(*slams computer to the ground* YES! MOTHER OF GOD! I AM THE QUEEN OF- *looks at Markiplier's copyrights* I don't have enough money to finish that statement...
Anyway, I finally got this thing done! This was made as a 'thank you so much for helping me not feel like a failure' fic to Amberdiamondswords, who PM'd me a much-needed review for Teachers and Students. This is most definitely longer than that one, but this fic has taken me over a month to write and edit, so...
[Exactly how I feel about the length of time it took me to write this; RATCHET AND CLANK MOVIE: 57:22-57:28. Exactly how I feel. Legitimately.]
For all the fans out there that read the title, you are going to be disappointed when I say that I have never seen a James Bond movie, and that I am kind of doing a dramatic retelling of the original SAC episode from UP YOUR ARESENAL. I also don't know much about poker, but I have tried to make this as realistic as possible.
A few parts seem rushed, some characters feel Out of Character in some places, I think a certain character's name is spelled wrong, and my transitions feel like they didn't have to be there, but I'm mentally dead after rereading and editing 7,000+ words ten times. Hopefully this is as In Character as I can get it.
Alright, I'll meet you guys at the end of the fic, I need to change my clothes.)
Disclaimer: I do not own Ratchet and Clank or any of its characters. However, I do pray to Lawrence every night right before I go to bed in order to be blessed with the ability to physically burn people with my words.
Her Secret Agent
Clank looked over his row of cards ever so slightly. The enormous, well-dressed warbot sitting across from him glared back at the tiny robot from where he sat. It wasn't said, but it was crystal clear. If Clank made one mistake, he would be killed before he could blink.
The casino was packed and there was a small crowd around the game table. The other poker players had tapped out long before and now it was just Clank and the other warbot. Women, organic and robotic, waitresses and patrons, gathered around the two male robots and hung onto every tense second of the poker match. The tension in the air was so thick a blast from an Alpha Disruptor wouldn't have pierced it.
Clank slid his gaze away from his cards and back towards the well-dressed warbot. His name among the Underworld was Maximillian, an ironic name for a warbot who came from poor origins.
Maximillian was wanted on Interpol for several ongoing crimes. Smuggling illegal weapons, selling a variety of dangerous drugs, stealing candy from babies; the warbot did it all. He had been on the run for about five years now, and his numerous connections had allowed him to remain hidden in the Underworld.
Until last Tuesday, when Clank had discovered a vital clue that led him to the villain's casino hideout.
Maximillian spoke softly, his deep voice reaching every ear near the table. "Well, good sir, it seems you and I are the only ones left at the table. What extraordinary luck you have…" The warbot drew out his vowels, adding to the tension and conveying the danger in the room.
Clank's mind suddenly blanked. He had no idea how to respond even though he had practiced it in his head 1,096 times. In desperation, Clank hardened his expression, showing slight anger, but said nothing.
Maximillian's eyes gave a slight flash. Clank's heart rate sped up as the warbot gently spread his cards out on the table. The crowd of women gasped as three Aces, a ten, and a King stared back at them.
Maximillian chuckled and moved the cigar out of his mouth. He tapped the body of the cigar and ash fell to the carpet. "You should have known not to try and beat the King at his own game. I always have a few Aces up my sleeve…"
Clank's hands shook and fear coursed through his circuits. What was he supposed to say? He knew he had to place down his cards, but he had to say something witty, and he didn't know what he was supposed to say and if he didn't do it now-
"CUT!"
Clank fell out of his chair and felt his body relax slightly. His tiny body had been as tense as a coiled spring ever since the director had yelled action. Speaking of which…
The director, with a megaphone in his hand and anger on his face, stomped toward Clank. Clank hopped up and unconsciously pulled at his crooked bow tie. The thing bothered him to no end and he was always glad to take it off.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" the director yelled as he stopped in front of Clank. "This is our 74th take today, and you still can't get it right! If you aren't serious about the role, then get out and stop wasting my time!"
Fear coursed through Clank's circuits again, and the little robot began to stress out. "Please, I can do this! I just need a little more time!" he said, worry and distress in his voice.
The director waved his arms angrily, looking as if he was signaling for a carrier ship. "Clank, we're already two weeks behind schedule and have enough failed takes to make a series of its own!"
He then sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Alright, it's 11:50. Let's take an hour off for an early lunch."
Clank was about to thank the director, but he glared at the small robot. "One hour," he said, "if you're not able to say your lines after an hour, we're getting someone else."
The extras broke off in different directions, eager to spend their free time. Bart, Maximillian's actor, gave Clank a pitying look and a sad smile. He was about to say something to the small robot, but the director called him over. He shrugged and headed for the director, sending Clank a "Good luck" with his eyes.
