Let Me Be Your Armour
Let
me be your armour
Let me be your shield
Let me take away the
pain you feel
Let me be the light
That guides your way through
darkest night
Let me be your armour.
Starsky landed a well-aimed kick at the robber's hand, sending the gun flying. The man ducked and rolled out from under him. When he rose again, he was hefting a knife.
"Oh, terrific," Starsky muttered. This fight was so not going his way. First, he and Hutch had been separated, chasing two different guys. Then, this bozo had managed to wrestle away his gun and turn it on him. Now this!
With an inaudible sigh Starsky lunged forward and grabbed the knife, absently reflecting that if the man wasn't wearing a mask this would have been the perfect opportunity to memorise his features. Not surprisingly, the man in question seemed reluctant to relinquish his weapon. With his free hand Starsky slugged him in the gut, to no affect. Moments later the man twisted hard and abruptly, causing Starsky to loose his hold on the knife. He had a split-second to think sarcastically,Terrific, and then the man shoved the knife up under his ribs. Pain flared through him, and Starsky was screaming. "HUTCH!!!"
His opponent dropped the knife, looking suddenly afraid. "I killed a cop," he whispered in horror, backing away slowly, then turned tail and ran.
Starsky couldn't breath, and the pain was overwhelming. Hutch! he continued to yell internally. Hutch, oh God it hurts. Hutch, help! He was dying, he had seen it in the man's eyes. He couldn't go, not without saying goodbye to his partner. Hutch, hurry!
Hutch delivered another blow, confident that he was winning, but surprised at how long this guy was holding out. He hadn't had a fight this tough for ages.
"HUTCH!!!" Starsky's scream echoed from the alley he had vanished into when pursuing the other burglar, and Hutch knew instantly that he was hurt. It wasn't a call for backup, it was a yell of raw agony, and Hutch knew he had to get to him.
Hutch darted around his opponent and slammed a fist down hard on his neck. The man crumpled, out cold. On automatic pilot Hutch haphazardly cuffed him to a telephone pole, and then he was running.
Starsky had stopped screaming – it can't be too late – but Hutch could practically hear his silent pleas for help and he increased his speed.
Without pausing as he skidded round a corner and entered the side street, Hutch noticed that Starsky's man had vanished, and that Starsky was lying on the ground, immobile.
He's not dead, Hutch told himself firmly, sprinting to his partner's side and dropping down beside him.
If he wasn't, then he was close. The light blue shirt Starsky was wearing was stained crimson, a jagged hole in the middle still pouring blood. Knife wound.
"Starsky, can you hear me?" Hutch's fingers scrabbled for a pulse. "Starsky!" It was there, but it was faint.
Hutch, help! Starsky's voice resounded in his skull, but he wasn't moving, wasn't talking. Just bleeding.
"C'mon, buddy, don't die on me," Hutch begged, subconscious grabbing his friend's hand and squeezing it tight. I can't lose you, Starsk.
Starsky's eyes flashed open, his chest heaving as he desperately dragged in air.
Hutch felt weak with relief. He was alive!
"I gotta call an ambulance," Hutch said. "You're gonna be okay."
Starsky's dark blue eyes met his own. "Don't let go," he gasped. Oh God, it hurts.
Hutch winced as his body twinged sympathetically. "We have to get you to hospital, Starsk," he explained, squeezing the hand again briefly before dashing back to the Torino. "This is Zebra Three," he reported as soon as he got his hands on the radio. "I need an ambulance and another squad car here pronto!"
"On their way," the female voice replied calmly, and Hutch wanted to scream at her.
Abruptly, pain ripped through his skull, accompanied by the thought that Starsky needed him badly. Without hesitation Hutch dropped the microphone and dashed back to his partner.
Starsky was ghostly pale, and he had stopped breathing again. Blood continued to ooze from the wound. Furious with himself for not doing it sooner, Hutch tore off his t-shirt and pressed it firmly over Starsky's injury.
"C'mon, buddy, help's on its way, hang in there."
His free hand found Starsky's wrist in search of a pulse, only to be caught in a vicelike grip.
"Don't let go," Starsky whispered desperately, tears beginning to spill down his cheeks. Please...
Fighting back a sudden wave of dizziness, Hutch nodded. "I won't."
A few minutes passed before Hutch heard the sirens, and while Starsky was breathing relatively normally again, Hutch didn't think the ambulance could come soon enough.
