A/N : Happy Holidays everyone! I know that everyone celebrates in their own unique way ( or some not at all), but this was something that I pondered over writing for a week now and it all just poured out of me. This could have easily been a multi chapter fic but it was for the Christmas season so I had a friend help me shorten it into a holiday one shot. For those of you familiar with A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, you will know the synopsis of this one shot, for those who don't, it's basically a man who had given up on Christmas and true happiness. In the book it was for greed and money, in this case, well just read and see what happened. This is Klaine's Christmas Carol everyone. Sad, fluffy and sweet. Enjoy, the only gift I can give this season; the gift of words.
xoxoxo
It's Your Wonderful Life
The wind on Kurt's face was cold, more than cold actually, it was bitter. Fitting I guess you could say because that was all Kurt could really feel anymore these days, the hollow bitterness and in this case stemming from yet another stupid Christmas that he would have to endure yet again.
Christmas. Why was there always such a big hoopla over it anyway, it's not like it meant anything anymore? The days of running to the tree and opening presents, the hopeful glee that spread through all children's eyes in anticipation of another holiday spent with the people they loved.
Now it was just another day where consumers would buy more, which Kurt had to smile to himself about. It was an excellent excuse for people to buy his custom fashion line, but other than that, Christmas was a market scheme made to make naïve people act all nice to one another, and forget that the world and its people's have real problems. For Kurt, the big problem was that his shops and online ordering had to close for an entire day.
The amount of dough Kurt's company could have made in that one wasted day was excessive. Kurt just rolled his eyes and huffed in annoyance as he pulled up the scarf around his neck as he got into the car, which was waiting to take him home.
The chauffeur, whose name Kurt's couldn't remember, because honestly he was new, or maybe not, but he could have cared less really. He just wanted to get home, sleep, and forget that the gift giving holiday which was impeding on the small fortune he was missing out on making. Thankfully in Kurt's mind he had payroll cap the Christmas bonuses this year, so at very least his profit margin appeared higher.
"Home Mr. Hummel, or do you have any last minute shopping to do sir?"
The mad clad in the uniform spoke with way too much cheer, and it was irritating.
"Home. I'm not wasting my time spending my hard earned money on frivolous trinkets for others."
Kurt's money used to be hard earned, he used to make all his clothes when he had graduated from college, but now his chain of stores and his rapidly expanding label had Kurt behind a desk more often than not. He had worked from the ground up from his humble beginning in Ohio, and the mediocre person he had been then. Unrealistic, weak, and an easy target.
"Very well Mr. Hummel."
Kurt just scoffed at the man's apparent irritation at his cynicism. But he was Kurt Hummel, so he just jutted out his chin and bit back a retort because arguing his point of view with this man who would undoubtedly be fired shortly anyway, wasn't worth getting more worked up than he already was. Besides, Christmas wasn't a time of year that he cared about...not anymore. He would have said Bah Humbug if it wasn't such a Christmas related cliché to do so.
XXXX
Once Kurt had gotten settled into his, as some would say excessively posh and oversized penthouse apartment, he proceeded to have a long shower and then settle into his nighttime skin care regime. Kurt was not completely vain mind you, but he never faltered on taking care of himself on the outside. He managed to push aside the comforters about an hour or so later on his king sized four poster and calmed down quite fast. He had been restless for the last week or so, the images of brightly lit trees which Kurt had just found to be a waste of hydro honestly, and the ever present sight and smell of decorated evergreens filled his senses, it was always so 'in your face'. Merry Christmas, what was so merry about it anyway? It had been hard to ignore but like every year, he had managed to, and looked forward to a night of sleep and a holiday filled with work from home, ignoring the rest.
The sleep that found him quickly was interrupted when he became restless from the sounds coming from his living room. Wait sounds?
Kurt bolted up in bed, the darkness of the late night and possibly early morning making the light from the living room all the more apparent. Kurt started to freak out. Who had the ability to not only get passed the security at the from desk, but who had a key and the number code for the front door? No one, that's who.
So in a feat that surprised even himself, Kurt reached down, far under the bed and retrieved the baseball bat that he had under there for just this purpose. Kurt clutched the bat to his shoulder, readying it in a full swing as he stepped out into the now obviously lit room. The TV on the wall was on and it was playing what looked like an NFL game, but Kurt couldn't be sure.
There was a dark figured on the couch sitting there watching the game in current silence, but something about the imposter's sitting stance made Kurt feel less tense, even if all of his brain was screaming at him to club the bastard in the head and call the cops right away.