Clank took off his bow tie and headed for Ratchet, who was sitting in the stands offering moral support. The tiny robot was distraught; he couldn't lose this job. Billions of people were counting on him.
It was an unspoken rule among the Rangers that every Ranger needed to work on a charity project during their spare time. It would help them connect with those they protected and it allowed them to better the galaxy other than blowing stuff up. Cora was working on creating wellness programs for assault victims, Brax was working on a program that helped pay for cancer patients' surgeries (after he lost his father to a nasty brain tumor), Qwark was working on a fitness program for the universe, and Elaris was working on a program that provided food and shelter to third world planets.
Originally, it was Ratchet who was supposed to be the star. He and Clank had come up with the perfect idea: one person would star in the TV show to bring attention to the program, and the other would run the nonprofit side of the charity project. Ratchet wanted to make a program that helped young inventors jumpstart their dreams, but Clank wanted to make a program that helped those with mental health issues (the tiny warbot did not want another Nefarious to show up). In the end, the duo compromised and decided to do both as long as each program got exactly half of what Ratchet earned.
However, there was a slight flaw in their plan: Ratchet was terrible at acting. It had been only two days before the director had threatened to throw Ratchet out. The Lombax had panicked and shut himself and Clank in his trailer to practice his lines. Ratchet had been an utter mess at that point.
Clank had, at one point, jokingly acted out the lead, and the director, who had been walking by, had immediately pulled Ratchet and made Clank the star. The director had been downright convinced that Clank would be the perfect lead for the show, and Ratchet and Clank could not convince him otherwise.
And thus, Clank got a role he never wanted.
Ratchet hopped up from his seat on the bleachers and hurried over to his small friend. He forced a smile onto his face and put his hand comfortingly on Clank's shoulder. "Hey Clank, that take wasn't so bad. At least you didn't recite our grocery list or pi up to its three hundredth digit like in the last few takes."
Clank looked up at Ratchet, and the Lombax could see distraught written all over the robot's face. "Ratchet, I just want to go to the trailer right now."
Ratchet's smile fell, but he did as his friend said and led him to the trailer. The walk there was quiet and depressing, and Ratchet could feel the waves of stress and worry that came off the tiny warbot.
By the time they got to the trailer, Ratchet was wishing he knew exactly what to say. He knew that this was a big thing for Clank, and although they could probably find another job, it would never reach and inspire as many people as the TV show would. Their projects had a higher chance of failure if Clank couldn't act out his part, and Ratchet had no idea as to what else they could do to draw attention to their programs.
The small robot had a good reason to stress out.
Ratchet opened the door to the trailer and he and Clank stepped inside. It was a little small, but apparently it would get bigger if the show gained more popularity. Clank headed over to one of the plush, blue couches and threw himself under one of the throw pillows. Ratchet closed the door and headed over to the desk and mirror, where the worn script sat. He flipped through the pages to the part where Clank was having trouble, and quickly skimmed through the lines. He headed back to the couch and lifted one end of the pillow. Clank's depressed gaze settled on him, and Ratchet forced another smile.
"Come on pal, we got an hour to practice your lines. Let's get crackin' on them!"
The robot moved the pillow off of him and shook his head. "I am sorry Ratchet, but I cannot do it."
The Lombax knew Clank had the potential to be an amazing lead. When Clank had acted out the lines in order to cheer Ratchet up, Ratchet had been amazed at how different Clank had become. When Clank had acted the lead, he had put on a totally different personality that was nothing like the shy, realistic warbot that was the Lombax's best friend. Even though Ratchet wasn't the lead in the show anymore, Ratchet couldn't be happier that Clank was in his old role.
Ratchet nudged Clank's shoulder and shook his head. "Come on, Clank, you can't quit! You were amazing when you practiced the lines in front of me! I know you can do it, you just have to do what you did when you acted out the lines before."
Clank's eyes narrowed and his tiny body shook in anger. He couldn't take another minute of the stress, pressure, and constant days full of failure. "Ratchet, I did not know that you could be so dense," he said, his voice so full of fury the Lombax leaned back in surprise.
"Excuse me?" Ratchet was completely taken aback by the robot's outburst.
"You heard what I said, Ratchet." Clank's hands shook as he tried to keep his voice at a normal level. "You and the director both think that I am able to be someone I am not, and I cannot take it anymore! You expect me to be perfect at the role that I never wanted in the first place!"
