set before Evolution
part of the Balance AU
AUTHOR: Macx
DISCLAIMER: Not ours. Darn it!
Author's Voice of Warning (aka Author's Note):
English is not my first language; it's German. This is the best I can
do. Any mistakes you find in here, collect them and you might win a prize
g> The spell-checker said everything's okay, but you know how
trustworthy those thingies are...
ARCHIVE: yes
WARNINGS: none
TYPE: yaoi
RATING: PG-13
PAIRING: Daisuke/Satoshi
FEEDBACK: empty inbox seeks emails g>
Satoshi had found himself strangely demonless in the last two days. Krad had spent more time outside his body than ever before and while it wasn't bad, it was worrying. The blond didn't venture out on his own much. Sure, he could leave his Tamer's body, could go wherever he liked, as long as he returned to recharge when his magical energies waned.
Dark used that freedom, he was outside Daisuke a lot, interacted with the two young men, but Krad was a whole different ballgame. He wasn't shy. Krad was anything but shy! Still, he was cautious.
Satoshi would never have thought he would be worried about the demon. Never at all. Until a year ago he would have laughed at anyone suggesting that he might one day take him back voluntarily. But he had. The decision had been to either see his lover and the kaitou get killed, or sacrifice himself and take his personal nightmare back.
He had decided against his own life, for Daisuke, and for Krad. That he would find out so much about the creature that had made his childhood hell, that he would suddenly understand him, come to accept him, call him a friend... no, he hadn't seen that coming.
It was exactly what had happened, though. Satoshi knew Krad couldn't live without him and he had accepted that he would forever be saddled with him. Become friends? No, he wouldn't have thought that was possible. Still, it was the truth. Krad protected him fiercely, loved him, needed him, and their relationship had changed in leaps.
Now his demon was missing, had only returned for the nights to rest inside Satoshi, and Hikari was officially disturbed by the time the second day had passed.
Daisuke was away for two weeks and with him Dark. His lover had been reluctant to go, but Satoshi had almost bodily pushed him toward the door, told him to enjoy the two weeks, that he would be perfectly okay. Of course, the incident where he had been close to take his life was still quite vivid in everyone's memories, but Satoshi had told Daisuke that it had been a reaction to the remembered trauma of his childhood, the stress and so many other factors. Krad was no longer his enemy. A lot of things had changed.
So now Satoshi was walking through town, wondering where Krad had gone to. It was late and since he had seen neither hide nor hair of his demon, he had decided to see if he could find him. There were a few spots he suspected Krad might be, and finally, after two hours, he arrived at the correct one.
It was the outlook that gave whoever chose to climb up the hill on foot a spectacular view of the coastal region the town was located at. Krad sat on the stone wall, legs drawn up, lower arms resting on his knees, and his wings were out.
Satoshi refrained from groaning.
Shit.
If someone saw him there... if someone surprised him...
No one knew Dark, let alone Krad, was back. Only the Niwas did.
"I can sense someone approaching," Krad's soft voice startled him.
"What?"
The hauntingly familiar face with those feline, golden eyes turned and a smile caressed his lips.
"You look like you're about to yell at me for being here, so visible and all, but I can sense someone approaching. It's a very quiet area this time of the day and not many people come here, so they register."
Satoshi had never known Krad could actually do that and his frown brought his slight disbelief across. Krad smiled a little more.
"I can't do crowds. I can't do it in battle unless the one approaching is magical. And even then I'd need my host. But out here, in this quietness, it's actually possible."
"Still risky," Satoshi remarked, coming closer.
The feline eyes regarded him openly. "I apologize for worrying you, Satoshi."
He sighed. "I'm not worried... just... oh, hell, yes, I am worried. I just wanted to know how you are. You've been a bit distant lately."
Satoshi stopped beside the seated blond and looked at him.
"There's been a lot on my mind," Krad answered.
"Want to share?"
The smile was back, warm and loving and slightly contemplative. Krad had never looked like that when he had possessed him as a child. He had been cold, cruel, arrogant, close to sadistic.
So much has changed, Satoshi thought. Like my feelings for him.
"It's been close to a year," Krad said, gazing out over the town again.
The lights were by now all on and darkness was truly falling. A few more minutes, maybe twenty, and the last of the sunlight would be gone. There was only a last orange sliver touching the horizon.
"What is?" Satoshi asked.
"Since you gave me back life."
He froze. Satoshi hadn't really counted the days. Sure, it could be a year by now since they had been pulled into the strange artwork, had found Dark and Krad again, but...
"It's been close to a year since I was allowed to come back, to... exist. In this year you gave me even more than that. You not only gave me your body, but also your trust and your soul and so much I cannot ever tell you how much it means to me..."
Krad trailed off, the white wings wrapping more tightly around his slender form.
Satoshi was speechless. "Krad..."
The golden eyes held an apologetic expression. "Forgive me, Satoshi. I... I didn't want to bother you."
That was why he had left. Emotionally confused, a wave of feelings flooding his mind, the demon had pulled away from his host, trying to deal with something so complex...
Satoshi touched the white feathers, stroked over the closest wing. He could still very vividly recall the sight of them stretched out, blood spattered, broken, and the pain in Krad's face as he received the injuries of a fight Dark and Daisuke were having against their unknown kidnapper.
Back then Satoshi had felt nothing for the creature he had hated for so long. Now... now it hurt to think of Krad suffering.
"Krad..." he murmured and felt a slight tremor run through the appendage he was touching. "You're not bothering me. I was worried. I didn't know what was wrong."
Krad sighed softly. "Nothing's really wrong. I'm just... I..." He made a helpless little gesture. "I never felt this way. I never had this... freedom. I owe it all to you and I can't even tell you how much you mean to me, Satoshi. It comes out wrong."
"I think you just said it fine," Satoshi murmured, sliding an arm around the tense shoulders that were covered by those wonderful wings. "I never thought I'd say that, but... I'm glad you're here today, alive and healthy. I'm glad I made that decision."
"Why did you?" Krad asked.
In the waning light of the day, with the street lamps now coming on, the golden eyes looked strange. They were feline, reflecting the light. Almost frightening.
Satoshi wasn't afraid.
"Back then... because I love Daisuke. I didn't want him to die."
"Sacrifice," Krad murmured.
"Yes. For me there was only this one choice, to take you back, to accept everything that would come with it, even if it meant reliving my childhood or going back to those days. The other choice would have been to watch Dark and Daisuke die, then die at the hands of that creature myself."
"There was no guarantee for survival."
"No, there wasn't, but at least I would give it a good fight and not just go down without even trying."
Krad was silent for a while and throughout that silence the night truly began. Bathed only in the cool, yellowish light of the lamps, Satoshi waited.
"You took the lesser of two evils, but you chose evil nonetheless."
He shot his demon a startled, even shocked look. "Krad..."
The blond looked up. "I am evil, Satoshi. I hurt you. I could still hurt you because now I'm so much closer to your soul than before. You trust me and you don't even know if I keep my side of the bargain."
Satoshi was speechless. "Krad, no..."
"It's been too good in the last months."
"Krad!" he snapped and grabbed him, forcing the demon to look at him. "You are not evil!"
"I am," was the soft answer. "Dark and I are two sides of the same coin.
He is good, I am evil. I can only hurt. I can only cause you pain. I did
so in the past, I will most likely do so in the future." He was beginning
to tremble again. "You made the wrong choice, Satoshi. The wrong choice."