A/N: Right, I wrote this ages ago, and then with the sudden outburst of 'assassin' fics, I looked back at this and was shocked at the state I left it in, so I've re-written parts and now it's no longer a one shot. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon, but guys bear with me as I do have a broken wrist and I have coursework (: So hopefully this is better than it was when it was previously posted.
Warning: Occasional use of the 'f' word and character death.
I don't own the Mighty Boosh or any affiliated characters, I don't make a profit from this – so don't sue me.
Also TaTu owns the song 'not gonna get us.
100mph in the fast lane – chapter one
Our hair blew in the wind, coming at us at 100 odd miles per hour as we advanced to it at the same speed. The soft top sitting cautiously on the back of the convertible seemed to be shaking in fear, saying in it's own tongue that it didn't actually want to be part of the cars structure, but it was and we were a part of our own life's structure, well at least I'd made my own bed with this one, Howard on the other hand had no choice in the matter.
Sirens howled in the distance and over head a helicopter could be heard tearing up the skies. I slammed my foot down heavily on the accelerator and sped as fast as I could go; ignoring all the beeps and hand signals I received from the public. Looking ahead I spotted more flashing lights, I shook my head and pulled into a motorway café.
"How come you've stopped?" Asked Howard, I just looked at him and rolled my eyes.
"My feet are tired." I replied sarcastically.
"Stupid question really. What're you gonna do?" He asked, watching me look up at where the police were advancing..
"This." I said, re-igniting the car and slamming my foot down, I made a J-turn and zoomed down the motorway, on the wrong side.
"Vince! What the fuck?" Howard screamed, wincing as we passed every car.
"We're getting away 'aint we?" I screamed back, over the howls of the wind and the horns of the opposite moving traffic. I turned the radio and turned it up full blast.
Starting from here, let's make a promise
You and me, let's just be honest
We're gonna run, nothing can stop us
Even the night that falls all around us
Soon there will be laughter and voices
Beyond the clouds over the mountains
We'll run away on roads that are empty
Lights from the airfield shining upon you.
I sighed and looked at Howard.
"How bloody appropriate?" I laughed, as the song played through the speakers, I pulled of the motorway and zoomed up a country lane avoiding the city.
"Vince?"
"Yes?"
"What's happening?" Howard asked, I looked at him and smiled.
"Well, we're running away from the police in a stolen car, after committing murder." I replied.
"Yeah, I know. What I mean is what's happened? I mean why are we here, what've I got to do with this?" He asked, I gulped.
"Well…" I began; Howard just looked at me with pleading eyes.
"A couple of years ago, I was assigned to kill you, get rid of you y'know." I spoke.
"…."
"And well, I guess I got a bit fond of you." Fond being the operative word "and so I guess, Instead of killing you we killed David."
"Yes but that man was innocent." Howard said referring to the guy, I'd stabbed right in front of Howard.
"knifes are so much better than guns, you can enjoy the moment, it's messier than a gun, but with a knife you know who people are from their last moments you can pick out the cowards, see who where the liars, this guy was a liar, a cheat and a coward"
"Fucking 'ell." I growled "I've just spared your life! I didn't 'ave to did I?" I shouted, this shut Howard up. "Look mate, I'm really sorry about all this y'know I should've just run away, left you out of all this."
"No, we're two sides of a coin, you may have been trying to kill me all these years, but you didn't and we've been through thick and thin, and we're gonna get through all this do you hear me sir?" Howard said, I smiled at that.
I began to get tired, we'd been driving for hours, the police had long gone well at least for now and the night had fallen, leaving a sheath of black above our heads – as if we didn't need one already. I stopped the car, and rubbed my eyes.
"Howard."
"Yes little man?" He replied, 'Little man' that always made me crumble.
"Do you wanna stop for some rest?" I asked.
"Do you think that's wise, the police could catch up with us?"
"Fuck the police I'm tired." I moaned, Howard smiled at me.
"I'll drive if you want."
"Yeah, go on then."
"Anywhere in particular." He asked, I looked up at our scenery and gasped I hadn't taken the environment in during the journey as I was more occupied on escaping the pigs, but my breath was taken away. We'd somehow managed to get up high onto a mountain and we were over looking the towns and cities below and looking straight on to the starry skyscape.
