never stop crying. What I saw, was a totally different Lily.

Her face had gone a shade of grey, as well as her eyes, and she was staring out the window. It was clear though, that she didn't see anything out the window. If she was looking at a black wall, she wouldn't know the difference.

I was horrified. This was not Lily, this was not even a ghost. She could be dead, and I don't think she would look much different. To me, of course, she was still beautiful, but there was no spirit, no color, nothing. She was blank.

"Lils…come here…" was all I could muster before I took her into another hug.

That triggered some emotion.

She instantly shuddered and fell limp in my grasp. I felt a tear fall onto my cloak, but one single tear was all that came from her right eye.

I explained to Professor Dumbledore that I was taking Lily to the Head's Dormitory and that he could stop in whenever he wanted.

I didn't want her to look out of that window anymore; I could not bear to see her looking like that again.

When we got to our room, I conjured a simple cup of tea and some biscuits. She simply put the cup between her hands. But I conjured it so that tea would be very hot, the ceramic must be burning her hands.

"Lily, if you don't want to drink that, let me set it on the table for you…"

She didn't talk to me all night, she lay on the couch and pretended to sleep, but I knew better. Finally, I decided to take her up to her own room.

"How about we get you up to bed, hmm?" No response.

As I went to pick her up though, she resisted and whispered, "No…please, I can't be alone." So I set her down.

When falling asleep she leaned into me, as if needing the contact. I simply put my arm around her, almost fearing that she would wake up her self in the morning.

I felt Lily moving closer into my chest when I woke up. The sun was pouring out of the window, bouncing off of Lily's bright red hair.

I had not gotten much sleep, always worrying that Lily would wake up and do something stupid.

Wow, she really was beautiful. The way the sun poured down onto her gorgeous red hair, which, in turn, went tumbling over her back and shoulders, and onto my chest. I had wished for this moment my whole life, when Lily Evans would sleep in my arms, and I was finally getting it. It was not, however, under the circumstances I had dreamed about.

She shifted again, slowly opening her eyes and blinking away the sun. "James?" she asked, rubbing her eyes. "Why are we down-" and she abruptly stopped talking. I saw the events of last night whizzing through her mind, past her eyes. All the emotion went out of her face, and then it was like stone.

It was like in Dumbledore's office, and I could not bear to look at her. I started to speak, trying to find words to comfort her, but I knew that they never would. Nothing could heal this wound, not this soon. "Lil, do you…er…want-" and with that, her posture went stick straight, she stood, and walked up to her room, looking like a toy soldier.

I wanted to go get Alice, but knew that I could not leave Lily alone.

I brought her food which, with much insisting from myself, Dumbledore, and McGonagall, Lily finally ate. She had some tea and one meal the whole day, and that was good enough for me. After all, I could not imagine what she was going through, and I also had absolutely no clue of how to help her.

Two weeks later, nothing had changed. Lily would smile at me when she saw me, have the occasional conversation, but she never opened up. She put on a strong face, and didn't let it down in front of anyone.

I asked Alice about her, and the only reply I got back was, "She won't talk to me, James. She does her homework, sleeps and has one or two meals a day. She doesn't open up, from what I know, she hasn't talked to anyone since Dumbledore. I don't know what to do, James. She is my best friend and I have no idea what to do, help me, please."

I simply nodded my head and told Alice that I was going to try my hardest. But Lily was not Lily. She was a complete stranger.

I had considered asking Sirius for help, after all, he was the lady's man. But even he had never had this kind of situation with a girl before. I was stuck. I couldn't do anything to make her open up. I started conversations, asked her questions, but usually got a nod or a shake of the head back, and the occasional one- sentence answer.

I saw Lily suffering, digging herself a deeper whole every single day, and I couldn't stand it. They say that when you love someone who is suffering, you suffer as well. Everything that had happened in the past two weeks had proven ever further, if that was possible, to me how much I loved Lily Evans.

I dreaded seeing her because of the pain in her eyes. Lily's blank, yet pain filled stare killed me. It ran deep through my veins, running throughout my body with my blood. I was not a feeling I could ever become accustomed to. Everyday I saw Lily, or the stranger I saw instead of her, it hit my like a ton of bricks.

She was helpless, and so was I. I felt like a failure, a lover who could not save his loved one, who could not help her. This was my duty, my job, and my responsibility and I could not fulfill it.

It was ridiculous, I knew that. I knew that I didn't murder her parents, I didn't reveal where they had been living, I hadn't talked to the evil person who wanted to do these things to others, and yet it was my fault.

So after two weeks, I couldn't take it anymore. I had to do something, I had to try harder, I had promised Alice.

I sat, that night in the Head's common room, doing my potions essay due to Slughorn the next day, waiting for Lily to come from the Gryffindor common room for the night. I was nervous as hell.

