This short fic was heavily influenced by "The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot" by Brand New.
Saruhiko hated himself. He wanted only for Misaki to notice him, to pay attention to him, to always have his eyes on him. He didn't want Misaki to hate him, he never wanted that. He just thought if he left Homra then Misaki would be forced to watch him as he became stronger and more powerful than ever before. He only wanted to do something to show Misaki that he was unhappy with his life in Homra.
Now that he was gone though, Misaki hated him. And having Misaki hate him made Saruhiko hate himself. His Misaki wanted nothing to do with him ever again. Saruhiko had walked away from that alley with the mindset that Misaki would understand. Misaki would forgive him. He had to forgive him. They were best friends after all.
What Saruhiko didn't see was Misaki's breakdown. He kept himself together, burning brightly as Saruhiko walked away from Homra for the last time. But when he really understood what had happened, when he realized that Saruhiko wouldn't be coming back, Misaki slid to the ground and wept. His small, thin body shook dangerously as loud sobs forced their way through him.
Misaki hadn't just lost a clan member, he had lost his best friend, his partner, his life until he had joined Homra. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to tell the others what Saruhiko had just told him. Finally, when he had no more tears to cry, he made his way into the bar. Kusanagi took one glance at him and asked what was wrong. Misaki tried to stay calm as he explained that Saruhiko wouldn't be coming back to Homra, he had joined Scepter 4, he had burned his insignia right in front of Misaki's own eyes.
Saruhiko went to his apartment, the one he shared with Misaki, and took all his belongings. It was cold in the room, as if his surroundings knew he would be leaving Misaki's warmth. He removed any trace that he had been there, taking down all the pictures he was in, keeping a few photos of Misaki for himself. He was still his Misaki anyway.
With a final glance around the small apartment, Saruhiko left. He looked up to the sky once he was outside and closed his eyes, breathing in deeply. It smelled like rain would be coming soon.
"Watch me, Misaki," Saruhiko choked out as he lay on his back, Misaki straddling his waist, his fingers tightly curled over Saruhiko's throat.
"Shut up! Just shut up, you bastard! I'm going to kill you!" Misaki's hands began to burn with his anger.
"Misaki, I will die by your hand.. Only by your hand," Saruhiko felt the skin of his neck heat up and he cringed.
"Misaki.. Do you see me now?" Saruhiko reached a hand up feebly and brushed his bloody fingers across Misaki's cheek.
Misaki's eyes widened and his hands burnt a little less than before.
"Saru.. Why?" He whispered, still holding him by the throat.
Saruhiko smiled up at him, a sick, sad grin across his face.
"I only wanted my Misaki to always watch me. But then you stopped watching me and started watching someone else. I wanted to make you notice me again. I don't care about anything but Misaki. But.. Misaki doesn't care about me anymore."
Misaki stared down at him, his fingers getting looser with each passing moment. Finally, he let go completely and fell down, laying across Saruhiko and shaking.
"You.. You bastard.. I hate you.."
Saruhiko wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, holding him tightly.
"I know, Misaki. I know.." He closed his eyes and rubbed his hands up and down Misaki's back before quietly telling the other boy, "Please, Misaki, always watch me.."