Alcohol and What It Usually Does

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

I've always preached that the relationships that you form in a certain period of your life (in particular, those that were formed during you school years… yes, that includes high school too) wouldn't really matter in the end because once you've entered young adulthood (a.k.a. University/College Life), those relationships will gradually disappear. And while I am still a firm believer of this particular preaching of mine, I must admit that I was not entirely on the money on this one. I am proof of that. My current relationship with a certain woman is proof of that.

Because of some circumstances which I wouldn't mention for now because of… reasons… I, Hikigaya Hachiman, has managed to maintain a relationship with at least one of my numerous acquaintances in High School. And take note, I am already well within my last year in University. If it were in my first year, this really won't be so much an issue.

But enough of that. The point is, I am able to maintain a relationship that I wasn't expecting to be having up until now. Scratch that. I don't think that I even had a relationship with this woman even during my high school years.

You'd understand everything when I say her name: Miura Yumiko.

You must be asking 'what is your current relationship with her?'. I'd happily answer that question with a 'we are just friends'.

So to be greeted by a half-naked Miura Yumiko (who's currently asleep, latching onto me as if I'm some sort of a pillow) first thing in the morning, I am entirely justified with my sudden outburst just now.. right?

Oh come on! While most people say that we, men, are creatures who only think of sex all the time, that is most certainly not true (at least for me). In fact, I proudly declare that I am still a virgin… wait, that may no longer be the case now though, what with this suggestive setting that just screams 'I JUST HAD SEX WITH THIS YOUNG ATTRACTIVE WOMAN BESIDE ME'.

OH GOD.

I feel so violated.

"Ngghhh…" came from the woman I am in bed with right now. Basing on the tone of her voice, she might've unwillingly woken up from my 'unmanly' scream.

"For chrissake Hikio… you don't just up and scream first thing in the morning…" Miura groggily says, her hold of me still not breaking.

On any other circumstance, I would agree with her. On this particular instance, I just can't. I mean come on! We probably had sex! Us! Hikigaya Hachiman and Miura Yumiko!

Granted that there may still be an abysmal chance that nothing has actually happened between us. But with our current get-up, I just don't think that that chance exists. For reference, I'm currently topless, while Miura still has her bra on, but based on how it looks loose on her, it may be unhooked. I don't know the current state of our lower bodies because they're hidden under the blanket. I could check, but to be honest, I'm scared to. Doing so may finally blow any chance of nothing happening between us. I'd just let it be a Schrodinger's blanket for the time being.

And for the record, while I'm complaining and all about this, it's not like I don't want to do it with her. If given the right circumstances, yes, I'd gladly do it with her. But with current circumstances, it just feels inappropriate.

I VALUE MY VIRGINITY OKAY?!

"And oh yeah… good morning."

"H-How are you so calm about this? Something could have happened between us you know?! We could had have Se-"

"Relax Hikio. Just, relax for now. Let's just go back to sleep."

"Relax?! Rela- Are you hearing yourself right now woman?! We're talking about the possibility of us having sex last night! SEX! Why are you-"

"Shhh shhh. Sleep~"

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?! It is as if she doesn't even care that she may have had sex with me! Is Miura actually a whore?

"Oi Miura, why do you sound like you're okay with this? Why do you-"

"OH FOR CHRISSAKE HIKIO! I TOLD YOU TO RELAX! JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"But Miura-"

"Ughhh!" angrily screamed Miura. Oi oi, I understand you getting mad here, but consider what I feel right now.

"Fine." added Miura, now finally letting go of her hold of me, and then is about to rise up from the bed.

Oi oi, be careful there. Your bra is unhooked. It might fall off if you're not careful.

I'm about to rise up from my sleeping position too, but I was stopped by the blonde woman.

"Stay there." the blonde commanded.

Aye aye ma'am I mentally replied.

She then positioned herself, now seemingly on the act of reaching for the blanket. Hey wait. Is she about to do what I think she's about to do?

Hey wait Miura! I'm still not ready for this! Can we just pretend that this never happened at all? Can you please release your hold of the blanket? Can you please let me cling onto the little hope that I'm still actually a virgin?

All those sentiments, and I was about to voice them out, but it is too late. Miura has done what I haven't been able to do earlier. The cover has been removed. Everything is revealed now.

"There. Happy Hikio?"

"Uhhh…"

"Can we now go back to sleep?"

"Uhhhh…."

"Hikio?"

The blonde let out a short sigh. "See, I knew this would happen. That's why I wanted to have a little more sleep. I'm not in the mood to explain things right now."

See, the thing that made me speechless is that when Miura removed the blanket that was hiding our lower bodies, it revealed that we were actually clothed from the waist down.

"But well, since we're in this situation now, I might as well explain everything to you right? As in now."

While the revelation calmed me down a bit (thank the gods for I am still a virgin!), questions didn't stop forming in my head. Questions like 'what happened?', 'why are we here?', 'why are we in this situation?', and others.

So yes Miura, could you please explain to me why we're on the same bed right now?

"So Hikio, before I explain everything to you, could you please tell me what you remember about last night?"

And with that, the search for the truth in relation as to what happened last night has begun.

First, I am to engage in the menial but very important task of gathering the pieces. As to what those pieces are, I am referring to the things that I still remember from last night.

Let's see here. I remember comforting a crying Miura. As for the reason why she was crying, I can't piece out right now, so I'll just save it for later. If it's important, I'll no doubt remember it.

I remember accompanying her to a bar as per her request, it being 'I want to drink my heart out. You'd join me, right Hikio?'. The reason for her asking such request is probably related to the reason as to why she's crying. Unfortunately, I still cannot piece it out so I'm afraid that I still have put it on the side for now. I'll just have to dig deeper. It will come out eventually. No worries.

I remember stealthily deliberately mixing her drink with water so that she doesn't get too wasted. I mean, dragging a drunk-as-fuck Miura is an experience that I am not willing to repeat (last night was not the first time I accompanied her on her drinking spree you see). Thankfully, Miura didn't notice. Of course, as consequence, I had to drink more of my share than I usually do.

I do not get easily drunk. However, I still get drunk when I have taken a certain amount of alcohol. Needless to say, I got wasted last night. As for Miura, I don't know. She may have gotten a bit drunk, but since we were able to wake up here (which is at my apartment by the way), I reckon that she may still have some semblance of awareness. And well, she's about to explain everything to me so maybe she really didn't get drunk at all! If that's the case, I'd say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

"I see. Then, I really don't have much to explain afterall. Pretty impressive Hikio."

Uhh… thanks, I guess?

"Well, I guess that it's time for me to shine light on you now huh? Are you ready Hikio?"

I just nodded as a response. This is it.

"So yeah, Hikio. You really got wasted. As in druuuUuuunnkkkk. You just suddenly started spouting non-stop rants about love, youth, and society. You started to become a nuisance to the other patrons so I decided that it was time for us to go."

Oh god. Is that how I am when I'm drunk? Hmm.. but when I think about it, I don't think it's that bad. At least I don't just go and verbally assault someone, unlike some woman that I know of.

"You know, it felt weird for me to be the one who's half-sober when we came out of that bar. Usually it's you. Did you do something with the drinks Hikio?"

…guilty.

"But anyway, I got us a cab and gave the driver your address as our destination. It only makes sense right? I have to bring you home first! Could you please stop it with that glare of yours?!"

Ah. Oh. I was glaring at her? Sorry about that. Please continue.

"And oh, by the way, you still didn't stop your ranting."

Do I really have to know that? And why do I get the feeling that she's telling me that just to tease me?

"So yeah, we arrived at your apartment and that's when things got kind of a little weird…"

Uh hmm. And what does she mean weird?

"Hikio, I know that there are things that you treasure such as your first kiss, first sex, first love and whatnot. What I'm about to say to you may not be to your liking, but please understand that I was a broken-hearted desperate young woman last night. So please, try to contain your anger okay?"

Ohhoohookay. I kinda know where this is going, and wherever this is indeed going is somewhere I don't want to be, but I just couldn't make myself not hear it. I mean, put yourself in my position. Would you rather stay in your comfort zone where truths about you remain hidden under the veil of ignorance, or would you rather go out of it and hear those truths, those very truths being just an inch within your reach? Knowing me and my desire for the genuine, I'd take the latter option any day.

"So well… I uhmm… kissed you."

Uh huh. So she stole my first kiss. Not ideal, but definitely not the worst.

"On the lips."

Huh. So a kiss on the lips. I expected that, but it still makes things worse. Still, that's better than her stealing my virginity, so that's something.

"Torridly."

"..."

…is it just me or is there really something that snapped? Was it the camel's back?

"You what?!"

"H-hey! In my defense, you kissed me back too!"

That's a fucking fantastic excuse you have there! It's not like I was aware of what I was doing!

"I was drunk Miura! The hell do I care if I kissed you back?!"

"P-p-p-please Hikio, calm down. I'm really sorry. I was desperate. I'm… I'm really sorry."

"..."

Deep breaths Hachiman. She's not done yet. And she did say that she was desperate, so that's something. It's not the perfect excuse for if our roles were reversed, I can confidently say that I'd be in the receiving end of Miura's wrath by now. She better be thankful that I am much more forgiving than her.

Understandably, there is an awkward silence between us. Afterall, we kinda got in an argument. But hey, not everything has been revealed yet, so I have to do or say something to keep the ball rolling.

"Uh, so… how was it?"

"Huh?"

Oh come on! It's embarrassing enough to ask you once. To ask you twice would be torture! Can you please just tell me that you're only pretending that you didn't hear me?

…no?

FfffFfiiiinnNnneeeee.

"I said how was it? You know? The kiss?"

"Oh. I uh- it was uhmm. It was okay I guess?"

Oi. What's with that unsure answer of yours? Just tell me whether it's good or not good. It's not like I'll hold it against you.

"H-Hey, it's not like I have some metric to measure it. It was my first too you know?"

…okay. For some unknown reason, hearing that it was her first time too made things feel a little bit better. That does not mean that everything's okay, but hey, atleast I'm not the one who's embarrassing himself here.

"There was one thing that I didn't like about it though."

"Huh. And what was that?"

"Well, whenever your mouth was available, you'd resume your ranting."

"Oh for the love of- can you just not mention again this thing about me being this non-stop ranting machine whenever I'm drunk? Please?"

The blonde just giggled throughout my plea, and she's still giggling even now.

Oi. Who gave you permission to laugh? It's not like I've already forgiven you for your crime you know?

….sigh.

Just, continue explaining everything so that I can already chalk this one up. My butt is already itching.

"Continue."

"Uhm… Hikio, are you sure? I'm pretty sure that you already have an idea on what happened next. And it's nothing better than what I've already said to you."

"Welp, we are already here. It already happened. I practically already expended my anger earlier. I don't think anything you have to say will be worse."

"…if you say so."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"…Miura?"

"Uh. Oh. Right. Well, things got a little heated up between us. I took off your shirt. You took off mine. By the way, while we are doing all of that, you were sti-"

"Mention that thing about me still ranting one more time and I'll shove an unpeeled banana right up your ass!"

"...?!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Hikio-"

"Don't. Just continue please."

"Right. So yeah, we were practically topless. I still had my bra on, but you already unhooked it. You did it with finesse you know. Why's that? Are you sure you haven't done it be-"

"Hold it. No. I still haven't done it. I'm still a virgin. But I do have experience in unhooking bras."

"…uh huh. That experience being?"

"I had to unhook my grandma's bra. And no, I will not explain it further. Continue. No more detours please. We still have yet to eat breakfast."

"R-right. It's about to end now anyway. So yeah, I was about to be truly topless too. I was about to take my bra off, but then, you said something that made me stop what we were doing."

…oh. So even amidst all my rants, I was still able to say something interesting enough for Miura to pay attention to. Hey, I'm not complaining. It saved my virginity at the very least. So yeah, I'm not complaining. Maybe drunk Hachiman isn't really that bad afterall, not that I would like to get as drunk as last night ever again. Being unable to remember what has transpired is terrifying you know? I'm just glad that Miura was able to shed light on me.

"And? What did the drunk Hachiman say?"

"Well, it was more of a rant," goddammit! "but I still listened nonetheless. You said 'are you really fine with this Miura? Are you really giving in to despair? Are you really that desperate enough? I don't really mind being used this way. I've already been used and even abused one way or another. But you Miura, are you gonna let your despair use you? Wouldn't that be just rubbing salt to your wounds? Wouldn't that mean that you are worthless if you do not end up with him? That's not the Miura Yumiko I know of. That's not the Miura Yumiko, the Fire Queen that I admired. The Miura Yumiko that I know would fight. She would cry, but she would still fight. She will get hurt, but she will fight. She will-'. And that's when you dozed off. I was so tempted to wake you up just to hear you continue, but well… I decided that I think it was a good time for us to sleep. And that's it."

Uhh.

Drunk Hachiman or not, that was just too cringey to listen to. Ugh. I take back what I said about drunk Hachiman being not so bad. If all my rants sounded like that, I might just be tempted to commit seppukku!

"Miura, could you please-"

"Nope." Instant reply?!

"Hey! I didn't get to finish my request yet and you already say no to it?"

"That's because I already know what you're going to ask me. You're going to ask me to forget everything I heard last night right?"

…right. Hachiman, you already spent almost 4 years of your university life with this woman. She can already read you like a book, and so do you (to her). You should know better than to hope that your request will be accepted.

"…yes."

I still had to try though.

"And you have my answer."

Welp, at least I tried.

"Fine. Whatever. Just, let me ask you a question."

"Okay. Go."

"Why were you hugging me while we were sleeping?"

"I uh.. well, after hearing your words, who wouldn't right?"

After that eventful wake up scene between us, we decided to have our breakfast. I also decided to have her eat her breakfast here at my apartment. It's not like we have any classes today anyway. Having to feed one more person isn't that much of a hassle either.

Besides, there really would be no hassle if this additional person helps you in preparing the meal.

"You know Hikio, I have no qualms hanging out with the sober you. But I don't mind spending another night with the drunk you."

"Oh shut up."

A/N hey there. I know that this is not the update you were looking for, but a reddit writing prompt made me write this. Rest assured that I'm still working on Of Losses and Gains.

Yeah. So let's talk about the pairing here. 8man is a given for he's almost always the focal person for any Oregairu Fanfic out there. I'll mostly be talking about my choice of Miura Yumiko for this one.

I am aware of the boom of HachiYumi fics lately, and it's still ongoing up until now. However, my choice of her being the heroine here has nothing to do with that. In other words, I am not just riding with the hype.

The reason I chose her here is because, it just works. I just cannot see this story forming if I paired the 8man with any other girl form the Oregairuverse. You get me right? Just think of replacing Miura here with Yukino or Yui... it just doesn't work right?

You know, I might have a reason for that. I know that we have already been presented snippetes of Miura's character and personality in both the anime and the LNs, but aside from those, Miura is basically a blank slate. That's why it is so easy to pair her up with the Hachi. You are basically free to do whatever you want, however you want with her character development. You cannot say the same with the two Ys, Iroha, or even Orimoto.

And yeah, I still consider this a crackfic for the reason being that I litterally wrote this in one sitting. The planning, wiriting, coprywriting... yeah, did it one go. So yeah, there were a lot of mistakes and missing words on the first version of this. Hence, the edit.

UPDATE: DID SOME EDITING AND ADDED MORE BULLSHIT IN THE A/N

P.S. One of the reasons (and it's the primary one) why Of Losses and Gains hasn't been updated up till now is because I only have my phone to type with. And I really hate typing with my phone. My fingers and the touchscreen just don't go well with each other.

P.P.S. I still hate typing on my phone.