I was going to simply talk to Lily, see if she would open up, and be a little more assertive. The problem was, she controlled me on so many levels. If she told me to stop asking questions, I probably would, even if I knew my questions were for the better. If Lily came in and told me I was a horrid git for trying to help her, I would, for a little while anyhow, believe her. But I had to be the one in charge for once, I had to be assertive and tell her that she needed to talk to me. I had to be strong if she broke into tears or if she glared at me as if I was the one who killed her parents.

With that thought, I knew this would be one of the hardest things I had ever done.

The portrait hole swung open, and in stepped a stranger, formerly known as Lily Evans.

Be in charge James, be in charge. "Lily, I was wondering if I might have a word before you head up to bed?"

She nodded her head and sat down at the opposite of the couch I was on. I couldn't believe she didn't even look confused, or curious, she just sat there, looking at me with a blank stare and straight mouth.

"Aright, well this is not the easiest thing to talk about, but here it goes," I started. "I've noticed that you have changed a great deal since your visit with Dumbledore. This is reasonable, Lil, but Alice and I have made many attempts to get you to speak with us, or show any emotion at all, but you give nothing."

She simply sat there, watching me run my hand through my hair over and over again, a nervous habit. She watched me shift many times, and yet, made no attempt to say anything.

"Like right now. You are looking at me as if I'm not even here, as if I can't see you, as if I am not even saying anything to you. Show me some emotion. Let down your wall Lily. I have known you for seven years and I have never in my life seen you as if you have nothing to say, no opinion to give. You are a stranger to me, and yet I'm still just as in love with you. I'm suffering with you, but I don't know how to make it go away. My wand can't make you happy, can't make you take down your wall, and can't turn back time. Give me something, Lil, anything; I'm on my knees begging you."

With that, something changed. A few flashes of her eyes, and her face seemed to be slowly coming more alive. Lily did not look me in the eye, however, this whole time.

"Lily, look at me. You have to look at me. I'm begging you, give me something. I can't see you like this. Hell, I can't see you at all. Not in your eyes, your smile, nothing."

She tilted her chin up, slowly meeting my eyes, slowly seeing the love that they still held, the fact that I still cared.

She whispered something, but I couldn't hear it. "Speak up, Lil, please."

Very softly she said, "I'm sorry." A single tear fell down her left cheek, but she made no attempt to hide it.

"Don't be sorry. Be you, be Lily, show me how Lily would feel, how Lily would act. I love the controlling, opinionated and proud Lily. I miss that Lily, I want her back, and I don't care what I get back with that, but I want her, I need her."

And with that, the tears came. "I failed James, I failed. They were my parents, who took care of me for so long, and I failed them. I don't have anyone to write to, I don't have a mother to always ask if there are any boys, I don't have a father to tell me the latest news in the muggle world. I don't have anyone to defend me against Petunia's wrath. I don't have my own parents, James. They are gone, and for once, all the magic in the world can't bring them back."

I moved to her end of the couch and pulled her onto my lap. She didn't even resist burying her head in my chest and letting her tears run freely. I stroked circles onto her back and kissed the top of her head. "It will be okay, baby. I promise things will be okay. I'm here, I'll always be here to make sure that everything is alright."

Lily shook her head into my chest, but didn't pick up her head as she spoke. "But why James, why would you always want to be with me? Why on earth would you want to spend your amazing life with a broken, muggle-born bookworm? I'm not the queen of the world you think I am James, I am really and truly not."

I lifted her chin from my chest and held her cheeks in my hands, bringing her eyes to mine. "I never, ever, want to hear you speaking like that ever again. Is that clear Lily Evans? You are the most beautiful and strong spirited person I have ever met. I have told you that I fell in love with you from day one. Why? Because of your presence, your grace, and poise. You know that blood doesn't matter to me, and that one of the reasons I love you is because you love to read. You are not broken, just going through a very tough time, which I promise to try to make better. And Lily, by now you should really know that you are my queen, and you always will be."

I wasn't the least bit surprised to feel like I had just told the complete truth, but Lily was very surprised. She just sat there, tears still rolling out of her big eyes, staring at me in awe. But this time I saw emotion. I saw the pain she was feeling, and I saw myself succeeding as her self confidence rose, and she realized that it didn't matter to me if her parents were gone, I was still there, and I always would be.

I stared right back, daring her to challenge me, to tell me otherwise. She didn't, of course, I was completely confident in everything I had said, and it showed.

Lily leaned forward, and I thought she was going back to put her head on my shoulder, but that's not at all what she did.

Slowly, she closed her eyes and came closer to my face, and kissed me.

I was absolutely shocked. I went rigid for a second, but then felt her hesitate, and returned her favor.