Ratchet was hurt by his friend's words. His ears drooped as he tried to protest. "But Clank- "
The robot got up and started pacing the blue couch. "No, do not 'But Clank' me!" He stopped his pacing for a moment and looked Ratchet dead in the eyes. "Everytime that spotlight hits me and the cameras start rolling, I freeze and mess up. No matter what I try, I cannot get the role right. I have read over the script so many times, I can recite it in my sleep. I have not gotten a single take right, so I suggest that everyone stop trying to get me to do something I clearly cannot do!"
The robot plopped down on the couch and turned his head to the side, his arms crossed defensively. "I would appreciate it if you left me alone for the next hour," he said, his voice hard.
The Lombax laid the script down next to Clank, got up and headed toward the door, knowing that his friend needed to cool off. As he stepped out the door, he looked back at Clank. "Clank, I know you can do it. You just need to know you can do it." He shut the door and stepped into the sunlight.
Ratchet walked a few yards away and pulled out his communicator. The Lombax was hurt by his friend's words, but he knew that Clank was under a lot of pressure to nail the role. There was only one creature that could calm Clank down and help him with his performance, and he knew that she was out shopping with Cora today (the universe was amazing when it came to coincidences).
As Ratchet made the call, he failed to notice a large, green object slip into Clank's trailer.
As soon as the door closed, Clank felt utterly guilty at the way he had treated his best friend. Sure, he couldn't see that Clank couldn't perform his role, but that wasn't a reason to insult or get angry at him.
Clank picked up the script and stared down at it, not really reading the lines. It didn't matter anyway; he had memorized them completely, and yet he couldn't say them no matter how hard he tried.
He could help a lot of people if he could just act out his lines. Both of their charity programs relied heavily on this show, and if Clank couldn't draw attention to the charities, then they would have to something else. What else, the robot didn't know.
What would be worse than being kicked off the show would be walking into the Hall of Heroes with two failed charity projects and billions still in need. Clank wouldn't dare dream of walking into Elaris' office with shame on his shoulders, it would hurt him too much. He imagined all of the pitying looks he would get from his fellow Rangers. Not to mention all of the young inventors and mental health patients he would let down. It dug into Clank's heart, and the robot felt pressure and oil build behind his optics.
"If I were you, I would totally do a backflip after the karate chop."
Clank would've jumped ten feet into the air had Captain Qwark not been leaning over him. "Captain! Whatever are you doing here?!"
Qwark straightened as much as he could in the small trailer. "Well little buddy, I heard you were getting your own TV show, and I just stopped by to give you a few pointers." He scooped the script out of Clank's hands and studied the lines for a second.
"Captain, while I appreciate the gesture, I am afraid- "
Qwark whirled around, a serious expression on his face. "Alright, the first thing you need to do is keep your cool no matter what. A bomb could go off next to you, but you are not allowed to react. Show no fear!" He threw out his arms dramatically. "Next, add a little something to the scene. Don't just take the script for what it is, add your own little twist to it!" He smiled as he looked to Clank.
Clank felt exasperated. "Captain, I am not doing the TV show anymore."
Qwark put on a confused look and just stared at the robot. "Why?"
Clank rubbed his head. There was only so many times someone could repeat the same thing, and it was hard enough admitting it to Ratchet. "Captain, I cannot act out the lines no matter what I try. Everytime the camera starts to roll, I freeze and goof up my lines. I cannot do it, and I do not think I should continue."
Qwark continued to look at Clank, confused. "So, you're quitting?"
Clank shook his head quickly. "No, I am not quitting." He searched his databanks for a better word. "I am just…"
Qwark saw Clank's mental struggle and placed the script down. "You can't quit Clank! Not until they throw you out!" The captain sat down next to Clank and threw his arm around the tiny warbot. "That's how I got the guest appearance in Lance and Janice that one time. They couldn't get rid of me, so they gave me the role." He nodded to the script. "Just because you fail hundreds of times doesn't mean you should give up little buddy! If you keep trying, then you'll get it right, trust me!" He gave a big smile as Clank looked up.
Clank looked at the Captain's suddenly obvious poker face. There was something that looked like desperation in the superhero's eyes. "Captain, why are you really here?" Qwark held up a finger to repeat what he said earlier, but Clank interrupted him. "I do not believe you are just here to give me tips on how to act out my role."
Qwark looked off to the side and rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I don't know how you got that idea into your head. I'm here to-" he looked at Clank, but his eyes automatically shot to the side again "-you know, give you advice for your role…"
Clank stared at Qwark until the green superhero slumped over in defeat. "Alright," Qwark said, exasperation in his voice. "I came here because I was hoping you could help me get a part in a TV show or movie."
Clank was shocked. "Captain, don't you still need to complete the community service projects the President assigned to you?"
