Order in the Court!

Ch. 1 Sanji Sues!

AN: Even though I want to focus on the stories I have now, I really wanted to start this one. This is a different change of pace than what I usually do. This is going to be a nonsensical humorous story. I hope you enjoy!

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"Oh course Robin-chan I will be your knight in shining armor," Sanji whispered, while closing his eyes.

Turning around with his eyes still shut, Sanji mused, "Nami-san it is okay there is enough of me to go around."

Swerving his head back around, he said, "of course Robin-chan ... I will always be by your side." Leaning his head forward, he puckered his lips as he came in contact. "Your lips are just as sweet as flowers," Sanji said, as he began using his tongue. "I love you Ro—"

"What the fuck are you doing with my shirt!" Zoro yelled from the door way.

Quickly putting the pieces of cloth to his sides, Sanji turned towards his sudden intruder. "What the hell are doing in here shitty Marimo?"

"I came to check up on you, because you do a shit job with everything ... and I see you rubbing your ugly ass face on my clothing!" Zoro retaliated.

"I was inspecting it for shit stains, knowing your the biggest moss head baby on this ship!" Sanji fired back.

With a slight smirk, Zoro scuffed, "Bullshit." Stepping away from the door frame Zoro made his way over towards the cook. "I think you're just the thirstiest cook on the Grand Line is all."

Sanji's curly brow furrowed as he grit his teeth. "Oh yeah? At least I can get girls! All you do is play with swords all day …" Sanji said as a grin of his own formed atop his beard. "I wouldn't be surprised if you play with other men's swords," he ended, as he pulled a smoke out of his front pocket.

Zoro's face instantly scrounged, as the veins on his forehead became visible. "You shitty …" he mouthed as he got face to face with his advisory. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed the hilt of his sword as he leaned towards him.

Sanji hadn't change face, in fact he puffed his cigarette, unfazed by his blatant hostility. As the smoke hit Zoro's nostrils, his face twitched in devil like anger. Letting go on the grip of his sword, he flung both his hands forward, grasping at his neck.

Caught off guard by the fact that Zoro wasn't using his swords, he kneed him hard in his nether region. The force caused Zoro fall backwards, but Zoro had such a tight hold of his neck, that he brought Sanji down with him.

"LET'S END THIS!" they yelled at the same time. Their eyes filled with all the pent up hate they had for each other over the years.

"Yohohohoho! How romantic!" the tall skeleton broke in.

They both paused in their death battle, only to feel the color drain from their faces.

"I knew you guys would work it out!" Brook cheered, as he walked back towards the door. "Just make sure to wear protection! You never know what you will find on the Grand Line! Yohohohoho!" Brook laughed as he closed the door behind him.

As soon as the door shut, the two instantly pushed off of each other.

"Just clean the damn laundry," Zoro ordered as he got to his feet. Making his way to the door, some of the color came back to his face.

"I ain't cleaning your shitty ass clothing moss head!" Sanji yelled as the door slammed shut. "Shitty swordsman," Sanji muttered, as he went back over towards the dirty clothes.

"Why do I have to clean their shitty clothing?" Sanji complained as he put a new cigarette to his mouth. "I get my stuff dry cleaned! And them …" he recalled, taking a puff of his smoke. Lifting up a dirty hamper, Sanji turned it upside, allowing the content to fall to the floor.

"Shitty bastards should do it themselves," he reasoned, as he began to separate the clothing. Though as he did, his attention focused on a particular piece of clothing. Stopping what he was doing, he leaned down and grabbed a hold of the cloth. Lifting it up to his face, his nose instantly flared with blood as he began swooning.

"Nami-san! Robin-chan!" Sanji cheered as his eyes were replaced with hearts. "This delicate piece of clothing has touched one of their holy places!" he proclaimed, as he began to rub the piece of cloth against his face, much like he did with Zoro's clothing moments before. Though his love moment quickly ended as his eyes met the dirty clothing on the ground.

"The angels already did their laundry yesterday, and the shit heads do their laundry today," he remembered, as he began to stare blankly at the piece of white cloth in his hand. "What is it doing here?" he asked himself. His face inflamed in anger as he breathed, "it must have been one of those perverts!" Taking off with lightning speed, he carefully placed the piece of cloth in his pocket as he rushed out the door.

"Franky! Brook! Where are you!" he sheathed as he began his mad manhunt.

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"Which one of you shit heads did it?" Sanji hissed.

"Did what?" Franky asked while looking up from his work.

"You guys finished up that quickly?" Brook asked while turning towards the cook. "Back in my day I could last much longer! Oh wait I don't have a pe—"

"I get it!" Sanji broke in before he could finish his perverted sentence. "Which one of you shitty bastards stole panties from the beautiful ladies of this ship?" he asked, while taking out the small piece of clothing from his pocket.

"Super catch!" Franky exclaimed moving closer to Sanji to get a better look. "Where did you find those?" he asked while staring at the undergarments.

