Death Is Lifes Next Great Adventure
Summary: Tonks, in a state of depression, drinks herself to death, and spirits of her deceased loved ones join her in regret, and she attempts to find happiness in the land of the dead.
The bottle was empty.
A quick Re-filling Charm would work.
She couldn't use her magic.
The last glass full of amber liquid was swallowed.
The alcohol couldn't mend what was broken.
Her heart.
It continued beating, though she had no purpose to live.
She wished Death would come to end the pain.
All that she'd had for company for three weeks was herself.
She'd been alone with her thoughts of doubt, of longing, of loneliness.
The last time she'd spoken, he'd left thinking they were only friends.
Three long weeks, curtains shut, lights off, puffing on a cigarette.
She fingered her wand next to the bottle on the table.
It hadn't felt right in her hand for so long.
So long, she'd stopped using it.
The apartment smelt of old alcohol, mould food and stale cigarettes.
She didn't care.
Her long brown hair hung lank and greasy around her face, not unlike a certain Potions Professor's.
Her grey eyes were bloodshot and black bags hung underneath them.
Grief and depression consumed her, and she let it.
Pink lilies drooped with death in the vase on the bench.
Dust littered all of the surfaces of the apartment, thick and unmoving.
Silence reached all corners and edges of the room, suffocating the only inhabitant.
The kitchen tap dripped. She was out of tears, but the tap had endless supplies of water.
She scratched at her face and looked at her fingernails; dirt built up from no showers in three weeks had been scratched off her face.
The white men's shirt she had worn for three weeks was grey now, covered in food and dirt, soaked with vomit and sweat.
She stood and stumbled to the cupboard, searching.
Alcohol cravings.
The cupboard that had once been stocked with food now only held blackened mush and empty bottles.
She knew that she was slowly dying with everything around her but it didn't bother her.
One bottle, filled to the brim with the amber liquid that she had survived on for three weeks remained in the cupboard.
The cold glass of the bottle was comforting.
The first glass made her shiver.
Lighting a cigarette, she blinked through the smoky haze.
The cigarette's toxins bought warmth to her lungs she thought she'd never feel again.
The second glass made her head spin, but she wasn't going to stop.
She ached all over.
It was cold, but she didn't want a sweater.
The third glass was downed quicker.
She could barely sit up; she moved only to refill her glass
The ache in her chest grew stronger. More unbearable.
Tears leaked out and ran down her cheeks, making clean streaks down her dirty cheeks.
The fourth glass made her stomach lurch.
Hunger at her insides, the mouldy mush in the cupboards wasn't appetizing, so the hunger grew stronger.
Her heart begged for love. The love of only one man would make her live.
Death knocked at the door, but she couldn't move to invite him in.
The fifth glass, now the bottle was only half full. To her, it was half empty.
Drip. The tap kept leaking, like the life leaked from her body.
Her breathing became shallower, more forced.
All her life she had been used, like she had been using the alcohol to make her weak.
She downed the sixth glass, and her throat burnt with pain, making her want to cough.
She wouldn't.
She couldn't, just like she couldn't sneeze when the dust got up her nose.
The seventh glass made her light-headed.
She could tell that death was fighting it's own way into the apartment, getting desperate.
The scars on her wrist shone white as she gripped the glass tighter.
The kitchen tiles were slippery with filth when she shuffled her feet slightly.
The eighth glass slipped from her grip.
It dripped off the table, onto the floor, onto her leg, but she didn't clean it up, she simply poured herself another glass.
A piece of parchment and a muggle ball-point pen sat on the other side of the table.
She'd sat there for a week, writing out a letter.
A suicide note.
The ninth glass made her vomit.
There was a bucket next to the table, it reeked, but she didn't clean it.
The morning sunlight tried to get through the heavy curtains but the room remained dark.
The tenth glass drained the bottle, but she didn't care, she knew that the end was closer than it had ever been before.