Qwark groaned. "Yes, but they're so boring! I have a lot of fun meeting my fans, but all this work is killing me. I can't take the level of monotony anymore!"
Clank felt anger, but then pity for the captain. It was true that Qwark was given the most monotonous tasks for his punishment, and that the captain still had to earn back the trust of many people, including the media. However, now six months after Drek's defeat, people still did not trust him, and every little mistake the captain made was blown out of proportion by the media in order to maintain the media viewage they had back when Novalis was destroyed. What would have been easy for Qwark before his betrayal was almost impossible now, as many producers did not want to be associated with "the Traitor of Solana."
Not to mention, Qwark, when he finished up his up his community service, would have virtually have nothing to do besides extra Ranger training. His charity project was run by a fitness-nut named Helga, and for the most part, Qwark had lost a lot of fans to Ratchet when he had betrayed the Rangers, so he couldn't hold a convention. Qwark didn't do much paperwork, as the Rangers had many secretaries to do it for them, and Cora and Brax had already taken on most of the captain's former duties. Qwark would come back into the Rangers with next to nothing to do, and that was arguably the most dangerous thing in the universe.
Clank looked at Qwark's puppy dog eyes and slowly nodded his head. "Qwark, I will not give up my role and I will help you get a part in whatever you wish…"
The captain gave Clank a smile that would have rivaled the brightness of three suns. He hopped up and almost danced his way to the trailer door. "Thanks little buddy, I don't know how I'll ever repay you!"
Clank put on a serious face and Qwark calmed down immediately. "I was not finished Captain. I will do as I say, if you complete the rest of your community service to the absolute best of your abilities."
Qwark rubbed his chin in thought, but then nodded. "Sure, whatever. I don't have that many hours left anyway." He turned towards the door, but then turned back around. "I can still stay for a few hours to offer you moral support, right?"
Clank inwardly sighed, but nodded his head. "I would appreciate the gesture."
Qwark brightened again and slipped out the door. "Good luck practicing the rest of your lines!" he called out as he closed the door. "I'm off to the cafeteria. They're serving buttered popcorn and strawberry smoothies as the snacks for today!"
The door clicked shut and Clank rubbed at his eyes, his guilt growing as he struggled to come up with a way to help out Qwark. He was utterly exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and he just wanted this whole ordeal to be over. He wasn't going to get it right, despite everything he had promised, so it was probably best to have everyone stop forcing him to act the role. He leaned back against the couch, shut his eyes, and thought over his resignation and everyone he was about to let down. Everything was quiet for about ten minutes.
The doorknob clicked and the door swung open. Clank inwardly groaned, thinking that Qwark was back with his snacks and ready to "help" him practice. "Captain, I do not want anymore advice. I-" Clank stopped as he saw who was really at the door.
Elaris stepped into the trailer, breathless and sweaty. She paused for a moment to register what Clank just said. "Captain Qwark was here? Isn't he supposed to be finishing up his community service?" She sighed and shook her head as she shut the door to the trailer, but looked at Clank and put on smile. "Okay, what can I do to help?"
Clank stared at her. She was here. Elaris was here. Ratchet called Elaris to come help him. His mind stuttered, and Clank didn't know what to think. "E-Elaris, what are you doing here?"
Her smile widened and Clank's poor, robotic heart just about stopped. "I'm here to help Clank. Ratchet said you were feeling down about your role, and asked me to come over to get rid of your doubts. Now-" she twirled around dramatically and picked up the script for the episode "-let's get to work!"
Clank shook his head slowly, and felt sick as he realized what he was about to tell Elaris. "Elaris, I am afraid that I am not going to continue playing my role."
She gave him a disappointed look that cut into his chest and weighed down his shoulders. He hated when she looked disappointed, whether at a failed invention or when something ruined her day. It marred the beauty in her multi-colored eyes (Clank still couldn't believe the combination of colors in those irises), and it took away her pretty smile. The worst part of it was that her disappointment was directed at him, and that stung worse than a thousand failed charity projects.
"Why aren't you going to play your role anymore?" she asked, most likely knowing why he wasn't going to act his part anymore.
Clank looked into her eyes and lost himself. This time, when he explained how he felt, he didn't get mad or exasperated. This time, it felt like the stress was draining out of his small body.
"Elaris, whenever the camera starts rolling, I freeze and mess up my lines. I have practiced the lines thousands of times, and yet I still cannot do it." The little warbot looked to the ground in shame. "I do not think anyone should continue wasting their time on me, so as soon as the hour is over, I am going to report my resignation to the director." He closed his eyes, not wanting to look Elaris in her disappointed, multicolored eyes anymore.