The sirens grew louder, and now he could hear voices.
"Over here!" he yelled loudly, frantically.
The patter of footsteps, and then the paramedics came into view.
"It's my partner," Hutch called. "He's been stabbed."
The medics reached him at last, their eyes wide as they saw Starsky's condition.
"He should be dead," one of them exhaled.
"Well he isn't!" Hutch said sharply. "Are you going to help him or not?"
"Sir, calm down," suggested one of the newcomers, trying to pull him away as his comrades set to work.
"I'm staying with him," Hutch growled, daring the man to disagree. He had promised Starsky he wasn't going to let go, and he didn't intend to.
The man appeared frustrated, but there was also a shadow of understanding in his eyes. "Fine, but don't get in the way."
Hutch did as he was told, allowing the paramedics to take over completely and consenting to watch, absently rubbing his thumb over Starsky's knuckles and offering an encouraging smile whenever his partner opened his eyes.
Having dealt with the captured robber, the two uniformed cops joined them. At first they couldn't seem to get past the fact that Hutch was so far south of the strict dress code they were accustomed to, but eventually training overruled their surprise and one of them spoke up.
"Were there any others?"
Hutch glanced up at them reluctantly. "Yeah. He stabbed Starsky and ran."
"He thought he'd killed me," Starsky mumbled unexpectedly, and Hutch returned his attention to his injured partner.
"Don't understand how he didn't..." murmured one of the paramedics. Hutch pinned him with a glare. All the negative talk wasn't helping.
"We've done all we can here," one of the others diverted hurriedly, gesturing vaguely at the bandages. "Let's transfer him to the gurney and get him outta here."
Once they reached the hospital, Hutch was politely but firmly removed from his partner's side, despite his objections. Starsky was whisked into emergency treatment, and Hutch was left in the waiting room, an immense feeling of disquiet causing him to pace back and forth restlessly. Captain Dobey and Huggy joined him after a while, but he didn't acknowledge their presence.
"You're going to wear a hole in the floor at this rate," Dobey observed dryly.
Hutch ignored him.
"Detective Hutchinson?" a voice inquired.
Hutch ground to a halt, and it immediately put him on edge. "What?"
"I'm afraid your partner has flat-lined..."
Hutch didn't even hear the rest of the nurse's statement. He was already running.
"Again!" a doctor ordered. Hutch entered just in time to hear the thud of the defibrillator and see Starsky's body jerk from the shock. "Still no pulse," the man observed. "I'm afraid we-"
"No!" Hutch shoved his way past the nurses, grabbing Starsky's hand.
"Detective-"
"He's gonna make it," Hutch insisted. You hear me, buddy? It's not an option.
"Detective, I'm sorry but-"
Abruptly the dizziness struck him again, followed by a wave of intense fatigue. Hutch collapsed. The last thing he heard before losing consciousness was a steady beep, beep, beep...
"I don't believe it," Dobey said instantly.
The doctor shrugged helplessly. "I can't think of any other explanation, sir. One minute we were going to call it on Detective Starsky, and the next Detective Hutchinson collapsed and Starsky recovered."
"Coincidence," Dobey stated.
The doctor shook his head. "That sounds a little far-fetched."
Dobey folded his arms across his chest. "So does the idea that Starsky is drawing strength from his partner!"
The doctor swallowed nervously, evidently afraid of upsetting the head of the police department. "Sir, Starsky should have died almost immediately."
"My men are survivors."
Now the doctor was getting frustrated. "Sir, begging your pardon, but no one could survive that on his own, not even a hardened police officer." Dobey frowned, but the man plundered on. "And the truth is that Starsky started going down hill once Hutchinson was gone. We almost lost him, and Hutchinson brought him back at his own expense."
"Is that even medically possible?" Dobey asked, still not quite believing it.
"It's an unprecedented situation," the doctor admitted. "But you said yourself that Starsky and Hutchinson are two of the closest knit people you have ever met. Impossible or not, sir, it is happening."
Dobey nodded wearily, not entirely convinced but unwilling to argue the point further. "What can we expect to happen, then?"
The doctor shrugged. "I'm not sure. They're both stable at the moment, but Starsky is still fatally injured, and even their combined strength may not be able to keep it at bay indefinitely."
Dobey frowned, hating the uncertainty when it came to his best officers and, he had to admit, his friends. "So you're saying he's still going to die."
