I Found Solace

by GC cryptic flame

A short, one shot, Greg fic, post 'Play with Fire.' In the hospital, Grissom’s daughter, Zara (Greg's ex-girlfriend) visits him, and some feelings come out into the open. Character death.

Title: I Found Solace
Author: Cryptic Flame
Summary: A Greg fanfic, post Play With Fire. In the hospital, Grissom's daughter, Zara (who also works at the lab as a CSI) visits him, and some things that weren't supposed to come out into the open…come out.
Contact Me: Email: cryptic_flame0018@yahoo.com, AIM: GC Darkflame0018, MSN: a_darkflame_inside@hotmail.com, YIM: cryptic_flame0018
Pairings: Greg/OC, Nick/OC, Warrick/Cath, Griss/Sara

~~

An explosion…an overpowering explosion, heat covering the front half of his body, and then the glass covered floor flying, hastily, at his head. That was all Greg Sanders could call to his mind about that day. His whole body ached so much that he could barely breathe, and thinking felt really pointless at that point in time. Thinking and memory were the farthest from his mind, even though they happened in the mind. Waking up in the hospital, for whatever reason was definitely not on his to do list. But, at the sound of voices in the room, he lifted his eyelids anyway, only to see Warrick and Catherine standing to his right. Great…now they were gonna question him about the explosion, which was something he didn't want to talk about.

He was glad that it wasn't Grissom, though. At least Catherine and Warrick wouldn't make him feel like it was his fault. Sure, he was starting to get Grissom's respect, but it was only a start. He knew that Gil Grissom only thought of him as a kid. He wasn't a kid. He was twenty-three, and deserved respect for what he did for the lab. Probably part of the reason that Grissom disrespected Greg so much was the fact that about a year prior, Greg had broken the heart of Grissom's daughter, Zara, after a two-month relationship. It wasn't that Zara wasn't a great girl, Greg just didn't want a long commitment. Zara was the perfect girl, and she'd wanted to go farther than just kissing with him. She was just like Greg in so many ways, and she was so sweet and caring…the truth was, Greg didn't deserve her, so he had to break it off before he ruined her perfection.

But Grissom didn't see it that way. Greg was now the devil, because he'd crushed his daughter's heart. Zara was a woman. She was old enough to hold her own grudges. But Zara didn't hold grudges. She and Greg were still as close of friends as they could be. She'd even moved on. The A/V lab tech, Archie Johnson, was now the most fortunate man in the Las Vegas Crime Lab. He was the lucky bastard that got to call Zara Grissom his girlfriend. Sure, since then, Greg had gotten his share of good lays since then (okay, so only one or two, but that was what he called his share), but he missed the deeply hidden secrets that he and Zara would share in his apartment. They always used to talk and vent emotion to each other, before sharing long, fervent kisses in the dark, watching movies. Sure, he thought about it a lot, but thinking about it in that nanosecond made him realize that he still had feelings for her. Deep feelings, too.

But, enough about the emotional endeavors of Greg Sanders, and back to the matter at hand…the explosion that rocked the Las Vegas Crime Lab. He looked up at Warrick, who'd just asked him if he smelled anything burning before the explosion. After a moment of painful recollection, he nodded and weakly pushed the words, "It smelled like melting plastic…" out of his mouth. "I turned around to see what it was and then…you know…" he could barely bring himself to say what had happened.

Catherine and Warrick both nodded, and after saying their good-byes (which if you asked Greg to remember, he couldn't give you the faintest idea of what was said), they left. Alone again, and back to his feeble efforts at sleep. He looked up at the tiled hospital ceiling, and started to count the tiles, out of boredom and inability to sleep, when a sensitive voice filled the room. "Greg?" Sara gently called out as she knocked on the door. "Hey, Greggo…how ya feeling?" she asked, trying to keep a smile on her face.

That was Sara for you…always trying to make others smile, even when situations looked grim. He looked over at her and forced a smile. "Hey, Sara…" he positioned himself comfortably on the bed and sighed. "I'm ok, I guess…as ok as a guy laying in a hospital bed with a ton of burns all over his body can be…" he shrugged and immediately regretted it, feeling a sharp jolt of pain flying through his body. "What about you? How's your hand feeling?" he remembered seeing Sara nearby, and hearing about her hand needing stitches.

