First Impressions
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
I wasn't always head over heels for Bellamy Blake. I hated him at first, honestly, I thought he was the scum of the earth: mean, manipulative, and bossy to say the least.
We met my junior year of college. I was looking to join some extracurriculars and found myself rushing through Watson Hall looking for the figure drawing class I had heard about via the flyers on the coffee shop wall. I heard voices and peeked my head into a classroom with no live model in sight but instead a group of angry looking students dressed in black having a heated discussion.
Their voices stopped and they all turned to look at me the instant I poked my head in.
"You want to be a cop?" Bellamy Blake spoke before I could apologize and leave. Of course I didn't know his name then. All I knew is what what I saw; olive skin, a splatter of freckles, ebony curls, and a twisted scowl.
"uh no...I was just looking for the figure drawing class," I said trying to close the door behind myself.
"Room 302 princess," he said mockingly and I burned with embarrassment as the room laughed and I left. I vowed then and there as I burst in late to drawing class that I would forever hate the boy with the mean scowl and the impossibly dark eyes.
After that night I saw him everywhere. At the library when I was putting together my portfolio, in the coffee shop when I was buying my dirty chai, in the halls on my way to class, even in the cafe when I was loading up on mediocre pizza. He never seemed to notice me but oh did I see him. Always dressed in black with a gang of guys who followed him around like he was a god and pretty girls trailing behind stars in their eyes.
I learned about him too; his name, Bellamy Blake, and that he was getting his masters in Criminal Justice. That he wanted to be a detective and put bad guys behind bars. He wanted to be a hero but I saw him for what he was: a bully and a tyrant.
His crew was cruel but the rest of the student body looked up to them. They could do no wrong even though I never saw I kind word, look, or act pass from them.
I hated Bellamy Blake and everything he stood for; establishment, rules, right and wrong, black and white. Sometimes the world was a little bit grey and I could tell that he didn't share that opinion.
So I shook my head and watched from afar as the dark haired boy ruled campus.
I wanted to never speak to him again but fate had other plans.
The summer between my junior and senior year of college my mother informed me that she was going on medical mission to South America. Leaving me scrambling to find something to do over the summer, I decided getting ahead on some classes was as good a pass time as any so I enrolled in Summer classes and scrambled for a place to stay. As luck would have it I found an ad for a roommate on the billboard in the coffee shop and I called the number immediately.
That's when I met Octavia Blake.
She met me for coffee and her dark hair and bottomless eyes were familiar but I couldn't place her.
"So my best friend Raven is going to MIT and I need a new roommate in order to keep the rent low on my apartment," Octavia was a no-nonsense kind of girl and I liked it.
"Okay when can I move in?" I asked and that was that. I was hauling bedding and boxes into her quaint apartment two days later. Octavia's boyfriend, Lincoln, was helping me with my books when I heard someone call out from the living room.
"O what's going on here?" the rich timbre struck me to my core and I instantly knew who was in my new living room.
"New roommate, remember Bell?" Octavia answered and I couldn't help but follow their voices.
His back was to me but I would know those messy curls anywhere and I couldn't help the frown that pulled my mouth down.
"You didn't even let me make sure she's okay first? She could be a crazy person," He said back muscles shifting under a black t-shirt as he crossed his arms.
"Not a crazy person, just an art student," I said leaning in the doorway, enjoying his look of surprise as he turned around. His brows furrowed like he just couldn't place me.
"I'm Clarke Griffin; some call me princess," I narrowed my eyes at him and saw his brow clear with recognition.
He stuck out his hand, "Bellamy Blake."
"I know," I replied making no move to take his hand.
"Do you have a problem?" he said defensively snatching his hand back.
"With assholes like you? Yeah I do," I spat.
"Still made about me embarrassing you in Watson?"
"As a matter of fact yes."
"Get over it princess."
"God you're a dick!"
"I'll show you a di-" Octavia slapped her hand over her brother's mouth before he could finish that sentence but the damage had been done. I'm sure my face was tomato red because I was fuming with anger.
"Let's all just calm down, Bell why don't you go while Clarke gets settled in and we can try the introductions again another time," Octavia said calmly while Lincoln moved to place his large hand on Bellamy's shoulder. I turned on my heel and went back into my room to finish unpacking. Not a minute later I heard the front door slam and knew that Bellamy had gone back to wherever he came from as well.
"Well that was something," Octavia said leaning in my doorframe.
"I'm sorry Octavia but your brother is kind of a jerk and I let it get under my skin."
"I know he's kind rough…"
I glance up at her incredulously.
"...okay he's very rough around the edges but Bellamy has been through alot and I really think he tries to be a good person he's just kind of bad at it."
I scoff at her but finally nod in understanding. She leaves and I keep filling up my bookshelves.
What went so badly in Bellamy Blake's life to make him the hateful man he is now.
I learned quickly that Bellamy, Octavia, and Lincoln were close. They laughed over movie nights, pizza, and board games as I wandered in and out of their gatherings like a ghost. Octavia always invited me to join in and I often sat with them and observed the dynamics.
Octavia the wild child with her sharp humor and quick temper.
Lincoln the protector with a smart mind and quiet voice.
Bellamy the reckless man-boy with his sarcastic tongue and innate morality.
They fit together like a puzzle and I didn't quite know where my piece would go. Lincoln and Octavia included me in everything, Bellamy ignored me, and I found myself mainly observing all of them.
I wondered why Bellamy didn't seem to hang out with his crew outside of campus because it seemed like when he wasn't in class or sleeping he was at mine and his sister's apartment.
Then I began to wonder why Bellamy Blake felt like he had to put up a front at school. Was he the campus bully or the sarcastic older brother?
Things began to change on a sweltering July night.
Octavia and Lincoln were out on a date and I wasn't expecting anyone so I was sitting in the living room in only a tank top and boxer shorts balancing a tub of ice-cream on my stomach as I watched reruns of Friends.
I jumped and my spoon clattered to the floor when I heard someone pounding on the door. I rolled my eyes because we rarely had visitors and there was only one person would dare to knock in such an aggressive manner.
"Damn you Bellamy Blake," I hissed as I ripped open the front door. There he was towering above me in all black as usual but there was something in his eyes that scared me.
He pushed past me into the open living room.
"Where's Octavia?" He asked.
"Out with Lincoln," I replied shutting the door and moving to put a lid on my open ice-cream.
"Fuck!" he cursed running a hand through his already wild curls.
"What's wrong?" I asked standing before him, pint of melting ice-cream in one hand, dirty spoon in the other.
He stared at me a long time before answering. Long enough that the condensation from the ice-cream tub began to run down my fingers.
"It's the anniversary of my mother's death," he said simply before turning on his heel and heading for the door.
I was shocked silent for a second.
"Wait!"
He stopped, hand on the doorknob, back to me.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked.
"Not really princess," he said his voice low. He turned to look at me and it was like he was peeling me apart to explore all the dark places inside my body.
"Well do you want some ice-cream then?" I asked holding up the dripping container like a soggy peace offering.
He was silent for a long while before shrugging.
"Sure."
I grabbed two clean spoons and plopped down on the couch. He joined me silently and we finished off that tub of ice-cream while watching Friends. When we were through Bellamy put his spoon in the sink, looked at me, and said,
"Thanks," and was gone.
After that muggy summer night Bellamy Blake no longer ignored me.
Actually he seemed to watch me just as much as I watched him. I would catch his fathomless eyes on me and blush. When he caught me looking at him he would just stare back until once again I was the one who had to look away.
It was infuriating. It was embarrassing.
And so that was our relationship. However, since Bellamy was no longer ignoring me and purposely shutting me out of his life I learned some new things to add to his confusing and complicated character.
His entire motivation in life is to care for his sister. To give her the best. I observe this in the big and small things. From opening car doors for her to giving her money to help with her school books, he provides for Octavia. Octavia does her best to rebel and be her own person but Bellamy is always there behind her to make sure she succeeds in every endeavor.
I find their relationship fascinating and as much as Octavia complains about her older brother's overprotectiveness I know she loves and appreciates him.
Bellamy Blake becomes more of a mystery to me every day I watch him. When I catch him tutoring a freshman in the library I'm surprised, when I spy him reading Joyce I'm amazed, and when I see him running on the track I'm intrigued.
He's a paradox in good and evil, a mystery of masks and facades.
He's getting under my skin.
When before all I could do what hate him now all I can do is try to understand him.
Just like he seems to try to understand me. When we're together his eyes never seem to leave me for long and oh how I curse my pale skin because I'm permanently blushing around him. Something about his midnight sky eyes and the slight frown that always makes him look deep in thought renders me speechless and stupid in his presence.
Slowly, day by day, stare after stare, surprising action after surprising action I'm learning that I don't hate Bellamy Blake.
I don't hate him when I catch him buying a coffee for a stressed looking freshman.
I don't hate him when I see him laughing at Octavia's crude jokes.
I don't hate him when he's quietly tutoring sophomores in the library.
I really don't hate him when sometimes he looks at me and the corners of his mouth turn up just a little so that he's not frowning anymore and I feel like my stomach is dropping through the floor.
I don't hate Bellamy Blake.
I might even like him a little bit.
Our relationship continued to exist in little looks and confusing smiles for the entire fall semester of my senior year.
Christmas is when everything shifted, including possibly the world on it's axis. Christmas is when I'm pretty sure I fell helplessly hopelessly in love with Bellamy Fucking Blake.
My mom called to tell me that she would be spending the Holidays working at the hospital so that's how I found myself sitting under a Christmas tree with the Blake siblings on December 24th.
They were exchanging gifts and I pulled out two gifts from under the tree that I had hidden a week prior.