She stepped over to the couch and crouched down to Clank's eye level. "Clank, what are the odds for surviving a head-on assault?"
Clank's eyes snapped open. What? Elaris was supposed to be upset at him quitting, or giving him useless pointers for his role. Why would she ask such an off-topic question? "Elaris, why would you ask me such an obscure question?"
She gave Clank a small smile. "Just answer the question," she said, her voice soft with hidden hope.
What was she getting at, and why were her eyes sparkling? "The odds of surviving a head-on assault, if you remember when I told them to Ratchet, are 600, 993 to one."
Elaris nodded her head slowly. She placed her hand gently on his shoulder, and her smile widened. "Now, what are the odds that someone else will start blowing up planets again?"
Clank tilted his head in confusion, still not understanding what Elaris was getting at. "87,534 to one."
Elaris opened the script to a random page, read a little bit of it, put her finger to the lines and flipped the script over to where Clank could see what she was pointing at. "Now, what are the odds that this would ever happen in real life? Or that any of this is possible?"
Clank raised a finger to list the odds. "Stop!" Elaris exclaimed, giving the small robot a little scare. "Don't say another word!" she said, her face now serious.
Clank couldn't have been more confused. "But-"
Elaris shook her head. "This is why you are having trouble Clank!" she said, nodding to the script. Her voice softened as she looked back to the script. "You're thinking like regular old Clank would, not like your role would."
Clank shook his head. "But Elaris, none of it is possible! How can I just forget all logic and plausibility and act out the part?! Nobody can do that! It is all just a work of fiction!"
Elaris tilted her head. "What if you didn't forget all logic? What if you just-" she made a circular motion with her hand "-switched personalities?"
Clank's eyes widened as he realized what Elaris was getting at. "You want me to create a whole different personality for my part?"
Elaris nodded. "That's exactly what I want you to do." She gently moved Clank over and sat next to him on the couch. She wrapped an arm around him, and the robot suddenly forgot the alphabet. "Clank, when you think like your real self would, you confuse your logic processor, and you mess up. Your brain is telling you it isn't possible, so you freeze up."
Clank nodded his head. Why did it take her a minute to figure out what he had been stressing over for a week? And why was her voice so soothing to his nerves?!
She rubbed his back for a moment, then got up and headed for the door of the trailer. Before she left, she looked back at Clank. "Try to be someone different. Someone who could do the impossible and defy logic." She gave a small smile. "Try that, not for your charity programs, not for Ratchet, but for me, before you quit at the acting business."
Clank's heart could have qualified as a world-class gymnast with all the flips it was doing. He nodded his head slightly (one time he stared at Elaris for fifteen minutes straight, wondering how a creature could be so pretty, and he still had yet to explain to her as why he had done it) before realizing that Elaris was going to leave him. "Wait, Elaris, where are you going?"
Her face took on several expressions at once: seriousness, annoyance, anger. She gritted her teeth as she spoke. "I need to find a certain captain, and ask him why he isn't finishing up his community service like he should be." Her expression softened as she stepped out the trailer door. "Good luck," she called out behind her, "and remember my advice."
The door clicked shut, and Clank picked up the script and his crumpled bow tie. He went to the desk and mirror and pulled himself up onto the chair. He placed the script down and studied himself.
Elaris told him to put on a different personality, one that didn't care about the logic Clank loved. Clank put on the bow tie, and slowly looked down at the script. None of it was real or possible, it was just a work of fiction-
Clank shook his head and stopped that train of thought. He inwardly told his logical side to be quiet (politely, of course), and focused on thinking about doing the impossible.
Suddenly, something clicked in his mind, and Clank found something his logical side had been keeping buried. He looked up from the script and stared into the mirror, his green optics now seemingly a deeper shade of green. Everything suddenly seemed so clear.
He adjusted his bow tie, and spoke his lines. They sounded perfect.
Ratchet sat on the bleachers by the set, watching as the extras and Maximillian's actor milled around the fake casino setting. Nobody bothered him, and that was good because the Lombax was worried sick about Clank. If the robot's crush couldn't get through to him, nobody could. He looked to the door closest to the trailer and hoped that Clank would walk through the door ready to say his lines. Clank had five minutes before his hour was up.
The tiny warbot didn't step through the door.
There was a big thump right next to him, and Ratchet turned to see Qwark sitting next to him, holding a bathtub's depths of popcorn while sucking down an extra-large strawberry smoothie. "Uh, Qwark, what are you doing here?"
The green superhero stopped sucking down the smoothie. "Why, I'm here to help Clank out with his part!" Qwark put the smoothie down next to him and shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth. "Isth in theh fanficsh outlinne!" he said around a mouthful of food.
