BRAY EATS TNA
Bray Wyatt was at a loss. No one seemed to hear his message, to truly understand his power. He needed to do something extreme.
It came as a pleasant surprise to see that TNA was taping Impact only one state over. Could it be destiny that he take control of the smaller, less popular franchise? What would Sister Abigail do?
"To be an idol, you must do as other idols have done, even though they are false," he decided.
"Harper! Rowan!" He bellowed for his minions.
Harper appeared first. Rowan came running behind him, frantically pulling on the mask that nearly always covered his face. He took his position next to Harper silently, both men awaiting orders.
"Boys! Sister Abigail has told me what must be done!" Bray declared. "Just as the false idols of DX invaded WCW, we must conquer TNA! For I am the Eater of Worlds, and TNA demands to be swallowed!"
They piled into the family vehicle. Bray made Harper drive so he could focus on his goal. He'd seen TNA once or twice and he knew the key to taking over was getting Jeff Hardy on his side. Hardy ruled the locker room at TNA and was the very fabric that held it together. He was also a former WWE superstar, like so many others. They were lost members of WWE's flock, fallen from Vince McMahon's grace, and Bray knew he could guide them to a true God if he tried.
The Wyatt Family did not have a tank like DX, nor did they try to be so obvious in their invasion of a rival company. Instead, Bray and his minions crept silently into the arena, blending in easily with the smelly, dirty, bearded redneck wrestling fans attending this particular event, and when the time was right, they slipped effortlessly backstage. Perhaps Bray's omnipotent powers kept them invisible to the enemy, or perhaps TNA simply couldn't afford enough security to cover all areas of the arena, but either way, they were exactly where they needed to be.
A quiet man stood watching them carefully. After several moments, Bray noticed him. He was a bit unnerving as he gazed at the Wyatt Family. After an agonizingly long, awkward silence, the man spoke in an oddly monotone voice.
"Bray Wyatt," he said. "What an honor. I'm such a fan."
Bray was thrilled by such a greeting. How promising! Already, he had found a potential new member of his flock. "I'm so pleased to hear that. What's your name, my son?"
"I'm Samuel. Samuel Shaw."
"Samuel, would you like to follow the Buzzards?"
"Yes. Yes, of course…" He looked around nervously.
"What troubles you, my son?"
Samuel glanced around some more, finally whispering frantically, "They're watching me…"
Bray was confused. "Who is?"
"Anderson, Christie… Everyone…"
"Oh, look!" A loud voice proclaimed as a man joined them from the shadows. "Creepy Bastard made a new friend! Hello, Creepy Friend! Hey, wait… Aren't you Bray Wyatt? Did the WWE get tired of the cult leader gimmick and fire you? Welcome to TNA! All survivors of the WWE find themselves here eventually. We're like the Island of Misfit Wrestlers. Oh, how rude of me! I didn't introduce myself!"
Curiously, the man extended his hand toward the ceiling. Even more curious was the fact that a microphone immediately began descending toward him until it slipped easily into his hand. "Miiiiiisssssteeeerrrr Annnndeeeerrrrsssoooon!" He proclaimed. He paused, then quickly and loudly got in Bray's face to yell, "Anderson!"
"Kennedy," Bray registered aloud, recognizing the former WWE Superstar.
"That's my WWE slave name, but yeah, I answer to that, too," Anderson said cheerfully. "So, what are you and your merry band of Rednecks doing here?"
"Ken Anderson, we are here to educate you all about my rule. You see, I am a God amongst men-"
Anderson stared at him. "How very modest of you," he said after a moment.
"Modesty is a trait of men. A God has no need of it."
"Wow. Seriously? Now I see why you and Samuel here are so chummy. You're both nuts."
"Do not speak to our leader that way!" Harper protested in anger.
"Or what? You'll kiss me? Seriously, I'm honored, but I'm a married man, and Bray's kissed so many superstars, I'm a little worried I might catch something…"
"You watch your mouth!"
"Got a mirror?"
"Respect our leader or we will destroy you!"
