Lies We Told Ourselves

by Kadi

Rated T

Disclaimer: Not my sandbox. I just love playing in it.

A/N: This one is not beta'd. Sorry for any mistakes. For the awesome twin kate04us who listens to my rambling and often encourages it.

Chapter 1

The murder room was a bustle of activity. That wasn't new. It always seemed to be that way when he visited. Not that he had, not very often, and certainly not very recently. It had been almost a decade since he last stopped by, seven years if he were exact, not that he was counting. Seven blissful and uncomplicated years.

It had been a while since he was back in Los Angeles. He spent those seven years away. He did some traveling, some exploring. He went all over the country and to a few places outside as well. Then he settled up the coast. He found a nice place, not very populated, and chose a quiet life. When he needed fun, or adventure, there were cities that he could visit.

Not Los Angeles. No, never there. Never again.

That was his intention anyway. It seemed as though it wasn't meant to be. He was called back, driven back to that city. It was much bigger than him. It was a need. Desperate and unyielding. There was something that he needed, or else, he never would have bothered.

He stood just inside the entrance to the Murder Room and watched. He studied the little detectives, watched them moving to and fro. They didn't see him, didn't notice him at all. They were too intent on their work, too busy with their laughing and their stories. He grinned. They were too happy. He could change that. He would enjoy changing that. He would enjoy it very much.

With his blue eyes sparkling, he strode further into the murder room, toward their desks. He looked around, seeming for a moment to be lost. He was certainly out of place, with his black leather jacket and his designer blue jeans. He turned where he stood, craned his head to see inside the office. This was a whole new murder room, but the layout wasn't so different. They did like their little habits, these detectives of his.

His hands lifted, in askance, in confusion. His brows drew together and he let his gaze sweep the room as he turned again. He recognized them all, except for one. She was new. Pretty, but not his type. There were a couple of faces missing. One most especially. That was the one he chose to ask about.

"Where's Brenda?" His voice drew their attention. He watched their heads lift, watched the eyes widen. When realization and recognition came, he felt the stirrings of a smile. "I was really hoping that she would be here. I need her help…"

It was Flynn, always Flynn who acted first. "You son of a—"

"Ah, ah, ah," he held up a hand. Now he did grin. He ticked his finger back and forth and clucked his tongue at the Lieutenant. "Now, now, mind that temper Andy. We wouldn't want any trouble, would we?" He smirked happily, because the older man was already out of his chair, glaring darkly at him and trembling with rage. Oh how he loved getting him riled, and it was just so easy.

The sound of heels drew his attention. He turned expecting a familiar blond. He found a brunette instead. She strode toward them, eyes on a file in her hand. When she looked up, he felt himself brightening. "Oh." He pressed the fingers of one hand to his mouth. "Who is this? Is she new?" His head tilted, he leered a bit as his gaze swept over her. Not typically his type, but some things could change.

Andy snarled at him. He took a step forward and put himself between Sharon and the nut job. The nut job that happened to be his personal nemesis. They all had that one case, the one that kept them awake at night. The one they couldn't close. Except, he closed his, but some dirt bag shrink that couldn't keep his pants zipped ruined it for him. Otherwise… Bill Croelick would still be on death row, and not standing in front of him, free to come and go as he pleased.

His lip curled as he thought about the millions of dollars in the creep's wallet, all courtesy of his settlement with the city, all because he had gone to jail for actually not killing a girl. Even though they knew he'd killed before. He had probably even killed since. Andy felt his temper rising. His teeth ground together.

"You know who she is, she's no one you're ever going to meet," he growled. "So unless you're here to confess and turn yourself in, do yourself a favor Croelick, turn around and walk away. Go slither back under the rock you've been hiding under all these years."

"Ooh!" Bill simpered a bit. "So testy." Yes, Flynn always got worked up so easily for him. "What's the matter, Lieutenant? Afraid I'll take a liking to her." His blue eyes glittered dangerously. He craned his head to gaze past the larger man. "Well, blonds are trouble you know. Brunettes… well, they're sassy."

"Okay that is enough." Sharon grabbed Andy's arm and forcefully pushed him to the side. She glared up at him. Her green eyes flashed with annoyance at his behavior. They had no time for the egotistical and chauvinistic attitude. She certainly did not appreciate it being used on her behalf, something that he knew very well. "Is there something that we can help you with, mister…" She turned and looked around the room, his name slipped her mind. She was horrible with names; that was something that her people all knew quite well.

