Synopsis: The trials leave Sam exhausted but no matter how tired he is he simply cannot sleep. Castiel wants to make peace with the brothers once again and while he does not have the power to heal Sam, he can still try to help. After all that is what family does, help each other.
Warning: There are some spoilers in this bit of fluff so if you haven't seen the most recent episodes of season 8 then you might not want to read this.
Disclaimer: All character within this story are the property of the CW. I am making no profit from this story.
Sam let out a long lingering sigh as he stared at the glowing numbers emanating from the clock next to his bed. He was exhausted but sleep simply would not come no matter how much he knew he needed it. Every part of him simply ached in a way he couldn't completely ignore. He still believed with all of his being that these trials were indeed purifying him in some way, but there was also a small part of him that was concerned that it was also killing him. It was the elephant in the room dancing around in a tutu but neither Dean nor Cas would say anything about it and Sam didn't feel like bringing it up. If nothing else, all their years as hunters had taught Sam that there is no giving up, not until the last breath...and even death hadn't slowed them down. Death, it was a terrifying thought but at least if that was the end of the story he was mostly okay with it. At least he knew what was on the other side of life, although the Angels did scare him to some small degree.
Sam groaned as he rolled over on his back. He really didn't like where his thoughts kept taking him. It was like a painful spiral that he kept falling into. All he needed now was to start hallucinating about Lucifer again and he would be back where he was almost a year ago. Now that was really a scary thought and not where he wanted to be. Despite himself Sam glanced over to the clock once more. Half past one in the morning, the same as it was an hour ago or so it seemed in Sam's sleep deprived head.
"That's it," Sam muttered as he pulled himself out of bed. It was quite obvious that he wasn't going to get anymore sleep. He needed to get his mind on something different.
Sam staggered out to what the brothers had started to call the research room of their new digs, desperately trying to stretch out his stiff limbs. He had only gone a few steps into the dark room when he stopped, it was a subtle difference, but he knew that he was not alone. Every muscle he had tightened up as he braced himself for an attack.
"Hello Sam," came the gravelly but familiar baritone of none other than Castiel just to the side of Sam.
"Damn it Cas," Sam started as he looked at the shadowy figure. He was going to say more but he didn't really have the energy. Sam reached over to the wall and flipped the light switch, flooding the room in a neon glow. Still annoyed at how the angel could still startle him so easily Sam glared at Cas, but let his gaze drop at the hurt look on the angel's face. Sam felt bad instantly.
"I'm sorry Cas, you just startled me." Sam continued over to the table where his computer was sitting. "What are you still doing here anyway? And why are you in the dark?"
Castiel's shoulders lifted as he looked at Sam pleased that his presence wasn't going to be spurned by the youngest Winchester.
"I just thought I would take the time while you and your brother were sleeping to get to know a little bit more about the Men of Letters and I do not need light in order to do that. My eyes are far better than yours." Castiel held up a spear head that Sam vaguely remembered Dean commenting on before. "If this were the real Spear of Destiny this would be a powerful weapon, or tool depending on how one chose to use it."
Sam only nodded as he sat himself down opening up his computer. There wasn't anything in particular that he wanted to do so in the end he simply stared at the bright screen, letting the colors blend together so all he could make out was a green-blue blob.
"Sam?" Castiel waited until the younger Winchester slowly made eye contact. The exhaustion in the other was evident. "Why are you up?" He knew that Sam was not plagued by nightmares, he was always listening to the boys when they slept to ensure they were not plagued by such things. At least when he was present.
Sam gave a small shrug, "I just can't get comfortable. I just ache, these trials are taking a lot out of me. But it is worth it...isn't it?"
Castiel put the spear he was holding back into its draw as he walked over to the table. Sam's gaze said everything, the boy was fearful yet hopeful, in pain but desperate to know that it all had a point, a purpose and that he was indeed on the right path. Castiel never once broke eye contact as he eased himself into the chair across from Sam.
"I don't know Sam," and that was the truth. "I feel that it is, that this is the correct path and that it will all end well. But the truth is that I simply do not know."
Sam's eyes fell slightly before he looked back up at the fallen angel hopefully. "Do you think that these trials are purifying me? That somehow they are washing away what was done to me as an infant?"
Was it? Castiel had wondered that at one point also. He could almost see the molecules of Sam's body changing, morphing into something else, yet somehow it was all still Sam. However, once again Castiel really had no idea. He didn't have anyone to ask either. If times were different he would have made a trip to heaven in order to get answers but now, in this he felt just as lost and confused as the brothers. In all his thousands of years of experience he had nothing to compare Sam to.
"I am sorry Sam, but I do not have any answers for you."
"But you can speculate," again Sam turned sad lost eyes to Cas.
"I do think that you could possibly be correct about becoming pure. However, we will not know for sure until the trials are complete."
