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"I just can't, I just fuckin can't". My words echoed back at me, little foul mouthed parrots hiding in the abyss before me. Or maybe they're people, people just like me who stepped over the edge. People who in death are now bored and repeat the words of passer-byers in order to start time. Maybe that is why the chasm is red, from the blood of the hopeless like myself. It was common in this world full of filth for your soul to be poisoned, just like your body, by the fallout left by the anger of the past. Well you're the lucky one. Hopefully the poison will kill you or turn you into something that can no longer recognize its pain. I have seen feral humans, from a distance of course as is suggested by my current existence. I wanted to die, but did not want to feel pain, hell, that was the whole reason I wanted to die. And I am sure there would be much pain involved in death by one of them, with their raggedy skin clothed hands that look no better than the rust incrusted rag that'd been beneath my kitchen sink since God knows when. My foot left the ground…
"What are you doing"? The voice broke behind me and at any other time I would have been scared, but not here, not now. I was in power here, I held my life in my hands and if anyone was going to kill me today it would be me.
"I can't and won't stop you. I am sure you know this chasm is deep and even if the fall did not kill you the many sharp tongued creatures at the bottom will". I had not thought of that. I could already imagine the agony of a broken leg that my bad luck would surely demand, and the many sharp fangs that would tear into my helplessness.
"If you were doing what I think you were doing let me assure you there is a better way of going about it". I turned intrigued by the words and the gravely quality of the voice that spoke them. My eyes found his skin matched his voice. It was red and mottled; scraps of dark brown ripping though the pattern exposing bone and muscle in its wake. His eyes pierced mine cleanly, showing me his mind was still uninfected. I idly wondered if my eyes mirrored his ravaged body. It took me a moment to realize he had offered me his hand. His hand that could easily hurt me, wrap its ragged self around my tight throat and wring me. We said nothing, he promised nothing, his open hand sitting between us waiting for us to make up our minds. I took it unthinkingly, knowing that if I let my brain in on this I would stay frozen and lost on the cliff edge. We walked hand in hand, my eyes fixed thoughtlessly on the sand that hugged my tattered shoes with each step. From the corner of my eye I could see him glance at me every few steps. I did not know what to make of it, so I didn't try. The chasm fell behind us and the land around us turned to blood bathed in the setting sun. It was extremely fitting for a land full of death.
As it grew darker, I gripped his hand tighter. Dangerous things wandered during the day, and continued in their wonderings during my time of blindness. How he knew I did not know, but he knew I was getting scared. He found us a cave. It was not the best place to sleep, hell it was almost like the grungy little place I normally laid my head. But at least my place was devoid of skeletons, or at least I hid mine better. I sat across from the bleached bones wrapped in a ridiculous faded Hawaiian shirt and dirt filled kakis. Its smile missing teeth and its eyes peering at me darkly. He sat across from me. The beginnings of a fire setting between, ever the silent observer. We had been quiet during our walk, but now with his clean eyes on me I could not help but feel ashamed of what he saw. My half assed attempt at flight and my dirt clouded eyes. Suddenly whatever had held my tongue looked the other way and seizing their chance words crawled from my gut straining to get into the open air. To a place where they could breath. He sat, his eyes absorbing everything I gave and cleansing the word laden air hovering over my head. Once I was done I could not bring myself to look at him and fixed my gaze on the bleached bones. Its presence was now overshadowing my very being; its eyes staring at me, their weight pushing me down, closer to the cliff.
"Don't". The command and the voice broke it, and the skeleton shrank back to its normal size. He stood from where he had sat and listened to my soul. He suddenly towered over me his body taking up the entire cave, his bright eyes bathing me in their warmth. He turned collecting the skeleton as he went. It rattled as bone bumped bone and I could not help but compare the two. The great man holding the skeleton and the meager bones laid limp in the arms of the great man. As he passed me, walking to the cave entrance, the skull locked eyes with me, but now in the fire light I could see the faker it was with its hollowed meaningless eyes. He threw my skeleton out and we did not talk about it again.
I knew it was morning , I just fucking new it, but I could not will myself to know it, hell, I could not work up the fight in me to even try to will anything at that moment. It was nice where I was. Floating in the nothingness that was so complete I did not have to know it. So I forgot and was content.
