Disclaimer: All right, who the hell is responsible for all the horrible stuff that these characters did in my fanfic? Don't blame me, blame GAINAX, who owns Neon Genesis Evangelion, not me. I'm pretty sure that Fox owns Temptation Island, and I remember that I don't. All right now, on to my queer fanfic.
Announcer: Four dedicated couples, stranded on a tropical island with 10 ... well... singles, need to prove their love for each other in the face of Temptation. Can they do it? This is our first episode of Temptation Island and our first announcer got fired for being tempted too much and not being able to control his god-damn genitals and fucked around with all of the whore-ass bit... WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN WE'RE ON THE AIR! AW SHIT! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO SWEAR IN FRONT THE MOTHER FUC.... Oh, hehehe.
(A big black cane comes out of the right hand side of your view and pulls the announcer away by the neck. After a few minutes of heated swearing in the background, a rumpled looking technician comes into view.)
New Announcer: Well... uh... Yes now, where were we? Oh yes, (Now in a big, deep announcer voice) Can these four couples survive the temptation? Before the actual show begins, in this episode we will show you an interview with the four couples. First up we have two young fourteen-year-olds who have been through it all together, almost.. hehehe. Let's meet Shinji and Rei.
(Audience applauses)
New Announcer: (henceforth being labeled N.A.) So, how did you two meet?
Shinji: Oh, we met at work.
N.A.: Ohh. Care to give us any more details?
Shinji: No.
N.A. : Umm, ok. Weird Now, Shinji, why did you decide to go on Temptation Island?
Shinji: Well, I told my father that I wanted to meet new women, so he was able to pull a few strings and get me on this show on the condition that I give the prize money to fund his company.
N.A.: And what a generous, benevolent, and altruistic man your father must be. (Scrolling bar appears, saying "Please send donations to 1-800-Fund-Nerv.")
N.A.: Why did you decide to go on our show, Rei?
Rei: Commander Ikari told me to.
N.A.: Uhhh, ok. Weirder. Why do you two feel that it is possible to avoid being tempted by this show, Shinji?
Shinji: I am such a baby that my ball-less disposition and lack of hormones will probably keep me from getting attracted to anyone, and will definitely keep anyone from getting attracted to me.
N.A.: If you say so. What a queer. He should grow some balls. Rei, How can you resist the temptation of the five male singles who will try to seduce you?
Rei: Commander Ikari told me to.
N.A.: Uhhh.. Ummm. Ok. Now that's all the time we have for you two, on to our next couple. Kaji and Maya
(Audience applauses, and it strangely seems to have the same pitch, tone and duration as the first applause.)
N.A. Finally, a normal couple. So, how did you two meet?
Maya: Well, my Kaji here caught me acting like a whimpering fool during an angel attack, so he decided to take advantage of my emotional state and seduce me, and I've been too wimpy to break it off with him ever since!
Kaji: And she's very happy too, (looks at Maya) aren't you?
Maya: Of course!
N.A.: Maybe I spoke too soon. And why do you think that you can survive a month on this island with 10 singles who are masters of seduction?
Kaji: I probably won't resist the temptation, buy Maya here is far too wimpy to ever break up with me, aren't you honey?
Maya: Why yes!
N.A.: What is wrong with her? Maya, do you thinkl you can resist the temptation?
Maya: Of course I can Mr. Announcer man! (Maya winks at him)
Kaji: Don't mind her, I keep her drunk so that I can always know where she is.
N.A.: Al right, that's all the time we have for you two, now...
(Maya is spinning in the revolving chair)
Maya: WHHHEEEEEEEEE!
N.A.: Oh dear lord, what a pathetic woman. Kinda almost cute though. So, um, onto our next contestants who are also 14-years-olds, Touji and Hikari!
(Once again, audience applauses, and has the same pitch, tone and duration as the first and second applauses.)
N.A: I hope that these two are normal. So, how did you guys meet?
Touji: Well, she is in the same classroom with me, and I think that she is very beautiful and sweet and charming.
Hikari: And?...
Touji: Oh yes, very beautiful and sweet and charming and smart.
Hikari: Good boy. (Touji starts panting)
N.A.: Why Me? Ok, Why do you think that you can withstand the (In a macho deep voice) TEMPTATION?
Touji: Well, I just luv my Hikari so much that...
