Author's Note: This is another fic that was written for the guild and not originally intended to be read by non-guild members. Some of the characters might not be as fleshed out as they would be in other writer's fics as any of the original target audience would have been familiar with each character and the person behind that avatar as well. Any tips to further develop these characters are much appreciated! This tale was written during Wrath of the Lich King.
"Anyone know where Leda is?"
"She went with Ren to the Ladies thing in Dalaran. I fold." Adibudi's hand of cards landed face down on the kitchen table.
"Oh. Was that tonight?" Iyo scratched his head.
Silver and copper coins clanked together as Zebrinnu raised the bet, Edmont frowned in response and his cards joined 'Budi's in the middle of the table.
"Weren't you supposed to -" Seishougen mumbled to Iyo, his face carefully neutral as he surveyed his hand and the flop on the table in front of him.
"Uh yeah, I was going to…"
"But you didn't?"
"Not exactly."
"She's going to kill you."
She was going to kill her brother. He was supposed to save her from this nightmare… Leda sighed and spun her bar stool around to survey the Legerdemain. Next to her, Ren was bantering with the Elven bartender and by the way she was nearly insulting everything, Leda could tell she had it bad. The druid leaned back on the bar, bracing herself on her elbows and watching the disgusting show that was "Ladies' Night" in Dalaran.
When she had ordered her usual single-malt Dwarven whiskey a pink and (she shuddered to remember the monstrosity) sparkling concoction arrived in a delicate flute with a single purple bloom as a garnish. The drink sat, untouched, on her left and was dangerously close to being knocked off the bar "accidentally" by her elbow. In front of her, on the opposite side of the small bar, a tiny stage had been set up complete with microphone and a shoddily cobbled together karaoke machine. The ladies had been at it all night and to Leda's utter horror the karaoke machine had nothing but Alyssa Warbeck's latest bubblegum pop nightmares on it.
But still Ren soldiered on, seemingly oblivious to the revolting display behind her. Arille smirked and continued drying a glass, Ren made a scathing remark and finished the last of the turpentine she called a drink. Leda perked up as the mug hit the bar and spun back around to glare at the bartender. Surely her duties as "wingman" would be over? But no, Ren stayed put, Arille refilled her glass and Leda sighed.
The table was sticky; Iyo cringed as the fur on his forearms stuck to the wood. Vora dealt him in and Wahkan passed him a mug of the swill they had brewed this summer, here in the barracks. The table was full and chairs had been made out of anything the guys could find - empty barrels, the bench from outside and Iyo suspected Dukasha was sitting on the wobbly block they used to chop wood. He chugged the horrible moonshine, setting his mug down on the table triumphantly. It was filled up quickly by a grinning troll. "Better catch up, mon. You be tree or four drinks behind," Wahkan slapped Iyo on the back heartily and the table laughed as he spluttered in his drink.
Cards sailed around the table, coins were stacked up in the middle and the buzzard bites were passed around. After his fourth mug of booze, Iyo couldn't stop chuckling at Ed's terrible poker face. Greshnok was passed out across the table from him; the hunter's chair was balanced precariously on two legs and his head tipped back with his mouth open. A well aimed buzzard bite bounced off the orc's bottom lip and landed on the dirt floor. Iyo folded and leaned back in his chair - the bets were getting recklessly high and his cards wouldn't stop jiggling long enough for him to read them. The tauren looked up blearily as Edmont climbed on top of his supply-crate-chair.
"Hey. Hey you guys. You guysh remember the time - the time Vora shingle-mage-dly took down that big beast of a bug thing? Y'know you guys, the thing -" Ed stopped suddenly, his pale skin turning slightly green. He swallowed and grimaced before continuing on "the thing under the colleshium."
Seishougen hopped up on his stool, thrust his mug into the air and yelled "To - hic! - To Vorashtrix!" A chorus of cheers followed and mugs slammed back down to the table emptied.
"Aw shucks, guys," the mage in question smiled sheepishly and continued dealing the next hand.
At the end of the table, Zeb started giggling. Wahkan leaned over with his long arms and poked the hunter, "What be sho funneh, mon?" Zebrinnu shook his head, still chuckling, trying to breathe calmly so he could speak, but only ended up laughing again.