"Croelick." Provenza took a step forward. He was scowling at the man. "Captain Sharon Raydor meet Bill Croelick. The LAPD's own little firebug."

"I wouldn't get too close." Andy continued to seethe. He folded his arms across his chest. "This one likes to light his girlfriends on fire."

"Hm." Bill hummed. "You missed me didn't you?" Needling Flynn was always such fun. Not as much fun as Brenda, but still, it was amusing to him. He snapped his fingers. "Wait, I know who you are!" His eyes widened, they brightened. He flashed a wide, charming smile at the new woman. "I know exactly who you are. I'm so sorry!" He placed a hand against his chest. "You're that sexy, sassy, pretty little thing that my good pal Andy here likes to play with in his kitchen. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you without your head thrown back and my buddy here…well," he trailed off and fluttered his lashes at Flynn. "He is energetic isn't he?" Bill pointed a finger at Andy. "You should close those blinds pal."

He lunged. Provenza saw it coming. He wasn't the only one. Tao was there before Andy could take more than a step. He might be older, but he was in full temper, hot headed and not listening to any of them. It took him and Provenza to get Flynn wrestled backward and away from Croelick before he could do any actual damage.

"Amy, escort Mister Croelick out of here," the Captain snapped. Her eyes narrowed. She half turned, "gentlemen, take Lieutenant Flynn to the break room and hose him down until he can cool off!"

"Oh!" Bill grinned as the dark skinned woman grabbed his arm. A uniformed officer was on his other side. "Feisty. I like that. Feisty and Sassy. I might actually not miss Just Plain Brenda at all!" He reached into the inside of his leather jacket and pulled out a couple of small manila envelopes. "But I come bearing gifts!" They were dragging him toward the exit. "You're going to want to talk to me! Unless you want another girl to die…"

Sharon wanted to groan out loud. She had a Lieutenant that was ready to kill him, and a few other detectives that might just let him, and she herself wanted to smack the smug look off his face. Her eyes narrowed, burned at him. She ground her teeth together for a moment and weighed her options. He was a known murderer, quite probably a serial, and to date the LAPD had no luck in keeping him behind bars. Her lips pursed in thought. "Fine." She waved a hand at Sykes. "Put him in an interview room. We'll review the information he's brought us and decide if we want to pursue it." She slapped the file she held against her leg and turned, shifting her gaze to the rest of her team.

"I'm alright!" Andy shrugged away from them. "Dammit let go of me!" He pushed both of them off of him and stalked down the hall. He slammed into the break room and strode across it. Andy shoved a chair out of his way, and watched with a small amount of satisfaction as it skittered across the room. He couldn't believe the nerve of that bastard Croelick showing up again, after all this time. He thought of how he had looked at Sharon and felt another surge of anger. He slammed his fist on the counter when he reached it.

"Enough." Provenza stood just inside the door. Tao was nearby, in case they were both still needed. "We get it. We understand completely. Rein it in Flynn. You're just giving him exactly what he wants, and not doing anyone any favors if the Captain has to send you home."

He shot a dark look at his partner while he paced the room. "I said I was fine. I don't need a damned baby sitter. Instead of standing here giving me crap, why don't you go find out what that psychopathic son of a bitch wants!"

"Oh, I don't know," Provenza scowled back at him, "maybe because the Captain asked us to keep an eye on the idiotic son of a bitch that's making an ass of himself." He pointed a finger at the other man. Flynn was moving around the room, much like a caged animal that looked like it was getting ready to pounce again. "If you'll act like an adult for half a minute instead of an over sexed buffoon, I might be able to go and actually do my job."

If they thought that he was angry before, it had nothing on the way his eyes hardened at his partner's words. Flynn stopped pacing. He stood still, hands on his hips, and glowered at the other man. "No," he began, voice dipping low, rumbling in the small room, "you leave that out of this. We've kept it out of the office. It's got nothing to do with it."

It had been inevitable. The writing was on the wall long before the relationship became official. Provenza didn't like it, and more, he didn't like that he couldn't disagree. They were as discreet about it as they were obvious. The smiles, the looks, and that they came and left together on occasion. That was as far as it went. Those were the only outward signs that spoke of a relationship that went far beyond the professional. It was all above board and a matter of record. They wouldn't expect anything else of their favorite little hall monitor, but anyone who didn't know them would never guess that they spent more time together than apart, or that they were practically living together. It was only the failed relationships in their pasts that kept them from moving to the next level. That was one guess, anyway. All Provenza really knew was that this had been going on long enough that they should either be making it permanent or calling it quits, at least, that's what he would be doing.

