There he was again, wind in his hair and the twinkling of the chimes was heard in that peaceful night. He can almost imagine the world being filled with goodness, and not all the evil, hurtful things that went through the last year the team was together.
This was what Dean had always wanted. This was what Sam wanted for Dean. This was what makes Dean happy.
So, for the sake of watching Dean laughing about the simplest and silliest things, Castiel backed off and watched from afar.
It was true, what he said to Dean. He was doing everything for him, even if the foreign feeling like hurt and sadness ran through his veins and his cells. The pain he was feeling was even more painful than the times when his wings were being shredded through the heat of perdition.
He gave everything to Dean, but he took it all in stride. It pained him when his brothers and sisters told him cruel words, but Castiel merely strolled along, his mind already on Earth, thinking about Dean.
After Sam and Adam fell into the cage, Dean rose up from the patch of ground he was crying about. Castiel was behind him, giving him his space, so he could mourn over Sam. Dean tried moving around Castiel, but the angel had enough and enveloped Dean into a hug.
It was killing him that, despite everything he had worked for, and despite everything he had given up for, they still lost in the end.
But, not everything was at a cost. Lisa and Ben— Dean's new family— was the reward for Dean. Sam and Adam? They pretty much can't control their own bodies, now that Lucifer and Michael were currently residing in them. And, Castiel?
He didn't know.
For a millionth time, Castiel didn't know what he was feeling, or what he was doing. It made him happy to see Dean happy. But, it wasn't his company he was enjoying. He was enjoying Lisa and Ben's. He was enjoying the normal apple-pie life.
And, normal apple-pie life didn't include him in the picture. He was pretty much the thing that would ruin everything. If Dean saw him, he will only remind the Winchester of all the pain and sacrifice they went through.
Castiel hung his head in defeat.
The truth was, Castiel knew about Dean from the very start. He was always so fascinated about humans, although he had never stepped onto the warm soil of the Earth to interact with them. He would only watch from afar, marveling at the beauty of his Father's masterpiece.
But, there was a time when Mary Winchester called upon all the angels in heaven to protect her darling boys. Gabriel said that the two were special, and there was a warm glow in their souls. So, he decided to have Castiel play Guardian Angel for a boy named Dean Winchester.
He loved Dean the minute he saw him. Dean was marvelous. He was ethereal to him, even if he was only a human. Dean's soul shone bright gold, and it was filled with so much goodness, that it can almost brighten up the moon like what the sun did.
So, Castiel did what he needs to do. Every night, he watches the older Winchester grabs his father's shotgun and looks after Sam, the shadows of the one am morning burns on his face.
Castiel will sit down in the chair on the corner of the room, watching as Dean hums an unfamiliar tune.
And, he would just listen, listen to whatever was playing, keeping everything he loved safe.
Until, Gabriel told him to step off the job, because their Father said so.
And, Castiel listened. He's always the obedient child, always so full of questions and wonders, and yet never a wayward son.
Until he met Dean Winchester decades later. Until he gripped him tightly and raised him from perdition. Until he entered the barn, light bulbs shattering and the air crackling with energy.
He wondered how the boy he had taken care of can grow into something he was now. He wondered how a person who was too insecure to be said in any language, have a soul as pure as a light.
And, after spending time aiding the Winchesters he found out the answer. Dean was forced to grow up. Dean was forced to play Mother, Father and Brother. Dean was never normal. And, Dean loved too much.
It was either kill me, or kill me with him. No other choice.
He always desperately wanted all the evil wiped from the world. But, that was impossible. One will never recognize and appreciate good without evil.
Castiel knew everything, then. If there was anything he can do to release some burden of the older Winchester's shoulders, he'll do it gladly. Because, Dean knew too much.
So, he was going to give Dean what he wanted. A perfect, no-monsters-threatening-to-kill-you life.
And, that was how Castiel ended up watching from afar, the whispers of the night's feint.
There he was again, wind in his hair and the twinkling of the chimes never really interrupting what he was doing—watching over Dean Winchester from the window as he has always been.