I can't move. I had ruined everything and I can't go back to face everyone, to face him. I don't know what to say. I can't just tell him the truth, the way Prim had said I should, I don't know what the truth is. But I can't keep living without him either. I have no idea what to do so I just lay there, on the forest floor, unable to bestir myself to even find shelter or try to get back on the right side of the fence.

The great Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire, dies while poaching. What a great headline. I thought sarcastically. But I still didn't get up. After a little while, I faded into numbness and lost myself in the void that the lack of feeling offered. Not asleep, but not quite conscious either, it took a while for the sound of footsteps to register. Shock seeped into my brain as I realized who it was, because no one else would come out here for me, not to the other side of the fence, not into the woods that we had all been conditioned to fear so much.

"Katniss?" He shouted. His voice was like a physical blow to my system. It almost knocked me senseless. I realized I should answer him, call out to him, so he could find me. He might wander around for hours and never find me if I don't but I just don't have the will to do it. I hear him stomping around, or at least it sounds like stomping to me even though I know he is probably walking normally for him, and I find myself wondering what he is doing out here, why he is looking for me with such determination when I broke his heart like I did.

"Katniss!" He shouts again. His voice sounds relieved so I guess he must be close enough to see me. Odd, I didn't think he sounded that close.

"Katniss! Are you alright? Are you hurt?" He asks me these questions like he cares, none of the hurt I saw in his eyes that day coming through. Next thing I know, he is kneeling next to me, pulling me into his arms and forcing me to look into his eyes. My breath hitches and I lose myself momentarily in those eyes as I remember that night on the train coming home from the Games, that night that changed everything.

Flashback

I woke up in a cold sweat, clenched up in a ball in the middle of my bed, terror seizing my mind. I have dreamed of the Games every night since we left the arena but tonight, it was worse. The other nights, I see Rue die, I get killed, or I see the horrific end that Cato had to endure. Tonight, I watched Peeta die in a thousand different ways while I did nothing to stop it. I need to see him, to know he is alright. I slowly crawl out of bed and make way to his compartment on the train, my cramped muscles making it slow going. When I get to his door, I don't think I just go in and crawl into bed with him. He is instantly awake and confused.

"Katniss? What are you doing? Is everything ok?" He asks, taking me into arms. He feels the tension in my body and pulls away. "What was it about?" Of course he knows it was a nightmare, he has them too. He slowly and carefully begins working the tension out of my shoulders and then my calves and my feet while I try to explain. After my halting explanation ends, he just looks at me. He stands up and sits next to me on his bed, slowly turns me to face him, and tentatively presses his lips to mine.

I feel it again. That fire in my stomach, the feeling I felt in the cave, the…desire I felt when we kissed for real that time, it's there again. Only this time, there are no cameras, there are no wounds, there is nothing to stop us. We kiss again and again, getting increasingly wild and desperate as our needs mount. Our hands roam, just desperate to be touching anywhere, everywhere, and before I know it, his shirt is on the ground and mine is on the other side of the room. His hands slowly massaging my breasts are in total contrast with the frenzy our lips continue to increase but he pauses before he undoes my bra.

"Katniss?" He looks at me, fire in his eyes, and I nod. The frenzy returns and he begins kissing me again. Suddenly he takes his lips away but before I can voice my complaint, he takes my nipple into his mouth and sucks. His roam freely while my body is frozen with the sensations flooding my mind. I don't have to think, I just have to feel and for once, I can do that without being afraid or hurt or guilt ridden. I don't notice that he's removed my pants and is reaching his fingers underneath my panties. I freeze up when I feel the tips of his two fingers gently pushing into me.

"Katniss?" He asks again. I realize that a nod isn't enough this time, he needs more, he needs to hear me say it.

"I want this, Peeta. I want you. Please don't stop. It all feels so good, I just want to feel more." I answer him, my voice heavy and small…and desperately needy. He doesn't need to hear anything more. He gently pushes me back onto the bed, and slowly pushes his fingers into me the rest of the way. I surrender myself to his touch and do my best to make him feel good too but mostly, I just pray that he doesn't stop touching me, working my body like he is, and he doesn't, until the sun comes up and we both pass out into a dreamless sleep.

Flashback Ends

"Katniss, please answer me. Are you alright?" Peeta says carefully, slowly, but I can hear the desperation in his voice. For a moment, I was lost in the memory of wonderful that night was and the feelings that it brings. For a moment, I forgot that the next day he found out that most of what happened in the Games was an act on my part. I forgot that I never told him that everything about that night was real, even if most of what happened on camera wasn't. I look into his deep blue eyes, filled only with concern for me, and to my utter surprise, I burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry" I sob, almost incoherently. Peeta holds me close and makes soothing noises in the back of his throat.

"It's all right Katniss. Everything is alright."

"No, it's not. I never told you." I cry haltingly. "I never told you and now you hate me. I ruined everything." Peeta froze and hasn't moved since I got the first part out. I continue to cry, once I started there was no stopping it. I've held it all back for a month and a half now, my body needs the release I guess. Peeta finally moves again and my heart almost shatters as he starts to push me away, forever I think, but he only pushes me back so he can look me in the eyes.

"Katniss, what didn't you tell me?" He says it firmly, quietly, but my sobs catch in my throat as the realization comes to me. This is my chance. My chance to tell the truth, to get back my boy with the bread. I look up into his eyes and take a deep breath to steady myself. I have to tell him. I have to make this right.