The team knew about it, though. It wasn't a secret. They didn't hide it away from the office. There had been parties, team dinners, even a barbecue or two. It seemed to be going well. They were happy together, or as happy as he supposed any couple typically was. Provenza shook his head. "Fine," he decided to indulge his partner. He rolled his eyes. "We'll blame it on how much you hate Croelick. Well none of us especially like the creep. Throwing a tantrum about it isn't going to do any good."

His teeth ground together. Andy stared at the floor. "What the hell does he want?" It was never good when Croelick showed up, and worse, they never had enough to hold him.

"How should I know?" Provenza threw his hands up in exasperation. "I'm in here babysitting you!"

Flynn threw a hand in the direction of the door. "Well go find out!"

"Don't worry." Tao spoke up from the door, finally. He held up a taser. "If he misbehaves, I'll shoot him." His face remained impassive, even in light of the bland looks both men gave him. After several years, he was used to both of their antics, the good, the bad, and the really ridiculous.

"It might be safer if you stay," Andy decided. He took a step back and gave Tao a long look.

"For who?" Provenza shook his head. He shook his finger at both of them. "Just say here and behave. I'm going to go and find out what's going on." At the door he stopped. "If he tries to leave," he muttered quietly, "go ahead and put him down for a nap."

Andy scowled at his retreating back. "I heard that!" He went back to pacing the room. "Cantankerous old son of a—"

Provenza didn't hear much more than that as he made his way down the hall. He found the Captain still standing in the Murder Room with the others. Julio had returned, and was updating her on everything they knew about Bill Croelick. The Lieutenant held out his hands as he approached. "His surliness is contained for the moment. Tao is keeping an eye on him."

Sharon's arms were folded across her chest. "Mr. Croelick is in Interview Room two, we have an officer on the door, but we cannot detain him. He is free to leave if he wishes to do so." She sighed. The Captain shook her head in frustration. "Ostensibly, the officer is there for his safety. Gentlemen, why is this man here?"

"I was telling the Captain," Julio said, "that we thought he'd left town. We haven't seen him in years."

"We're going to have to question him and find out." Provenza wasn't keen on that. It's what Croelick wanted, and that meant that he had the upper hand. "Julio, start a search. See if you can find any murders that match his MO in the last year."

"Amy help him," Sharon said. "In the meantime, the Lieutenant and I will sit down with Mr. Croelick and determine what it is that he thinks we need him to tell us."

"Is that a good idea?" Julio squinted at her. "If he's been watching Flynn, then he's fixated again. He already knew who you were. At least, in part." He shifted uncomfortably because that wasn't something that they talked about at work.

"If he has been watching a member of my team," Sharon stated, voice dipping an octave and cooling considerably, "I would like to know why. Regardless of any personal involvement, the Lieutenant's safety is still my responsibility. Let's get to the bottom of this, and quickly." Getting that man out of her murder room would suit her just fine.

Provenza snorted as they started walking toward the interview room. "Wouldn't Flynn just love to hear that?" When the Captain shot an annoyed look in his direction he returned it. It wasn't his idea for them to get involved.

Sharon's eyes narrowed. Her chin lifted as she strode toward the interview room. Part of her wondered if the Lieutenant wasn't enjoying this just a little too much. She made a mental note to discuss that with him later. It wasn't appropriate to make comments about the personal lives of his colleagues, whether he agreed with those activities or not. Specifically when they were kept carefully separate of their professional lives. Oh yes, she was going to enjoy that chat quite a bit.

Croelick was seated, hands clasped together against the table when they entered the room. He smiled brightly at the sight of the two officers that would be conducting this meeting, the older guy and the sassy spitfire. This was going to be fun! "Andy couldn't make it?"

The Captain ignored him as she sat. She waited until the Lieutenant was comfortable beside her before she tilted her head at the man across from them. "Mr. Croelick, I'm sure we've all got other things that we would rather be doing. Perhaps you can get to the purpose of your visit quickly."

His eyes went to the manila envelopes in her hands. The younger woman had taken them from him. "You didn't open them?" He clucked his tongue at her. "That will tell you what you need to know." Bill leaned forward and smiled. "I'm a little surprised, Captain. They normally run a tighter ship around here. What are you waiting for?"