"Here O," I said handing her a box wrapped in snowman paper. She smiled and opened it eagerly before pulling out a fitted leather vest that she had been coveting in the mall last month.
"Thank you Clarke! This is bad-ass!" She exclaimed reaching over and pulling me into a hug, slipping the black leather on over her red pajamas.
"Here's yours," she said handing me a bag. I reached in and pulled out a knitted olive green beanie.
"I made it," Octavia said with a rare blush on her cheeks.
"Thanks I love it!" I breathed pulling it on quickly but before I could adjust it someone was pushing the hair out of eyes.
Bellamy pulled his hand back as I looked at him in shock. Octavia stood and headed to the kitchen with a small smile leaving us alone illuminated under the tree lights.
"Here," he said thrusting a small crudely wrapped present at me.
"Thanks," I said before unwrapping it slowly. I gasped at what lay inside.
"These are really nice!" I fingered the charcoal pencils in their shiny case reverently.
"I noticed yours were getting short," he mumbled running a hand through his hair.
"Thank you Bellamy," I said trying to make eye contact. When he looked at me it was intense and I found I was the one once again who couldn't hold his stare.
"Don't worry about it," he said finally.
"Here's yours," I said.
He cut at the paper carefully until it opened like a flower to reveal the Complete Works of James Joyce.
"How did you know?" He asked looking up at me in surprise.
"I saw you reading one day in the courtyard," I responded quietly.
I had to hold in a squeak when he took my hand, and said a soft thank you.
"Okay who's ready for Christmas movies?!" Octavia said coming back from the kitchen with two bowls of popcorn and bottles of cream soda. I pulled my hand from Bellamy's and stood to stake my spot on the couch. The new pencils never leaving my grasp the beanie still on my head.
Bellamy sat next to me and Octavia on the other side. We watched movie after movie munching on sweets and snacks until the sky was dark and the room was only illuminated by white christmas lights.
Bellamy picked up a sleeping Octavia and took her to her room while I cleaned up. When he came back in the living room I was setting him a bed on the couch.
"Clarke."
I looked up at him so stupidly good-looking in the glow and nodded.
"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry for embarrassing you that day in Watson and for generally being an asshole for a while there," he crossed his arms over his chest.
"It's okay," I said softly.
"It's not...I have a hard time opening up but you're okay princess," this time he grinned when he used the nickname and I found that I didn't mind it so much.
"Apology accepted," I said laying the blankets on the couch.
"Goodnight Bellamy," I said heading past him to my room.
"Goodnight Clarke," was his soft reply.
I laid in bed knowing he was only a door away thinking about the way he pushed my hair out of eyes, how he looked when I opened my gift, how happy he was to receive mine, and his soft apology in the moonlight.
I thought about how strong he looked carrying Octavia to bed.
How he does good things for people and no one seems to notice.
How he tries so hard to be strong but his vulnerability bubbles just underneath the surface.
How his eyes tear me apart.
How his smile makes me weak.
How I want to kiss every freckle across his straight nose.
"Damn you Bellamy Blake," I whispered into the dark December night because I knew that I had fallen for him.
Then I made the decision to change everything. I got up from my bed and quietly opened my door and tip-toed into the living room.
He sat up his eyes finding me even in the darkness.
"Clarke, what's wrong?" He asked looking around frantically. I shook my head as I approached, kneeling next to him so that we were face to face.
"Do you feel it?" I asked lifting my hand to touch his jaw softly. He exhaled and nods. I slowly press my lips to his feeling braver than I ever had and god it's soft and good.
He pulls back only a fraction his eyes boring into me before his hand wraps around the back of my neck and pulls me in again. I'm lost to his mouth. He's consuming me and it's so good and right.
I crawl onto the couch next to him; curling into his body, pressing myself against his strength as he kisses me and kisses me.
"Clarke," he whispers my own name into my mouth and I whimper in response. His hands are cradling my face and this is everything right in the world.
"That first day I saw you I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen and I didn't know what to do except make fun of you and then you were here in my sister's house and god even more perfect and I didn't know what to do," his words rush into the open space between our mouths and I swallow them up with a smile.
"It's okay, I forgive you."
With that he's kissing me again and my body is flush against his lining up perfectly, like his body was built to house mine. Then his tongue is begging for entrance and I let it in with a gasp and holy shit I've never felt like this before.
My hands are in his hair and his hands are starfished against my back pulling me close and our mouths move together until we're both panting and drowning in each other. He pulls his mouth from mine and tucks my head beneath his chin.
"Merry Christmas Princess," he whispers into my hair.
"Merry Christmas Bellamy Blake," I respond, falling asleep to the pounding of his heart.
I don't hate Bellamy Blake. Nope, I'm wholly uncontrollably in love with him as a matter of fact.
A/N: Can we talk about my penchant for love/hate relationships? Reviews would make me one happy girl.