A few seconds later the figured turned to reveal a calm and familiar face who smiled.
"You know, I think that's the only time I've never seen you with something sports related in your hand."
Kurt almost dropped the bat. "Dad?"
"Hi Kurt sorry to just drop in on you like this but this is important son."
Kurt was flabbergasted, he was completely confused by the man claiming to be his father sitting there watching the TV. He looked just like he did the last time Kurt had seen him. Come to think of it he was wearing the exact same thing he had been wearing the last time he had seen him and that was 3 years ago.
"How? I mean we haven't...you're..."
The man claiming to be Kurt's father stood up and tugged up his jeans just like Kurt remembered he used to and gestured to the television.
"You know I should have bet on this game. The 49ers had been totally blowing it in the 4th quarter of every game against second tier division teams, they were a shoe in to lose this but no one else bet on it. I knew I should have...look at that fumble. Unbelievable, millions of dollars and he can't catch a freakin pig skin."
Burt took off his ball cap and scratched his head while shaking it.
"Um dad? What am I saying, you can't be my father, my father died 3 years ago from complications from lymphoma. I don't really know why you're here, because you can't be here. I'm not dead am I?"
Burt let out a giant whooping laugh at his son's nervousness and bewilderment.
"No son."
Burt came to stand beside Kurt who had loosened the grip on the bat momentarily. He knew he had to be dreaming but honestly he couldn't have imagined a dream that was so real, the sensations and genuine nerves and fear he felt couldn't have been faked could they have?
"What do yo want with me? And why show up as my father? Who are you?"
"Ha! You were always inquisitive even as a little boy, nothing's changed that much I can see huh?"
Kurt put the bat aside, and huffed and crossed his arms.
"What do you want with me? Obviously I'm not getting back to my dreamless sleep until we've discussed whatever you want to so my subconscious will let me sleep properly so...out with it. And stop pretending like you know me, you're not my father."
Kurt spat those last words. He hadn't anticipated what it would be like to dream of his father again. Most of those memories of his past, his mother and father, him, well he was finding that he buried those thoughts for a reason.
"I'm sorry Kurt, I'm not him per se, but I know that you will listen to me, probably more than anyone else so that's why I chose to appear to you like this. Think of me as the moderately interactive version of your second chance."
"Second chance? At what?"
Burt merely smirked and offered a hand to Kurt.
"At living son."
Kurt looked at the hand like it was foreign to him, his confusion was already mounting but a few seconds later he met Burt's eyes.
"I have some things to show you Kurt. Some you'll remember, others will be new to you, some will come to pass, and some may even be lies, but they will all serve a purpose I swear."
Against his better judgement the 24 year old man, whom was caring a weight of mixed emotions at being able to talk to his father in whatever form again, and the sceptic who knew that his brain was messing with him, took the man's hand.
It felt like his father's and that was the only comforting thing n that moment as Kurt's mind went fuzzy. Burt smiled back at him as the world went white around them.
XXXX
It was the familiar smell that hit Kurt first. The room that he was in was dark, barely illuminated from whatever lights were on out on the street and in an instant, Kurt found himself in what was his parents old bedroom in his childhood home. The smell that he recognized was something he had forgotten a long time ago, it was his belated mother's perfume. The same fragrance that he used to seek out from the dresser as a young boy. He could vaguely remember opening all the drawers and laying under them as a child, wanting nothing more than the reminiscent smell to be coming from the woman herself, but just like now, it was a distant memory and a lost hope.
Holding back the tears that always threatened at the thought of his late mother, Kurt moved away from the dresser to his right and towards where he knew the door was to the hallway, leaving temptation to open the dresser again behind him. No good would come of indulging this fantasy, nothing.
When he opened to door it wasn't the same layout that he remembered, now he seemed to be at the new house they had bought once his father had married Carol. Finn, Rachel and the younger version of himself were decorating the tree in the living room while Carol tried to mediate the chaos. Finn was eating the popcorn for the popcorn strings and young Kurt was berating Rachel for not smacking Finn for eating the edible ornaments, and getting her butt off the couch to help him with the lights. Rachel muttered something about this being a christian holiday and despite the beauty of the decorations, it felt odd taking away those traditions from the brothers. Kurt was muttering saying it was her excuse to sit there and watch the brothers bicker. Carol had watched and mediated when necessary and it was just a sweet typical Christmas moment.
