Minerva watched as Severus stumbled into another Order meeting. He looked terrible, but she knew from experience that Severus was as stubborn as any Gryffindor and wouldn't accept any help from her as he limped towards his seat. Minerva's eyes scanned his body, looking for any spots of maroon that were hidden within Severus's black robes. She itched to help him despite not finding any, but settled on sending mild stinging charms in the direction of Potter and Black, whose expressions showed little sympathy as they sniggered at Severus's predicament, as if they could do any better.
They sent her startled glances in response, but paused their sniggering. Minerva knew that they would start again, except this time with barbed words instead of their sniggering, and she had a much stronger stinging charm for whenever that happened. Those two simply never grew up, and even Lily had never managed to curb their stupidity. The fact that Lily was tending to Harry today only made their behaviour that much worse.
The Order meeting didn't last too long, something Minerva was extremely grateful for after having noticed the slight trembling in Severus's body, an aftereffect of the Cruciatus Curse, she was sure. There was little that Poppy would be able to do for that, but it would make her feel a lot better to know that he had, at least, been looked over to ensure he was okay.
That was all Minerva could do without giving herself away, because, despite not being a spy as Severus was, she could understand the fact that, as a spy, Severus could be afforded little weakness, which was exactly what she would become if she ever admitted it to him.
If he reciprocated, that was, something Minerva could never be certain of with how well Severus concealed his emotions. Which was the other reason for Minerva not admitting it to anyone, she didn't want to face the rejection she knew would come from Severus's mouth at the face of something like this. It would be automatic and thoughtless now. Severus was a Slytherin, and she was a weakness if he ever came to love her, Minerva could understand that, but that wouldn't stop the rejection from hurting, so she made sure it would never come.
Minerva wondered how Severus could be so strong. Most people would have cracked under the pressure of being a spy, even she would have cracked under the pressure of torture and having to watch every word she spoke as well as not being obvious about garnering information.
"Severus," Minerva called as he was about to leave. "My Lions have been complaining about your favouritism again. Must you be that obvious about it?"
They walked up to the Infirmary together. This was the only thing Minerva could do to help Severus without being rejected outright. Severus couldn't tell her that, no, he did not want to discuss this topic again, because that would show weakness to a Gryffindor, as if that was the worst thing in the world.
"This again, Minerva?" Severus's black eyes met hers, and she thought she could detect some amusement deep in his eyes, even if it was clouded in pain. "Continuously bothering me about this isn't going to change it, when the Headmaster continues to insist on openly favouring your Lions as he does. The brats need to learn that they aren't as special as they would like to think, and if I'm the only one who will teach them that, then so be it."
Minerva grimaced, breaking their eye contact. "You should know better than most of Albus's favouritism. He's never quite managed to curb that tendency in all his years of teaching, and they were a great many."
"I know it all too well, being one of the unfortunate victims of it," Severus said dryly. Minerva didn't comment, there was little she could dispute about that unfortunate truth. They continued their walk in silence until they reached the doors of the Infirmary.
"Goodnight, Minerva," Severus said, nodding as he turned away from her before they both came to a complete stop.
Minerva sent him a small smile nevertheless, "Goodnight Severus. I dare say your students are expecting you to be in another right mood tomorrow. I doubt you would want to disappoint them."
She received a slight smirk for that remark, just before the Infirmary doors closed behind Severus. Minerva sighed heavily as she was left in silence, the tip of her wand casting shadows around her, wondering if they would survive the war that they had found themselves surrounded in for so many years now, and there was finally hope. If she would be able to gather all her Gryffindor bravery and just tell him when there was no danger. If Severus wasn't caught first, if neither of them died fighting, so many possibilities with a war.
Perhaps… perhaps, she would be able to tell him then.
Written for September Monthly Exchange: TheOnlyTrueMagic
Written for September Back to School Challenge: finding love at Hogwarts