Anderson was laughing now. He pulled out a cell phone. "What are you doing?" Bray asked.
"I have the men in white coats on speed dial for Creepy Bastard here, but I think they'll come get you, too, if I ask," Anderson explained patiently.
Rowan yanked the cell phone out of his hands and said, "Run."
"Not until you give me back my I-Phone, dude. It's expensive. I work for TNA and I have babies to feed, so money's not something I just throw away."
"Are these guys bothering you, Anderson?" Someone asked as he approached them. Bray recognized him, too. It was Bubba Ray, only here, he went by Bully Ray. He was another fallen WWE flock member he could try to recruit.
"Well, the men are just talking shit, but the lamb or sheep or alpaca or whatever just stole my cell phone," Anderson replied.
"What the fuck? Bray Wyatt? And Company? What are they doing here? Don't tell me they got fired."
"Not yet, I don't think. They were just making friendly chitchat with Creepy Bastard."
"Should I call… You-Know-Who? To get You-Know-What?"
"No, I don't see a need for that, yet."
Bully Ray looked disappointed. He brightened, however, when a beautiful sight came walking toward them.
Bray, too, was distracted by the lovely Asian Goddess before them. She was also a false idol, and was another fallen WWE flock member.
"Miss Kim," he said sweetly. "My flock could use a member such as yourself."
Gail Kim glared at him in disgust. "Seriously?" She demanded. "Do you know who I am? I'm Gail Kim, you filthy, disgusting creep! You aren't worthy of looking at me, let alone talking to me! Who are these losers?"
"Bray Wyatt and his redneck lunatic cult," Anderson supplied.
"You wish you could talk to me. I'm Gail Kim, Motherfuckers! That's right, as in Gail-Mother-Fucking-Kim! I'm too good for you! I'm too good for anyone! I'm a former WWE Diva, and more importantly, I'm the reason the TNA Knockouts division exists! Get the fuck out of my arena!"
Anderson and Bully Ray exchanged amused glances. Samuel Shaw and Harper stared at Gail with equally lust-filled expressions on their faces.
"This is the only time in the history of ever we're going to say this, Gail," Angelina Love said as she appeared. She wasn't alone.
"But we couldn't agree with you more," Velvet Sky added. She pulled out three paper bags, one with a photo of Angelina on it and two with photos of herself, and proceeded to hand one to Angelina.
"These boys desperately need a make-over," Angelina decided. She placed the bag with her photo on Bray's head while Velvet covered Harper and Rowan with her bags.
"Better?" Velvet asked.
"Not really. Even our make-overs can only do so much," Angelina said sadly. "But it's a start! Come on, Velvet! Let's go be beautiful in a less ugly setting!" She took Velvet's hand and pulled her away.
"Gail-Mother-Fucking-Kim!" Gail shouted again before kicking each of the men in the groin and stomping off.
"Ouch," Anderson said sympathetically.
Bray was furious now. He pulled the paper bag off of his head. Harper did the same. Rowan didn't seem to mind the Velvet bag and left it on his head.
MVP, Kenny King, and Bobby Lashley joined them. Kenny King began laughing like a hyena at the sight of Rowan in the paper bag. Lashley looked at Anderson and Bully Ray in confusion, but said nothing.
"Bray Wyatt? Luke Harper? And… Velvet Sky?" MVP asked. "You've kind of let yourself go, there, Velvet… What the hell are you three doing here?"
"We're here to inform all of you that you are living a lie! Only I am a God amongst men! I can show you the way!" Bray began.
"Bitch! I have a torn meniscus and should not be engaging in any acts of violence, but, since you all just invaded my universe, it's time to make an exception!" He picked up his crutch and raced at Bray.
Bray ducked out of the way. Harper took the crutch in his gut instead. MVP began bashing the crutch against Harper's head over and over again until Harper hit the floor, his normally crazy-looking eyes rolling up into his head as he fell unconscious.
MVP grinned. "That's how it's done!" Kenny King proclaimed.
