"Cross my heart and hope to... I'm lying just to keep you here."
-Taking Back Sunday
.
i.
"Scorpius?"
He looks up at you, his pale eyes blank as though he doesn't quite recognize you. His lips twitch, mouth opening a fraction of an inch, but no words come out.
"Scorpius," you say again, more urgent this time.
He smiles, pressing against you. You try not to notice how limp he is, like one of your sister's old dolls. The way he sways against you makes you think the slightest touch would send him crashing to the floor.
"Al," he slurs in a voice that is barely his own.
"I'm here."
He smiles weakly, hands brushing through your hair and leaving the dark, tidy strands a mess. You tolerate it only because it's Scorpius.
"Love you," he murmurs.
"Love you, too."
He is silent again, completely unmoving. For one terrifying moment, you're afraid he's gone. But his breath ghosts over your neck, a small but welcome sign that he's still alive. You wonder if he'll remember this in the morning. He rarely does.
.
"How much did you take last night?" you ask, your wand guiding the platter of toast and eggs to the table.
Scorpius smiles, a hint of guilt flickering over his features. "Not much."
You know it's a lie, but you can't bring yourself to call him on it. A fight is the last thing you need right now.
Sipping your coffee, you nod, forcing a smile as if you believe him.
ii.
"We need to talk."
You swallow dryly, considering your next words, wondering how he'll react. Everything has to be perfect. One wrong move, and everything you've built together will shatter beyond repair.
"You already know what this is about. You're using, and it's tearing us apart. I can't-"
You pause, taking a deep breath, rubbing the back of your neck.
"I don't want to make you feel guilty, but I worry. I'm afraid you're going to kill yourself if you don't stop. It's dangerous, and you know it. However fun you think it is... I love you, and I don't want to lose you, okay?"
The words sound good. You smile at yourself in the mirror, proud that you've figured out what to say. Now, if only your boyfriend will be just as easy to convince.
.
"Scor?"
"Hmm?"
You can't lose your nerve. It's important. It could save his life.
Your mouth opens, all the words you've planned resting on your tongue, waiting for you to speak them into being.
"It's the drugs or me."
Inwardly, you cringe. You hadn't planned to give him an ultimatum, but the words are out, and you can't take them back.
He recoils as though you've slapped him. Eyes wide, he stares at you, mouth working silently for several seconds.
Now you've done it. It's over. You've pushed him too far, and you've lost him forever.
"It really means that much to you?"
"You mean that much to me," you correct quietly, color burning your cheeks.
He pulls you close, lips brushing lightly over yours. "Okay."
Your heart flutters, and you feel hope.
iii.
He shakes and shivers. His pale skin is beaded with sweart, and dark circles ring his eyes like bruises. You try not to think it, but there's no denying it. Scorpius looks like death.
"It's going to be okay," you say as he doubles over, dry heaving.
Really, you're afraid the shock to his system, the sudden absense of the drug will kill him. You can't say this. You have to be encouraging.
"Fuck off," he groans, his shoulders rising and falling as his breathing quickens to an uneven pace.
You hold him tight, tears pricking your eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Scor. Ever."
He tries to shove you, but he stumbles again, crashing against you, a hint of a sob rising from his throat. Your grip on him only tightens as you try to keep him there, to make him understand.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, shivering violently against you.
"It's okay. I promise it's going to be okay."
iv.
Scorpius doesn't come home after work. You pace the length of the kitchen for what feels like the humdredth time, worried eyes flickering toward the clock.
Thirty minutes since his shift ended. He should be home by now.
You walk over to the fireplace, throwing a pinch of powder in and stating your destination before sticking your head in.
"Al?" Rose frowns at you, moving closer and kneeling. "What's up?"
"Have you seen Scor?"
Your cousin shakes her head, lips pinching together. "Not since this morning. He brought me coffee."
You sigh, fingers tapping restlessly against the grate. "He seemed okay, yeah?"
"Yes." She gives a laugh, her eyes rolling. "You know Scorpius is an adult, right? And that you're his boyfriend, not his father?" she teases. "You don't have to freak out every time he's late. You'll worry yourself sick."
You nod weakly. Rose doesn't know the truth about her best friend, and it isn't your place to tell her. "Yeah. Thanks, Rosie," you say with what you hope is a convincing smile.
.
Scorpius doesn't seem out of it when he climbs into bed with you. His motions are steady, easy. He doesn't shake and tremble.
This is good, you think, your arms wrapping protectively around his body."Bout time," you mumble against his neck.
"My father invited me for a drink. Sorry if I worried you."
"I wasn't worried."
You feel his shoulders shake with silent laughter. "You're a terrible liar, Albus."
"And you're a good one?" you laugh, smirking against his skin.
"Maybe I am."
You pretend not to hear him.
v.
"You cooked?"
Scorpius grins before pecking your cheeks. "I'm not completely helpless, you know."
You've never seen him cook before, but you don't question it as you sit at the table and dig in. "So, you okay? I mean, the withdrawals and all."
"Never been better."
.
You smile as you walk through the park together, fingers entwined. Everything is okay again, back to normal at last.
You almost sigh in relief, but you catch yourself. You don't want to have to explain yourself to him.
Scorpius checks his watch, lips twisting into a frown.