We broke apart after what felt like, to me, not nearly enough time, and she turned away and put her hand to her lips.

I enlaced my fingers with hers, and she turned back to facing me, but bowed her head. With my free hand, I lifted her chin so I could see her emerald green eyes. Now that was emotion, what I had wanted to see for my whole life, was right there, in front of me.

I knew she wanted it, so I kissed her again. This one was longer, a little faster, and more passionate. It was what I had always dreamed of, and so much more.

But it was too much. The tears rolled down Lily's cheeks, and soon enough, she could no longer control herself. She pulled back, looking at me with sad, apologetic eyes, then buried her head into my shoulder, sobbing all the way.

This is why she hadn't wanted to open up, why she had built such a strong wall. She knew that once the wall started collapsing, that it would never stop, and she would be forced to let it all out, to look weak.

"I am so sorry," she wept into my shoulder. I knew, though, that her words had a deeper meaning than just breaking off a kiss. I knew that she felt more than bad, but felt responsible.

"Shh…no, don't feel like this was your fault, love. None of this is your fault. You didn't fail anyone, you didn't let anyone down. You are not weak and you are not a failure, you are so strong for being able to go through this, and so real for being able to show it all to me."

I rubbed soothing circles on her back for a long time. Occasionally kissing her head or whispering something along the lines of, "it will be okay, I promise."

It seemed like ages later when I pulled up her head, and stared into her eyes. It was the best way for her to see the love, to understand that I would always be there. I kissed the streaks of tears on her face up towards her eyes, onto her eye lids, and once on the mouth.

I pulled her into my arms, and picked her up off the couch. I felt her tense, and quietly assured her, "Trust me, Lil." So she did, and let me carry her up the stairs into her room.

I took pajamas out of her drawer, and gave them to her to change into. I simply turned around, knowing that she was afraid of being alone. I took her hand and led her into my room, where I tucked her into bed, and then changed myself. I got into bed next to her, and she automatically moved against me.

"Thank you, James," she whispered.

"Not a failure at all," I inquired, "in fact, tonight, you made one git's dream come true."

The next morning, I was already awake when Lily woke up. She rolled over to face me, and for the first time in so long, she smiled. Not even a fake one, a real genuine smile that spread to her whole face, even to her eyes. I was so excited, I felt so fulfilled. It was one of the best moments of my life. I felt like I finally did something right with this woman. It was right up there with the first time we walked down to breakfast together, as friends. And up there with the kiss she gave me last night, making my dreams a reality.

I flashed her one of my own grins and she giggled. That was all we needed, no words. She got up and grudgingly went to the door, showing she did not want to leave.

"Not so fast my lady," I demanded. She looked back, and I held up a change of clothes, and her makeup bag.

A laugh. Not only did she smile this morning, but she laughed. I was even more excited, simply glowing.

"Go take your shower, and take your time, I have to finish my potions essay anyway." That was all she needed. No further questions, she knew that I had it all under control, and I could tell it made her feel safe, and wanted. I was doing this right, I really was.

She skipped back towards me, "James, you are the best." She giggled back, and then went skipping into the bathroom.

When we were through, I took her hand, and we went down to breakfast, hand in hand, both of us positively glowing. We walked into the great hall, and I squeezed Lily's hand, smiling and talking about transfiguration, ignoring a few of the gasps or whispers along the way.

Alice took one look at Lily, and then one at me, and then her eyes fell to our linked hands, and she smiled at Lily and sent me an extremely approving look. I winked back, showing I would talk to her later. Sirius and Remus positively beamed at me as we sat down. I sat next to Lily as we ate. Our group of friends, for the first time in weeks, shared a genuine conversation that was not forced at all. Lily actually ate one or two bites of her breakfast, and I finally knew that I did something right.

As the owls came in, I placed my hand on Lily's knee. She saw the first owl, and I felt her tense, and breath hitch. I asked our friends to please excuse us, and we walked out of the Great Hall. My arm was around her waist, an assuring gesture to help her stay strong.

We turned a corner and I took her into my arms. "Thank you, James," she said. "You seem to know what is right for me these days."

I held her out in front of me, looked into her eyes, and then pulled her lips to mine, in a simple kiss. I waited for her approval, and kept going. When we pulled apart I took her hand, and we walked to her first class together. We would have to part here, but Alice was in Lily's first class, so I knew she would be alright.

At the door to the classroom, I gave Lily a hug, and when everyone was watching, pecked her on the lips.

She walked in, ignoring the stares she was getting about her sudden transformation. When she got to her seat, she turned around, and giggling, and winked at me before turning around and beginning to take notes.

so...how did i do?? please please please review! it doesnt take that long, just a few words would be REALLY appreciated!

thanks for reading,

xoxx,

Mer