Lashley went to attack Bray, but Rowan grabbed Lashley and knocked him to the ground. Kenny King began laughing harder. "Yo! Lashley just got his ass kicked by Velvet Sky!" He declared.
"Shut up, Idiot!" Lashley growled at him.
"What is this?" Ethan Carter III demanded. EC3 and Rockstar Spud stared at the mess that had been made backstage. "Who made this mess? Clean it up! And… Hold up, why are the Wyatts here? This is not the WWE! This is Carter Country!"
"Madam would be most upset," Spud said nervously.
Bully Ray began twitching. "Over… Your… Dead… Body…" he automatically began reciting. "Must… Get… Tables…"
"Not yet, Bully," Anderson said, putting his hand on his shoulder.
Bully Ray scowled, but said nothing. Wisely, EC3 grabbed Spud and declared, "Get them out of here!" Then he and Spud ran away.
Bray recognized the next man who came toward them. It was Gunner, a former marine and respectable man. Surely, he would understand who he was and why he was superior and to be respected.
"Gunner!" Bray proclaimed. "My flock needs a good soldier! Join us, and I promise you all you desire!"
"Your flock?" Gunner asked. "Only one man has a flock I'll follow, Mr. Wyatt, and that's the Lord, Jesus Christ."
"A false idol! For he was born merely a man!"
"What did you just say?!" Gunner grabbed Bray by the throat and pushed him against the wall before performing a fist drop on him. Then he picked him up and pulled him into the Gun Rack.
Bray laughed at the pain, until Gunner threw him on the floor and speared him. He fell down and groaned in pain.
Bully Ray was laughing as hard as Kenny King had been now. "Nice one," Anderson complimented Gunner.
"You… do not… insult my Lord in front of me!" Gunner declared. He marched away angrily.
James Storm came out drinking a beer. He looked at Bray, crumpled on the floor, and his minions, struggling to stand back up and asked, "What the hell happened here?"
"The Wyatts are invading TNA," Bully Ray explained.
"I am the Eater of Worlds!" Bray declared.
"And apparently, they've come to eat us," Anderson added.
Storm took a swig of his beer and shrugged. "Carry on," he said. "I could care less." As he walked by, he kicked Harper hard. "Oops," he said. "Sorry!"
"Not according to the other leg," Anderson pointed out.
Storm looked at his other leg, which read, "Not Sorry" and laughed. "Oh, that's right1 I'm not sorry!" He cracked the beer bottle over Harper's head and walked off, mumbling about wasted liquor and getting himself another drink.
Bray began feeling helpless until he spotted another former WWE Superstar, one he had forgotten about entirely. Mike Knox, now known as Knux, was coming through. And he had a beard to make any Wyatt proud! A kindred spirit!
"My friend!" Bray declared. "Come join us! Our domination begins today!"
Knux looked confused. His girlfriend Rebel was pressed against him. She was carrying flaming batons. The tip of one caught Rowan's Velvet Sky bag and it went up in flames.
"Oh no! The Ginger's on fire!" Anderson declared.
"How can you tell?" Bully Ray asked.
Crazy Steve rode through on a tricycle and sprayed a fire extinguisher at Rowan's head. The force of it knocked Rowan to his knees. Steve honked his horn several times.
The three members of the Bromans appeared, one looking particularly terrified of the clown. "I… Hate… Clowns…" Robbie E declared as he scratched himself furiously.
"I can save you, my son," Bray informed him.
Robbie E looked mildly interested in this proposition, but Crazy Steve honked his horn in agitation and Robbie panicked and fled with a girlish scream. His friends raced after him.
Bray focused once again on Knux. "Join me and I will give you everything you've ever desired," he promised.
"No thanks," Knux replied. "I've got my own circus." He guided Rebel away. The Freak appeared. He picked Bray up as though he weighed nothing and tossed him hard against Harper and Rowan, knocking all three down. Crazy Steve tooted his horn again before peddling away, the Freak following him.
"Now? Is it time now?" Bully Ray asked Anderson.
"Not quite yet," Anderson said. "Patience." Somehow, in all the chaos, he'd snatched his phone back and placed it safely in his pocket.