"Ok… ok… whew," he chuckled again before controlling himself, "You guys remembar de time we be killin' da dragon-mon, Sart'arion? Leda be runnin' in first, distractin' him for da res' o' us. Except dis dragon, he don' want no buhr. Dis dragon stop, look right at da 'Budi and - Chomp! But our 'Budi be a smart lappy - pally, I be meaning. Our 'Budi put a bubble o' da holy powah 'round hisself. Da dragon chomps, 'Budi be screamin' like Ren at a petting zoo but no teeth be gettin' t'ru. Our 'Budi be Azeroth's biggest squeaky toy!" He squeaked one of Fusobeah's toys for emphasis and the entire table erupted into laughter, waking Gresh who promptly fell off his chair in a heap of green limbs, mumbling about misdirecting to Meredyth.
"So Iyo," Ed grinned, "What did you -" He paused, looked at his hand, looked at the flop and raised the bet, "Waddaya condemn yer shister to?" The tauren sighs in response, folding for the third hand in a row and mumbles inaudibly into his hand.
"Didn' catch dat Iyo, mon," prods Wahkan, poking the druid in the side.
"I said that…" Iyo sighs, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, "She'swithRenatLadies'NightinDalaran."
"Ladies' Night. With Ren," the shaman raised an eyebrow, "You'd bettah be tinkin' 'bout yer las' meal. Leda's gonna be killing ya."
"Call me ignorant and sober, but what exactly happens at Ladies' Night? I mean, I understand the concept, but I don't think anyone ever said explicitly what goes on for two hours every Wednesday night," Vora rambled uncomfortably.
Ed chuckled, "Well you know. They do girl things."
"Yes, well, I realize that. But what kind of girl things? What does 'girl things' mean exactly?"
There's no response. The Forsaken looks up from the cards he was shuffling to be met with the confused and slightly distraught stares of the rest of the regiment. Edmont hops back up onto his crate-chair and yells, "To Dalaran!"
At about nine o'clock, the orcs at the table directly behind Leda's barstool began giggling about the 'real' entertainment. Perplexed and desperately hoping some sort of cage match would begin, Leda spun around on her stool. The crappy karaoke machine had been cleared away along with the microphone and the little stage was empty except for the bright spotlight in the darkening bar. Music with a heavy beat began to play over the speakers and ladies of all races began to scream. The door behind the stage (which Leda had assumed was the store room or perhaps the private quarters of the proprietor) flew open and a human male danced out. The tauren's brow furrowed further - wasn't this Ladies' Night? If so, what was this human doing here?
The music grew louder and the human began to wiggle and thrust his hips. Leda's lip curled as his fingers slowly unbuttoned the ridiculous billowy white shirt. He was down off the stage now, thrusting his pelvis toward the women squealing in the front row. The two female orcs at the table in front of her began to sigh and resolved to come earlier next week to get a better seat. Leda rolled her eyes. A quick check back at Ren found the ranger to be sitting cheekily on the bar and laughing at the show with the High Elven bartender.
The disgusting, pink, hairless human was now down to just his tight pants and he continued to make his way through the tables, seemingly oblivious to the pinches and pats his behind was receiving. Ren was sarcastically commenting on the human's physique and not-so-subtly suggesting she would like to mount Arille and ride him to Booty Bay and back.
Thankfully the show seemed to end before the human's pants were unbuttoned and he wiggled and gyrated his way back to the little stage. His shirt was collected (now full of lipstick smudges and crumpled up bar napkins) and he slipped back into the stock room door. The ladies giggled and ordered more drinks as they fanned themselves with the drink list. Leda wished she could bleach her eyeballs.
The portal that Seishougen had conjured looked like it lead to the basement of the Southshore Inn. "S'ok guys, it just looks like an Alliance inn. Sheee? There's a - oh. Yeah, that'sh totally a dwarf." As one, they turned to Vorastrix, who's face had just erupted into a massive yawn.
"Wha? Oh. Dalaran, right." Vora's portal looked much better, but Iyo cautiously stuck his head through first. It certainly looked like Dalaran…
Dukasha bravely risked his own head and the two examined the pink and purple pave stones at length before noticing the Violet Citadel a few feet in front of their noses. "Def'inly Dalaran," the orc agreed and their bodies caught up with their heads on the other side. Once everyone was through (minus Vora, who had shuffled up to bed after seeing them off) the drunken male members of the 43rd began investigating. "Well le's think about this logic-ic-ally," Dukasha hiccupped. "Which bar was it? Dalaran has three." The orc shaman held up 4 fingers.
"C'mon Ducky. C'mon!" 'Budi slapped the orc's back heartily. "We all know Ren would'n go anywhere 'cept the Leger-Leger- the middle one." And so three Elves, two trolls, two orcs and a tauren stumbled a block over to the Kirin Tor's bar.