"Actually, it could be either of them, depending on Starsky's will to survive. Theoretically, he could draw enough strength from Hutchinson to recover, killing him in the process."
Dobey sighed heavily. He knew that Starsky would never harm his partner intentionally, but who knew how much control he had over it? And then there was the fact that Hutch would stubbornly refuse to let Starsky die if there was the slightest chance he could prevent it. The doctor was right – this could go either way.
Dobey snorted quietly to himself. He couldn't believe he was buying into the doctor's theory. And yet... He had seen Starsky and Hutch go through rough patches before, and knew that they probably wouldn't have made it without each other. They kept each other grounded, provided stability and comfort, lending their strength to the healing process. They had something special, all right. Dobey himself had felt something similar with his own partner, but that friendship had been destroyed prematurely, and had never reached the intensity that it had with Starsky and Hutch. Who knew? Maybe somehow they had developed a bond so strong that they could literally share each other's pain. All of a sudden, it didn't sound so strange.
Dobey eventually realised that the doctor was looking at him oddly. "Thankyou," he said gruffly. "Alert me if there are any changes."
The doctor nodded. "Of course."
Starsky slowly drifted awake. He could tell that he was in a hospital – never mind the incessant bleeping of the heart monitor, hospitals just seemed to have this smell about them, as distinctively clean as the trashy streets were dirty. Besides, as the memories floated back, he couldn't think of any other logical place that he would be. Oh, and there was the small insignificant detail that he was in agony.
There was one thing though; generally when he was injured he felt really weak, but this time he didn't. It was weird, but welcome.
Eventually he opened his eyes, and wasn't surprised to see that Hutch was beside him, still holding his hand like he had promised. What was surprising was that rather than sitting in a chair, Hutch was lying in a hospital bed had been pulled adjacent to his, fast asleep. He looked disturbingly frail, too.
"Hutch?"
No reply. Starsky gently pulled his hand free, and suddenly felt really dizzy.
"What's going on?" he wondered aloud.
"You're awake," a voice observed, stating the obvious and yet sounding surprised about it.
"Yep," Starsky agreed, his eyes scanning the room until they found the doctor sitting in the corner. "So what's going on?"
"With an injury that severe, you should be dead."
Man, what was with these people and not answering his questions until he'd repeated himself a thousand times?
Starsky struggled to sit up, but pain flared from his midsection and he decided against it. "What's wrong with Hutch?" he asked, rephrasing the question. He closed his eyes tiredly.
"Starsky?"
Starsky dragged his eyes open. "Hutch?"
"Yeah," came the reply. Huh, maybe he'd just been tired after all. "You're awake."
"I hadn't noticed," Starsky said sarcastically, and Hutch laughed softly. "You should have gone home and slept if you were that tired," Starsky admonished him after a while.
Hutch frowned at that, but before he could say anything the doctor spoke up.
"He didn't fall asleep, he collapsed after he brought you back."
"Huh?" Now Starsky was really confused, and it didn't help that the pain was getting worse. "Brought me back from where? What is going on?"
"You flat-lined," Hutch provided. "I came in to hold your hand again...but things get a little fuzzy after that."
"Just what I said! You collapsed after bringing him back."
Hutch frowned. "Oh." He sounded bemused.
"How does that make sense?" Starsky asked. When he'd been stabbed, somehow he'd known that he needed Hutch, and things had felt better with him there, but it didn't make sense, considering that everyone thought he was supposed to be dead.
The doctor sighed. "I have a theory about that. Nothing else even begins to explain it..."
Starsky and Hutch listened with incredulity as the doctor outlined how Starsky was somehow drawing strength from his partner in order to keep himself alive, and then with horror as he continued to describe how it was unlikely that they'd both make it.
"That's insane," Starsky said once the doctor finished speaking, although somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that the man was right, which meant that he was responsible for Hutch's frailness.
The room was silent for a long moment, and then he said haltingly, "Oh, Hutch, I'm sorry, I never meant to-"
"I'm glad you did," Hutch said fiercely.
"But it's not fair for you to have to suffer, too. It's my own stupid fault for letting him get the better of me-"
"No it's not," Hutch interrupted again. "I should've been there to back you up."
"You were busy!" Starsky met Hutch's gaze, knowing that for them words were often more of a hindrance than a help. But in those few moments of contact he felt himself growing stronger, and he abruptly turned away. "I won't do that to you."