"All of you are fools! I demand to see Jeff Hardy!" Bray declared.
"I'm not sure if Jeff's here right now," Anderson said.
"Might be Willow," Bully Ray added.
"Who is pretty God-like in his own right…"
"Take me to Jeff Hardy!" Bray demanded again.
Suddenly, someone appeared as if out of thin air and Bray felt arms wrap around his neck. In seconds, he was on the floor.
"Twist of Fate!" Bully Ray declared.
"No, it's Twist of Hate, remember?" Anderson asked. "Let's not give Vince a reason to sue us!"
"Taz screws it up every week anyway," Bully Ray pointed out.
"You wanted to see me?" Jeff asked.
Bray stared up at him, trying to regain his composure. This was highly embarrassing.
"Jeff Hardy. I am here to ask you to join my family. You see, I am Bray Wyatt, and I am a God amongst men, the Eater of Worlds, the Destroyer, the-"
"Could you get to your point? I'm a busy guy," Jeff said.
"You will join me! And you will help spread my message to the masses!"
"I will?" Jeff asked.
"Yes! For you are wise, Jeff Hardy, and I see that in you! You have seen the darkness, and here you stand! Together, we can rule the world!"
"Hey, I think he's trying to replace y'all," Jeff said to Harper and Rowan. "I'm not interested, Bray."
"How dare you deny me? I am a God! I am- Where are you going?"
"Just trying to get a better view," Jeff said as he began climbing up a ladder, which led to a landing, which led to another ladder and a higher landing. "Go on. I'm listening."
"Right… Um… I am a God! I'm all that you will never be! But together, Jeff, we can be unstoppable! I can give you- What are you doing?"
Jeff was standing on the edge of the landing, seemingly bracing himself for something. "Just balancing myself," he promised. "I wouldn't want to fall. Go on, I'm still very interested in hearing this."
"I am the Eater of Worlds, and I will eat your little TNA… Your only chance for survival is to stand by my side and join my family! You and I will be-"
Bray's message was cut shut as Jeff Hardy Swanton Bombed him from no less than forty feet in the air. Bray was knocked out immediately.
"Now?" Bully Ray asked Anderson in excitement.
"Now!" Anderson agreed.
"DEVON!" Bully Ray screamed. Sure enough, Devon appeared nearby. "GET THE TABLES!"
As Bray slowly came around, he watched Devon set up three tables. First, Devon picked up Rowan and held him over the table and Bully Ray completed the Dudley Death Drop. Rowan crashed through the table. Then, they repeated the act with Harper.
When Devon picked up Bray, he tried to struggle, but he was still too out of it from Jeff's attack. As Bully Ray's arms pulled him downward, Bray was powerless to save himself from the table.
Samuel Shaw inched away into the shadows as the men in white coats appeared. "Gentlemen, these men are to get the same wonderful treatment you gave poor Creepy Bastar- I mean, Samuel," Anderson said. The men loaded first Rowan, then Harper into their van with padded walls. Finally, they tried to grab Bray. He fought back somehow and thought he had escaped. He was wrong.
Out of nowhere, Jeff hit him with Whisper in the Wind. He must have climbed up on something again when Bray wasn't looking, the tricky bastard. Bray hit the floor and Jeff celebrated by trying (and failing) to look cool dancing. That was the last thing Bray saw before the sedative kicked in.
A/N: This was the fourth installment in my Bray Wyatt Attempts to Conquer the World series. It is the longest (so far) because I wanted to give TNA a single fic in this series and I ended up wanting to include a LOT of the superstars. I hope you enjoyed it! And I do apologize for Gail Kim's mouth. I have no idea why she felt the need to keep inserting "Mother Fucker" into everything. (Because she's Gail-Mother-Fucking-Kim, THAT'S WHY!) I obviously own none of these people or characters, and this fic is not to be taken even slightly seriously. It is intended only to make you laugh as hard as I did while writing it. As always, thank you for reading, and I look forward to your reviews.