Sara held her hand up. "Stitches…but I'll be ok…" she shrugged her shoulders. "Zara been to visit yet?" Even though Greg told no one about his feelings for Zara still being there, somehow, Sara managed to know. How she always knew everything that was going on in the lab was beyond him.
Greg shook his head slightly. "No, she's probably out banging Archie or something…" he closed his eyes for a second, feeling the pain of the possibility of that statement actually being true, mixing with the pain coursing through his body.
She pulled a chair over beside his bed and sat down. "She'll be over, Greg…you said it yourself, you guys are still close, even through everything. Zara still cares about you deeply as a friend…" she reassured him. Something told him, though, that there was something she was hiding.

He wasn't given enough time to find out, though, before his other co-workers/friends, Nick Stokes and Jace Harris came into the room. Jace's jaw practically hit the floor, seeing Greg in the hospital bed, but with Nick's comforting arm there, she was more or less ok. Greg looked up at his friends and got a worried look on his face. "Hey, you guys…don't you have that rape case to work on?" he asked, wondering why they were there with everything going on in Vegas lately.

Jace shrugged and looked at Nick. "We couldn't work right cause we were worried about you…" she flashed him a sweet smile. "How are you feeling?" she asked him.
"Yeah, man…Sara told me she saw you take a really rough fall…" Nick looked down at the bed, and saw the scrapes and burns all over Greg's face. "What'd the doctors say?"
Greg shrugged one shoulder and tilted his head a little. "Not quite sure…" he cleared his throat. "All I know is that I feel like shit…" he let a small laugh escape his mouth.
Sara laughed a little and nodded. "I can see how that would be logical…" she looked down at the bandage on her hand, and knowing how much that hurt, she couldn't even imagine the pain poor Greg was in at that moment. It must have been excruciating.

Jace leaned against the door. "So, has Zar been in yet?" she asked Greg.
Greg rolled his eyes and raised his voice as much as he could, feeling the pain around his throat. "Why is everyone asking me that? No, she hasn't been in yet!" he rasped out.
Nick held his hands up and put his arm around Jace. "Take it easy, man…she was just trying to be sensitive…" he gently defended his girlfriend.

Greg sighed and flashed Jace an apologetic look. "I didn't mean to yell…it's just both you and Sara asked me…no, Zara hasn't been in to see me yet…" he shook his head gently.
Nick looked at Jace, then at Sara. He sighed and looked back to Greg. "Maybe we should go and let you get a little rest, Greg…" he shrugged and reached back for the door.
"Really, Greg…we'll be in later, ok?" Sara gently told Greg, standing up and leaning down to give him a gentle hug before she left. "Stay strong, ok?"
Greg nodded and flashed a fake smile to his friends. "Thanks for coming in, guys…" he repositioned himself to he was laying back down, and as soon as everyone was gone, he closed his eyes, and he was out like a light for a little while.

~~

"Greg was in an explosion at the lab…he's in the hospital…" Gil Grissom told his daughter, Zara. "He flew through the window and landed on the floor…"
"He what?" Zara shrieked as she shot out of the chair in her living room. "Is he…alive?" she asked, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes.
Grissom nodded and reached over to hug Zara. "He's ok…he got burned and cut up pretty badly, though…" he embraced his daughter in his arms. "I'm going to see him, if you wanna come with me…"
Her boyfriend, Archie Johnson, looked annoyed. Zara and Greg, after all they'd been through, were still friends, and it made him mad. Greg had hurt her, and she was still constantly worried about him. "Why don't I bring her?" he asked, putting his arm around Zara.
Zara shook her head and looked at Archie. "I'd rather go with my dad, if that's ok with you…" she pleaded with him and gently pushed his arm off of her.

