Hi all. So this is a kind of companion piece to my last story Relief. This is from Cal's viewpoint (not first person) and incorporates some of my last story but it goes off on its own towards the end. It came to me as I was trying to have a lie in this morning! Needless to say, I couldn't settle until it was written. It's just a small oneshot of Cal coping with what happened to his brother in the last episode. It does involve Cal crying though...surprised?

As usual I don't own anyone that you recognise - I just dust them off to make them cry!

Tough Day At The Office

"Uh oh, dead man walking."

Dr Caleb Knight thought back to the phrase that he had sarcastically used to describe how his little brother had looked as he had barrelled through the doors towards him and Lily, obviously oblivious to anyone around him. Then Ethan had mentioned "needlestick - from Charlie's son" and Cal's heart had literally missed a beat. How had that happened? Why had it happened? Oh why did he have to use that particular phrase?

He had suddenly experienced a huge surge of anger as he had marched into Resus. He had wanted to throttle the younger man sat on the bed, who wouldn't even look him in the eye. Didn't he realise what he might have done to his little brother? He really could be a dead man walking.

Connie had almost blown him out of Resus by the forcefulness of her voice, but although she was making her point, he was aware of a small trace of sympathy in her expression.

He had left the room in search of his brother, who, he had been told, had been sent to the staff room while Louis had a blood test to determine whether the young man had contracted HIV, therefore leaving open the possibility that Ethan could catch it from the needle.

Cal had found his brother staring into an empty coffee cup. He had taken it from his hands and offered to get it filled by his favourite barista. Ethan had shot to his feet, grabbed the cup and had proceeded to scrub it under the tap in what looked like blistering hot water. Cal could see that his normally matter of fact brother was barely holding it together as he waited for news of Louis's blood test. He had wanted to help - to show the younger man that he was there for him, to support him, but Ethan had made it perfectly clear that he wanted no needed to be alone at that time. Cal had reluctantly left him to his own devices, trying desperately to keep his mind on his job.

Everything that had happened before was quickly forgotten as Cal was interrupted out of his musings - disguised as using the computer - by the sound of Connie's heels clicking across the floor as she walked to Louis's cubicle, piece of paper in hand.

He watched as she explained to Charlie and Louis the findings of the test, but he couldn't guage whether it was good or bad news - damn they were good at poker faces. He then glanced towards his brother, who was now stood ram rod straight behind the desk, staring intently at the scene. Cal logged off and made his way to the desk - putting himself between the bed and his brother, "How are you holding up?" he asked, as the little voice in his head berated him for the most idiotic question ever.

"Never better," Ethan replied, with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Ethan," he heard the clinical lead's soft voice behind him, so he quickly scurried round the desk to be next to his brother, should he be needed.

"You're fine," she told them.

Cal heard the strangled, "Really?" from next to him.

Connie inclined her head, "We'll still need to take the necessary precautions..."

"Of course, thank you," he just about heard his brother say as Connie turned to leave.

Cal blew out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. Ethan was fine - he was going to be fine. Cal couldn't actually describe the relief he felt at that precise moment, "Oh mate, come here," he breathed as he reached for his brother.

Ethan, as usual, ducked out of his reach, "Let's not go OTT," he smiled.

Cal chuckled, yet the only thing that he wanted to do at that moment in time was squeeze the living daylights out of the younger man. Instead, he contented himself with patting him on the back, just letting his hand linger a little longer between his shoulders.

The both stood in silence watching Tess and Charlie discussing treatment with the young man. Cal found that his relief was quickly being replaced, once more, by anger towards Charlie's son. He moved out from round the desk and strode towards the cubicle.

"Louis," he growled, "Quick question - have you told your dad where you got the money from for your fix?"

He felt a quick stab of satisfaction at how shocked Louis looked but that disappeared when he saw the sadness on Tess's face.

Cal took a step closer, throwing a reassuring glance at Charlie, who had tensed ready to protect his son if necessary - just as Cal himself had felt earlier about his brother.

"Louis, Dr Hardy who treated you, has just spent the last two hours trying to keep it together. He's been out of his mind wondering 'what if'. He was trying to help you Louis - which is what he does, he helps people. He doesn't judge anyone, he treats everyone the same. He's also my little brother..." he noticed a look of understanding flash across the younger man's face," Your actions don't just affect you Louis, they affect your dad, your friends and today, my brother. You have to start thinking about others...you have support from a lot of people, don't waste it," he finished, surprised at how calm he sounded. He glanced at Tess, who was looking at Louis sadly, then to Charlie who nodded his appreciation of Cal's words.

The young doctor turned to look for his brother, to find that he had disappeared.

He began to look round to see if he could catch sight of him, but to no avail, "Dr Knight," the official sounding voice of his boss sounded behind him. He whirled round preparing himself for another dressing down about his earlier angry behaviour. What he wasn't prepared for however, was the look of understanding and sympathy that was on her face, "Do you have a moment?" she asked him softly, as she ushered him towards her office.

Once inside, she pulled out a chair for him, which he sunk into gratefully, suddenly becoming aware that his legs were turning to jelly. She sat down opposite him, "Tough day at the office huh?" she began, to which Cal could only nod, "How are you Cal?" she asked him sincerely.

"Me? I'm fine," he insisted, although inside he was beginning to feel anything but fine.

Connie nodded slightly, "And Ethan?"

"Well, I haven't seen him since you told him the results - but I'm sure he'll be relieved."

"He must have been concerned," she carried on.

"You could say that. You are trained in what to do should a situation such as this arise, but if it actually happens..." he trailed off.

"Nothing can prepare you for how you feel though..." Cal could feel her eyes on him, "Especially when it's someone close and it's out of your control."

Cal suddenly felt like a huge rock had settled in his stomach. She was right. Nothing could prepare you for seeing your little brother, your safety net, having to come to terms with a potentially life changing condition.

"I didn't know what to say to him," Cal burst out, "He's my little brother and I didn't know what to say. So I said nothing - then I got angry."

Suddenly, something occurred to Cal making him surge to his feet, "Oh god, maybe that's why he's gone now - he thinks I'm angry at him!"

Cal could now feel tears building in his eyes. Connie stood and swiftly walked towards the young doctor. She took hold of his forarms to still the erratic pacing, "Cal, if I know Ethan, he knows that you're not angry at HIM - just the situation. After all, it was an accident..."

"He was so scared Connie. He wouldn't admit it, but I could see it in his eyes," Cal felt one of the tears trickle down his face. He angrily wiped it away - ashamed of his behaviour in front of Connie.

"He wasn't the only one..." Connie said as Cal finally looked at her, "And it's alright Cal...to be scared, not just for Ethan, but for yourself..."

Connie's gently words finally broke the young doctor. He just stood, arms hanging loosly by his side as big, gulping sobs wracked his body. Connie had no hesitation as she put her arms around him and brought him into a strong embrace. If anyone was to see the sight, it would have looked odd as Cal was at least a foot taller than Connie, but at that moment, neither of them cared.

They stayed like that for a few more minutes, until Cal's breathing was back under control. As they broke apart, Cal wiped his face to remove traces of his breakdown, "I'm sorry Mrs Beachamp," his professional persona slipping back into place.

"Don't be sorry...now you need to go and find your brother, who is probably still scared and confused on top of being relieved. You need to be the big brother that we both know you can be."

Cal smiled and nodded. As he left the office, Connie stopped him one more time, "Oh, Dr Knight - you tell anyone about my touchy, feely approach here and you'll be fired on the spot - do you understand?"

Cal looked confused for a moment, until Connie broke into a smile, "I have a reputation to uphold!"