As she swallowed the last glass the amber coloured liquid made her head rush, her eyes stayed shut for longer when she blinked, then she slumped forward onto the table, knocking the two empty bottles to the floor.
Her throat gurgled as a jagged edge of a bottle stabbed into her foot and blood gushed from the wound.
Death had broken in.
I've gone. Some part of me wishes I didn't want to go, but most of me wanted nothing more. I hope you continue on without me like I want you too. I wish that everything would have turned out for the better, but it hasn't so I see myself with no other choice. My friends, I love you all, it's not your fault, so you better not blame yourselves.
To Kingsley, my partner, you've had my back ever since I first became an Auror. You've saved my life so many times, I owe you so much. I came to you with my problems, my fears, and my happiness, I trusted you with everything. I hope you know that, and I hope you get a wonderful new partner who trusts and loves you like I do.
To Remus, my friend, you were constantly supporting me and I'm forever grateful to you. We were outcasts together, you because of your lycanthropy, and me because of my Metamorphagus abilities made us separate from the rest of society. I hope you can find someone else to support you.
Ginny, please tell Harry how you feel; it's the one thing I regret. Remember that your brothers all love you and will always look out for you. Your like a little sister to me so look after yourself and never let anyone take advantage of you.
Hermione, my oldest younger sister, tell Ron how you feel, you've been skating around in for over ten years, and everybody knows it, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I wish that you could be eternally happy with him, but remember not to take the peace for granted.
Finally Harry, I love you. Ever since I first met you when I was seven. I love you more than life itself, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I've been mesmerised by your eyes for as long as I can remember. I guess that we were never meant to be, even though I love you with all my heart. I know you see me only as a friend, and I really didn't want to ruin our beautiful friendship. Remus, Shack and Hermione all said that I should tell you but I couldn't. Even though there's no discrimination now about our age gap like there was when we were reunited. I wish I'd had the strength to tell you.
If you're reading this, then chance's are you've got the Gringotts Owl, and you've come to see if it's true.
Love from,
Tonks.
She blinked. There was no pain. She was lying down.
On Grass?
She tried to sit up, but couldn't.
All she could see was the crystal blue sky.
It was weird.
Something moved in the corner of her eye, catching her attention.
Footsteps, coming closer.
She tried to speak. She couldn't.
"Nymphie!" Sirius?
He touched her arm.
She could move. She could speak.
"Sirius! Am…Am I dead?"
"Yes."
His reply was harsh.
It took her by surprise.
"What?"
"He loved you"
Her heart beat faster.
"Harry loved me?"
"I know you want to go back. You can't. You drank yourself into submission. You welcomed Death. You wanted it. You're stuck here"
"Who else is here?"
"Everyone who ever died. Muggles and Wizards. Nobody has to hide their magic.
James and Lily are there. So is Regulus. It's amazing."
"Can I see James and Lily?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because the magical gates won't open to you. Suicide is one of the exceptions. Being a Dark Lord is another. People can come out and visit you, but you can never go past the gates.
"Really?"
"Yes"
"I missed you so much Siri"
"I missed you too Nymphie, but you weren't supposed to be here for another hundred years"
"They know when we die?"
"Yes. And how"
"How was I supposed to die?"
"While making a potion you tripped over and knocked your cauldron onto you. Killed on impact"
"Wow."
"I made it up"
"I hate you"
"I love you too Nym"
"So where are we?"
"Nobody knows"
"It's beautiful."
"I know"
"I'm never going to get sick of it."
"I haven't yet"
"When are you going back?"
"When Lily says I have to"
"So do you live with James and Lily?"
"Yeah. Kind of"
"Can you tell me what it's like in there?"
"No"
Silence. Not Suffocating like before, but comforting.'
"Why did you do it?"
"I couldn't take it anymore. I thought Harry only thought of me as a friend. Bones found out about my involvement in the Order during the war and I got suspended for five weeks without pay. My last boyfriend asked me to change, bigger breasts, blonde, the usual things. I got raped at a Bon Jovi concert over the summer. It all got too much."
