A/N: I blame my health teacher for this one. We had this conversation last semester about people we look up to. People in my class we shouting all sorts of celebrities (some good and some bad) and I picked out the bad ons and wrote a fanfiction with this. I know there's at least one allusion in this (you'll know it when you read it). Overall, I think this is definatly an interesting story (probably more general than humor though). Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own any celebrites or the movie mentioned. I also don't own the Prince of Tennis. Takeshi Konomi does. If I did own it, Sanada and Atobe's match, at the Junior Selection Camp, would have finished with Sanada as the winner.
Due to the whole 'potatoes rolls with tomatoes' fiasco, Sasaki-sensei decided the Hyoutei regulars needed to have a group therapy session with a professional psychiatrist. Sure it would cost a bit, but it would be worth not having a psychotic team anymore. Hopefully, the therapy would work. If it didn't, Sasaki feared he would have to give up his coach position. Maybe the second year math teacher would take it. That guy had recently become interested in tennis.
And so, at the usual practice time for after school practice on Thursday, the eight Hyoutei regulars walked to Dr. Obvious's Psychiatric Clinic for the Trouble Minded (and yes, that is the name of the place). Of course, by the time they reached said place, seven regulars wanted to stab a certain silver haired narcissist for complaining every three second about WALKING. Seriously silver haired narcissist, at least you didn't have to jog, or gallop, or even skip. WALKING is quite easy.
And so the eight regulars finally met Dr. Obvious (after more waiting and yes that is his name). The room they were directed to had two three person couches and a single arm chair. Said arm chair was obviously meant for Dr. Obvious, but Atobe took since he is called the King (Kabaji stood slightly behind and left of Atobe). Ohtori, Shishido, and Hiyoshi took one of the couches while Oshitari, Gakuto, and Jiroh took the last one. Where did that leave Dr. Obvious? On the floor silly! He was one of the few people in this world that thought the floor was very comfortable.
"Okay, I want to start this session off by talking about your idols. I want you to tell me who your idol is-"Dr. Obvious began his session but was interrupted by a now hyper regular.
"TAKUYA!" Jiroh shouted with glee/joy/happiness.
"-from America," the psychiatrist finished. For some reason (Well I can't think of one), Jiroh raised his hand, and Dr. Obvious motioned for him to speak.
"Um, I don't think a Japanese actor slash singer slash dancer who plays me in Tenimyu is an American. So, can I change?" Jiroh asked and Dr. Obvious allowed him to change his answer. "My American idol is Michael Vick."
Dr. Obvious just gave Jiroh a 'WTF?' and asked him to explain why he would choose someone like Michael Vick.
"I chose him because he had all those cute doggies, and I want to have cute doggies like that when I get older," Jiroh explained.
Dr. Obvious tried to get over his shock while the Hyoutei regulars complimented Jiroh on an excellent choice in an idol.
"MICHAEL VICK IS NOT AN EXCELLENT IDOL! HE TRAINED THOSE DOGS TO FIGHT EACH OTHER! FIGHT EACH OTHER! DO YOU NOTHING ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN AMERICA NOW?!" Now, just guess who shouted that.
"You don't have to be so mean about it," tears started running down Jiroh's face, and the poor boy cried himself to sleep right there.
"Okay…," Dr. Obvious had long calmed himself down after his sudden outburst, and he then moved onto the next regular."Who is your idol, Hiyoshi?"
"Michael Jackson."
This time Dr. Obvious got over his shock faster this time.
"And why is he your idol?"
"He was one of the best singers of his time, and I'm going to be one of the best tennis players of my time. Gekokujou," Hiyoshi explained about his choice of idol.
"…I'm not even going to comment on your choice, so I'm going to move on to the next person. Who is your American idol, Ohtori?" Dr. Obvious moved on to the tall second year.
"Brittney Spears," Ohtori replied, smiling," And I don't see why she's such a bad person. She just has a major problem. She has children and she's always getting married and divorced. People should just leave her alone. LEAVE BRITTNEY ALONE!!!!!" Ohtori began bawling his eyes out, and only Shishido's voice could calm Ohtori down.
Not wanting Ohtori to cry himself to sleep like Jiroh, Dr. Obvious moved onto the next regular, which is Shishido.
"My idol is Lindsey Lohan. She's my favorite child actress. Sometimes she makes me want to take up acting," Shishido closed his eyes, remembering what his "child idol" looked like.
"Shishido, you do that Lindsey isn't a child anymore? She at least twenty-one now," the psychiatrist interrupted Shishido's daydream about his favorite American movie, The Parent Trap, which had Lindsey in it.
"No way! She's at least twelve! There's no way she can be twenty-one! YOU'RE LYING!" suddenly being out of character, Shishido started crying into Ohtori's shoulder.
"Gakuto, why don't you go next?"
Before Gakuto could even get a word out, Atobe stopped him.
"Knowing Gakuto, he's just going to pick some American comic book character. So, ore-sama will go next," Atobe suggested, and Dr. Obvious agreed to it. "Ore-sama's idol is Paris Hilton."
"Why?" by this time, their psychiatrist wasn't becoming shocked anymore.
"Paris Hilton is in a rich family, and ore-sama wants to be way richer then her. Ore-sama is most likely richer then her right now, but ore-sama is going to make her look like a peasant in ore-sama's presence. "
"Atobe, that's more of a goal then an idol. Your goal is to be richer then her. Not be like Paris," Dr. Obvious tried to reason with Atobe, but it didn't work.
"Are you saying ore-sama is wrong?" not wanting to anger the (way richer than him) heir, Dr. Obvious shook his head no and motioned for Kabaji to tell his idol.
"Sanjaya Malakar because he's a good singer," Kabaji spoke. Wait, spoke?
"Kabaji spoke?" Gakuto asked surprised. Wouldn't you be surprised if a quiet giant spoke a full sentence?
"Usu"
"Finally, the last person. Oshitari, tell us your American idol," Dr. Obvious sighed. Finally glad to be over with this.
"O.J. Simpson."
And with that, Dr. Obvious fainted.
"God, he couldn't even tell I was joking," Oshitari sighed.
And that, people, is why you don't talk about American idols in Japan.