Ratchet rolled his eyes, not really understanding Qwark, but then glanced hungrily at Qwark's bucket of popcorn. "Where'd you get the popcorn?"
Qwark swallowed his mouthful and nodded in the direction he came from. "Food cou-" He then let out a moan that sounded like a cross between a dying moose and a humpback whale going into labor, and tried to hide himself behind Ratchet.
Ratchet turned back toward the door and found Elaris standing there with anger and annoyance all over her face. "Elaris, when did you get here?"
She continued to glare at the shivering green superhero as she answered Ratchet's question. "Well, I was just talking to a little depressed robot ten minutes ago, and he told me that Captain Qwark was in the area, when he should be finishing the rest of his community service hours."
Ratchet looked over his shoulder and found Qwark giving Elaris a nervous grin. "Well, I may not be doing my hours, but I also heard that a certain robot, most likely the one who sold me out, was depressed about not being able to act his role, so I came here to give him pointers for his acting." Ratchet had only seen Qwark this scared when a fitness-nut named Helga caught Qwark cheating on his diet. That hadn't been pretty, and apparently Elaris had something over Qwark because the green hero was trying to become one with the bleachers.
Elaris moved slowly toward Ratchet, and Qwark's smile grew wider and faker. When Elaris finally sat down next to Ratchet, Qwark looked as if he was about to be interrogated in the worst fashion. Ratchet looked at Qwark and then looked back at Elaris. "Why is Qwark so scared of you?"
Elaris never let her gaze leave the captain. "Captain Qwark has a nasty habit of breaking into my lab and stealing my weapon prototypes for unsupervised test runs. So, the last few times it's happened, I've tried the weapons out on him."
Qwark shuddered and squirmed in his seat, crossing his legs. "Never turn around when Elaris has a weapon Cadet. She's a crack shot, and everything is a target. When she makes that face, run as fast as you can."
Ratchet nervously looked back to Elaris. Elaris' expression softened as she whispered in Ratchet's ear. "The 'weapons' are different from the actual weapons and are nonlethal, they're more like different forms of tasers. I just wish Qwark wouldn't endanger other people playing with weapons he doesn't know how to work." Her gaze hardened again, and Ratchet gulped. "If you don't break into my lab and steal my unfinished stuff, then I won't take out my Predator Launcher."
Ratchet nodded and Elaris went back to smiling. Qwark relaxed slightly at the sight of her happy face, but ducked again when Elaris shot him a "You're-not-off-the-hook" look. She sighed and nodded toward the door she came from. "I was just talking to Clank, and I think I got him to listen to me."
Ratchet felt his worry disappear. Elaris could get Clank to do a backflip for no reason. He hated using the little robot's crush against him, but if Clank was going to rise above his fears, then Ratchet would do it again in a heartbeat.
Qwark stared at the door next to Elaris. "Is Clank going to come out now? He's only got a minute left."
The three of them watched as the director stomped into the room, waving his megaphone dramatically. "Alright everyone, the hour's up! Let's film this scene already!"
Everyone got in their places, and it was painfully obvious that their star wasn't there. The director gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes, and Ratchet's worry came back full force. If Clank didn't show up…
"Where's Clank?!" the director shouted, scaring a few of the extras. Everyone was quiet for a minute, the director glaring at everyone closest to him. "I gave him an hour, and that hour is up! If he's not going to take this seriously, THEN HE'S-"
"Right here."
Everyone turned and looked to the door, where Clank stood, cool as a cucumber. The tiny robot was now wearing a tux along with a straight, black bow tie. How Clank got a tux right before he was about to film, Ratchet had no clue, although he suspected that the universe was messing with him with the number of coincidences that had already happened.
Clank walked over to the chair, taking his time, as if he wasn't going to get fired if he messed up even once. He climbed onto the chair, and picked up his cards. He leaned over the table, resting on his elbows and putting on a very bored expression.
The director sighed. "Finally! Now hold on for one second while I double-check the camera and light placements." He turned and walked over to the cameramen.
Bart leaned over to Clank. He knew, without a doubt, that Clank was going to nail it perfectly. "This is the one, I can feel it in the air and see it on your face. You lead, I'll follow."
Clank's expression didn't change, but he nodded his head. Bart leaned back and put on a cocky look, now assuming his role as Maximillian.
Qwark, Ratchet, and Elaris watched with bated breath as the director sat down in his chair. If Clank couldn't do it, it would all be over.
"Alright, let's get this thing started!"
Elaris rubbed her hands together and bit her bottom lip. Ratchet closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Qwark slowly sipped his smoothie.
"And… ACTION!"