He had taken to leaning on the banister at the top of the short stairs to watch the scene, when past Rachel looked in his general direction and Kurt froze.
"They can't see you by the way."
Kurt was shocked by the sudden appearance of his father to his left.
"How so? I mean they look real, so am I real or are they?"
"Still so many questions kiddo. Just watch hmm?"
Kurt and Burt fell into an awkward silence for the next few minutes, as Kurt chewed the inside of his lips. He remembered this night, it being years ago mind you but it had been memorable. Why make me watch this? B
Shortly afterwards, Burt came walking in from the other room, the kitchen actually, carrying cups of warm drinks for the rest of the group, with Blaine in toe.
Blaine, oh lord Kurt couldn't handle this right now, especially when Blaine wandered over to his Kurt and handed him a drink smiling like he always used to. Kurt remembered that the drink was hot chocolate with those little marshmallows that he had loved secretly. Kurt greeted him back just as affectionately. The memory was even more vivid when younger Kurt leaned over to kiss Blaine's lips in thanks.
Kurt touched his lips remembering the feel like it was yesterday, even more so because the image was playing out before his eyes. They had mouthed that they loved each other and muttered Merry Christmas' at under their breath. Sweet smiles were exchanged for a brief second as well, as it ignited a small flame in Kurt's heart, and it hurt.
Kurt was having a hard time not tracing his lips repeatedly at the memory and feel, not just in remembrance of the texture of Blaine's then very soft lips, but also the warmth in his gut that he always got when he had thought about Blaine and him.
"This was your family Kurt, until you shunned them, forgot about them. You were happy once kiddo, why you chose to ignore that is beyond me. Some people would kill for a family this tight, this dysfunctional and happy. We had it good kid, I wanted you to remember that."
Hearing words like this from the man appearing as his father, especially since the memory of the man he had known well was currently standing beside Blaine and Kurt with arms clapped on both mens shoulders, laughing and admiring at the tree they had just created, was just too difficult..
Kurt had remembered this day so well, it had been the first and last time that Kurt and Finn had been with their significant others and the brothers' step family for the holidays. It had been a Christmas to remember, a special holiday moment, and one that he until certain events took place, had figured would be memorable forever. It just hurt seeing it again, but a tiny part of him longed for that feeling again.
Just then Blaine moved to stand in between Burt and Kurt, smiling at both men like he loved them, but now Kurt knew better. He cringed when Blaine nuzzled his nose in the hair behind Kurt's ear, making the present Kurt wanted to shiver from the familiar phantom feel and cringe at the eventual sadness.
"I can't look at this anymore"
"You don't have to, but remember this, remember what you had Kurt. I showed you that to show you this...next stop."
Kurt took Burt's hand a lot faster this time, hoping to escape the sugary happiness that oozed off that memory sooner rather than later. Kurt was a strict professional now, feelings made him weak, and this was not helping his resolve.
XXXX
This time they didn't even stop anywhere in specific but looked on as bodiless viewers. He couldn't see Burt but he knew his father was there watching the events just as he was.
His senses only took a millisecond to pick up that he was at Dalton, and when he saw the badly disguised figure on the stairs, pulling down his shades, he instantly recognized it as the day that he had been sent to spy of the Warblers, but also they day that he had met Blaine.
As if on cue he heard the younger version of his own voice ask a boy on the stairs to stop. Seeing the smile bright on Blaine's face as he turned and introduced himself, still made Kurt's stomach swoop. He had until a few years ago, looked on this moment with fondness because it brought him Blaine, the man that changed his life for the better for so long...until he didn't.
Kurt looked on as Blaine giddily took his hand and pulled him down the short cut, which Kurt learned later wasn't a short cut exactly but Blaine liked the entrance factor, and it had meant so much to him, this day, why was Burt showing him this?
Before he could say anything in rebuttal, the image of Blaine's smiling face as he fixed Kurt's blazer faded from his visions to be replaced with one of him holding Blaine's hand yet again as they stood over Pavarotti's grave.
The day they had decided to try to be a couple. The day Blaine finally admitted his feelings for him. That day had been elation mixed with sadness, but Blaine had been there, the ever present force that made Kurt smile. He was always great at making Kurt smile.
The images kept changing every few minutes. There were ones of McKinley's choir room, the cuddling while someone else performed, or the back up vocals they would sing together. There was even the flashback to their performance of 'Perfect' for Santana when she came out. The times that Kurt had dragged Blaine into the auditorium for the hundredth time trying to perfect his NYADA audition song, only to finish practising and making out behind the curtains for the rest of the early afternoon. The times Kurt had worked at the garage and the few times Blaine, Finn and him had all worked together.
The kisses, the stares, the little silly heartfelt gifts they made for each other...everything flashed before Kurt's eyes, and it all stemmed from his relationship with Blaine.
Kurt found himself staring at the images with more fondness and less anger than he would have thought, theses were actually good memories, too bad he hated remembering them because the bad ones always followed. They always did.
Then the most private of memories showed up, one with Blaine and Kurt under the covers, literally after one of the most amazingly intimate moments...their first time, and Kurt wanted to scream. How could anyone but him have access to this memory? It was private and even if this man wasn't his real father, he didn't want him to see this.
"Relax Kurt, I'm not judging, or even really looking. I just needed you to see how much Blaine loved you son."
Kurt tried to still be angry at the invasion of privacy that this 'dream' of whatever was impeding on, but the sight of how in love they were at this moment made his insides soften.
"Loved, as in past tense dad. He hurt me worse than I could have ever imagined. It felt like I died dad."
Kurt couldn't help but start crying, watching the tender touches and kisses shared by the lovers in front of him. He had to remind himself that this was years ago, even if remembering their relationship still felt like a constant fresh wound.
"That may be, but he was hurting too kid."
"I know he was but he wasn't betrayed like I was."
Burt just scoffed and turned to Kurt, the images changing yet again, this time to the Hummel living room like Kurt remembered it from not too many years ago. It was mostly dark which meant that Burt was probably home alone since he kept most of the lights off most of the time.
"Betrayed his the perfect word actually Kurt, watch this."
Once again Kurt's attention was drawn away from his guide towards the sound of the doorbell going off and Burt leaving the kitchen to answer it.
"Hold your horses I'm coming!" The doorbell sounded again, whoever this person was, he was insistent.
Kurt watched a little shocked when his father opened the door quickly only to reveal Blaine. Blaine's curls were astray, the usual gel-met no longer in place, and his eyes were tired.
"Blaine? What are you doing here kid, I have nothing to say to you right now okay? You're not exactly in my good books."
Kurt hadn't known that Blaine had visited his father on what he assumed was around Thanksgiving.
"I know Burt, I know I just...need to talk to you for a second." Blaine was wringing his hands together, a sure-fire way to know that he was nervous.
"You have 10 minutes, come in."
Kurt just stood there watching the emotions on his father and Blaine's faces. Burt was guarded if maybe a little angry and Blaine looked exhausted and incredibly scared.
"Thank you for letting me come in."
"I'm not heartless kid, you're not gonna stand out on the porch talking to me, it's cold. Now out with it, talk."
Blaine took a deep breath, "Okay I'm just going to say it all because if I stop I may not get it out, but I feel like you deserve an explanation."
Burt just crossed his arms but his eyes softened. Kurt knew this look from his father, domineering but kind.
"I know I wouldn't be welcome here after the hell I put Kurt through. But honestly sir, I felt so lost after Kurt left. I kept everything to myself and I lost who I was. I literally lost my purpose when Kurt left, the love I have for him is even stronger than I thought it was, and when I was here, by myself, not even being able to talk to him, I lost control for someone who cared.
"I never doubted that Kurt loved me, but Kurt had a life without me, and I didn't know how to find one of my own here in Lima. I felt so stuck and I know it sounds like I'm making excuses for cheating but I wanted you to understand where I'm coming from. I told Sam this a little while ago, that...that I regretted it the minute after I cheated. I mean regretted it with my entire soul sir. I really only want to be with Kurt, and only Kurt... but I feel lie I blew my only chance at happiness."
Blaine had begun to cry, but his inner dapper man tried to hold it together and let only silent tears fall.
"How can I get back the love of my life when some people never find it in their entire lives? I-I just betrayed myself and the only person who ever really loved me for me Burt, what the hell have I done? I'm so, so sorry that I did this to Kurt, to betray your trust in me to keep your son safe and happy...I'm just so sorry."
Blaine had dipped his head and literally started crying loudly, a barrier that Kurt himself had only seen break a few times. Kurt looked on as his father wrapped him up in his arms and held him while he cried and repeated over and over again that he was sorry. Burt just hugged him back, holding the frail man in his arms and Kurt couldn't help but cry himself. He hadn't shed a tear over Blaine in years, and now as he witnessed him bearing his soul to his father, something in him broke again
.
