Fall was always one of her favorite times in New York; the leaves changing colors, the crispness of the air. However today's weather matched her mood; it was a cold dreary day. The rain pounding the pavement matched the tears she had been shedding all morning; she had only managed to stop just before leaving home. After walking into the office building she rode the elevator to the twentieth floor and walked into the restroom to compose herself. She was glad to see the redness in her eyes was almost gone and her face didn't give away the fact she'd been crying all morning. She went to the receptionist and was shown to a conference room. It felt like her heart leaped into her throat when she saw the woman standing at the window looking out over the city. In that moment Olivia knew what little bit of her heart was left had just broke, but she knew she had no one to blame but herself.

Alex turned when the door opened and wanted to collapse at the sight of the brunette but she had told herself that she wasn't going to cry. She had done nothing but cry for months and she was done. At least that's what her brain was telling her, her heart was telling her it was breaking all over again. "Olivia."

"Alex." Olivia stood there feeling a bit awkward. She had never imagined she would feel awkward in Alex's presence but she definitely did now.

"Where's your lawyer?"

Olivia sighed at the hurt and coldness of Alex's tone, as much as she hated she admitted to herself she deserved it. "I fired him."

"You what?! Why in the world would you fire him?" Alex asked. Her instincts told her to step closer but she knew if she got close to the brunette she would lose what little composure she had left.

Olivia took a deep breath, unable to believe what she was about to say. "I fired him because I don't want to go through with the divorce."

As badly as Alex was hurting at that moment she saw red when the words left Olivia's mouth "I'm sorry what? After three months of separation and we are to the point of signing the papers and now you change your mind? In case you've forgotten Olivia you're the one who wanted a divorce not me. You're the one who filed not me. I'm the one who begged you to change your mind, to tell me what I did so wrong that you didn't want to spend your life with me. You wanted a divorce Olivia and now you're getting it." She couldn't believe she'd said it and as soon as the words left her mouth she thought she was going to be sick. Little did she know Olivia was feeling the exact same way.

Both were startled when the door opened and Alex's attorney entered the room "Good morning ladies."

"Can we have a moment?" Olivia asked. The attorney turned to Alex who shook her head no but Olivia wasn't about to give in "Alex please." She pleaded.

Alex sighed and looked to her lawyer "Give us a few minutes." Once they were alone again she faced Olivia. "Well?"

Olivia willed her legs to move as she walked closer to her wife "Alex I'm sorry. I am so so sorry."

Alex laughed. It wasn't her usual happy, infectious laughter, it was bitter and laced with hurt. "You're sorry? You pushed me away for so long but I loved you so much that I wasn't about to give up on us, but you did. Do you know how surprised and hurt I was when you asked for a divorce? Olivia I've spent the last three months crying, wondering, even begging God to tell me what I did so wrong that made you want to leave." She took a moment to wipe the tears that insisted on falling "Not that it's any of your business but I'm in therapy because of what this has done to me." Olivia was crying by that moment. "Cry all you want Olivia you have no one to blame but yourself." Alex hated to be so cold but she wanted Olivia to feel every ounce of pain she was feeling at that moment.

Olivia collapsed in a chair and dropped her head into her hands. She knew she'd hurt her wife but she had no idea she'd hurt her this badly. All she thought was that if she had her service weapon at that moment she'd put a bullet through her head for what she'd put the blonde through. Not that the thought hadn't crossed her mind over the last few months, especially after a night of way too much whisky and reliving the day she asked for a divorce. The only thing that stopped her was the picture from their wedding that she had been staring at all evening. "Alex I know I have absolutely no right to beg your forgiveness and I know I have to right to say that I no longer want a divorce but I can't help it. Alex I love you more than anything in the world. I would die for you. I now know I can't live without you. I've also been seeing a therapist and getting help. I'm learning that I don't always have to be the strong one, that it's okay for me to let someone be there for me and help me through the darkness. Alex I'm begging you for a second chance. If you want me to get on my knees and beg you I'll gladly do it. I want us back. I want you Alex."

Alex took a deep breath she could feel the walls she'd built around her heart beginning to break but she couldn't open her heart up that easily again. She took a seat on the window sill "Why now Olivia? Why wait till the day we're signing the papers?"

"I was so terrified you'd tell me no that I just couldn't bring myself to do it, but when I woke up this morning I knew I couldn't go through with it. I know I'm the one that asked for it. I know I'm the one who filed but Alex please can you forgive me?" she could see that Alex was softening so she stood and walked over till she was standing in front of the blonde. She was dying to reach out and touch her but she knew that was something she had to earn. "Alex?" she waited till the younger woman looked up at her "I want you to know I've not seen anyone while we were separated. I couldn't, in my mind I would've been cheating on you."

"I've not seen anyone either." Alex whispered.

Olivia reached out and gently took Alex's hand in hers; she breathed a sigh of relief when Alex didn't pull away. "Alex please, I'm begging you. I know I've never stopped loving you and I know I never will. If you can look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me anymore and you still want to go through with this then I'll sign the papers and never bother you again." she could see her wife was fighting an internal war, she decided to push just a little more " But if you still love me at all, even just a tiny bit will you please consider giving me a second chance? Giving us a second chance?"