Clank stared at the well-dressed warbot across from him, a bored, yet cool expression on his face. He looked at his cards, then slid his gaze back to the warbot. Maximillian glared back at Clank, furious that he would trespass on the criminal's territory. If Clank made the slightest mistake, everything would end before he could blink.
The other poker players had tapped out long ago, and now, it was just Clank and Maximillian. A small crowd had gathered around the table, each one hanging onto each tense second.
Maximillian spoke, his deep voice reaching every ear in the room as the warbot gently tapped the body of his cigar. "Well, good sir, it seems you and I are the only ones left at the table. What extraordinary luck you have…"
Clank looked up from his cards, a cool expression still on his face. "In this game of life, full of chances and coincidences, I do not believe in luck."
Maximillian chuckled softly. He spread his cards out across the poker table, and the crowd gasped as three Aces, a King, and a ten stared back at them. "You should have known not to try and beat the King at his own game. I always have a few Aces up my sleeve…"
Clank smiled, knowing he had Maximillian right where he wanted him. This was it. "You should know never to ask a question you do not know the answer to, because, Maximillian-" Clank spread his cards out across the table with a small flick of his wrist. Ace of hearts, King of Hearts, Queen of Hearts, Jack of Hearts, and a ten of hearts. A Royal Flush. The crowd gasped and Clank glared at the criminal across from him. "-I never lose."
Maximillian glared hatefully at his enemy. "A Royal Flush. You call yourself unbeatable, but there is a first time for everything…" He pushed a small red button, grabbed the blaster that was hidden under the table, and backed away. Three ninjas dropped from the ceiling and the crowd screamed and scattered.
"SECRET AGENT CLANK!"
Clank hopped onto the table and slammed his foot onto the rim of the silver platter that held all of the poker chips. There was a ninja to his right, one to his left, and one right in front of him. Clank hurled the platter like a disc and it bounced off the head of the ninja on his right and slammed into the head of the ninja on his left. As soon as he had thrown the disc, Clank leapt forward and karate chopped the ninja in front of him, causing the ninja to collapse to the floor. Clank did a backflip and caught the platter in midair just as it sailed off the second ninja's head. He stuck the landing and glared at Maximillian, silently daring the warbot to try again.
Qwark nudged Ratchet and smiled at the Lombax's shocked expression, which had been there since Clank spoke his first lines. "Taught him everything he knows," the superhero said, throwing another kernel of popcorn into his mouth.
Clank suddenly turned the tables on everyone on set as he did something that wasn't at all in the script. The tiny warbot hurled the platter, like an Olympian, at the cord holding the fake light fixture at the ceiling of the casino setup. Maximillian looked at Clank's face and then up at the light fixture right above him. Bart got what Clank wanted to do instantly, and put on a huge, cocky grin as he improv-ed for the star of the show.
"Ha! You missed!" Maximillian laughed, pointing his blaster right at Clank's head. It was only a few feet; the criminal couldn't miss his shot. Clank looked up at the swinging light fixture, a curious expression on his face.
Maximillian tightened his grip on the blaster and chuckled. His finger twitched around the trigger. "So much for the famous Secret Agent-"
The light fixture fell and crashed into Maximillian. There wasn't any electricity in the fixture, but Bart spasmed and groaned as if he was being electrocuted. He fell back against the floor, pretending to lay unconscious.
Clank looked at his enemy, and knew that he needed to add something to fully finish off the scene. Well, he did love witty puns. He said the first thing that came to his mind, not caring if it wasn't perfect.
"Hm, shocking."
Everyone and everything went quiet for a minute as they tried to digest the scene that just played out in front of them. The director sat in his chair, his mouth open and his eyes wide with surprise. "Clank, that was AMAZING!" The director hopped up from his chair. "That's why I made you the lead! I can't believe I'm saying this after the masterpiece I just witnessed, but 'CUT!'" He headed off to talk to the cameramen about how they were going to edit the scene.
Ratchet, Qwark, Elaris, and everyone on set cheered for Clank as the tiny robot hopped off the table to help Bart. Bart gave a hearty laugh as Clank helped him remove the light fixture from his body. "Haha, I knew you were going to nail it little fellow!" He threw off the rest of the fixture and lifted himself off the floor. He winked at Clank before he turned away. "You got it Clank, you really got it."
Clank was going to thank Bart, but someone yanked him off the ground and started spinning him. Clank looked up and found Elaris twirling the both of them. She was laughing and smiling as she hugged Clank tightly to her chest. "You did it Clank!" she cried. "I knew you could do it!"