"Blaine, I'm not forgiving you, that's for my son to do. But you kid, made a huge mistake and if you really want Kurt back you will have to earn it."
Blaine just sniffled.
"H-He called me...tonight before s-sectionals. He said we could talk at Christmas, and that h-he still loved me. I don't deserve his love Burt, I don't deserve him at all."
Burt literally pulled Blaine back to look him dead in the eyes.
"You listen to me Anderson, I may still be mad at you but I know you love my son. You may have done the stupidest thing by making Kurt not trust you, but son, you at least have me in your corner if you genuinely want Kurt in your life. You just have to want it enough to prove it to him."
The men hugged again and Kurt's eyes welled over as he looked over at the other Burt.
"How did I never know about this conversation?"
"You were always so stubborn Kurt. You never let anyone finish what they were going to say."
Kurt nodded but then cringed. He was worried about where they were going next, he was crossing his fingers that he wouldn't end up seeing himself walking around Battery Park with his then love of his life, and watch again as Blaine broke his heart, but that wasn't the case.
XXXX
Instead Kurt seemed to be looking at a small semi run down bachelor apartment. The kitchen, living room, and dining room combination were no bigger than Kurt's bedroom, and it was piled high with books and clothes. It was organized chaos, but Kurt could tell the occupant wasn't well off, maybe a student?
Looking to his left he saw a small Christmas tree, no more than a foot high, and it was decorated with a few ornaments whilst on the top of the tree was a small golden bird, one that Kurt recognized immediately.
Kurt turned to see his father standing ever present to his right with a sad expression on his face.
"Is that, well is that the warbler tree topper I got for Blaine...when we, well when we were.."
"Together? Yeah I know. This is Blaine's place, he's probably out busking right now for some extra cash, but this is basically the existence that Blaine lives in now, your present day Kurt."
Kurt seemed flabbergasted by this.
"I actually offered to help him get on his feet a little more but after everything, when you guys stopped talking after the Christmas just before your freshman year at NYADA, well he closed himself off and said that he would be better doing it on his own. He didn't graduate, but went to community college instead, pursuing his love of helping kids. He doesn't have a job right now so he busks to make rent, and he volunteers at the children's centre down the road twice a week. Blaine's changed kid. He never really go over you. When you couldn't forgive him, well he gave up on being who he was too."
Kurt seemed stunned by all this information. He had always assumed that Blaine would have come back to NYADA after a short break but the fact that he gave up performance college was hard to believe.
What made the situation even harder was when Burt handed him a small picture frame that held a photo from a long time ago in Kurt's mind. Mercedes had taken the picture of Kurt and Blaine sitting in the hallways of McKinley, Blaine's head on Kurt's shoulder, and until they broke up for good, it had been in Blaine's locker.
Kurt secretly remembered that he loved that picture a lot himself, and here it was, still in decent condition and Blaine had kept it out in the open like an omen of remembrance.
"I can't believe he kept this."
"Blaine held on to a lot after you didn't forgive him Kurt. Losing you was the hardest thing he ever had to do, especially when he tried as hard as he did to get you back."
"I just couldn't trust him dad, you know that."
"I thought I did, but I never understood it. Neither one of you ever really recovered."
"I did perfectly fine for myself. I have a company of my own, fashion is my calling, not performing no matter how much I may have thought otherwise. I have done well for myself dad, I'm happy."
"Is that why you stopped coming home for the holidays? Stopped being a part of the family?"
Kurt sighed and handed Burt back the picture.
"I was concentrating on myself, Lima was just...too much for me to handle. I made it though, I'm content with where I am."
Burt laughed again, and Kurt knew it was because he didn't believe him as far as he could throw him.
"Yeah except you're missing one thing."
"What's that?"
Burt only smiled and paused before actually giving Kurt an answer placing the picture back where it belonged.
"Let me show you."
XXXX
They soon appeared in a completely different place, hand in hand still, and from the skyline to their right outside the window, Kurt could tell it was New York, but there were a few differences in the skyline.
"Dad?"
"Wait for it kid."
Looking around the apartment I could tell it was a complete mix of modern and classic interior design. The colours were mostly monochromatic with a few hints of bright colour here and there. There were pictures on the fridge obviously drawn by a kid, and it made me wonder who actually lived there.
A second later the sound of keys and the front door opening made Kurt look at his father who was smiling, awaiting the opening door, so Kurt diverted his attention.
The man that enter looked a lot like Kurt, actually it was him, but a good ten years older.
He called out. " We're back!"
After Kurt walked in, the person he was still talking animatedly with came running in after him, and it was an 8 year old boy by the looks of it. He was tugging along a much older, but happier looking Burt.
"I know grandpa it was so cool. I was like rawr and he growled. I mean I didn't think I said anything in tiger but maybe he understood me huh?"
Kurt looked down at the boy, "I think he was grumbling at you because you woke him up." Kurt hung up his coat on the hanger as the boy copied him immediately, toeing off his shoes just like Burt.
Burt couldn't hold back the whisper, "You know Nathan your dad grumbles like that when he gets woken up too."
Kurt spun around to glare at his father but it was cut short when a cheery voice appeared from the other room.
"I would happen to agree. This little lady seems to be just like daddy, she's not a fan of people disturbing her beauty sleep, even for food. Hi daddy." Blaine, his curls longer and tinged with grey at the temples, was holding what appeared to be a chubby one year old girl in his arms who squeaked loudly when she saw Kurt.
"That's because she knows the importance of sleep for you skin. Isn't that right munchkin?" Kurt took the baby from Blaine's arms.
"Hi Papa!" Nathan waved at Blaine as he dragged his grandfather to the carpet beside the TV so that he could hold out a controller and pout, begging his grandfather to play with him.
"Hey Nate."
The kiss that Kurt and Blaine shared whilst swapping over their little lady was sweet and chaste but so loving that it was hard not to get wrapped up in it.
"How's she feeling, is her fever down?" Kurt felt the child, seeking out a fever that had broken before he left with his son and his father for the day, but Kurt recognized his insane need to be overly excitable right then as the older version of himself looked concerned despite the baby's calmness.
"She's fine, still a little congested but the antibiotics are helping, she ate really well after you left." Blaine placed his hand on the small of Kurt's back as they walked to the sofa to sit down with their daughter.
"What would I do without you?" Kurt shuffled the girl in his lap as they sat down
"Worry incessantly?" Blaine's voice was high and soft, and it was something that his voice did a lot from what Kurt could remember.
"I love you."
"I love you too always have, always will."
Kurt took a step back, whether it was in complete shock or whether it was because he seriously couldn't be around this version of himself, he didn't quite know. He hardly recognized the expression of love on his future versions face. Wait was this the future? How did this even happen? The constriction in his chest told him that he was on the edge of a panic attack. Future him looked so happy as did this version of Blaine. Their 'family' was happy, and as healthy as possible, and why did Kurt felt the need to cry and vomit at the same time? He couldn't look away but backed up, still on the brink of tears to fall in line with his father.
"Get me out of here please. I can't...it hurts too much to look at this, please make this go away."
Burt looked at him, completely serious. "Why do you want to leave Kurt? Isn't this what you wanted to see? Or maybe you would rather the actual future should you continue down your current path?"
In a flash much more violent then the previous fades Kurt found himself standing in the rain under a tree that he recognized all too well. The graveyard where his mother had been buried was ingrained in his mind like a bad dream, but the location had been sacred to him forever, so he could have recognized it in his sleep.
"You want to really see Kurt? Go ahead go see for yourself."
A figured clothed in black and holding an umbrella was standing over the new grave of a recently departed individual. Kurt walked around the grave stones, passing his mothers with a fond smile and caress to the stone, only to have his heart stop when he remembered that his father had been buried here only a few years before in his present, but the grave next to him, the one with the old man standing there, Kurt hadn't seen before.
The man was wearing an old fashion fedora, a long pea coat and had apparently asked for some privacy from the other two gentleman standing not too far away. The man was holding a single red rose in his hands and was obviously crying over the grave site. It broke Kurt's heart a little until something caught his eye. The man had the saddest golden eyes he had ever seen, hidden only by the scrunched and slightly bushy grey eyebrows until now. His voice was strained, maybe even a little angry and all too familiar.
"I loved you so much. I moved on like you wanted, it took a long time but I did, but maybe not completely. I'm happy but we used to be ecstatic. It's been fifty years and I'm still crying when I promised myself i wouldn't. I don't know what happened to you, and why I was the only one to show up here but I hope that you found peace in the end. I hope you forgave me eventually. I love you." He dropped the rose into the grave and choked back a sob as a young man wrapped his arm around his shoulder.
"You ready to get going granddad? Mom said she expects us in half an hour. You okay?"
The old man wiped his eyes and squared his shoulders.
"Yeah, I will be. Let's get going sport, your mom hates it when we're late."