"What?" you tease. "Got a hot date?"
He smiles, but you notice that it looks a little too forced, like he's only reacting how you want him to. "I'm already on one, aren't I?"
Before you can respond, he lets go of your hand and kisses your cheek. "I'll be right back."
You watch him walk away, resisting the urge to follow him.
vi.
"You're not using again, are you?"
Scorpius' face flushes darkly. With a scowl, he crosses his arms over his chest. "You really think I'm that stupid?"
"What? No, I just-"
"I said I'd stop, didn't I?" he snaps.
You flinch slightly, surprised by his tone. You hadn't meant to start a fight. "You're right. I'm sorry, Scor," you mumble, unable to look at him, too ashamed of yourself for assuming the worst.
He makes his way closer, arms snaking around your middle. "I'm okay, Al. I promise," he says, kissing the back of your neck.
"Of course."
vii.
His hands tremble. "Chilly, isn't it?" he says weakly, shoving his hands into his pockets.
The room is warm, and you don't understand how he could be cold. Part of you wonders if he's shaking from something else.
"Scor?"
"Yeah?"
You can't bring yourself to ask. You're tired of fighting over the same thing again and agiain, so you just offer him a small smile. "I'll turn the heat up."
He pecks your lips lightly. "You're the best."
viii.
He's late coming home again, and you find yourself pacing.
He's clean now. There's no need to worry.
But you don't believe your own silent reassurances.
.
Going through his things feels wrong. You know you shouldn't, but you can't help yourself. Whatever choice is there when he won't answer a direct question without turning it into a guilt trip?
You search through his sock drawer, careful to keep everything in order. If he finds out, it will only lead to another fight and more guilt.
You're ready to call it a night and assume you're overreacting when a little baggie of silver-white powder slides from the pair of socks in your hands.
"Fuck."
ix.
"You promised me!"
His eyes darken as they find the baggie in your hand. "You had no right going through my things, Al!" he screams, making a grab for it, but you pull away.
"Do you want to die, Scorpius? Because this is a bloody death sentence!"
Instead of answering, he shoves you against the wall, pinning you by the shoulders. "I'm not using!"
You stare at him, jaw slack. How can he lie to your face with the evidence right there in front of him? "Then what do you call this? Just a souvenir from the good old days?" you demand, pushing yourself off from the wall and sending you both crashing to the floor, Scorpius beneath you. "Don't lie to me, please. You've done that enough already."
He wriggles out from under you, pulling himself up and breathing heavily. "It helps with the withdrawals."
"I'm sure it does."
"Just a little bit. Not enough to get high. Just enough to keep from throwing up and hurting all the time."
You soften slightly, but it's not enough. Anger burns you cheeks, and you clench your jaw until it hurts too much to do so. "You should have told me!"
Scorpius snorts, eyes rolling. "Right. Because you would have handled it well," he says, sarcasm dripping from his words. "You're not my father, Al. You're my boyfriend, and you can't keep treating me like a fucking child!"
"I don't tr-"
"Now who's the liar?"
Glaring, you pull yourself to your feet at last. "I'm going to Rose's."
.
"Lover's quarrell?" Rose guesses when you push past her and throw your bag onto the couch.
"I'll just stay for a few nights. Promise."
With a sigh, she shuts the door and moves next to you. "You know I don't mind you staying, Al. But wouldn't it be better to, I dunno, try to work things out with Scorpius instead of running off?"
You wince, suddenly ashamed. Running off. Like you are a coward.
Hell, maybe you are, but Rose doesn't have to know that.
"Everything's fine," you lie with what you pray is a convincing smile. "Scorpius and I just need some time apart. No big deal."
Your cousin purses her lips, and you know she doesn't believe you. Much to your relief, though, she doesn't press the subject. "Whatever you say. But you know I have a guest room, right? You don't have to sleep on the couch."
"Oh. Right."
x.
"Al?"
You groan, reluctantly opening your eyes. "Five more minutes, Rosie," you mumble, rolling onto your side and curling against your pillow.
"It's Scorpius," she says, jerking the blankets from your body.
In an instant, you're alert, your mind racing without a thousand horrible thoughts. "What?" you ask, trying to keep your voice even.
"Your boyfriend. Remember him? Blond hair, nice teeth, weird nose?"
"I like his nose..."
She waves a dismissive hand impatiently. "He said you need to come home. It's important."
.
Scorpius is waiting for you, the baggie filled with powder in his hand. You can't be sure, but it doesn't look like he's touched its contents since you've left. Of course, if his claims of using just a little are to be believed, you might be wrong.
"No more lies," he says, handing you the bag.
"What?"
"I'm done. Cold turkey. Not gonna touch this stuff again if it means losing you."
It takes a moment for you to understand. You stare at the drug in your hand, blinking back confusion. "I... You're sure?"
"Honestly? No. Because I'm an addict, Al. That title will always follow me, and I know I won't just stop wanting it," he admits, staring at his trainers, pink flushing his face. "But I don't care. I want it, but I need you. And if I have to choose, well, it's sort of easy."
"It is?"
"Yes, idiot. I choose you," he laughs, pulling you close and kissing you lightly on the lips.
.
Scorpius shakes, but he doesn't push you away. He curls against you as you stroke his hair and whisper promises of how everything is going to be okay.