Due to a ridiculously ill-informed decision by a corporate executive that was drunk at the time, formerly in a gruesome car accident that left him with multiple concussions AND a brain tumor that formed after a botched lobotomy, a contract was drawn up forcing this particular author/narrator to star Ben Affleck in multiple stories starting Sora.

That's right, Ben "I'm blind so I must be tone daft too" Affleck.

Ben "My movies have all sucked since 1972" Affleck.

Ben "I can't get into movies on my own so I have to direct and cast myself" Affleck.

And my personal favorite:

Ben "You can't remember which Jennifer it was that was involved but you still remember the guy as Bennifer" Affleck.

Now he had been sent in from the future to ruin Sora the same way he had ruined Batman... remember, he's from the future.

No, that doesn't make him any more dangerous.

Or smarter.

Or any advantage whatsoever.

He's probably a robot.

That would explain why his acting skills need a firmware update.

And why he hasn't yet because nobody wants to take the time out to improve this guy. Even Matt Damon ran away and refuses to respond to this guys calls.

In fact the only guy to answer the phone when Affleck calls is Nicholas Cage, because Nicholas Cage doesn't say no to any role he's offered.

"You're like me to star as Riku alongside you in Kingdom Hearts: The Movie? Radical! You can count me in, Affleck"

This...

Is the worst tale ever written.

Steven Seagull

George Clooney

Presents

A Hollywood Butch. Film

Directed by A. Bucket

KINGDOM HEARTS: THE MOVIE

ANSEM'S REVENGE

"Wake up, you lazy bum!" Kaiwee said. (Played by some fourth grade student borrowed from the Disney Vault)

"Huh?! What?! So not Cool, Carrie." Ben Affleck said wearing a pair of tiny red shorts, yellow clown shoes and an undone vest.

Kaiwee giggled. Looking up at the much taller man and his permanent 6 o'clock shadow.

"Blleudjufjdujdsdjdfdd" Nick Cage said leaping up behind them wearing a blue wig, fisherman waders and a pair of suspenders. "You're just as bad as he is, Kary."

Nick Cage smirked his made-famous smirk.

"Ricky!" Ben Affleck protested, running a hand through his short hair. "Don't scare me like that! God!"

"Don't give me lip!" Nick Cage bitchslapped Ben Affleck hard enough to make him stumble out into the surf. "Gawd!" Yup, he sure showed Ben Affleck how to deliver that line.

"Let's have a race!" Kaiwee said, raising her hand. "Get ready! Set!"

She took off running down the beach giggling.

Nick Cage got to his feet and started running (If you could call it that, it looked more girly than she did) and giggling in a girlier manner than Kaiwee.

"Oh you Guys!" Ben Affleck pawed at the air like a drowned cat before frolicking after them like some cheapo condiment commercial.

A guy wearing a stuffed Goofy outfit ran up behind them and then began tickling Ben Affleck until he farted.

Kaiwee stopped dead in her tracks, deeply disturbed. She walked off set and wasn't seen again for the rest of the movie.

The skies grew dark and Nick Cage turned around with a flashlight shining on his chin. He made his best creepy face (way better than the bees meme, a bit closer to creepy Jack Nicholson)

"The door is open, Sora!"

Ben Affleck beamed him in the face with an aluminum bat made to look like a key by heavily doctored construction paper.

"No! I'm Batmantanman!" He said with a snarl.

"This world has been connected." CG Ansem said, clearly ripped from the game and superimposed via greenscreen.

Wearing a baseball cap that nobody will ever figure out how he got it. Ben Affleck readied his KeyBat and smashed Darkside upside the face.

The guy dressed up as Goofy ran over (and stopping to place down a real life duck playing Donald, complete with a little drawstring cap) grabbed Ben Affleck's hands and they hopped around in a happy little dance.

The camera zoomed in on Ben Afflecks' glee face and then panned back out to show the duck waddling away.

Leon, played by a very-less-than-enthused David Boreanaz begrudgingly crossed his arms for his one screen.

Ben Affleck did his pathetically best sad face and said "I'm looking for my friends, Ralpho and Kai-!"

The scene was cut off since they lost all rights to Kaiwee when she walked off set, all her parts have been removed from the film.

The next scene showed another glee-filled happy scene with Ben Affleck, the duck and the creepy guy dressed up as Goofy. It was another tickling scene, this one in the Gummi Ship.

The laughter from the tickling continued until the Gummi ship crashed into a horribly lame CG'd Deep Jungle.

There was a really fast-paced montage of a real live leopard, a real live gorilla and the watermelon vendor from Cowboy Bebop episode 17: Mushroom Samba, but dressed up like Tarzan.

"Friends.. are in my heart..." Ben Affleck clutched at his chest, coming to terms with this revelation before having his crest groped by the three fingered mitt of the actor playing Goofy.

"I know now!" Ben Affleck said, mustering his best serious face. "Kimmerdarts is Light!"

"Nooooo!" CG Ansem died when Crazy Riku AKA Nick Cage shown his flashlight at him.

Nick Cage started to close the door. "Take care of -!"

The scene immediately cut to a guy in a mickey mouse costume joining the guy in the guy costume in tickling Ben Affleck and Nicholas Cage until they had accidents.

The End.

Note: This story lacks any and all mention of Kairi and Pooh Sticks as ordered by the people in charge.

This story is entirely non-canon, as it was deemed too stupid/ridiculous/brain-dead for even BleachedMerc.

What the hell were we thinking signing on Ben Affleck for an indefinite amount of these?

We are truly and sincerely sorry.

We will definitely break our contract. Thank goodness Ben Affleck is too stupid to read the fine print. There will be a long legal battle but Phoenix Wright has agreed to defend us and like his movies, Ben Affleck only has himself to fall back on, we'll be fine.

Thank you and good night.