The man who I recognized sadly a second later glanced once more at the grave. "Goodbye Kurt, even though you once promised me we'd never say good-bye to one another, I guess we really did this time. Be at peace beautiful."
Blaine, and old man now, but that was definitely Blaine.
"Who was he granddad? Mom and Poppie said you were close?"
"He was my best friend a long time ago. I loved him very much Burt."
This kid, the early twenty something whom I could only assume was Blaine's grandson, had been named Burt. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who is namesake was.
"I'm sure he loved you too. Come on, let's get you inside old man." Older Blaine just laughed. His voice was older, much older than Kurt was used to hearing it but it was still him.
"Don't push it kid."
Sooner rather than later, after watching the older man that was Blaine get in a car with undoubtedly his family and head off down the path out of the cemetery, Kurt took it upon himself to look at his father, his guide on this whirlwind dream.
Burt merely looked at him stoically and gestured to the tombstone. Kurt swallowed thickly and through his own tears finally looked upon the words he had feared, his body quaking for not the first time in recently moments as he read.
Kurt Elizabeth Hummel
May 27, 1993 – March 15th 2064
Estranged: Son of Belated Burt and Elizabeth Hummel, Step-son of Carol Hudson-Hummel and Step brother of Finn Hudson.
*Courage*
"This can't be real? It can't be like this, and it can't be like the other life you showed me. It just can't be like this dad."
"It can be, and it will be in some cases. But the future isn't set in stone, you can make your own choices. It just seems to be that you might have this life more than anything else."
Kurt was shaking, the cold and rain in the dream not effecting him like it would but he was shaking with feeling.
"No! You show me these things. These images of Blaine feeling betrayed by himself, his remorse for me, his love for me even now as he said his final good-bye. How can I know that you aren't lying to me? How can I trust a dream of a man that I know in my life to be dead?"
Burt merely shrugged.
"I know you Kurt. I know you don't trust easily but you've trusted me since I showed up, or you wouldn't have taken this journey with me. Kurt you're looking for answers. You're curious about what your life looks like through other eyes, well Kurt it looks bleak and loveless. You needed to see that stubbornness only counts for so much, sometimes you just have to go with your heart and gut, not your head. If you do, you might end up alone."
Kurt was so overwhelmed, he didn't know which way was up or which way was down. Of course he sill loved Blaine but those were feelings, much like his others, that he kept buried deep within himself. Until now he had kept them at bay, but seeing Blaine, his memories, his past and now his possible futures made Kurt quake with the overwhelming emotions he was feeling. He started taking a step back, away from Burt.
"It's inevitable Kurt. You stopped caring, you never forgive humanities weakness and embrace the love that's given to you, you might as well be dead." Hearing his father say that was like a knife through his heart.
"No! No I swear I can change, this can't be my future, I had so many plans, so much I wanted to do."
"You died alone Kurt, in your home surrounded my your miniature fashion empire. Closed off from your friends and loves long ago. Just accept that no matter how much I try and show you that, you will forever resist true happiness."
Kurt back up again, staring at the love filled eyes of his father, that seemed to pity him. Kurt tripped seconds later, falling back into the grave that he felt he had ironically dug for himself. Kurt didn't scream but let the darkness take him. He deserved this after all right? As he faded from existence, he heard the word courage whispered to him as the darkness took him.
XXXX
(KPOV)
The smell of bacon cooking was what made me stir a little. The smell was unmistakable, that was until I wondered where the hell the smell was coming from? My penthouse never got smells from the floors below me and I had given Constance the weekend off for Christmas, so who the hell was making bacon? I sat up a little blurry eyed and looked around. This was certainly not my penthouse! And good god I was alive? That was just a dream? My eyes actually focused on the ceiling and that when I realized where I was. It was my apartment in New York, not the condo that I was used to, but the first apartment Rachel and I had gotten our first year in the big apple in Bushwick. Wait, everything had been a dream? As in everything?
I sat up comically fast when I heard a voice coming from the kitchen.
"Boys get up, breakfast is almost ready and I'm not about to let my one cheat day go to waste, up!"
It was Christmas morning, and the events of my dream and wait, other life, were fading quickly. I had had a dream right? I looked over beside my bed to see a figure asleep on the cot set up there and my face lit up in a huge smile as I all but scrambled out of bed and tackled the sleeping form next to me.
"Blaine! You're here!"