"Get up". It shattered my forgetfulness and made me remember. My heart twisted with frustration as my clouded eyes opened. From my vantage I could see his cracked sand rubbed boots and the tattered dirt encrusted hem of his pants. He knelt before me as I begrudgingly blinked the sleep from my eyes. He offered me his hand and I took it with a yawn. I had just barely touched my feet to the ground when he began to walk. Where was he going? As the sun rose up I walked being pulled by his indomitable will to move forward.
We had thought nothing of it at first. I mean it's dusty all over this cracked dry place so we hardly noticed the extra dust. It did not stay that way for long. At the beginning it was just little toughs that sprung from the ground from the borrowed strength of the wind. Hardly worth the eye flicks that it took to notice them. As the sun grew hotter the dust became greedier and demanded more strength from the transparent mule. This continued on until the wind howled out in protest, but the dust ignored it and continued to ride on its invisible back. It stung as it hit me, coating me in a dark grain that stuck to my legs and pushed its way into my mouth and eyes, further clouding me. He squeezed my hand and our eyes met, for a moment I was able to push my pain away as I stared into him. We wondered into a little gully, or what once might have been a gully, now it was a mere dip in the sprawling desert. He pulled me to him, down to the ground shielding me from the muck with his body. The dust raged around us, but I hardly felt it, no, I just felt warm. It continued on into the night pinning us down and shielding us from the creatures that would normally kill us. It settled sometime in the early morning. The grains of dirt suddenly freezing in the air surprised by the lack of wind, and with nothing but their own strength to use they drop to the ground exhausted. The normal chill of the night did not pierce the layers of sand that blanketed us and we slept.
They had taken us by surprise, springing from all the raggedy plants and rocks the wasteland could provide. Bullets flew and before I could run to their final embrace he pulled me behind a rock with one hand and fired his own bullets with the other. I pouted. I know it's childish, but I was frustrated. Everything was exploding around me and I could have nothing to do with it. My silliness was interrupted with a well timed grunt. My eyes filled with horror as I saw him drop to his knees beside me clutching his tattered buckshot pocked shoulder. Something I could not recognize lit in my belly driving my hand to his pistol. I grit my teeth and aimed death at each and every one of the yellowed belly thugs and released it with the snap of my trigger finger. Silence overtook us as they all fell. I threw the gun to the ground and fell to my knees beside him. My hands all soft my eyes all full of tears. I patted him willing him my comfort. Finally my hands snapped out of their flurry and settled on treating the wound. Sitting on what had been our rocken shield, I pulled the shot from his shoulder and wrapped it. Tears continued to streak down my face, cleaning all the grime in its path. His brilliant eyes locked with mine as the hand from his good arm wiped my tears.
"Your eyes are so beautiful", he spoke softly his voice coated in a secret pride I could not begin to understand. He stood his hand reaching for mine, and mine for his.
We walked on into the auburn light at a pace that was less than half of what we had been going at. My eyes kept glancing back at him every few steps. First starting at his shoulder, which he kept stiff, then to his face, which was set into a hard line, and finally to his reassuring clear eyes. Every once and a while our eyes met and he gave me that secret proud smile.
It was dark now. I could see nothing save for his glowing green eyes that met mine at every glance. We had left the sand behind long ago and now we stumbled over rocks. Well at least I did, he could see with his glowing eyes. Every time I stumbled his eyes illuminated my face with his heavy gaze. His light touch gripping my hand and dragging me back to my feet. This was not safe. Even a child knew not to travel in a place like this at night. As if my thoughts summoned it before us, eyes flashed. He noticed them first and drew me back from the figure of death before us. The sky was naked of its normal glowing embellishment and all was dark for my unseeing eyes. He could see though. His hand left mine, his face turning from me and casting my entire world into darkness except for the deathly eyes that hovered before me growing in their intensity, shaded by their indifference. But soon they disappeared as well, and I was left with nothing but the nothingness as the grunts and shouts and shrill sounds of struggling broke out around me. Eyes flashed, bright and warning, bright and caring, then suddenly a different set shady and bright and longing. They were sleepy almost. Dull and demanding me to sleep as well. And then his eyes would flash again waking me up, pulling me away from Its inky sleepiness. He took my hand again, and walked me into the sunrise.
My battle won, I pulled my foot from the open air, turned from the cliff and walked away.