Sam nodded again, more to himself than to the angel as he turned back to his computer. By now the screen had gone dark so he ran a finger across the mouse to bring the machine back to life. Castiel and Sam sat in a companionable silence, the only sound was the ticking of the grandfather clock and the keys on the lap top as Sam typed up random searches that he really didn't care about.
"Sam?"
Sam jumped slightly in spite of himself. He really needed to get some sleep. "Yeah Cas?"
"You should really try to sleep. Staying up like this is putting extra stress on your body. I can see the strain."
"You've been watching my molecules 'strain' this whole time?" Sam half joked.
"Yes."
"Yes?" That caused Sam to look up. The angel was not one to joke or be sarcastic but Sam was looking for evidence of either. Of course there was nothing but open honesty from the angel. "Okay Cas, just so you know, that is a tad creepy."
"Is it the same 'creepy' Dean referred to when I told him I would watch over him while he slept."
"Ahh, yeah."
"I still do it anyway."
Now Sam was slightly confused. "Do what."
"Watch over both of you while you sleep. When I am free that is."
"I really don't even know where to go with that." Cas was just looking at him with that 'I don't care if you like it or not because you can't stop me even if you wanted to' look. It was still creepy, but it was kind of nice to know Cas cared enough even after everything to try and watch out for them in his own way. Sometimes it was so easy to forget what Cas was. Every time Sam pushed him on the shoulder or shoved him out of the way so he could call shot gun was because Cas let him and no other reason.
"Um, thanks...I guess."
"You're welcome."
Sam shook off the weird conversation as he turned back to the computer screen.
"Sam," the boy looked up at him again. "You still need to get some sleep."
"I would if I could Cas." Sam hesitated a moment before he continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's almost like before, with him. Except I can do sleep a few hours, I just can't stay asleep."
Castiel could hear the slight fear in the boy's voice and he did not need to ask who Sam was referring to. He could help, he was sure of it. He just wasn't sure if Sam would let him. Cas made up his mind and stood up, once again startling the younger Winchester.
"Sam, I want you to go lay on the couch over there." Sam opened his mouth to utter some form of complaint but Castiel cut him off before he could continue. "Now Sam." His voice was soft but commanding and it worked. Sam slowly got up, shutting the computer, and walked over to the sofa.
"Now lay down." Sam hesitated but then did as he was instructed. His slow and deliberate movements made It obvious just how much pain he was in. "Now lift your head and shoulders."
Castiel waited until his orders were met then he slipped in quickly behind the Winchester so that the boys head and shoulders were now in his lap. As predicted, Sam tried to pull away but Castiel placed his hand on Sam's chest and put a halt to any further attempt to get away.
"Cas?"
"Relax Sam. I can help you but you need to just relax." That was all the coaxing Sam needed, he was too tired to really argue anyway and he trusted Cas.
As soon as Castiel felt the strain leave Sam's shoulders he sent the first wave of Grace into Sam.
Sam felt the warmth and calm spread through him and he instantly felt safe, loved, and at peace. The burning in his joints along with all of his aches began to fade. Sam's eyes drifted close but he still couldn't let go completely, there was something nagging at him. There was a small part of him that was sure there was a reason why Cas shouldn't be doing this.
"Cas, what about your wound?" Concern filled Sam as he opened his eyes once more to look at the angel above him.
"I am fine. The amount of energy I am sending to you would be equivalent to a mosquito biting you. You do not feel the draw of blood, only a mild itch afterwards."
"Oh that's good then..." Sam felt himself relaxing once more. "But wait, so are you saying I am a mosquito?"
Cas tilted his head to the side as he thought about it. "Yes, I am ."
"I get what you're saying Cas, but we need to work on your analogies."
"I thought it was quite an apt description."
"That may be, but not many people would like being compared to an insect."
"I don't understand, insects are amazing creatures."
"It's okay Cas!" Sam instantly soothed, placing his own hand over the angel's that was resting on his chest. "I get it really. No need to go any further." The last thing Sam wanted was another explanation on the life cycles of honey bees. Of course it probably would help him sleep. He just didn't think he was that desperate yet. However, the warmth and safety that Castiel was cradling him with was making it harder and harder to keep his eyes open. Sam finally gave up the battle and let them close again. He was far from asleep but he was completely relaxed now. The silence that followed was peaceful.
"Sam?"
"Hmm?"
"How much longer will Dean be mad at me?"
"It's hard to say for sure." Sam hesitated a moment, opening his eyes to look at the angel that looked utterly crushed. Sam found himself angry at his brother, Cas screwed up but they had forgiven him for far worse. The angel didn't deserve to have dirt kicked in his face.
"Look Cas, Dean is mad right now but he will get over it. Trust me, I have been on the receiving end of his high and mighty crusade before. He will kick you while you're down till he feels you have paid enough. Then that will be it."
"You make it sound so simple."