I hugged him as he shot upright, my arms around his neck completely confusing myself why I had the sudden rush to hug the man that I was apparently still mad at. It had just been so long since I hugged him like this right? I just missed him more than I could have thought possible, and I was slowly forgetting why.
"Wow, what the... um okay hi Kurt." Blaine voice was thick with sleep and he barely seemed to form a sentence from exhaustion, obviously completely shocked at my enthusiasm. Personally I wanted to shake my head of the cobwebs myself because I couldn't remember anything about my dream now. The last thing I remembered now was having dinner with dad and Blaine last night right after I had gone skating with Blaine. Curious, why was I all of a sudden extremely grateful to be hugging my best friend? I guess I just needed it for some reason. I just needed a hug.
"You' re here." I almost felt the urge to cry as he hugged and held me back. I couldn't remember why I was so scared, or why I had been startled to find myself here, all I knew was there was an undying need to hold onto Blaine sooner rather than later.
"Kurt you okay?"
"No, but I will be. I can't lose you Blaine." I sobbed lightly against his neck. I wasn't straddling him but I was perched on my knees on the bed beside his sitting body, but it felt more intimate than it should have probably. I was scared of losing him, I was disoriented this morning and I couldn't remember why, but all I knew was that I had an insane urge to hold onto Blaine, and maybe possibly never let him go.
"Yes." I found myself whispering this into his neck.
"Yes what, sorry honey I'm still half asleep." He called me honey, I couldn't have prevented the small smile from escaping my lips.
"Yes I want to try again." I said it with a bashful smile. I don't know where that came from but it felt like the absolutely right thing to say at that time.
"Wait, you're serious?" I was pulled away from his warm arms where he looked at me imploringly
"Very, I need to try and trust you again. You were right last night, I think we were made for the long haul and I want to try and put this behind us. Like I just said I can't lose you. I don't know what will become of me if I don't start to try and forgive people. If you meant what you said last night, well then yes I'm serious."
Blaine cupped my cheek smiling so brightly at my words, but there was something holding back his full smile, and I knew exactly what it was. I leaned in and placed the slowest and most tentative kiss on his lips. It was a far cry from our first kiss, but it was like our first kiss all over again. I moved back a tiny bit to see his smile at it's full wattage, his eyes still closed.
'That's all I could have ever wanted for Christmas. I love Kurt, you won't lose me I'm so sorry I made you doubt that."
"I love you too. I know you're sorry. We'll try and make it work but slowly okay?"
"Okay. Courage right?"
The word courage rang a bell in an unpleasant way for a second but it was gone in a flash when I knew what he meant, so I nodded. Our intimate conversation was cut short a second later.
"Boys I'm not getting any younger here, chow's done!" My eyes bugged out of my head as the sudden need to find the other side of that voice overtook me. Blaine looked confused and laughed at me when I bounded passed the partition and into the kitchen.
"Dad!"
I ran over and hugged my father around his mid section, acting just like the kid I was on Christmas morning all those years ago
"Hey kiddo, easy on the chef there."
"I love you dad." I hugged him tighter and he just reciprocated with the one arm that wasn't flipping food in the pan. I'm sure his face was scrunched up in confusion as to why his son tackled hugged him for no good reason, but I knew dad was just a big softie and loved a good hug
"Love you too kid, why the sudden urge to tackle your old man?" The words that came out of my mouth were my own but they seemed to come from somewhere else in my mind.
"I'm just really glad you're here. I didn't want to miss the opportunity to tell you that. There's no space of regret that can make amends for one life's opportunity misused. Merry Christmas daddy."
"Merry Christmas son. Quoting a Christmas Carol, where did that come from? You haven't been taking English Lit classes on the side huh?"
"I dunno really, it just kinda came out."
Dad turned off the stove, only to begin plating the rest of the food. I of course had to relinquish my hug but i stepped back and started arranging the toast he had made on a separate plate.
"Oh and dad, thanks."
"What for...?"
Blaine came out of the other room then, yawing and scratching at his hair like a small kid. He looked gorgeous, and it was all because of my father that Blaine was here, and I couldn't help the sneaking suspicion that that statement was truer than I remembered.
We all sat down at our now usual seats at the small table, and quickly Blaine's hand found mine under the table.
"Nothing dad, just thanks. Now hand over the bacon before Blaine and you eat it all."
Reviews are like individually wrapped cyber letters tied up with a bow. Okay that's pushing it, I hope you liked my little holiday ramblings :) Enjoy the holidays everyone and see you in new chapters after the break :) Love you all. *throws cyber gingerbread*