Chapter 1: Gray (Nate's POV)
I waved his hand over my mom's eyes to see if she was still asleep. She was. That was good. I liked it when she slept. No room for judgment, just room for me to be myself.
I walked out of the room shutting the door lightly, before walking to my room and falling on my bed rather loudly. I hated being a gray. The walls of my room, the clothes I wear, the moods I feel, I hate them all. I would do anything to be anything other than a gray, even a black. No feeling was better than having so little it kills you inside, right?
At some point with me thinking these things, I had begun to cry, rather loudly. This was a new emotion now, that made number four. I had been gaining emotions more since my brother left for college. He was super strict around me feeling anything, mom too, but him especially.
I clutch a pillow to my body and curl up into a ball on my bed. What's the point in feeling if the only things you get to experience are hate, anger, sadness, and what I'm starting to see develop, lust. Don't ask how I can just feel it in my body.
Before I had begun to gain new emotions, I was only able to be happy to a certain degree. The most we could do as grays was to smile, that's it. The rest of our personalities as dull as an unpainted canvas. A blank slate, with maybe a few streaks of paint to show some character, but nothing people would be immediately drawn too. Nobody ordinary anyway.
I stop my thinking very abruptly when I hear a loud knock on the door, I begin to freak out. Did she hear me? That was all that coursed through my head. I steadied my breathing quickly before responding. "Yes?" I said, still wavering, but not noticeable.
"What's going on Nate I hope you weren't crying because that's sure what it sounded like." She said seriously, I gulped. "No, it was just a recording on my phone that I'm using for school. Just checking it over to make sure it's all set." This lie flowed out of my brain like words on a page, oddly smooth. She seemed to drop the situation.
"Breakfast is in the kitchen, your father brought food." She said in a monotone hush, shuffling away from my cave of a room. I sighed, shocked with my sudden change in behavior. Must be a new emotion. God, I feel like such a pokemon, I keep evolving, then maybe one day I will be the strongest Red the world has seen. But that's wishful thinking.
I got up slowly from my spot on the bed and began to put on my usual ensemble of grey and black clothing, which was what you were required to wear as a Gray. After I throw on a shirt and pants following those guidelines, I step out of my room. I have to be cautious, she could be on to me. After a somewhat awkward encounter with my mother, I left for school, deciding that walking would best suit my arrangement of emotions today. It would give me time to think at least.
Now that I had all these feelings, I would have to be extra careful at hiding them, no one could know. It was possible to change colors, but if you did you would be disowned by any family of the same original color as you.
As much as I want to share all the new found revelations I've come too, I would just have to keep it under wraps for a little while longer. I heard people ahead of me, the same people that walk precisely 20 paces ahead of me on a daily basis. I think one's name is Jason and the others are Matthew or something like that, we go to the same school, but I never see them during the day.
My phone rang viciously in my pocket when I was about three minutes from school, and it doesn't surprise me who it is either. Stephanie. "Steph, I promise I'll be there in like 3 minutes," I said, a small smile tugging at my lips as Stephanie barely acknowledged his statement and began to talk about her crush, Chris, who was a Green. Stephanie was the most outgoing pink I had ever met in my lifetime. We met at a park of all places. She wanted to swing on the swing I was moping on after a long day, but I wouldn't give it to her. It was then I developed my surge for anger. She noticed this and tried to calm me down. After she figured out how to do that, we became best friends and have been since.
After I watched the supposed Matthew and Jason walk into the school, Stephanie ran right up to me and began to question my health. I just kept telling her that I'm fine and that I'm still not comfortable showing my true emotions in public yet.
She understands or at least says she does. I gazed longingly at the door, not even listening to her anymore, and without knowledge, I was looking that way in the first place. What the hell is my brain doing to me?
And you see my wonderful host, this is what lust is. Now you have to figure out who it's towards.
The voice. It's back. It left since I had gotten my sadness feature and is now back to taunt me about my new lust emotion. He was giving me someone to feed off of until I grew tired of abusing this one too. It's a constant cycle, but I think the people that control how our brains work do it on purpose. Maybe just to make sure if she wants to gain any sort of feeling, we're gonna have to go through hell to get it. Doesn't surprise me though… so I muster up all courage in my body and think back.
Game on bitch.