A/N: So… Well, happy holidays I guess? Been feeling the blues of late, slightly depressed even, so this story most probably reflects my mood at the moment… I'll be honest and say that unlike the rest of my stories, this one does not have a plot planned. In fact, it's a very recent entry in one of my blogs, tweaked to fit the fanfic of course. As such, I cannot promise an HEA ending. I'll try my best to make this as interesting as possible though.

Oh, I'm not abandoning my other fics, ADE is the first priority at the moment(well, that and the other promised gift fic), just had to get this out somehow. Call it a purging.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tokyo Bablyon.

Chapter 1: Sekaiichi Kataomoi

Okay... I am truly going crazy here.

Looking at the photos they sent from last night's Christmas gathering, I was actually enjoying the crazy poses we did... until I came upon that picture.

The one where he's posing with another friend of ours.

I know it's crazy to think and feel like this, especially since we aren't anything but friends... and that term could be applied loosely too. Well, considering that he's more close to another group in our club(yup, we met in the Preforming Arts club in school), plus the fact that he had a girlfriend by the end of first year(our club's kaichou... whom I even helped him out to court because he's so damn shy. hahaha...), we didn't really have much contact until only recently. On the rare times that we do though, we easily slip into comfortable camaraderie, so I guess he counts as a close acquaintance?

This feels horrible though... Miserable. Depressing. Weakening. Despairing. And any other sad adjectives out there.

Pfft. I think this is the first time I'm really emo-ing so much. Maybe it because of me staying up late recently and just getting over my flu, so there's chemical imbalance in my brain and I'm feeling the blues.

Still.

Imagine the situation wherein you're recalling the fun you had at a certain event, where the person you like will be going to much later when you've already had to leave. And seeing the group have fun without you. Well, that wasn't much of an issue... You're used to still feeling like an outsider despite being close to everyone. Then this picture seemingly comes out of nowhere and jolts you into awareness… and pushes you in a descent to negativity.

Her smile is the same as always, but his smile... He has on this beautiful smile. The smile that looks happy, content, warm. The smile that you would very much want to be directed towards you. Then the heart-wrenching feeling grips you tight, holding you close in its icy palms. The feeling of coldness which seems almost inescapable.

You try to force in rational though.

The girl used to like him before, but claims not to like him anymore. Safe. He doesn't seem to hold any interest in her romantically. Safe. It should make you feel safe. You know it should. But then various insecurities seem to suddenly appear and make you feel even more down.

How do you know for sure that he isn't interested in her?

You look closely at the picture and discover another thing. One that leaves you feeling like you're trapped inside a house during a great flooding, with the walls slowly beginning to crash down around you, on you. It feels inescapable. Makes you realize that you could actually become claustrophobic under certain circumstances.

His arm is halfway slung on her back.

She has her arm slung midway on his back too.

You know the gesture is just the affectionate way between friends, but you couldn't help but see everything differently. Their smile. Their arms. His arm. His smile. His smile that you crave to be directed towards you. Directed towards you, and only you.Makes you feel like your world is crumbling.

A few hours later, you learn that he was drunk and didn't even remember having that particular photo taken.

Looking at the other photos, you see him interacting similarly towards everyone.

You feel a slight relief. There still might be a chance. Yes, definitely possible that you'd still have a chance, even though it's still highly unlikely for several reasons. Reasons which you would rather not think about at present. Or any other time for that matter. Choosing to cling on to the flimsy web-strand of hope dangling above your head.

Still, the damage has already been done and cannot be taken back. True, it was somewhat healed by the other facts you have found out, but the wound has already been inflicted, leaving your heart scarred for the most part. A teeny-tiny part is still left open, bleeding persistently, throbbing in pain. Small, but sharp.

That smile. His smile. That look you covet the most to be directed at you. That look that you know would never be yours.