They Won't Let Me Give In

A Mass Effect fanfiction

For Shan'ika, from your Freshie

Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum

My name is Levi Shepard. I'm Commander of the Normandy. And when I make decisions, people die.

I thought I could convince Wrex to calm down. I failed, and Ashley shot him in the back. Later that same day, she herself died because I sent her to go with the Salarian recon team. I held back the human fleet at the battle at the Citadel because I thought that the Asari could handle themselves and that it would be better for the galaxy as a whole to capture Sovereign. I was wrong, and the Council was destroyed as a result.

It doesn't help that I'm not very good with people. I'm not nearly as attractive as the other Commanders, and my bad decision-making drives people away. Sure, I had some friends among my old crew, but most of them went their separate ways after I died. Most of them don't find the fact that I joined up with Cerberus very encouraging. Even Tali turned away when she found out I was working with them. She and Garrus were some of my best crewmates. I worked best with them on missions, and we were good friends when we weren't on the field of battle, too. Now it's just Joker and I, which isn't too bad. Joker has always been one of my best friends on the Normandy. Most of my time between missions was spent talking to him in the cockpit. I still missed the others though.

Anyway, that's where I was when this all started. Hanging out in the cockpit with Joker. It was right after I had been resurrected by Cerberus, and I was still getting used to the new SR-2 Normandy layout. We were discussing the good old days, how quickly things seemed to have gone, when this amazingly beautiful redhead walks in.

Unfortunately my mouth started moving before my brain could recover. "Holy crap…" The woman turned to send a grin my way.

"Can I help you, Commander?" I could tell Joker was about to crack up, but I tried my best to ignore him.

"I… umm… I was just commenting on what Joker was saying about…" She was looking at me like she expected me to continue. I mentally kicked myself for being so stupid. Great job, idiot. You can go head to head with the Geth or face a charging Krogan, but you see a pretty girl and just can't get a grip.

"He's just trying to get his heart to start up again. He's no good with the ladies, unlike yours truly." Now I wanted to kick Joker even more. I shot him my best "shut up" look and then turned back to the newcomer.

"He seems fine to me." Jeez, it was hard to hold it together around this one. She looked so kind, unlike most pretty girl's I'd met. "I'm Yeoman Kelly Chambers. I help out around the ship, mostly with communications. And you, of course, are Commander Shepard, hero of the Citadel."

That last comment sobered me up a bit. "I'm no hero… I… I just tried my best, but things still went to pieces." I tried my best to meet her eyes- oh God, they were green, my favorite color- but it was a struggle. "It's good to meet you, Yeoman Chambers. Maybe I'll… see you around the ship?"

She had a strange look on her face, almost like a mix of concern and humor. "Well, I do work here, so count on it. And the pleasure is mine. I don't care what you say, you're still a hero… my hero." She seemed a bit shy as the last comment came out, which seemed a bit uncharacteristic based on what I knew about her thus far, but it was gone in an instant. "And by the way, it's Kelly. You can just call me Kelly."

"Ok, Yeo- I mean, umm, Kelly… thanks. Thanks a lot." She smiled a bit as she turned to leave. I almost jolted in my chair as my wits came back, no longer trapped by those beautiful eyes. "You can call me Levi, by the way!"

She turned around and winked, then walked the rest of the way back to her station. Which was fortunate, seeing as that wink almost made me loose it. Joker finally let loose; he was laughing so hard he almost fell out of his chair.

EDI sprang up from the cockpit's AI projector. "Mr. Moreau, do you need assistance? My sensors indicate that your breaths are becoming dangerously sporadic… Mr. Moreau?" Joker could tell she was confused, which made him laugh even harder. Finally, I decided to answer for him.

"He's fine, EDI. He's just having a good time laughing at me."

I thought about her all night. I'm no good with women, but I can't help myself either. I decided it would be best to just bite the bullet and go in headfirst, instead of waiting around and obsessing a few days and then getting shot down anyway. That, and her post was right next to the navigational systems, so I couldn't really avoid her.

The next day I came out of the elevator to see her smiling at me. Jeez this is gonna be harder than I thought. "Good morning, Levi! Did you sleep well?"

No, I was just spending the last twelve hours agonizing over you. "Good morning, Ye- Kelly. I slept pretty well, thanks. How about you? I mean, if you don't mind me asking."

"Like a baby. Anyway, I wanted apologize in case I seemed too informal yesterday. I just feel like you're someone I can be comfortable around, you know? But I can stop if you need me to…" She looked a bit uncertain again. For whatever reason I found that both endearing and strange at the same time.

"No, it's fine. The feeling is mutual." I braced myself to take the plunge. "In fact, I was wondering if maybe you would want to, you know, have dinner or something, if you don't want to that's fine but I was just thinking-" She smiled and cut me off.

"Are you asking me out?"

"Yes." Well at least I could finally get something coherent out.

"Ok. When and where?"

"That's fine, I'll just- wait, what? You will?" This had never really happened before, so I was a little shocked. I felt a smile spread across my face; I literally couldn't stop myself. The adrenaline in my veins was just as strong as it was during any combat mission, and as always I welcomed it. "I- honestly I didn't think I would get this far. I guess… in my cabin? Tonight?"

"Sounds like a plan. See you then, Levi." She turned back to her computer. I got in the elevator to go down to the shuttle bay. Once I was sure the doors were safely shut and the elevator was on it's way down, I let the shout of victory that had been trapped inside me escape into the world.

The next few weeks were some of the best of my life. Sure, there was the conflict with the Collectors and all that, but combat always seemed easier than social life for me. This may sound stupid or exaggerated, but I always won in combat; I wouldn't be around to complain if I didn't. When it came to women… I knew I could survive failing at that, because I had. I failed and failed, but it never got any easier. And yet I couldn't stop wanting to love.

That's why it felt so good. I finally had this unattainable joy, this euphoria that had eluded me for so long. I spent almost all my time on the ship with her. We would talk, and laugh, and love. We would lie down in my cabin, just holding each other and loosing ourselves in each other. I knew I would probably die in battle, the risk of that was even greater with each passing mission, but how I really wanted to die was with her. I wanted to just hold her and be safe, drift away with the scent of her hair and the green of her eyes as the last thing I would see.

As much as I wanted that, I knew it wasn't possible. I had a duty to the people under my command, not to mention to the galactic community as a whole. And yet even when I was going on missions against the Collectors or hunting for team members, it was still about her. I wasn't fighting as much for humanity or Cerberus as I was fighting for her, for the next chance to see her. Everything I did, I did it with the intent of making my way back to her. I was smitten, plain and simple.

Which is exactly what I told Joker. More than he would have preferred, really. "Yeah, I know. Kelly's amazing. Kelly's wonderful. Guess how many candles are on my altar to Kelly."

My face started to burn. "Sorry. I just… it means so much to me to finally have someone care about me, like really care… I've never really had that, and yet I could never stop thinking about it."

Joker sighed. "I know, I know. It's ok, Commander, I was just making a joke. It comes with the name."

"I know, it's just-"

"Levi. I'm happy for you. You don't need to explain yourself. You've done more than enough of that already." He flashed me a grin. Despite the fact that he could be cocky, smart-mouthed and even downright annoying sometimes, Joker was still one of the coolest guys in the galaxy. "Anyway, we're coming up on the Mass Effect Relay. You wanna go grab your team?"

I could see the Relay outside through one of the viewports. It looked so small from far away, but it was getting larger quickly. Despite the fact that I used them so often, the sheer size of the Mass Effect Relays had always taken my breath away; they were massive. "Yeah. And Joker?" He turned towards me. "Take care of yourself up here, ok?"

He nodded briefly and turned back towards the controls. "You too, Commander."

"Krogan charging!"

I reacted to Mordin's warning over my helmet's comm system before I fully registered it. I turned to face it in a split second, holding my shotgun with one controlled yet loose hand. I lifted the other hand to use my biotics to generate a Mass Effect field and hurl the tank-grown warrior back at my teammate. Mordin took this opportunity to send a round through it's chest.

Just then I heard the sound of another gunshot and a thump behind me. I turned to see another dead Krogan, this one with a clean shot through it's head. "You're welcome," Garrus said.

I couldn't help but grin. "Thanks, Garrus. Now let's deal with the rest of them before breaking out the champagne."

We worked like a well-oiled machine. Garrus handled his rifle pretty well, and along with Mordin he supplied most of the tech knowledge needed for most of our missions. While they did that, I handled the biotics side of things, putting up barriers and flinging hostiles around. When I was in combat with them, I actually felt like I was in control.

Mordin never understood why I found him so funny. I just found something about the way he was always spouting random sentence-fragments comforting. Maybe it was just because I was so unfocused myself; he seemed like a kindred spirit.

I felt the same way about Garrus. He had a very strong sense of justice, and was very devoted to his work. We both talked our jaws off trying to negotiate, and in combat we were like freight trains; all momentum and stopping power.

I also got to hang around Tali more when she decided to join the team. As I said before, she was always one of my favorite crewmembers in the "good old days". I didn't spend nearly as much time with any of them as I did with Kelly, but every once in a while I'd go visit Tali down in engineering or invite her to come along when Joker and I were hanging out. I always found Quarians to be one of the most interesting races, and Tali always had some new nugget of information about her people for me.

Kelly was definitely the center of my world. She was the fuel that kept me going. But my friends, Garrus and Mordin, were the ones who kept me in control.

Which is why it was so devastating when I lost them. Neither survived the final attack on the Collectors. We also lost Jack and Miranda. It was one of the darkest times I had faced yet. Even then, Kelly was able to pull me out of it. The pain never stopped, mind you. But she helped me deal with it and keep moving.

As I explained this to her, as she learned how I processed and coped- or failed to cope- with all this, I could tell that she truly understood me. But I could tell that she wouldn't just let me wallow in my misery either.

"Do you think Mordin would want you to just give up? Or Garrus, or even Wrex or Ashley? No! That would be to make their sacrifices worthless. Do you think the Council would let you just give in? No! They would say, 'Shepard, you're a Spectre; you have a duty to the galaxy. Now get out there and do your job.'" She was looking me in the eyes now. Oh God, those eyes were beautiful. "They won't let you give in. And I won't either. I need you to be strong for me. Ok?"

I took a bit to respond, transfixed by her beauty, but eventually nodded. "Ok. I love you Kelly."

"I love you too, Levi." She kissed me softly on the lips. I wish it hadn't been the last kiss she would ever give me.

At that moment, Joker's voice came into the CIC through the intercom. "Commander, there's a Cerberus shuttle on an intercept course. I'm trying to evade, but they caught us by surprise and I'm not sure how long I can keep this up. You should get ready in case they board us."

I looked back at Kelly. I knew we were all in danger; I had pissed off the Illusive Man pretty badly back at the Collector base. "Go hide, you hear me? Make sure they can't find you. Go!" She headed back for the elevator. Jacob came out of the armory and handed me my shotgun. He, Tali, Samara, Thane, Legion, Grunt, and I all met up at the airlock. We had our weapons raised, but we never could have prepared ourselves for what came through.

The door blasted open, knocking a few of us back. A man in black armor walked in, carrying a sword. He lifted it up and swung it down at Tali. I used my biotics to throw him back into the CIC, but he used the momentum to roll back onto his feet like I had just given him a light push.

Grunt let out a roar and charged. He fired his shotgun, but the invader just put up a barrier to block it and lifted Grunt off the ground. Legion and Thane fired off long-range shots with their sniper rifles, but the barrier still held up, although it looked like it had wavered a bit. That was when Samara and I decided to move in. I tried to lift him so that her attack would be stronger, but I was never very good with lifting things using biotics, so it didn't really have much effect. However, Samara was much more powerful, and her attack was sufficient to knock through his barrier. The intruder slid back a bit, but then he retaliated, pulling out a pistol and firing a shot at her shoulder. It glanced off her shields, but still gave her reason to duck behind cover.

I fired off another blast of biotic power, following it up immediately with another shot from my shotgun. This turned out to be a mistake. The invader matched my push with one of his own, breaking my attack and retaining enough force to throw me off my feet and break down my shields. He started towards me, pistol in hand.

That was when Kelly came out of the elevator. She had never actually left, and now she was running towards the intruder. Unfortunately, he was obviously well trained. I watched in horror as he turned and fired his pistol, sending a round right through her chest.

"KELLY!" I screamed. I managed to get to my feet, feeling a pure, unadulterated rage fill me, fueling my biotic powers. I telepathically grabbed the Cerberus agent and threw him out the airlock. Even after he was in, I lashed out at him, throwing shockwaves of energy at him, trying to hurt, to kill, because he had shot Kelly, my precious Kelly. I yelled for Tali to close it, and along with Grunt and Thane I laid down cover fire to make sure the agent couldn't get out. Joker fired the thrusters; the sheer power of the Normandy, combined with the fact that our momentum wasn't being counteracted by the other ship's systems, allowed us to break away. As we headed for the nearest Mass Effect Relay, I ran over to attend to Kelly. "Kelly, stay with me, STAY WITH ME!" I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks, but at this point I didn't care who saw. "I need you, Kelly, so you're gonna be alright, just stay with me… Kelly, please…"

She looked up at me with those brilliant green eyes. I could see a pool of deep red blood spreading around her. "Levi, you know I can't do that…" She coughed up more red.

I could hear my own voice growing desperate, fear creeping in. "No… Kelly, no… I need you, Kelly, I love you so much… please, I don't think I can go on without you…"

A tear rolled down her cheek, mingled with one of mine that had fallen onto hers. "Don't you get it, Levi? I love you too… and that's why I'm never going to let you give in. I need you to keep moving for me, ok? Promise me you'll keep doing what the galaxy needs you to do, promise me you'll never give up… please."

I nodded. I knew it would be hard, but I also knew that when I said I would do anything for her, I meant it. "I promise."

She took my hand. "I love you Levi. Always remember… you're a hero in my eyes."

I almost couldn't make it without her. For days, I didn't speak a word to anyone. I only ate when I had to. I couldn't have slept if I had wanted to; the nightmares wouldn't let me.

I'll admit I spent most of that time grieving and weeping. Despite what most people seem to think, men can feel pain too. I do, at least. And this pain was worse than anything I had suffered on Akuze, or at the hands of the Reapers, or at any other time I could remember.

I wanted to kill more than anything. I knew the Illusive Man was responsible, and I wanted to make him suffer as much as I could. But I also knew that if I tried to stand up to him on my own, the rest of my team would be slaughtered, and me along with them.

Eventually, I did then only thing I could do. I turned myself in. I hoped that the Alliance would be able to handle Cerberus better than I could on my own. I gave them any information I could, hoping it would eventually lead to the defeat of the organization I had come to hate. And then I waited, a prisoner on my own home planet.

Until the Reapers finally came to claim it.

I sat in the ruins with Anderson, watching in horror as the Reapers descended upon the city. I almost despaired, almost wondered what the point of fighting was.

Almost. And then I remembered my promise to Kelly.

I picked up a nearby pistol and waded out into the rubble. There were Husks everywhere, but it didn't really matter. I was fighting for Kelly, and her alone, because she had asked me to. She was gone, so really I was just fighting for the sake of it, and for her memory. All that really meant was that nothing was going to stop me.

I unleashed my biotics, lashing out and throwing most of the nearby Husks to the ground. I tore at them, whipping them around, pulling and pushing and tearing them apart. And then when I was too tired to keep it up, I let loose with my pistol. I ran into the horde with Anderson, firing off round after round, using up clip after clip. I was running on pure rage, and time had lost its meaning.

Before I even knew what was happening, we had made it to the evacuation point. I almost shot one of the refugees; I wanted to keep fighting, to just loose myself in combat and get rid of all the pain and rage. I watched the city, the people, that child, burning, completely helpless and unable to do anything. I needed to move, but I was trapped in the same spot of ground, even as the shuttle lifted off and left the skies of Earth.

"Where is the Migrant Fleet? Where are the Quarians?" I was becoming irritated with the Admiral very quickly.

"I told you, no one has heard from them! We'll need to work without them; the Reapers are here, and we need a plan."

I glared at the hologram of Admiral Hackett. "With all due respect, sir, I would work best with my oldest team members, with people I trust. Kaidan is in the hospital, I have no idea how to contact Liara, and everyone else is dead. That means my priority is the Migrant Fleet. I need to find them now!"

Hackett was glaring right back at me. "Shepard, I know you're one of the best when it comes to combat. But right now, you need to stand down! You're obviously stretched beyond your limits. You need to cool off and follow orders."

Anderson chimed in. "The Admiral is right. You need to go rest. Once you've recuperated, you can start helping us in the fight against the Reapers."

"So what, that's it? I fight through a whole mob of Husks and get a 'go to your room'? Fine, then. But we need the Quarian fleet strength, and I need Tali to help me on this mission." With that, I shut of the console and headed out of the comm room.

I had no idea why I was acting this way. I just needed comfort from somewhere; I needed something to keep me going. All I could think of was finding my oldest allies, the ones who had helped me take down Saren. That meant starting with Tali. Aside from Joker, it felt like she was the only friend I had left. In retrospect, this didn't make as much sense. But I was dead-set on finding her, and I was loath to let anything slow me down, even my old CO.

I longed for the control of combat. The child I had seen, the one killed during the evacuation, still haunted my memories. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there, joining all the others I had lost. I did go to my cabin to rest, like Anderson and Hackett had recommended, but I didn't get any.

We did eventually come back in contact with the Migrant Fleet. I hadn't actually expected Tali to be with them, or that she would be an admiral, but I had expected the Quarians to know where she was. When I found out she was with them, I almost ran over and hugged her, I was so happy to see a familiar face (so to speak). Almost; I waited until we could find some time without the other admirals around.

I called her up to my cabin as soon as I could. I finally got that hug as she came in. "It's so good to see you, Tali. This has all been so crazy; it's comforting to see an old friend again." I sat down on my bed. "How have you been holding up? Are you ok?"

"No… no, I'm really not. Seventeen million lives are riding on me. I don't know if I can save them."

"I know how you feel. Back on Earth… it was horrible. I felt so helpless… all I could do was keep fighting as hard a I could, but even then, I just ended up watching as my world burned around me." I could feel tears sliding down my cheeks. "I watched them die, Tali. I don't think that's a weight I can bear alone. Oh, God, I wish Kelly were here. I felt so safe and happy with her… some days it felt like she was the only one who could do that. Like she was the only one who would ever love me."

Tali had sat down next to me, looking down at her hands. "I would have loved you."

We both paused in shock, trying to process what had just happened. "Keelah, what did I just say? Levi, I'm sorry, I-"

I shakily held up a hand to console her. "It's ok, Tali, I just… oh God, just let me, um, figure out… what…" I stopped trying to talk. We sat in silence for a bit longer. I tried to sort through the shards of my already twisted feelings. After a long while I spoke up again.

"More than anything I wish you had told me… I spent so long searching, trying to find someone to care… that's all I wanted, someone to make me feel safe, and wanted, and loved. I feel as though people shouldn't hide how they feel about someone, because that someone may just need that more than anything else. If I had known… I would have loved you back."

"Levi… That means more to me than you could ever know. But… what about Kelly? I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but you were just talking about how much you loved her…"

"I know. And I did. But I learned something important from my time with her. It's very important to remember those we have lost, to honor their sacrifices and learn from the past. But it's also important to remember those who are still with us, to draw strength from both the living and the dead and be thankful for what we have." I took a second to collect myself. "I loved her, and I still do. But… I could also love you."

I held out a hand to her. She took it in about half a second. "I love you, too, Levi." I smiled, and though I couldn't see it, I think Tali'Zorah and Kelly Chambers were smiling too.

Tali and I survived the Battle of Rannoch. Together. I was an amazing feeling to finally have someone to support me again. I'll admit that I was afraid she would be injured- or worse- during the fighting, but in the end I knew she would be all right. She had been fine on every mission we had completed in the past. This one was no different.

After the battle, things got better, and yet worse. I watched the battle reports, listened to the military comm channels. They weren't encouraging. Every day, a new world fell to the Reapers. I couldn't stop feeling as though I was failing them. I knew there was nothing I could do, but that just made things worse. And every time I closed my eyes, they kept coming back.

I wanted to just break down in place. It felt like the weight of the galaxy was not only on my shoulders, but also in my limbs, pounding in my head, dragging me down. But I kept moving. Tali pulled me up, kept me moving. Helped me to fight not only the Reapers, but also my own despair. We fought as one. We loved as one. We lived as one.

One of the times I needed her most was after the fall of Thessia. She spent almost a full hour in my cabin trying to calm me down. I couldn't stop shaking, stammering, I couldn't focus at all. "I watched Thessia burn, Tali. But I didn't see Thessia before me. It was Earth. I was watching my home burn all over again."

"It'll be ok, Levi. I truly believe that. The Quarians thought we might never see Rannoch again, but you helped us to take back our homeworld. Now we'll help you take back yours."

"Thank you, Tali, but… I still feel so helpless, so pathetic, like I'm failing… In human society, men are supposed to be strong, and proud, and handsome. I'm none of those things. And despite what the public seems to think, I can feel pain. Oh God, there's so much pain…"

She held her hand to my face, gently pulling it towards her. "Listen to me, Shepard. You are the strongest person I know. You have faced things that no one should ever have to face. The fact that you're still struggling with it doesn't make you weak. And what makes you so strong is the fact that you keep moving, despite all these things trying to drag you down."

I pulled her in close, taking comfort in just having someone to hold me and keep me safe. "I- thanks, Tali. I love you."

"I love you, too, Levi. And for the record, you are pretty handsome."

"Don't ruin it by lying."

"I wasn't lying."

While Tali helped the most, I still got some help from others. Before we found her, and even after, I often went to hang out with Joker and cool down a bit. Which is why I couldn't help but notice him growing ever closer to EDI. Not that there was anyone aboard the Normandy who hadn't seen it coming.

Still, I had to ask, preferably when EDI was off doing some quick repairs. "Joker, are you seriously falling in love with a computer?"

He thought about my question for a second. "Well, she's an AI. Artificial Intelligence. By definition, she has awareness of her surroundings. EDI has faster and more powerful cognitive processes than most "normal people" out there. And most importantly, she has a personality. Isn't love just seeing the best in someone else's personality? Like you and Tali- she has plenty of flaws, but you choose to focus on the very best of her. Is seeing the best in someone really limited by whether or not they have a living body?"

I stared at him for a second, trying to figure out what had just happened. I opened my mouth to speak, but of course then he added in the punchline.

"Besides, with a body like that, who cares if it's living?" He shot me a grin, and I could feel one of my own developing fast.

"That's more like the Joker we all know and love. You scared me for a second!" I started laughing, and soon we were in a full-out fit, knelt over trying to catch our breath.

EDI came back into the cabin, trying to figure out what was going on. "Mr. Moreau, your breathing is becoming erratic again."

We gathered up as much fleet strength as we could. We watched as the Reapers spread from world to world like a stain. And eventually it was time to take back Earth.

It wasn't easy, but we got our forces on the ground. We cut through their forces like a rusty saw; it was slow, tedious work. The losses were almost innumerable. But we finally made it.

We finally got a short break, gearing up for the final stretch. Tali and I looked out at the scorched landscape, at the fire and ashes. It was horrifying, but at the same time there was a kind of magnetism to it. The sheer power of the Reapers, the inferno that had created this, resonated in the very ground around us.

I held her hand, almost afraid to let go. "Tali… I have to ask… why do you love me? There are so many people who are better, stronger, more adequate… why choose me, when I'm so weak and broken?"

She sighed, half annoyed and half amused. "Not to mention a pain sometimes. You know those are all lies. I love you because you aren't broken. You may not always deal with things well, but you never give in. I saw you, not just the propaganda but the real you, and I still saw someone who could take whatever was thrown at them. It's never easy, but you still do it." She was looking directly at me now. "More than that… I trust you. Even when you don't trust yourself, I know that as long as you're there for me… it'll all be ok."

I put my arms around her. I closed my eyes. And I forgot everything, just for a second. For a brief moment, she was all that existed. There was no pain, or fear, or rage. All that remained was her, and my love for her.

Then it all came back. But something was left behind in that brief moment. I don't know what exactly changed, but in that moment, I felt as though whatever happened, it would end well. "Funny… I was just thinking the same thing."

Fighting against the fear pounding through my veins, I ran towards the Reaper. All around me, there were explosions and death. I just kept running. I knew I had to, for Garrus, for Mordin, for Kelly, for Tali. I kept moving, not thinking, just running as fast as possible.

Then the Reaper's beam flipped over a Mako, and it exploded. Tali was caught in the blast. I made my way over to her as quickly as I could; thankfully she wasn't injured. I got her over to cover and laid her down gently.

"Normandy! I need an evac. Right now!"

There was a lot of static over the comm. "We're taking heavy losses…" After a pause; "On our way Commander." Behind me I could hear the beautiful sound of the Normandy's engines. She landed nearby so that I could get Tali on board.

"Come on!" I lifted her up, supporting her weight. Even though I knew she was hurt, it was still comforting to feel her against me, her warmth giving me strength. We made it to the ship in a few seconds flat. "Here. Take her."

"Shepard!" I could hear the mixture of exhaustion and panic in her voice.

"You're got to get out of here."

"I can't stay behind." Her voice was shaking a bit now.

I wanted her to be with me so badly, but even more than that I wanted her to be safe. That meant letting her go, and hoping that I would see her again. "Don't argue with me Tali."

"Don't leave me behind." Her voice… oh God it was almost unbearable. But I had to do this.

"I need you to make it out of here alive, Tali. Get back to Rannoch." I walked up to her, put my hand on the side of her head. There were layers separating us, but all the same, the woman I loved was there, and that was all that mattered. "Build yourself a home."

"I have a home." Those four words finally broke my heart. There were tears now, hot and wet, rolling down my cheeks. I was glad that my helmet kept the marines nearby from seeing. "Come back to me."

I turned back to the battle. Then looked back at Tali, her arm outstretched, and the marines. "Go!"

I called up Joker again. "Joker, I want you to stay close and keep your comm on. I have a feeling I'm gonna need another pick-up. I want you at my position as soon as I give the mark. Ok?"

"I hear you. See you soon, Levi." I heard the Normandy lift off behind me, then watched as it flew away, away from the pain and death that I hoped to end.

I finally made it to the end. I knew what I had to do. And I knew how to make it out alive. I was out in the open now. I hailed Joker on the comm. "Normandy, this is Commander Shepard. I need an immediate evac. I'm about to make a big bang, and when I do the Reapers are coming down."

"Got it. On my way; ETA two minutes." I waited one. I knew I had to time this well. As soon as I was sure I could make it to the Normandy when it came, I opened fire. I felt something compelling me to move towards it… but I didn't. I stepped back, firing my pistol, and when I was sure the reaction had started, I peeled out, running with everything I had. Joker came just on time; Tali was waiting for me, hand outstretched.

She wasn't the only one. It was only for a second, but I saw the others, they had their hands out, too. Garrus, Mordin, Wrex, Ashley, the Council, Kelly, all of them. They were smiling.

I grabbed Tali's hand. I was finally home.