Two bony hands came down on the piece of clothing, which Sanji instantly kicked away. "What's the deal Sanji? It's not like you like women anyways," Brook reasoned.

"I don't like guys you shitty skeleton!" Sanji yelled, as he began to put the piece of clothing back in his pants.

"But I saw you and Zoro getting it on in the laundry room! Yohohohoho!" Brook exclaimed as he attempted to reach for his pocket.

"You had sex with the swordsman?" Franky asked in disbelief, "I would have never known."

Stepping away from the oncoming deviants, Sanji yelled in defense, "I did not having sexual relations with that dumbass cactus!"

"But I saw you and Zoro having a romantic moment at Punk Hazard!" Brook remembered.

"No! The shitty bastard probably tried to save Nami-san from falling!" he argued as he backed up towards the door.

"I don't know about that ..." Brook grinned as the two surrounded him. "If he really cared about Nami he wouldn't have thrown her body on the ground! I think he got embarrassed that somebody was watching you two! Yohohohoho!" Brook laughed as he attempted to reach for the panties again.

"I have had enough of you two!" Sanji yelled as he kicked both of them hard across the face.

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"Who else could it be?" Sanji asked himself as he stood over the beaten up bodies. "The shitty swordsman came in to check up on me ... the bastard" he muttered as he rushed out of the room.

Running outside onto the deck, he could see the swordsman peacefully taking a nap against the railing. Stomping his way over to him, Sanji complained, "shitty Marimo! You better explain yourself!"

Opening up his good eye slowly, he could see the furious cook. "What the hell do you want curly brow?"

"I know you did it!" Sanji yelled, as he took out the piece of the cloth from before. "You stole this from my angels didn't you!" he asked, thrusting the panties into his face.

Swatting his hand away, Zoro responded, "sue me." Closing his eye, he leaned more against the railing.

"Do you want to start this up again?" Sanji asked as he puffed smoke towards his face.

Opening up his eye once again, he smirked, "gladly."

"I have seen those before," the young captain cut in, pointing at the piece of cloth. The air became intensely silent, until the swordsman broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Do you hear that curly brow? Looks like Luffy is getting some from one of the women!" Zoro said as he continued to laugh. Sanji's anger slowly turned towards the young man. He only became more hot tempered with Zoro's non stop laughter.

"If we weren't pirates, I would sue you for what you just said!" Sanji breathed,as his hands turned into fist.

Unknowingly, the trio had attracted onlookers. "Sue him? As in court?" Usopp asked.

"Just like Enies Lobby?" Chopper questioned as his eyes turned into stars. "Lets have a court hearing!" Chopper cheered, as he moved towards the trio.

"A court would sound super fun!" Franky added from the side.

"That was only a j—" Sanji said, but was cut off by more of the crew chiming in.

"I haven't been to a court in years! That's because I am dead! Yohohohoho!" Brook laughed.

"Yeah since were pirates we can't go to court!" Usopp exclaimed. Puffing out his chest, he pointed to himself. "I should be the judge because I was a judge once," he lied, looking off towards the sea pompously.

Both the captain and the reindeer looked at him with awe. Though Luffy snapped out his gaze, complaining, "but I want to be the judge! I am the captain."

"You stupid rubber idiot! You are the defendant and I am the prosecutor!" Sanji corrected him but gasped at his error. "I didn't mean we will have a co—" he tried to explain, but was cut off again.

"I think I should be the judge," Zoro cut in as he stretched his hands above his head.

"You being the judge? You're the laziest piece of shit on this crew! I think it should b—"

"Robin!" Chopper explained as the group turned towards the approaching figure. "Robin we are going to have a court case can you please be the judge?" Chopper asked.

"Of course. Anything for you Chopper," Robin smiled.

Sanji turned around, glaring at the little reindeer jealously. "If Robin-chan wants to be the judge, then I will have to take you to court!" he finished, pointing at Luffy without even looking at him. "I will see you in court!" he said as he began to walk away.

"Where is the court going to be?" Luffy asked, seeing Sanji come to a halt.

"I think it is only right that we participate in a gentlemen like place ... the kitchen" he finished, gazing off with a look of reverence.

"Gentlemen my ass," Zoro yawned as he closed his good eye.

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AN: What did you guys think? Was it at all funny? I would like to hear what you guys think if you can. "I did not have sexual relations with that dumbass cactus!" Oh boy Bill Clinton would be proud haha.

I now realize that the whole interaction between Zoro and Sanji can be considered ZoSan. So I don't know, that can be the pairing for this story if you guys want. Unless you guys want me to do ZoRo, completely up to you guys.

On a side note, college is starting up in about five days, so I will probably write less often. However, I will do my best to provide you guys on a regular basis. Anyways...have a nice day! (or if you are reading this at night ... good night :) — no I am not going to use the winky face emoji!)