"Butters! It's about damn time, I needed somebody to beat at this game," Cartman sneered as he opened the door. Butters stood there at the landing looking sad, his head directed to the ground.

"Well come on, buttwipe! Are you just going to stand there all day or what?" Cartman called from inside. He wouldn't dare go out in the rain and get wet.

Butters shook himself out of his thoughts and walked in gloomily, completely drenched from the walk to Cartman's house. The rain outside didn't spare his dark depressing soul any happiness. "What game are we playin' again?" he finally asked.

"Drag racing hero. I'm going to pick a super fast car, but you can choose a slow one, because I wanna win each round this time," Cartman said, toggling through a list of Ferraris and Lamborghinis with his controller. "Kinda defeats the purpose of the game..huh?" Butters thought. "Oh well. Life is a cruel game."

When his turn came, Butters selected a junky rally car, then let his mind wander as he steered it around a racetrack. He hated this feeling, being rejected. He had offered up his heart on a silver platter, only to have it thrown back at him. And he couldn't put it back in now, because the vessels had already been all ripped out and damaged. And he was surely no cardiac surgeon, just as I am no writer when it comes to detailed descriptions of heartbreak. So to put it short, he was officially heartbroken.

To make matters worse, the same scenario that had taken place last week just wouldn't stop replaying in his mind. It was like a broken record that wouldn't stop playing Katy Perry songs over and over. Maybe not quite as bad as that, but still awful.

"Oh boy Butters..what have you gotten yourself into? She's gonna reject you..y-you shouldn't even waste your time," he thought anxiously, slicking his hair back with a comb and gel. He looked in the mirror at his "stupid ugly face" one last time, then finally decided to just be brave and go for it. "M-Maybe girls like nice guys..maybe you'll have a chance," he thought.

He left the bathroom and walked out to the playground, scanning the area for the girl of his dreams. He found her hanging from the monkey bars across the playground. Instead of approaching her like he planned though, something caught hold of his mind and told him that it would instead be safer to run and hide. Run away while you have the chance! It's the only safe option! "No, no..this is your chance. Don't be a coward. You have to tell her how you feel!" he thought, trying to bury the gut wrenching feeling brewing inside him.

He finally walked up to the monkey bars, hands shoved deep inside his pockets to keep himself from wringing them together. His dream girl was still hanging upside down from the bar, her golden hair looking all shiny and glowy in the sun.

"H-hey Sally!" he stuttered, waving at her.

"Oh hey Butters!" she replied back enthusiastically. "We're playing monkey bandit pirates, you want to join in?"

"Uhh, I w-would love to, but, I-I was actually hoping I could t-talk to you, for uhh-a minute maybe?" he managed to spit out. All of a sudden, he felt real dizzy and nervous. This was going to be real hard.

"Sure," she said, letting herself drop from the bars to the wooden chips on the ground. Her hair was so shiny. "What is it you wanted to talk about?" she said as she followed Butters to the other end of the playground. He wasted as much time as possible, fiddling around in every way he could before getting to the point.

"W-well..y-you know, I was..I was just thinkin', and I thought, w-well maybe I should t-tell you that.." he began anxiously, unable to keep his hands still anymore. He wrung them together like magnets. "Tell me what?" she asked curiously.

Butters swallowed a lump in his throat and looked down at the ground nervously. "That..t-that..well, I-I think you're awfully nice, and..well, I r-really like..you. So, w-will you be my girlfriend?"

He clenched his eyes together in fear of a slap or some other harsh form of rejection, but instead felt a warm kiss on his cheek. He opened his eyes and smiled brightly.

"Butters, I really like you too." She smiled back, and at that moment he felt his heart speed up a million beats. "But..I don't think I like you that way. I'm sorry Butters," she said with a pitiful glance. "I hope we can still be friends, though."

Then, his heart seemed to stop beating altogether.

"O-oh.." he sputtered out. "I-I hope we can stay f-f-riends too, then.."

She forced an awkward smile and ran back to the playground. Butters walked to the corner of the school and sat against the wall, alone.

When he looked back at Sally, she was sitting atop the jungle gym giggling with all her friends again. He'd offered her his heart, and she didn't even care.

Butters felt a hot tear escape his eye, and then they filled up with more. He sniffed, trying to prevent the snot from pouring out too.

His car crashed into a brick wall and exploded. He angrily threw his controller on the ground. "I can't do it!" he yelled.

"Dude, what the hell?" Cartman yelled, angry at Butter's car crashing debacle.

"I just can't do it anymore! I can't pretend to be happy all the time when I'm not! I'm sick of being everyone's little buddy, gosh darnit!" he sobbed, rubbing the tears and snot off on his sleeve.