Hikari: NO! No you stupid Touji! Love is pronounced l-o-v-e! Not l-u-v!
N.A. How the hell can it be pronounced differently?
(Hikari turns her head away from Touji as if she wasn't talking to him)
Touji: I'm sorry! Sorry, sorry, It will never happen again!
N.A.: For the love of manhood please don't beg!
Touji: I'm begging you! Please take me back!
N.A.: Damn.
(Hikari turns away further)
Hikari: Hmph.
N.A. Don't get on your knees. For the love of God, please don't get on your knees!
(Touji gets on his knees)
N.A.: Nnooooooooo! Please don't say it! PLEAEAEASE don't say that four-letter word!
Touji: But Hikari, I LOVE you.
(The announcer crumples to the floor)
Hikari: Oh, Touji, you do?
Touji: Yes! I love you!
Hikari: Oh, Touji!
N.A.: ENOUGH! Now (struggles to keep calm) Hikari, why do you think that you can resist the 5 men on the island who are going to try to seduce you?
Hikari: You mean these people are going to seduce me? THAT'S LIVING IN SIN! WHAT KIND OF PERVERTED SHOW AM I ON? I THOUGHT PEOPLE WERE GOING TO TEMPT ME WITH FOOD OR SOMETHING! I'M NOT GOING ON SOME PERVERTED SEXUAL SHOW JUST FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S ENJOYMENT!
Touji: It's ok, honeybunch. Please just calm down. The point of the game is to NOT have them seduce you, ok?
Hikari: Oh Touji.
N.A.: That's enough of that! I feel sick. On to our next and final pair, um, Koaru and um, well, PenPen! Time to take some of that Prozac.
(No one in the audience claps. Someone shouts "What the hell?" Someone else shouts, "That's just sick!")
Koaru: No it's not! I love my PenPen-chan, and our love is steadfast. Now matter what you say, PenPen and I will always stay together.
N.A. At least they're more normal than the rest of them. How did you two meet?
Koaru: Well, I found PenPen all alone on the street standing on 666th street waiting for something to happen on a stormy day. I just saw him looking all lonely and sad, so I took him and adopted him!
PenPen: Wark! (Soon, I will turn you into my slave and you will be sent to my labor mines to dig for sulfur!)
Koaru: I just wish I knew what he was saying at times! (He gives PenPen a squeeze)
PenPen: Wark. (Do not squeeze your soon to be master, scum, or you will spend an eternity in hell.)
Koaru: He's so cute though, isn't he!
(Koaru starts nuzzling PenPen.)
N.A.: Why yes he is! You are cute aren't you!
( He steps up to PenPen, and starts to pet his beak.)
(PenPen bites back at his hand)
PenPen: Wark Wark! (Do not touch my body! Do you not understand the language of the gods? I will have your head as a trophy among the likes of Paula Jones, O.J. Simpson, and... bumpumpum.... GEORGE W. BUSH!) (Lightning strikes)
N.A.: That's ok, I guess he just doesn't know me so he bit me! (N.A. smiles and puts his head near PenPen's) I'm sure that we'll just become the best of friends, won't we PenPen!
(PenPen turns toward the announcer and seems to narrow his eyes.)
PenPen: Wark! (I will mangle your body and devour your soul.)
Koaru: He says he thinks we'll all become the best of friends!
N.A.: I certainly hope so!
PenPen: Wark Wark! (Soon, you two will pay with your souls for the trouble you have caused me. Soon my reign of terror will begin!) Bwahahahahaha!
N.A.: Did PenPen just laugh in a horrible, evil way?
Koaru: Oh no, it's just how he coughs. He does it all the time!
N.A.: Well, that's al the time we have for this episode, stay tuned next time for the interview with the sexy singles, and the actual show.
Author's note: This is my first try at a fanfic, and no one beta or pre read it. Please R and R, cause I need to know if I should work on the actual story part. No offense towards anyone is meant in this fanfic, (except maybe George W. Bush) (Lightning and thunder in background). I dedicate this fic to Yebisu Beer, who taught me write without thinking. By the way, the relationships between these characters WILL NOT LAST FOR LONG. REI WILL NOT STAY WITH SHINJI. ALL YOU ASUKA-DIE HARD FANS DO NOT FLAME THIS, BECAUSE ASUKA WILL "TAKE" SHINJI FROM REI, SOON. (I'm an Asuka die-hard fan too. ^_^)