He felt Hutch's fingers link with his own, and it was such a relief to feel the pain fade into the background, and yet Starsky knew what it was doing to his partner. He tried to pull away, but Hutch wouldn't let him.
"Hutch-"
"You'll kill yourself if you try to do it alone."
"I'll kill you if I don't!" Starsky returned sharply. "I'm the one dying, so just let me."
"Not when I finally have a say in it. I've come close to losing you too many times, Starsk. I won't suffer through that again."
"Back atcha," Starsky said firmly, tugging his hand free and almost welcoming the wave of fire that spread through his body.
It's always harder on the one left behind. The thought popped into his head unbidden and Starsky frowned, knowing Hutch was thinking exactly that. He closed his eyes on the tears that threatened to fall, wishing that he had died straight away. Hutch would be hurting, but at least it wouldn't be this prolonged torture.
"Starsky," Hutch said in a low voice, his emotions barely veiled.
Starsky wanted nothing more than to rest in the solid embrace of his partner, but at the same time he knew that he couldn't. He had to do this one alone, for Hutch's sake. Nonetheless, it took every ounce of strength in him to say, "Go away, Hutch. Just leave me alone."
There was a sharp intake of breath from behind him, and it broke Starsky's heart. He wanted to take it back, but I can't, Hutch. You gotta go on without me.
Without a word, Hutch retreated from the room, and Starsky turned just as the door swung shut.
Hutch had done it. He'd left. That was what Starsky wanted, right? So why did he feel so hurt and disappointed? He was just so used to Hutch always being there for him, no matter what. Now, ironically, it was the depth of their friendship that was forcing them apart.
"I'm gonna miss you, partner," he whispered, finally succumbing to the pain and slipping into unconsciousness. With any luck, this would be the end.
Hutch woke up seconds before Starsky's doctor entered the waiting room, an internal alarm system warning him that Starsky was in trouble.
"We're losing him again, aren't we?" he asked without preamble.
The doctor looked at him sadly. "You can sense it from here?"
Hutch nodded curtly. It was a strange feeling to be linked with Starsky in such a way, and yet it was really only a small step up from the level of understanding that they had shared previously. He almost always knew what Starsky was feeling and thinking, just now he could tell from a distance.
"I've got to help him," Hutch said, standing and moving toward his partner's room.
"Are you sure you can handle that?" The doctor was carefully avoiding meeting his gaze, and Hutch knew he was wondering whether going against Starsky's wishes in order to save his life was the right thing to do.
"I've slept, regained my strength," Hutch explained firmly. "I can't heal him-" not yet "-but I'm sure as hell going to help him live through the night." The expression on his face left no room for argument, so the doctor didn't even try.
"Be careful, Hutch," Dobey advised from behind him.
Hutch glanced back, smiling slightly. "I will, Captain." Then without further hesitation he practically ran toward Starsky's room, knowing that he didn't have much time left. Once outside it, though, he paused momentarily. The only reason he'd left before was that he knew Starsky wouldn't accept his help while he was conscious. It was wrong to go behind his back, but Hutch had made up his mind. He braced himself, then pushed open the door.
The drain on his strength was almost instantaneous, and the frantic beeping on the heart monitor began to slow. Hutch supposed that when Starsky was awake he could choose whether or not to draw on his energy supplies, but when he was asleep it was instinctive.
"I know you're trying to protect me, bud," Hutch murmured as he approached the bed. "But I'm not ready to face the world without you. You gotta hang in there." He tentatively stretched out his hand, placing it gently on Starsky's chest.
The dizzy spell hit him hard, but Hutch gritted his teeth, determined to bring his partner out of the woods. He was tempted to go further, but he knew that if Starsky woke up he'd be more than a little angry. In fact, Hutch wouldn't be too surprised if he put out a restraining order on him. A wry smile twisted his lips; Starsky loved him that much.
As his vision started to black out, Hutch forced himself to withdraw his hand and staggered backwards. The heart monitor showed that Starsky's breathing had returned to normal, and the lines of pain around his eyes had eased.
Hutch sighed in relief, and then almost doubled over as pain flared through his midsection. Reflexively he wrapped his arms around his torso, trying to contain a gasp. Starsky needed to rest, he couldn't wake him, but oh it hurt.
He'll feel it if I stay here, Hutch thought, making an effort to straighten up. Pain shot through him again, but he forced himself to ignore it and lurched toward the door.
"Detective Hutchinson!"
Hutch frowned, trying to recognise the voice. Sounded like the doctor...
He made it out into the corridor, but his feet felt as though they were made of lead, and he swiftly lost his balance. Strong arms caught him – not Starsky, where's Starsky? – and lowered him gently to the floor.
"You're bleeding..."
"Told him to be careful..."
Starsky had woken up; Hutch could feel the concern radiating from him. Hutch, you idiot... Angry yet grateful at the same time.
Seemed like a good idea at the time... Hutch thought hazily. Couldn't let you die.
Frustrated.We've discussed this.
I'm going to see you through this whether you like it or not, Hutch thought firmly, then blanked out for a second.
Starsky was trying to get up; Hutch thought his head was going to explode with the pain.
Stay put, Hutch growled internally. You're not helping.
Starsky's emotions were in turmoil, the only clear thoughts were of longing to help and not wanting to hurt him further.
It's okay, bud. Neither of us are dead yet. It'll be okay... Hutch's thoughts trailed off absently, and a wave of blackness overtook him.
"You shouldn't have let him," Starsky practically yelled as soon as the doctor poked his head in the door.
"Beyond forcibly strapping him down I doubt I could have stopped him, Detective."
Starsky sighed. "Just call me Starsky." He could feel Hutch's mind brushing against his, blindly searching for comfort, and knew that even unconscious he was having a hard time of it. "How bad is the bleeding?" he asked quietly.
It was the doctor's turn to sigh. "Not life-threatening, if that's what you're worried about. The wound is barely an inch deep. But the circumstances are extraordinary… I mean, transference of strength I can handle, but the actual physical injury as well…"
Starsky smiled sadly. "He'd take my place totally if he could." And knowing him, he'd probably try. "Doctor, I can appreciate how difficult my partner is at times, but I don't want him going too far. If he shows signs of hurting himself again you have to restrain him."
"He won't like it."
No kidding. "I'd like it even less if I found out you didn't try." Starsky added as an afterthought, "Get Dobey to make it an order. He'd be more likely to listen, then-" He broke off as the stabbing pain returned with a vengeance.
It's like a fix, Starsky couldn't help but think. Sends me on a high, takes away the pain and then vanishes, leaving me needing another one.
"He'll wake up soon. Remember what I said," Starsky gasped, struggling to stay awake. It was easier to keep from hurting Hutch when he was conscious, even though his body ached for release.
The doctor nodded and slipped from the room to attend to his other patient.
Starsky's gaze fixed on a dark smudge that marred the otherwise white ceiling, trying to concentrate on it and nothing else. It was hard, considering that flashes of Hutch's thoughts invaded his mind at random intervals as he gradually clawed his way back into the land of the living. Strong again – Starsky's hurting – should help him – who does this doctor think he is – gotta help Starsky – not Dobey as well – can't stop me – hang on, buddy –
Starsky gritted his teeth, and began building mental walls around his consciousness. Hutch was making this more difficult than it had to be. It'd be better for him in the long run if Starsky was to just leave.
This decided, Starsky swung his legs off the hospital bed and levered himself into an upright position. He refused to think about how much it hurt, focusing instead on reinforcing his walls. By doing that he was able to make it out of his hospital room without alerting Hutch of his intention, and the pain actually seemed to fade to insignificance.
Further along the corridor he could hear Hutch arguing loudly with the doctor, accompanied by the sound of a fist fight. Dobey's voice entered the yelling match as well, something to do with striking a superior officer being a serious offence. Starsky laughed weakly at the insanity of it all, trailing a hand along the wall to give himself a direction in which to topple.
"Excuse me – sir, I don't think you should be out of bed," objected a patrolling nurse, running forward.
She was pretty, he noticed, and that small, disapproving smile was really quite sexy. Starsky offered her the biggest grin he could manage. "S'rry sweetheart, but I gotta be someplace." Anywhere other than here. "Matter of life 'n' death."
"But-"
Starsky kissed her lightly on the cheek as he stumbled past. "You got others to take care of," he said. "I'll be all right." Well, Hutch would be anyway, and that was what mattered.
"He's gone."
Dobey and the doctor hadn't really been that difficult to get past, considering that Hutch spent most of his time battling hardened criminals who wanted him dead, and the two didn't actually want to hurt him. But he was too late anyway. Starsky had disappeared.
Starsky!!! he yelled internally, casting his thoughts far and wide in order to find his partner. But it felt like he was hitting a solid brick wall. Starsky evidently didn't want to be found.