"Lemme handle thish gentlemen," Ed grinned and ruffled a hand through his carefully tousled hair, turned toward the doorway and … nearly broke his perfect nose on the magic force field. "What da hell was dat?" the elf grumbled, holding his nose gingerly. Iyo sidled up to the doorway carefully. It appeared to be empty, but as his finger got closer, the space between the doorframes grew more and more opaque.
"What are you guys doing?"
"Ramza!" The group turned and then descended on the paladin in a totally not gay group hug.
"Oh god, you guys smell. Did you bathe in sweat and beer or something?" the little elf struggled to break free of the intense body-odour flavoured pile of men.
"Ramza, you gotsta help ush. We need to shee what happens at Ladiesh Night," slurred 'Budi as he clapped Ramza on the back, nearly sending the other paladin flying.
"Ah ha!"
The group turned to find Zeb triumphantly holding up a piece of pink parchment. "Dis flyer says here dat it be da Ladiesh Night from 8 to 10. No males allowed until 10. What time it be, mon?"
Wahkan looked up into the starry sky, concentrated and held up his hands, his fingers making a triangle shape. The shaman located a specific constellation (Azora, Iyo noted) and appeared to be making some calculations, which he counted out on his fingers. "It be night, mon."
"Let'sh jus' send ballerina pantsh here through," Iyo gestured toward Seishougen and his … interesting choice of attire. Their chuckles and guffaws echoed through the streets and a grumpy old female gnome yelled at them incomprehensibly from an upper window.
The mage was pushed up to the barrier and after a deep breath he closed his eyes and stepped backward into it (why ruin a perfectly good nose?). The pain never came. He opened one eye and then the other only to find his fellow drunken comrades staring at him from the other side of the door. They said nothing, just stood their with their mouths open in surprise for a moment before breaking down into hysterical laughter. The angry gnome from upstairs began throwing dinnerware at them and the rest of the 43rd hopped into the bar - Ladies' Night was over.
When Leda returned to watching the rest of the little tavern something was off. Men. There were men everywhere. A quick glance up at the clock informed her that it was 10 o'clock - half price fruity pink flower drinks was over and they had swarmed the bar.
"Hey pretty lady," Leda jumped and followed the voice back to the smooth talking elf leaning against the bar next to her. "Can I -" he paused for sultry, sexy effect, "- buy you a drink?"
With a grimace, she grabbed the pink flowered glass she had been ignoring. "I've got one, thanks."
"How about a slice of cake? I hear the chocolate is delectable - just like you." He quirked his eyebrow and ran a tiny, pale finger down her cheek. Leda glared and the elf snatched his finger back. "A feisty one? Well, don't worry honey - I can tame yo-OW!" She smirked as he hobbled away, finding a chair at a nearby table. The druid decided that breaking toes was very therapeutic. Leda wasn't flirted with often and for good reason. Now that she had broken some bones, the others would stay away. There was always one or two in a room willing to "experiment" with a tauren and Leda did not enjoy being a novelty.
"Just a whiskey, please." A mug was placed on the counter in front of the next stool over. Leda watched jealously as a few splashes of copper-hued ambrosia hit the bottom. She made a face and set the delicate flute down gently in front of her. The tauren sighed and checked on her companion who was no longer sober, but just as scathing and witty as she had been when they walked in.
Leda turned back to her drink only to find the flowery flute gone and a simple mug of single-malt Dwarven whiskey sitting innocently in its place. Her brow furrowed and she looked to the stool next to her, only to find it empty. She spun around on her stool trying to find her mysterious benefactor. His eyes smiled when his mouth did not and the tauren across the room raised up a delicate crystal flute filled with a fruity pink drink in a silent toast. Leda blushed.
Edmont, recognizing an opportunity, seemed to vanish into thin air only to reappear across the room with a slightly tipsy and very randy draenei on his lap. Zebrinnu tripped over a delicate chair and spilled his beer all over an unsuspecting elf and then proceeded to further embarrass himself by dabbing at her chest with a napkin. Iyotanka slipped into the corner and watched a Night elf and her friends gossip while he pretended to read "The Anatomy of an Ooze" upside-down. Adibudi ended up spouting extremely cheesy lines at his commanding officer and sported broken toes for his efforts. Dukasha, for some unknown reason, was up on the little stage dancing with himself, while a human female screamed "Take it off!" in Common. Greshnok ordered three rums, downed each in succession and was feeling up the coat rack. And Seishougen was seated at the bar a couple stools down from Ren, explaining to the pretty human waitress how manly his pants were. And watching all the chaos from the doorway was Ramza. The paladin shook his head and sighed, no longer wondering why the ladies needed a night by themselves.