Shocked, Archie nodded and looked down at the television in front of him. He knew that the second Zara saw Greg, lying in the hospital bed, everything he'd been developing with her over the past three months would be over. Zara loved Greg, and anyone in the lab who didn't see it needed a brain exam. It took her months to even start to get over him, and she still wasn't there yet. "Give him my best, ok?" he asked, before continuing watching Real World/Road Rules Challenge.

Zara nodded and followed her father out to the Chevy Tahoe. Greg was in an explosion? What happened to cause an explosion in the lab? Sure, chemicals could have mixed together, but Greg was so good at his job that she knew it couldn't have been that. Could it have been something she'd done? If it had been that, she'd feel so guilty it wouldn't even be funny. But, considering she'd only been in the lab for fifteen minutes that day, it couldn't have been her doing. She let the tears stream down her cheeks as they drove down the busy Las Vegas street. "Dad…" she looked at Grissom, tears still steadily flowing.

Grissom looked over at Zara for a split second. "Yeah, sweetie?" he asked, turning into the hospital parking lot. He already knew what she was going to say, he just rued the day he'd hear her say it.
"I…I still love Greg…" she gasped out, before breaking down and putting her face in her hands. "I never stopped loving Greg…I just didn't realize how much until…" she ran her hand through her long, sandy-blonde hair and sobbed.
"Zara, honey…it's ok…" Grissom parked the car and reached over to hug Zara. "He played a major role in your life…you're always going to love him…"
Zara shook her head and looked into her father's eyes after pulling back from the hug. "Dad…I'm still in love with Greg…" she elaborated on what she was trying to get at. "I want him back…I miss what we shared when we were together…" she sniffled, and wiped her eyes before she got out of the car.

"You should tell him that, honey…not me…" he reassured her as he opened the door to the building. Even though he didn't want them together, he knew that Greg made Zara happy, and was willing to compromise his wishes for Zara's happiness.
Zara shook her head. "He'll probably be so doped up, he won't even know what's what!" she exclaimed as they headed toward the elevator. All Zara knew was that she still loved Greg, and there was nothing she wouldn't do for him. He was everything she'd ever wanted, and everything she still wanted. She was empty-headed as they went up the elevator to Greg's room. She didn't want to think, because if she thought, she'd cry. Seeing the nurse walk out of the room with pain medication, before they opened the door to Greg's room, made the whole scenario very real to Zara all of a sudden.

Greg was asleep, even though it didn't look too peaceful. He looked like he was dreaming. Zara remembered that when Greg used to dream after a traumatic experience, it was horrid. But, she didn't want to wake him, because she knew that he needed all the sleep he could get at that point in time. She looked up at Grissom, who shook his head and sighed. "Dad, what's wrong?"
Grissom shrugged and looked at Greg. "Why don't we head over to the lab while Greg sleeps?" he asked. "He needs to sleep, and I'm sure you'll get bored here-…"

"No, dad…I'm gonna wait here until he wakes up. He hates being alone…" Zara sat in a chair in the corner of the room. She was going to stay, even if her father left. She needed to be there for Greg. "You go on back…it's your job, you're the boss and everything…"
Grissom laughed at the fact that Zara was giving him permission to go somewhere, rather than vice versa, as it always used to be. "Are you sure you'll be ok here alone?"
Zara grinned a little. "I'm not alone, dad…Greg's here…" she nodded her head toward Greg.
Grissom sighed and reached down to give Zara a kiss on the cheek. "Don't get too emotional, hun…" he stood back up straight and looked at Greg. "Give him my best wishes, ok?" he told her as he walked out of the room.
"Ok, dad…" Zara nodded and leaned back in the chair. God, he must have been in so much pain. Sure, he was sleeping, but when you're sleeping, you still feel things. And she knew how he dreamed. When Greg Sanders had nightmares, they were vicious nightmares. She carefully placed her hand on his and attempted to calm him down. Sometimes, a soft voice would calm him down, and make him stop having nightmares. She gently whispered. "It's ok, Greg…I'm right here…"

Rather than stop having nightmares, though, Greg woke up and looked Zara dead in the eye. He knew that voice. She was there, trying to help him. His brown eyes looked deeply into her blue ones and he fell even deeper than he'd already been. "Zara…" he forced his lips into a smile. She could always make him smile. "I didn't think you were coming…"
Zara tilted her head a little bit. "I know you know me better than that…" she spoke, just above a whisper. "I heard you were in the hospital, and I got here as soon as I could…" she gave him the gentlest smile she'd ever given.