"I've got to find him," Hutch muttered out loud, turning back to the door
"No you don't," Dobey replied firmly, blocking the exit.
"Captain, you don't understand!" Hutch roared, kicking the wall hard. "I love him, and I can't just let him die!"
Dobey looked like he had been hit by a truck. "How can you say I don't-" He didn't finish the sentence, changing tact. "You need to rest," Dobey insisted. "You won't be any use to him if you have no strength left to give."
"But Captain-!"
"I'll send someone else, and call you as soon as we get something. Okay?"
Hutch's anger deflated as he realised that Dobey wanted to help him. "Fine," he mumbled, settling wearily on the second bed in Starsky's room. "But hurry."
"We'll do our best," Dobey assured him, and then went to find a phone.
Hutch scrubbed a hand over his face with a sigh, and then sank back onto the mattress. He knew he shouldn't have lost it, but the thought of Starsky's impending death was evoking painful thoughts and memories… Gillian…
Hutch wandered aimlessly through his home, fiddling with a plant now and then without really paying attention to what he was doing.
I can't believe she's gone.
It had been two days, and Hutch was still in shock. He just couldn't come to terms with the fact that little over 48 hours ago he had been the happiest man on earth, in love with a beautiful lady who made his life complete. He had been so sure that she was the one... And now that hope was shattered. The dream was dead, and so was Gillian.
Hutch froze, the word resounding in his head with a terrible finality. #Dead.#
He blinked rapidly to clear the moisture from his eyes, and as his surroundings swam back into view Hutch realised that he had stopped by his bedside table. He slowly picked up the photo frame and trailed a hand over the image's cheek, remembering the feel of her skin, the beauty of her eyes and her smile, the sound of her laughter. God, how was he supposed to go on without her?
He wearily sank onto his bed, grief and exhaustion catching up to him at last.
'Aww, buddy, you're not still hurting about her are ya?'
Hutch whirled to see that Starsky had appeared out of nowhere. His forehead creased in puzzlement.
'Starsk?'
'You know anyone else as good-looking as me?' Starsky replied, waggling his eyebrows.
'Well...'
'Don't answer that,' Starsky said quickly, and then his voice softened. 'Of course it's me, dummy. I could feel that you were hurting from miles away. You still thinking about Gillian?'
Hutch nodded simply. 'I loved her, Starsk.'
Starsky sat down beside him on the bed. 'I know you did, partner. She loved you, too. But you can't dwell on the past forever.'
Hutch sighed heavily. 'I know, and I thought I'd put this behind me... but sometimes the memories catch me unawares, and the pain feels as fresh as it did back then.'
Starsky placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. 'You can always share it with me.'
As he spoke, Hutch felt some of the weight of sadness and grief lift from his heart.
'You really mean it,' he breathed.
Starsky smiled at him fondly. 'Yeah. I woulda done it sooner, if I'd known how.'
A slow, grateful grin began to spread over Hutch's features, but before he could say anything Starsky gasped and their surroundings abruptly changed from Hutch's house into a beach. Hutch found himself in a heap on the sand, gazing bemusedly around the practically deserted area.
'Wha-' he mumbled, and then stifled a yell as pain exploded under his ribs. He remembered, then, and his eyes frantically sought out his partner.
Starsky lay a few feet away from him, curled into a tight ball around his gaping wound, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps.
'Starsk!' Hutch exclaimed, scrambling to his feet.
'No - don't come - stay - back,' Starsky argued weakly, dragging himself away with one hand, the other arm wrapped protectively around his middle.
Hutch ignored his words, stepping closer to his friend. 'Let me help,' he begged. 'We share it, remember?'
Starsky shook his head. 'Not - this - time.'
Hutch tried to move forward again, but an invisible force pushed him back.
'Starsky, don't!' Hutch pleaded desperately.
'No - choice,' Starsky said, looking up at him sadly as he seemed to drift further away.
Hutch's eyes grew wide with horror as a wall began to materialise in front of him. 'God, no!' he yelled, lurching forward; too late. Unwilling to give up, he pounded his fists against the steadfast barrier. 'Don't lock me out, Starsk, oh God, please no... I can't lose you...' Half-blinded by tears, Hutch rained blows upon the wall, not caring if he beat his hands to a pulp in his desparation to reach his partner. But as hard as he tried, nothing he did had any effect, and gradually his fists slowed and he slumped against the wall in defeat, his body shaking with quiet sobs. 'Don't leave me,' he whispered.