The sincerity in her wife's eyes caused Alex to finally break "I've never stopped loving you either Olivia and I know I never will." she took a deep breath to try and calm her nerves and stop the tears "Olivia I can't allow my heart to be broken like this again. I know if you leave me again it'll kill me. I won't come back from it." she stood to face her wife "However if you can promise me that you won't shut me out and push me away then we can try to be us again." Olivia felt the smile tugging at her lips but was afraid to get too excited to soon. "I think we need to take it slow. As much as I miss you and want you with me you're going to have to wait a while before moving back in."

Olivia knew she wouldn't be moving back home that soon, she'd hoped she would but she was okay with waiting if it meant she would eventually be back in their apartment. "Okay. I'm not going to push Alex. It's my fault all this happened and I am more than willing to let you set the pace if it means I will eventually be able to have you in my arms again." She slowly reached out and wrapped her arms around the blonde and began crying all over again when she felt Alex wrap her arms around her and hug her back.

When Alex's attorney reentered the room Alex stepped back and walked over to him "Thank you for all the work you've done John but I'm not going to be needing your services." She turned and gave Olivia a small smile. "We've decided that this isn't what we want."

The older man looked between the two before smiling at Alex "I hope everything works out for you Alex, for both of you." he shook her hand before turning and leaving the room.

Alex picked up the copies of the divorce papers on the table "Are you sure Olivia?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Olivia said confidently. She grinned ear to ear when Alex ripped the papers in half.

Epilogue

One year later.

Olivia sat at her desk trying to finish her paperwork. It was the beginning of December and she and Alex had plans that evening to go see the tree in Rockefeller Center and maybe do some shopping that weekend. As she signed the last form her eye caught the picture that sat on her desk and she smiled. After they decided they wanted to give their marriage another shot they decided they would go into couples therapy. It proved to be one of the best decisions they had ever made. Olivia learned to open up more and that it was okay to lean on Alex for support. Alex had also learned how to let Olivia open in her own way and to not push her.

Olivia was true to her word in letting Alex set the pace. They went on dates, Olivia sent her flowers, it was like they were dating all over again. It was two months before they slept together; it was one of the most emotional moments of either of their lives. A month after that Alex asked Olivia to move back into their apartment. That spring they decided that since they were starting fresh they purchased a brownstone in a quiet neighborhood, and on their anniversary they renewed their vows.

Olivia was pulled from her thoughts when she heard the familiar click of heals on the floor. She looked up in time to see Alex barreling into the squad room "Alex?" she asked as she jumped from her chair and intercepted her wife, unable to identify the look on her face "Baby what's wrong?"

"I, uh… we need to talk." Alex stumbled out.

Olivia placed her hand on the small of the blonde's back and led her to the cribs so they could have some privacy. Once in the room she sat on the edge of one of the bunks and pulled the younger woman down next to her "Alex?"

Alex looked up with tears in her eyes "I just got a call from our attorney." Olivia froze. Alex smiled "They have a child for us."

Olivia burst into tears. Six months ago they began the adoption process and had been approved just before Thanksgiving. She didn't expect to hear they would get a child so soon. "They do?" Alex nodded as more tears flowed down her cheeks. "Boy or girl?" Olivia didn't care either way but she was curious.

"Well there's a catch." She took Olivia's hand in her own "How do you feel about two kids?"

Olivia's eyes went wide "Twins?"

"No a sister and brother, they're in Virginia. The girl, her name is Ellie, she's three years old and she has a baby brother, Matthew, who is three weeks old. The mother was found dead from an OD, no other family in the picture. Child services had tried contacting the man the sitter said was the father, turns out he'd signed over his rights to both after the boy was born. He doesn't want them." she took a deep breath after rushing everything out. "He said to call him back, if we want them they're ours. So what do you say detective?"

Olivia wiped her tears before leaning in for a kiss. When she pulled back she smiled bright enough to light up the darkest room "I say we go get our kids. How fast can we get a flight to Virginia?"

Alex laughed, she was so glad she knew her wife as well as she did. "I thought you might say that. I've already booked us a flight. We have enough time to go home and pack before it leaves."

Olivia jumped up pulling Alex with her "Let's go then. Let's go bring Ellie and Matthew home."

The next morning they sat in the family room at the adoption center, Olivia with a little blonde hair blue eyed girl on her lap and Alex holding the blue eyed infant. It seemed like these two children were meant to be theirs. When Ellie met Olivia for the first time she wrapped her arms around the brunette and held on for dear life, and smiled when Alex ran her fingers through her hair. Matthew had been fussing but the minute Alex took him in her arms he immediately settled down. They looked at one another, both certain the other had never looked as beautiful as they did with their children in their arms. They knew the missing piece of their family had finally fallen in place.

A/N: This story came to me as I was getting ready for work this morning and wouldn't allow me to rest tonight until it was finished. I will hopefully update For the Love of a Travelin Soldier in the next couple days. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed!