That's not healthy, Elizaveta whispers in dark, that's just not healthy and he, he is a sick person.
/
Roderich does his best to look intimidating as he sternly says things along the line of you may not see him and Elizaveta looks ready to attack (she doesn't have her frying pan of doom but it doesn't make her less fearsome) and he resists the urge to whine why why why because he knows the reason, their reason, knows it well
(he's better off without you; as if those bastards knew anything)
so instead of admiting defeat, he grins and they frown and he will, he will get his brother back.
/
You are, you are a sick person, she screams and swings her pan and it lands on his head, lands on his shoulders, and he doesn't even defend himself, doesn't say a word as he stands firmly between her and Ludwig – Ludwig who begs big sister Lizzie to stop, to stop hurting Gilbert, until Roderich drags him away and locks up in other room, refusing to speak to him – all Ludwig can hear are incoherent shouts and yelling and next morning, Gilbert is gone. He doesn't understand any of it and cries for days.
(He was a bad person and you are better off without him do not bode well with him)
/
That's not healthy, Elizaveta thinks as she hears light footsteps of Ludwig late into night, sneaking into his brother's room, just not healthy, and she listens carefully for any additional noise, but the only sound she hears is Roderich's steady breathing as he sleeps next to her – and one of these nights she will get up and check up on the boys – because no matter what Roderich or his cousins say, that is not healthy. For some reason, she still can't find the courage to do so.
/
Little Ludwig, little Ludwig, who do you like the best, and in less than a heartbeat and with no hesitation he replies with brother Gilbert, of course.
Gilbert grins cockily and Ludwig gives him a shy smile and Elizaveta clutches her frying pan tighter, and it really doesn't make her feel any better when he says but I like you too, big sister, and I like brother Roderich.
/
His little brother is not so little anymore – three years older and eight inches taller, and colder, stiffer – Gilbert watches from afar and dares himself to get closer and he almost gives in when a short, smiling guy approaches Ludwig, and Gilbert watches, mortified, as blonde sighs and almost smiles and follows the boy; that night he goes out, gets drunk, starts mass brawl in a pub, and sports a black eye for almost a week.
/
Do you understand what, what has he done to you, but Ludwig stubornly repeats brother loves me. He loves me.
/
/I only wanna do things that are true
Every time I move I'm hurting you/
/
He's not with Vash, Roderich will say two days later, and His friends don't know where he is, and I will try to find him tomorrow, too, but Elizaveta ignores him.
/
Gil, it rolls off his tongue, Gil, Gil, Gil, and he can't stop until his brother kisses him again and it's nothing short of heaven when they are like this – mouth to mouth and skin to skin and they have all the time in the world, finally.
/
A tug and a kiss and white locks between his fingers – and Elizaveta waking him up, saying it's time for school, dear.
/
There is time with Ludwig, and time after Ludwig: in time after Ludwig, he dreams of time with him – it is usually enough to get him through days, days of going nowhere, doing nothing, falling apart – falling prey to Russian boy with cold eyes and wicked, wicked smile…
/
/And all you see is where else you could be…/
/
Gilbert seems to fancy blondes, and (everybody knows) professor Kirkland has a thing for lost boys and lack of regard toward certain rules (and has strange drinking habits and aversion towards everything French and cooks terribly and what not, the rumours about him are numerous) – so when he finds Gilbert sitting on his doorstep, he doesn't ask who and what and why, opting for What are you waiting for, an invitation? instead.
/
He waits for days – and looks over his shoulder wherever he goes – as if Gilbert will pop out of nowhere wearing that huge grin that splits his face in two – I can't find him, Roderich whispers later, so Elizaveta doesn't hear, I can't find him and I don't know what to do anymore, and Ludwig is more than a bit surprised when he realizes that Roderich does care.
/
That's just not healthy, and they, they are both sick.
/
When a young Elizaveta Hedervary said yes to Roderich, she dreamt of romantic dinners and soft piano music and passionate nights and of child, or two, or three – now, older and not so naive, she wonders when did her dream of home of warmth and laughter turn into cold and quiet house full of strangers – sometimes, late at night, she thinks it's her fault, but the idea is quickly diminished (it is ridiculous to think that way, right?)
/
I had a dream and you were in it
Mm, really?
You kissed me.
…
I…I liked it.
/
Fingers down the line of his spine and a clumsy kiss that misses his lips in the dark, but it doesn't matter – under the blanket and between two bodies there's not much space to do anything else, so eventually, they connect properly.
/
Nothing in this world will convince him this huge man towering above him is his little brother – nothing, because they do not look alike at all – except the eyes, which are blue, just like Ludwig's, and that deep voice which is not Ludwig's says his name in the way Ludwig used to.
/
I am not a pedophile, Arthur Kirkland says when he catches him staring at the photographs of young blonde boys and Gilbert nods and I wouldn't be here if I thought you were and Francis'd be disappointed, though – that frog's had a crush on you ever since we started the high school.
/
That's not healthy, Elizaveta will remind her husband, it's not healthy and will add your cousin and get rid off and best for Ludwig and best for us into equation until Roderich can't drown it in piano music anymore.
/
This is not what she consented to when she said yes. It is not, even if she likes little Ludwig.
/
Are you, are you in love, Roderich asks Gilbert one day and Gilbert gives him a cold look, as if to say do you even have to ask.
/
Gilbert's shoulders are black and blue; his arms too. His eyes are red – red like fire.
(He was crying, Arthur can tell). Gilbert says Stupid bitch, he looks ready to punch someone or something, ready to break, (ready to fall apart), stupid bitch, and Arthur unfazedly says You can take the couch.
/
That is not healthy, Elizaveta whispers to him, and proceeds to tell him how they took bath together, again, and how Ludwig sleeps in Gilbert's bed, again, and that it really goes beyond brotherly affection, in her opinion, and it would be wise to send Gilbert away. Roderich tells her not to worry, that they cling to each other because they have no one else anymore, and there is nothing wrong with his family (late at night, when she is asleep, he cannot lie to himself as easily as he lies to her).
/
His brother's hair is soft, and his touch is gentle, and even if he looks cold, like an ice statue with eyes of fire, Ludwig knows his brother is warm, warm, and he can't get enough of it.
/
Elizaveta encourages Ludwig to hang out with that cute kid from neighbourhood, Feliciano, and she is satisfied when they seem to get along – she is less happy with murderous glare Gilbert sends in the kid's direction but he says nothing, and storms off wherever he goes when he is not in the house.
/
That's not healthy, Elizaveta will think when she sees Gilbert kissing Ludwig – kissing his temples and forehead and cheeks and eyelids – she interupts before he can go any further and sternly orders Ludwig to go back to his bed. Ludwig obeys, but not before Gilbert indicates him to do so, and she escorts him to his room, and pretends she doesn't feel Gilbert's burning look on her backs.
/
He knows she doesn't like him, and is most likely whispering lies to their older brother about them, but what does he care, what does he care what they think and what they say, when Ludwig is so adorable and skin on skin feels heavenly.
/
Ludwig is not so young and naive anymore, and he's never been loyal to anyone but Gilbert, so when they kick his brother out, he tries to follow – but Gilbert tells him to stay, to stay, until he comes to get him – okay, he promises because he is still young enough to be afraid of the world, even if he's safe in his brother's arms – the world is so big and he hopes Gilbert doesn't get lost, and Gilbert grins and says I won't.
/
They grow so fast, and she still has no child of her own – she wishes Gilbert would go away, but hopes that Ludwig would stay. Her hope falters when she sees Ludwig following Gilbert everywhere, and wishes Gilbert is like all teenage boys and annoyed with his little brother – but no, he even picks him up so they can see the world from the same level.
/
/Other than the sick desire for self-abuse…/