Sharon only smiled serenely. She held the envelopes up, in perfect view of the camera. "Mr. Croelick, we cannot detain you, but for the purposes of this conversation, would you agree that you're aware of your rights?"

"Oh goody." He sat up straight and beamed at her. "Now we're going to have fun. Yes, I know my rights. This city has paid me very well for those rights. Next question please?"

Her brow arched, but Sharon's gaze remained impassive, even when she felt the Lieutenant beside her shift in his seat. He was growing annoyed very quickly. "Would you also agree that you've given us this information of your own volition? If it turns out that what I'm holding is evidence of a crime, or could in any way implicate you in a crime, I would like it stated on the record that you volunteered this information freely."

"I did." Bill leaned toward her again. His blue eyes were glittering happily. "I handed over those envelopes. They're the reason I'm here. You're going to want to open them. I'm afraid you're going to be very disappointed. They don't implicate me in anything."

"I suppose we'll see about that. For your sake," she said pleasantly, "I hope that you're right." Sharon broke the seal on the first envelope and opened it. She shook the contents out onto the table. It was a copy of a police report. She held it up. "Buzz, zoom in on this. We have a police report from San Francisco. It looks like a missing person's report." Sharon glanced at it before passing it to Provenza.

He turned the report over in his hands and paged through it. "Who is Maria Samples?" Provenza looked at Croelick. "It says that you filed the report."

"Maria is my girlfriend." He held up his hands before either of them could comment. Croelick smiled. "I know, I know what you're going to say. Usually when my girlfriends go missing, we know where to find them. Let's try to be open-minded, shall we? Maria went to San Diego on business. I spoke to her twice while she was gone, and once on her way back. She never made it home. I called San Diego PD but I was told that the report had to be filed in San Francisco because that's where we live."

There had been a picture included with the report. Sharon lifted it and showed it to the Lieutenant. "She's a very pretty girl, Mr. Croelick. You haven't heard from her at all?"

Provenza glanced over. "Hm. Blond. Imagine my surprise. Are you sure you don't know where she is?"

"No." Croelick shifted in his seat. He was beginning to look frustrated. "Which is exactly what I've been telling the inspectors in San Francisco. Why do they call themselves that anyway?" He looked between the two officers in front of him. "Here you're detectives, up there they call themselves inspectors? It's weird."

"Go on," Sharon prodded. "You've been telling the authorities in San Francisco that Ms. Samples is missing, but they've not done anything?"

"On the contrary." Bill turned a hard look on her. "Apparently when you're convicted of a crime, even one that you didn't commit, it follows you everywhere. Despite the fact that I was paid very well for that little mishap, I have a bit of a reputation. The fine officers in San Francisco want to believe that I had something to do with Maria's disappearance. They've been hounding me on it for weeks. I've been arrested, interrogated, and followed. Frankly, I was starting to get a little annoyed. Maybe we can all agree that we don't want me to get annoyed."

He had gone from charismatic to angry in a matter of seconds. It was disturbing how that changed his countenance. Here was the monster they knew him to be. Sharon arched a brow at him. "What is it that you think we can do to help you? We don't have jurisdiction in San Francisco."

"No." Croelick sat back in his chair. He drew a breath and let it out slowly. "I've been forced to look into this on my own. As far as I can tell, Maria disappeared somewhere around LA. That makes it your business. Which is what San Francisco probably found out too." He waved a hand at the second envelope. "I put together a little something on the officers. I thought it might help."

Sharon didn't see that it would, but if he was correct, at least they would know who to contact to confirm his story. She opened the envelope and pulled the information out onto the table. There was a brief dossier on two detectives. There was nothing unusual in it, at least not until she reached the information on the second officer. Sharon's brows drew together in a frown. She lifted a black and white photograph and stared at it. It was a candid shot, and appeared to have been taken from a distance. Croelick's work, she supposed. The detective in question was in jeans and a t-shirt. He was wearing a vest, and his badge was hanging from a chain around his heck. There was a gun in a holster at his waist. He had a suspect bent over the hood of a car, one hand drawn behind his back. There was nothing overly unusual about that, but it was the identity that made her stop short.