"To the stars." I said dreamily. Fuck, that sounds like some cheesy eighties romance film.
"Y'know what Vince, I think I can take you there." Howard spoke, leaning over the gear stick and the handbrake and closing the divide between the seats and the divide between our mouths. I breathed deeply, moaning slightly as he kissed me. I broke off and smiled.
"Howard…" I gasped, launching myself forward and kissing Howard back, it was the most romantic night of my life.
--
The next day wasn't as romantic; I was driving again, climbing more hills. But I think the one thing that was keeping me motivated was lookin' at Howard, and of course the niggling feeling in the back of my head that if I didn't run I was doomed to years in prison with loads of other men that weren't Howard.
"Vince?" Howard asked, groggily he'd been sleeping.
"Mhmm?"
"What're we gonna do?" He asked, I stopped the car and looked at him.
"What do you mean?"
"If we get caught, what're we gonna do?"
"You don't need to worry about that do you, because we're not gonna get caught are we?" I replied.
"Who are you kidding?" he's right on that part "we're gonna get caught, we've killed a man and now we're running from the authority, we're murderers and what's worse is that we're fugitives." I gulped, How could I argue against that?
"…and we stole a car." I mumbled.
"Fuck the car!" He shouted making me jump "we killed a man." I glared at him and started the car back up, running again – something we've been doing a lot of the last couple of days, it makes me think, only last week we were running around in the snow in our underwear throwing Satsuma's at each other.
"You just gonna leave that there?" Howard asked.
"Yes, I have no idea what to say, you're right Howard in everything you say you're right. But we are not gonna get caught, I am determined."
"Determination can only get you so far little man, something is gonna come at us and then that'll be it Vince Noir and Howard Moon, murders." Howard Shouted.
"Fuck."
"Do you realize now?" Howard said, looking at me, me looking forward, he followed my gaze and ceased talking. A row of police had stopped us, the lane we where on was littered with men in uniform, flashing lights and guns lots of guns, I gulped.
We had no chance, but then i'd lost all faith.
"Get out of the car, with both your hands in the air!" One of the male officers commanded through a megaphone.
"Don't." I hissed at Howard who was whimpering, I felt so cruel dragging him into this world.
"They have guns." Howard mumbled, I sighed and reached into the glove compartment.
"Now, we do." I said, handing him a pistol and arming my self with one to, not to mention shoving a knife or two down my socks.
"I said get out of the car with your hands up." The officer bellowed at us again.
"Howard, when I say step out the car." I hissed, eyeing the officers; watching their every move.
"Now." I whispered, stepping out in unison with Howard, we stepped in front of the car and stood together heading up the bonnet of the convertible.
"Drop your weapons." The officer shouted, himself and his troops were still standing back.
"How about you drop your weapons." I bellowed back, receiving a scowl from Howard, I shrugged it off and continued looking towards the police men.
"You have three seconds until action will be taken." They replied, holding aim with their guns – which were much larger than ours and came in greater numbers.
"Three…"
I stood, watching.
"Two…"
I continued my gaze, Howard nudged me and nodded at the gun in my hand, I shook my head and continued to ignore their commands, and Howard on the other hand slowly placed his pistol on the floor.
"One…"
Bullets ricocheted off trees and cars, piercing the tarmac floor. Howard dropped to the floor and covered his head with his arms, I on the other hand just stood, tears spilling over my bottom eyelids, every killing I'd done flashed before my eyes, the pained expressions etched in the air in front of me, the cries of their families, I gulped I deserved this, I looked directly at the bullet making its way towards me, I ducked then looked at Howard who was looking up at me and smiled apologetically. I cocked the gun in my hand and placed the cold barrel in my mouth, Howard opened his mouth but I held out a silencing finger before lifting the offending finger and placing it on the trigger, shaking I pressed it – everything faded, went black.
--
I screamed he was dead. He'd killed himself out of fear of being killed by the police, he was dead. I looked up and glared at the police stood frozen, watching the scene envelop before them. I looked at the crimson gun in Vince's cold grasp and pulled it gently from his cold grasp and pointed the gun towards the officers, looking away I shot multiple times before picking Vince up and placing him back in the sports car. I jumped in the front seat and started the ignition, I turned sharply and drove, on and on for miles and miles, running.
The chase was on, the mission had begun.