"I'm sorry, Nymphie"
"What are you sorry for?"
"Not being there to help"
"That's not your fault. It's darling Aunt Bellatrix's fault"
"She's in there, turns out she'd been under a potion that forced her to submit to Rudolphus, completely under his control."
"Real?"
"Yeah. I can send her out to see you. She'd really like to see you."
"Okay"
"Lily and James will want to see you too."
"Even though I've broken their only son's heart?"
"He's still got Ginny, he loves her too, but he loved you so much more."
"Ginny's loved him so long. I'm glad she might get her wish."
"You still want to go back"
"I do"
"Stop regretting your decision. It's too late"
"Yes mum"
"You are incorrigible."
"I know. Who else is in there?"
"Alice and Frank are only partially there, you know why. Dumbledore, Moody, Fred Weasley, that Colin Creevey kid who worshipped Harry, Snivellus, tons of Death Eaters, lots of people you wouldn't know."
"That's nice"
"Wormtail's there too, but he's imprisoned."
"There's a prison there?"
"No. James and I made a cage for him."
"He deserves it"
"He deserves worse, but he's already dead."
"Yeah"
More silence
"I should go"
"Why?"
"You look troubled. I'll leave you to your thoughts"
"Ok."
"Nymphadora?"
"Lily?"
No mistaking that fiery red hair and those emerald eyes she had given Harry.
"Yes"
"How are you?"
"Great. You?"
"I miss Harry"
"And you think I don't?"
"Sorry. I just never knew he loved me. I wish I'd told him how I felt."
"I wish you had too. He needs happiness."
"I know. How much do you know about him?"
"Not much, Just his feelings and innermost thoughts really."
"Do you want me to tell you about him?"
"Please do"
"He's so kind and compassionate. He's selfless. He saved the Philosophers Stone when he was eleven, saved Ginny and killed a Basilisk in the Chamber of Secrets in second year, he fought off a hundred Dementors with his stag Patronus when he was thirteen. He watched Voldemort be resurrected, won the Tri-Wizard tournament, and watched the other Hogwarts Tri-wizard champion be killed when he was fourteen. At fifteen he saw Bellatrix murder Sirius, and spent the whole year being called a lying lunatic by the Daily Prophet. Sixth Year, he saw Dumbledore murdered by Snape, Spent seventh year hunting Voldemort's Horcruxes and defeated him. Then he became an Auror like me."
"He's been busy"
"Yeah, he's amazing"
"James and I wish we could have been there for him"
"I wish that he'd had you two, Petunia and Vernon abused the crap out of him."
"Petunia and I didn't see eye-to-eye on things."
"I heard"
"Sirius was quite excited when he came back last night. I was wondering about him, I couldn't see or hear him, I got paranoid."
"He was so disappointed in me."
"That he was Nymphadora"
"It's weird Lily. You've always called me that name and I've never minded."
"What does Harry call you?"
"Tonks. Just like everyone else except my parents."
"Well, Nymphadora, I have to go. This has been fun"
"Thanks for coming Lily"
Things settled.
The emerald grass didn't go brown with drought.
The sun rose every morning, showing th dead a clear blue sky.
The view was still amazing.
She woke up to it every morning and it still remained breathtaking.
Someone tried to come everyday but sometimes her thoughts were the best company.
Sirius was mature and serious, speaking in riddles that would have been expected to come from Dumbledore.
Lily always wanted to talk of Harry, but she wanted to forget what she had left behind.
James joked and told her everything about the life beyond Merlin's Gate, something Sirius always refused to do.
Dumbledore came for five minutes at a time, asking questions she couldn't answer.
Bellatrix was caring and friendly; they often spent their time sitting in silence, which was one of comfort.
Yes, Nymphadora Tonks, she was happy, but part of her would always want to return to what she had left behind.
She wasn't whole.
She'd left part of herself behind.
Harry.
Okay, I hoped you like it, I worked on it in class instead of doing study for three days so it might not be the best ever.
Please reveiw!!