"You see, Captain," Croelick continued to speak. He grinned at her. "I didn't realize that there had been a management change around here, or I would have just come straight to you to begin with. No, I was looking for Andy for a reason. You see… apparently, there are certain behaviors which are learned and others that are just… hereditary." He tilted his head at her. "I've been hounded for weeks. Stalked. Lied to. This case is probably cold now while those two bozos are trying to pin it all on me. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

They were staring at one another. Provenza reached over and took the photograph out of her hand. He wanted to know why she'd suddenly gone very still. He squinted at it. Recognition came easily. He looked up, eyes widening in surprise. He looked at the Captain first and then at Croelick. "This is the Captain's son," he stated, and glared at the other man. Wasn't it enough she'd had one of them harassed by a serial killer? Did both of her sons have to put up with this crap?

"Is he now?" Croelick continued to watch the Captain. "Funny. I thought he was his father's son." He arched a brow at her. "He does look a lot like him there, doesn't he Sharon?" Bill leaned forward again. "I can call you Sharon, right? Sassy, sexy, Sharon. What's the matter? You look surprised. Didn't you know?"

"This interview is over." Sharon took the picture from Provenza as she stood. She turned away from the table and walked quickly toward the door.

"Oh, don't run away Sharon." Croelick leaned back in his chair and continued to smile. "We're just becoming friends. Hey, tell me something… Keeping secrets from the family, where do you think the little Flynn got that from? Hm?"

She stopped at the door. Sharon turned slowly. Her face was schooled into a hard look. "Mr. Croelick," she began, tone icy, "we will look into your claims. Someone will be in contact. I suggest that you go now and enjoy your freedom." Her eyes flashed. "However long that lasts."

He whistled as she swept out of the room. His eyes fell on the still shocked Lieutenant. Croelick gave a shudder. "Is it just me or is it chilly in here?" He leaned forward again. "She's scary sexy. Hey," he tapped his fingers against the table. "Do you think she'd go out with me?" His eyes danced as the older man stood up from the table and turned away. "What? Is it too soon? You think I should wait right…" The door slammed closed behind him. Bill turned his gaze toward where he knew the camera would be. "Something I said?"

He didn't run, but he would walk quickly. Provenza had to do that to catch up to the Captain's quick stride. She already had her phone in her hand and was dialing when he reached her. He caught her arm and drew her up short of walking back into the Murder Room. "What was that?" He demanded.

She held up a finger. Her eyes glinted dangerously. She waited for the call to be picked up, but it went to voicemail instead. "Richard William Raydor," She began, in a tone that she knew would more than alert her son to the fact that he was in a lot of trouble, "you will call me the second that you get this. You had better be prepared for a long discussion because you have a lot of explaining to do." After she ended the call, she fixed the Lieutenant with a carefully cool look. "Yes?"

Provenza took the photo out of her hand and turned it toward her. "I think you know what! This!" He shook it. "What was all that about? Like father like son? Little Flynn? Care to explain!"

She didn't care for his tone. Sharon drew herself up. "Actually, I do not." She took the photo back from him. "It's not open for discussion. As to Richard's apparent sudden change in profession… that I will be getting to the bottom of very soon. In the meantime, I suggest that we contact the San Francisco Police Department and find out what they have on the disappearance of Maria Samples."

"Captain…" He tried again.

"Lieutenant." Her jaw clenched to keep from snapping at him. "Contact San Francisco," she said, in a much quieter voice. "Please."

"Fine." He shook his finger at her. "But there is going to be a conversation later."

Sharon turned away from him. "Yes, I'm sure there are going to be several conversations later." She didn't return to the murder room. Instead she walked to the break room. Sharon pushed the door open. She let her gaze sweep the room. When it fell on Andy she arched a brow at him. She stepped inside. "Lieutenant Tao, will you give us the room."

He looked between the two of them as he stood. "Sure." Tao wasn't sure if he should tell Flynn it had been nice knowing him or offer him the taser. Instead, he just quietly went back to work.

Andy looked up from where he was seated. He was leaning forward, elbows resting against his knees. "I'm fine. Look, whatever that son of a bitch—"

"Save it." She walked forward and slapped the picture onto the table. "We have a bigger problem."

He frowned as he reached for it. Andy turned the picture toward him. His brows drew together. "What the hell is this? What is Ricky doing with a badge and a gun? Isn't he supposed to be off hacking into computers for that Internet security crap he does?"

"That's what I would like to know." Sharon braced her hands on the table and leaned over it. "I intend to find out, believe me. What I would like to know first is how the hell Bill Croelick found out that my son is our son."

-TBC-