"Butters, what is wrong with you this time? You're such a wuss," Cartman seethed. His racing game had already ended itself, due to Butters crashing his car. "Thanks a lot, asshole. You just ruined it! I was getting to level 79!"

Butters, in his heartbroken hysteria, didn't even care what Eric was saying or mad about. "But I finally got the courage up to ask her, a-and she rejects me!" he let more tears fall out, unable to see anything clearly through his watery eyes.

Cartman simply rolled his eyes. "Which girl was it?"

"T-This girl I liked. H-her name's Sally," Butters replied, sniffling.

Cartman sighed, annoyed. If there was one thing he hated, it was hearing guys talk about their chick problems. He really didn't give a crap about girls; they could all go knit him a sweater for all he cared. He threw his controller down and heaved himself off the couch, panting as he wobbled into the kitchen. He came back a minute later with a bag of full of candy. He shoved a few pieces of chocolate into his mouth without second thought.

"Here, Butters." He nonchalantly offered the bag to his blubbering emotional friend, who was now sitting on the floor bawling desperately. "You know, you don't need girls to make you happy. Food is a much better friend."

Butters sniffed and looked up at him. "T-that won't h-h-help me," he heaved, his breath choppy from crying.

"You'd be surprised," Cartman said with an innocent grin.

"W-well..I guess..I'll have just one." Butters reluctantly grabbed a piece of candy. He leaned his head against the couch, his sniffles dying down a bit. "Hey..these are p-pretty good."

Cartman smiled mischeviously. "Yep. You can have the rest of the bag, I'm sick of them anyway," he said, throwing the bag of sugar crack at Butters.

"Oh..I can't eat a-all those..my parents said I a-aint allowed to *sniff* have that much c-candy," Butters explained.

"Oh? But they're delicious. And they'll never betray you like a girl would. They only want to make you happy. Besides, your parents aren't around to know anyway, are they?"

"Well, no, but-"

"So eat them." Cartman picked up the bag and shoved it into Butters' hands. He sat down on the carpet, pushing himself a bit too close for comfort. His expression was both sinister and sweet; it was intimidating, nonetheless. He stared at Butters with a wide smile of anticipation, awaiting him to eat the candy.

"Go ahead. Eat it."

"Um..okay.." Butters began, eyeing him wearily. He picked up another piece and threw it into his mouth. The room was awkwardly silent, aside from the sounds of him chewing, and some few sniffles here and there. Cartman remained quiet, his smile slowly tugging into a devious smirk. "There you gooo," he cooed, patting him on the back. Butters continued popping piece after piece of chocolate into his mouth, desperately until there was nothing left in the bag but empty wrappers. He had to admit, although he felt awfully piggish, it did actually help him feel a whole lot better. His crying had stopped completely, and he'd almost even forgotten about Sally in his new sugar high.

"Uh, thanks, Eric. I guess that really did help," he said kindly, rubbing his salt-dried eyes.

"Oh, you're welcomeeee," Cartman replied pleasantly, his voice thick and sweet like syrup. "Now that'll be 10 dollars, please."

Butters couldn't believe it. He'd gotten suckered in to another of Cartman's schemes, yet again. That boy just always had something up his sleeve, didn't he? Cartman never did anything out of kindness. It was always to take the piss out of someone else. Or in this case, the money.

Still, Butters did get a little something out of the deal himself, even if it did cost him a week's worth of lunch cash. He got a giant bag of candy bars, to be precise.

His face curled into a bright smile as he pulled the bag out from under his sweater and dumped it onto his bed. Luckily they hadn't melted under there; no, it was too cold a night for that. His parents didn't even question the lumpy bulge hiding beneath his sweater when he came home.

He intended to keep this secret to himself. He'd keep his precious babies in a shoebox under his bed where nobody else would find them, and his parents couldn't yell at him for having candy. A whole bag of chocolate bars all to himself. Ahh..gluttony never tasted so sweet.

Maybe just another piece wouldn't hurt. He tore open the bag of marshmallow fudgie bars, reached inside, but was startled by the sound of his bedroom door swinging open at the same time. "Butters!" a harsh voice called.

"Oh, biscuits!" he thought. He frantically threw the bed covers over the bag of candy and turned around to greet his father. "Uh..hi Dad."

The man narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What are you doing?" he asked sternly.

"Nuh..nuthin, Dad. Just m-making my bed. Yeah..it was..messy."

"You'd better not have a messy bed, or else you're grounded! And you go brush your teeth this instant, or you'll be double grounded!" he glared viciously at Butters, then stormed off.

"Yes sir.." Butters replied.