"Cas, don't keep beating yourself up. Dean will get over it. I can't say that I agree with what you did, but you did do what you thought was right at the time. I can understand both sides."
"I couldn't have stayed. Even if I thought you boys could help. The angels would have tracked you...us down and that would have been it. Even running the way I did, failed to keep others safe. People died because of me...again."
Sam looked up at the angel who was staring off in the distance lost in his own thoughts and memories. "You know, we all make decisions that sound good at the time but bite us in the ass. I know I have made my fair share and I am sure I am destined to do it again. But we can choose to learn from them."
"But did I go too far this time?"
Sam let his eyes fall close once more, the constant healing warmth and contentment that Cas was sending him was really making him sleepy. It was starting to get harder to stay focused on the conversation. "Cas, Dean has no choice but to forgive you."
"Really?" Castiel looked down to the young man. "How do you come to that conclusion."
"It's really simple Cas, you're family, that's why."
Castiel, millennium old angelic being, felt his vessel's heart contract. Family, this was the second time that he had heard that word from the lips of a Winchester. He did indeed feel a strong bond with both of the boys, more so Dean then Sam but he would not deny his connection to both. Nor the lengths he would go to in order to ensure their continued safety as much as he physically could. He wasn't even sure he truly understood how to be a part of a family that wasn't actively trying to tear itself apart and take over the universe.
"I don't know if being a part of your family is something I deserve."
"Of course you do. Don't be ridiculous."
"Sam, the only family I have would not be considered role models."
The corner of Sam's mouth twitched in a small smile, but his eyes remained closed. "I think that would be an understatement." Sam stretched slightly as he yawned eyes opening to slits. "There are two kinds of family, the type you are born to and then the type that you choose. You're like our little brother and big brother rolled up into one. Face it Cas, you're stuck with us."
This time Castiel did smile, well as much of a smile as the angel ever expressed and Sam felt the change in Cas' energy. He could quite literally feel Cas' joy at being included in the Winchester family.
"Thank you Sam. However, I do believe that my age makes me an older brother."
"True but you can sometimes..." Sam looked up again and, well, there was just no point to continuing that sentence. The angel was very naive at times but Sam just didn't feel like starting an argument. Sometimes it was better to pick and choose one's battles. "Yeah, your right Cas." The angel gave him that deep penetrating look that made Sam feel like the angel was trying to read his thoughts, but then Cas relaxed. He seemed to decide to just accept the answer at face value. There was another stretch of silence that followed. Castiel's hand on his chest felt like a favorite old blanket that had wrapped Sam up.
"You should try pie."
"What?" It was Cas' turn to be startled.
"With Dean, get him some pie. It won't solve anything of course but it couldn't hurt."
"You are correct Sam. Dean does seem to have a strong devotion to it." Cas' mood improved marginally, getting pie was something he could do. "I don't seem to have any money though."
"In my room, top drawer. Take it."
"Thank you Sam."
"Um-hm."
Castiel looked back down at Sam, the boy was finally almost asleep. It would be easy now to simply send the suggestion with his Grace and then Sam would be out. Castiel did just that, he sent a tiny nudge and he felt all tension leave Sam finally as his breathing evened out, becoming deeper. The boy was finally resting peacefully, it wasn't much but it was still something. Again, Castiel found himself wishing he could take away all the pain but even he had limits. Cas sent another wave of his Grace to Sam to help ensure that he would stay under before transported them both back to Sam's room. When Castiel rematerialized he stood next to Sam's bed, the younger Winchester curled up on his side. The blankets from the bed were were scattered about. It was a testament to his restless nights.
Castiel gazed down at the face that was so young. Now that the stress and pain had momentarily been washed away the youth was apparent. The angel reached down and brushed back a stray lock of hair as he gave a faint sad smile.
"You are right Sam. I have made so many mistakes in my time with both of you. But I have learned from them, at least I hope that I have." He stopped, there was more that he wanted to say but he let it go. He had to. "Sleep well Sam," and with that the angel was gone.
Sam slowly woke up with a pleasant stretch. For the first time since before the trials had started Sam felt well rested. The ache was still there, it just wasn't so pronounced.
"Thank you Cas." Of course the angel was nowhere in sight but Sam didn't doubt that he had been heard. Sometimes it was really cool to have an angel around.
"Are you finally up Sammy?" Dean asked as he appeared at Sam's door shortly after he spoke.
"Uh, yeah Dean." Sam stretched again as he yawned.
"You actually sleep some?" The concern was evident in his brother's voice even if he was trying to hide it.
"Yeah, I did."
"Good," Dean said with a small nod, false bravado thick in his tone. "Then get moving, we got stuff to do."
The door clicked shut and Sam listened to the heavy footsteps fade down the hall. Life was going to hell in a hand basket for all of them, but somehow he knew it would be alright. It had to be. The strength of their family would see them all through, because at the end of the day that was what it was all about, family.
The End.