Looking into her eyes, Greg wondered, secretly, how he could have let her go. She was the sweetest, most caring person he'd ever had in his life, and he just let her slip through his fingers. He knew that he let her go for her own sake, but she was just so beautiful and so sweet. Realizing that every second that he looked into her eyes, he was a second closer to spilling all his feelings out to her, he looked away from her and out into the hall. "So, what is everyone saying about this at the lab?"

"Well," Zara rolled her eyes and looked at the window. "Hodges…you know how he is…he's convinced that it's all one of the infamous Sanders screw-ups…" she took her hand off of his and leaned back in her chair. "But everyone else is so worried about you…" she closed her eyes and held back tears. She loved him, and she desperately wanted to tell him. "You should have seen Cath when she found out…she was frantic…" she sighed and leaned back close to him again, just to be able to be near him.

Greg grinned. Not because he wanted everyone to be worried, but because everyone was worried about HIM. He was loved by a bunch of people, and he didn't have to do anything for them in return, other than love them back. Love…there he went again, thinking about Zara. She was right there, just as she always was for him, but he couldn't say what he wanted to say. She was still with Archie, and he couldn't have her, just because he'd screwed up a year ago. Maybe he was ready for commitment now. Maybe Zara was just what he really needed, but now he couldn't have her. He knew her better than Archie did, and he probably cared about her more, but he'd screwed himself over, and now he couldn't have her.

"What's the matter, Greg?" she asked, knowing that when something was wrong, Greg was quiet. Even if he was hurting, he was still a loudmouth, unless something was on his mind. Probably, he was traumatized by the explosion, but it seemed to go deeper than just that. "Aside from the obvious, I mean…"
Greg wanted to tell Zara, but he didn't want to seem stupid. "I don't know if I should say anything…" he stared at the ceiling. He didn't want to say anything at all, but Zara always had this way of making him feel secure with anything he said, even if it was this huge.
"You know I'm here for you, no matter what it is…" she flashed him the same sweet smile that always made him go weak in the knees. "You can tell me anything."
"Anything? You sure…?" Greg asked. He wasn't sure if it was the pain medication talking, but he wanted to let Zara know all of a sudden.
She nodded and leaned back, listening attentively.

Greg signaled for Zara to lean back up. He wanted her to know exactly how he felt, and he felt that she needed to be close to get that full effect. "Ever since I've been put in this damn hospital…all I've been able to think about is you, Zara. When I was in pain, I thought of you…when I wanted to give up, I thought of you…when my mind was uneasy, I found solace in your eyes…" he got emotional, trying to pull the tears back into his system, but failing. "I still love you, Zara…I never stopped loving you."

Zara's jaw could have hit the floor. "You do?" she blinked twice. "Are you sure it's not just that talking?" she asked, pointing to the pain medication.
Greg shook his head and smiled at her. "I love you, Zara…" he reached over to her and pulled her face close to his, planting a soft kiss on her lips.
Zara could have fallen to the floor right there. "I…I love you too, Greg…" she smiled at him and a tear fell down her cheek. "I never stopped loving you, either…"

~~

"…his last words to me?" Zara's cold expression stared out at the crowd of people gathered before her. "Ever since I've been put in this damn hospital…all I've been able to think about is you, Zara. When I was in pain, I thought of you…when I wanted to give up, I thought of you…when my mind was uneasy, I found solace in your eyes…I still love you, Zara…I never stopped loving you…" she felt her hands start to shake. "Greg Sanders was the first man that I truly loved…and I'll never forget him…" she looked at the tombstone on the ground, shakily reading 'Gregory Sanders, 1979-2003' to herself, before breaking down in tears. Greg was gone, but she'd never forget him…and she'd always find solace in his eyes.

~~

Author's Note: If this is bad…it was written from about 11:30pm-2:30am, so blame it on the time of night…