Clank hugged her back. His heart was pounding wildly, and he could vaguely hear her heart pounding in time with his own. But, was it because she was happy for him, or was it because she loved him and wanted the best for him? Clank's logic processor, which had been pushed to the side for the entire scene, declined to answer the question.
The director saw the two of them spinning and called out to the two of them. "Hey, there's a great idea! Hey miss, would you like to be the damsel in distress Secret Agent Clank will save in the season finale?"
The two of them looked at the ground, Elaris red in the face and Clank looking bashful. When they finally looked back at each other, they both smiled at the other's discomfort. Elaris chuckled at Clank's bashful expression. "I wouldn't mind having my secret agent save me from harm in the season finale," she said, only loud enough for Clank to hear.
Clank promptly forgot how to form words in his mind.
Ratchet and Qwark stood behind her, and when Elaris finally put Clank down, they both patted the tiny robot's back. Ratchet laughed. "Well, at least now I don't have to do something stupid in order to draw attention to our charity programs."
As soon as Clank heard that, he felt his spirits rise. He knew how to act his role, and now he wouldn't let down the billions of mental health patients and young inventors the charity programs were supposed to help. The tiny robot gave everyone a smile that barely fit on his face.
Qwark threw up his arms and struck a heroic pose. "How about I treat everyone to a celebratory lunch?!" Elaris glared at him, and the captain wilted under her gaze. He cleared his throat and nodded. "After the lunch, I'll be busy finishing up today's community service hours, so I advise everyone to not bother me because I don't want to feel the Predator Launcher again…" He hurried back to the stands to grab his popcorn and smoothie, with Elaris right behind him.
Ratchet rolled his eyes and followed after Elaris. He then realized that Clank wasn't following him and he turned around to find the tiny robot staring at the casino set. "What's the matter Clank?" Ratchet asked, hoping his friend was alright.
Clank looked to Ratchet. "I hope you can forgive me for how I spoke to you earlier," the robot said, hoping his friend would accept his apology.
Ratchet chuckled. "Don't worry about it pal. You were under a lot of stress at the time; I won't hold it against you." The Lombax nodded toward Qwark and Elaris. "You coming?"
Clank shook his head. "I will just be a moment, do not worry about me. I will meet you at the ship."
Ratchet shrugged his shoulders and watched as a scared Qwark bolted out the set door with an angry Elaris right on his tail. He chuckled and chased after the two other Rangers.
Clank turned back around and stared at the set. The scene had gone perfectly, and Clank couldn't be happier at how it had turned out. The tiny robot chuckled and straightened his already straight bowtie. The thing didn't bother him that much anymore, in fact, he could say that he liked wearing the secret agent's bowtie…
"Hehehehe! Secret Agent Clank, indeed!"
"Alright, Lily said she had a sur- Oh no."
*walks out wearing organic, UP YOUR ARSENAL Nefarious' costume* Hahahaha! It is I, LilyoftheValley! And-
"*puts on horrified expression* Why are you wearing HIS clothes?"
*pulls out diamond sword with an amber hilt and stares at it* Qwark, I can't wait any longer, I am dramatically going to change this ship! I'm going to write a Claris story that is *lowers voice* HARDCORE!
"THEY'RE GOING TO BANG?!"
*puts on horrified look and turns to Qwark* No. *shakes head of image* What I meant was, Clank is going to ask Elaris the question!
"So, marriage?"
*facepalms* No, my next Claris story is where Clank is going to ask Elaris out on a date! *looks at diamond sword* I am doing this in your honor Ratchet and Clank fanfiction senpai.
"But won't she just write a 1000-word oneshot about it that will take much less time and be super popular?"
*continues to look at sword* Don't kill my buzz Qwark. Yes, my next Claris story will be about Clank finally working up the courage to ask Elaris out on a date, and it is called *clears throat and waves hands dramatically* Your Biggest Fan. I will get right to work on it-
"Uh, Lil, you already need to update your two GOTHAM fics, work on the long, multi-chaptered Halloween special that you most likely won't get done in time, do college homework, write both the Tachyon and Vendra fics like you promised...
*groans dramatically, flops down on floor, and waves a small white flag*
"That's not right, the doctor doesn't give up that easily. *notices fic is over* See ya, Cadets!"
(Yeah, so I really am backed-up on work. I desperately need to update my two unfinished GOTHAM fics, and I haven't even written their second chapters yet. I may not be able to finish the Halloween one in time and I don't want to wait until next year, so if I am still publishing in December, so be it. I won't be able to write the next Claris fic for a while, so if you want to write about Clank asking Elaris out on a date, don't wait on my uberlong fic for it. Hope you enjoyed the story!)
XD (Now officially the longest fic I have ever written!)