"Detective Hutchinson?"
Hutch jerked awake, turning startled eyes on the nurse standing over him. "What?" he said, harsher than he meant to.
She backed away a step. "Sorry... It's just, you were crying in your sleep, so I thought I should wake you, if you were having a bad dream or something..." She blushed and moved towards the door. "Nevermind, I'm sorry..."
Hutch felt a stirring of guilt. "No, it's okay. I didn't mean to snap. It's just been...difficult lately."
The nurse nodded, her hand dropping from the doorknob. "Your friend?"
"He's dying," Hutch said, his voice cracking with emotion. "And he won't let me help."
She lifted a delicate eyebrow. "Then it's true that you can?"
Hutch managed a weak smile. "Word gets around, huh?"
She laughed. "Yes it does, in a place like this." Her tone sobered. "You two have something special. It shouldn't end like this."
Hutch looked up at her, gazing deep into her cobalt eyes that reminded him so much of Starsky, and realised that she was right. "No, it shouldn't," he said firmly. "And I won't let it."
"But you don't know where he is," the nurse pointed out.
"Actually..." said Hutch slowly. "I think I do." He knew that his dream had actually happened. Starsky had walked into his mind when Hutch had needed him and healed the lingering pain of Gillian. It stood to reason, then, that everything had changed so abruptly because subconsciously Starsky had dragged Hutch into his thoughts when his own pain had become too great. There was no doubt in Hutch's mind that Starsky was lying on a beach somewhere, bravely riding out the waves of agony while expending all his energy in trying to keep Hutch out.
You're still trying to protect me, bud, Hutch thought wryly.That's your job. But as your partner, I cannot and will not let you die... Or at least not alone.
"Is there a phone I can use?" he said aloud to the nurse. He would contact Dobey and get him to stake out the various beaches around the city. Meheh. Bay City... Beautiful, but not very useful in this case. He just hoped that they wouldn't be too late.
The nurse looked slightly confused, but didn't question him. "Yeah, sure. We keep one on hand..."
"Thanks..." he replied absently, accepting the offered telephone and quickly dialing the direct line to Dobey's office.
Hutch fidgeted anxiously with the edge of his blanket, knowing that he should be sleeping but unable to rest. It felt like he had been waiting for an age for news about Starsky, although if he looked at the clock he would have seen that barely half an hour had passed since his call to Dobey. He wanted to be out there with them, searching for his partner, but he knew that he would need all his energy once Starsky was found. He just hoped his idea would work... And that the stubbon brunette wouldn't make things more difficult.
More time passed, and Hutch began to worry. If they didn't get to Starsky soon...
Abruptly, Hutch became aware of a commotion outside and he leapt to his feet. At the same moment, Dobey burst through his door.
"You found him?" Hutch asked without preamble.
Dobey nodded breathlessly. "But he's in a bad way, Hutch. Unconsciousness would be a blessing, but he won't let it overtake him. He was fighting us the entire way in."
Hutch ackowledged the information with a grave nod, having expected as much. "Thanks, Cap."
"I'm praying for you both," Dobey said gruffly. "Good luck."
Hutch paused by the door, looking back at his captain. Hostile as the man seemed at times, Hutch knew that he cared deeply for his men, and Hutch counted himself and Starsky among the big man's friends. "Hey... If this doesn't work, Cap, I wanted to say-"
"Get outta here, Hutchinson," Dobey interrupted, then added quietly. "I know already. You don't have to say it."
Hutch smiled and flipped a brief, casual salute. "See ya, huh?"
"Yeah, yeah," Dobey said, waving him away.
Hutch nodded, and ran to find his partner. A nurse caught his eye and gestured towards the emergency ward.
"You'd better hurry."
As if he needed reminding.
Hutch sprinted down the hallway and into Starsky's room.
"There's nothing we can do. He needs-"
"I'm here!" Hutch blurted, skidding to a halt beside Starsky's bed. "Starsk, buddy, can you hear me?"
Blue eyes flashed open and locked onto Hutch. "N-no," Starsky protested weakly, shaking his head before a spasm of pain gripped his body.
Starsky, will you listen to me? Hutch projected as loudly as he could. If you die, I die, it's as simple as that. I can't go on without you, so this act of bravery won't achieve anything. Where you go, I go, so quit fighting me! There's still a chance for the both of us if you let me help. Please let me help.
There was a slight crack in the armour, and Hutch heard Starsky's voice in his head. Hutch...
A coma, Starsk, it's the only way to help you heal. We'll go under together, and either we both come out of it, or neither of us do. Okay?
Hutch sensed the argument that his partner was struggling to put into words as a flood of emotions burst through Starsky's hard-wrought barrier. Hutch nearly staggered under the weight of it all, and was greatly humbled by the experience.
Oh Starsk, I love you too. That's why I have to do this. We have to do this. Please.
Tears slipped down Starsky's face, and he bit his lip, but he nodded.
Hutch didn't need any further invitation, gathering Starsky into his arms and managing to get settled onto the bed before excruciating pain swamped his body and the world around them vanished into oblivion.
Dobey sat in a hard, plastic chair, gazing through the large window at two of his best detectives, wondering if Starsky and Hutch would manage to once again beat the odds and make it out of this one.
It had been touch and go for the past few days, and the heart monitors had let out too many long, mournful bleeps that were keeping the hospital staff constantly on edge. As per Hutch's wishes, Dobey had instructed them not to interfere, so there wasn't much they could do, apart from change the blood-soaked bandages and keep an eye on the identical vital signs of the partners, hoping for the best.
Dobey sighed heavily and propped his elbows on the window still, resting his head in his hands and attempting to massage away the headache. Generally one partner kept the vigil when the other was hurt, but with both of them in trouble this time, Dobey had stayed there in their stead, and it was beginning to take its toll.
"No change?"
Dobey glanced up at the lanky young man who had come up beside him, and accepted the offered cup of coffee. "Nothing yet, Huggy. The wounds have closed over, and the doctors say that most of the internal damage is healing... but neither of them have woken up yet."
"They'll wake up together, Cap'n, when both of 'em are well and ready," Huggy said wisely. "Give 'em time."
Dobey huffed. "I seem to spend all my time waiting. Waiting for results from stakeouts, waiting to see cases solved and criminals behind bars..." He trailed off briefly, and then continued in a softer tone. "Waiting to hear from the officers that I've sent into danger, only to find out that someone was shot or injured... waiting to see if they're gonna be okay..." His voice dropped even lower, and he seemed to have forgotten that Huggy was there. "Waiting for the doctors to tell me that my partner's dead..."
"You got it tough, my man," Huggy said quietly. "But for now, I think your waiting is over."
Dobey shook himself out of his reverie. "What?"
Huggy smiled, and gestured at the scene unfolding through the window. "They're waking up."
Dobey's mouth gaped for a moment, and then snapped shut as he stood suddenly. "Not a word to them about this, Huggy," he barked, and then strode away.
Huggy laughed softly, shaking his head, wondering if Dobey realised that his men weren't fooled by his gruff attitude anymore and saw right through it to the big black man's caring heart.
He gazed through the observation window for a little while and drank in the sight of Starsky and Hutch coming back to awareness, reassuring himself that his closest friends were going to be okay, and then quietly slipped away. He'd talk to them later.
We made it, Hutch thought, glancing down at his still-groggy partner and revelling in the fact that they were alive. He tightened the embrace that he had held unconsciously for so long, a smile spreading over his face. We're okay.
Thanks to you, buddy, Starsky replied silently, shifting to look up at him. I really thought I was a goner this time.
We could have ended it sooner if you hadn't run off like that, Hutch admonished his partner.
Starsky winced. I'm sorry.
Just don't do it again, Hutch thought firmly. Losing you isn't an option anymore, if it ever was. If and when we go, we go together. Okay?
Okay, Starsky agreed.
A couple of weeks later, Starsky and Hutch were back at the department on light duty, doing paperwork and the like at Dobey's insistance that they take it easy. They didn't mind too much, although they were eager to get back on the streets. By mutual consent, they decided that they would give it a few days before insisting in turn they they were fit enough to return to active duty.
In the meantime, they caught up on some overdue filing while keeping up a constant, silent banter about their next case.
As soon as we get back on the streets we'll turn those turkeys.
Probably find them in a trash can somewhere.
Sure.
Hit the streets, run down a few allies...
Bust down a few doors...
Get a few snitches working...
Those guys won't have a chance against us, especially not now. They'll never even hear us coming.
Starsky laughed out loud, not caring about the odd glances he received from the other officers in the room and Hutch joined in. Life was good.