Okay.

This has been updated on the 16/7/14, with a new chapter. Chapter One concerns POTO in general, Leroux and Kay. Chapter Two, ALW, 2004 movie, 25th anniversary, and LND.

Ideas? Leave a review. ;P

In general

I will not teach Erik to sing Defying Gravity from Wicked.

Though it would be absolutely epic.

And especially not when the chandelier falls.

I will not introduce Christine to Amy Pond.

I will not body-swap Madame Giry and La Carlotta.

Though it's insanely hilarious whatever version.

And I won't body-swap Christine and La Carlotta either, because I don't want to get punjabed.

I will not give Christine a sonic screwdriver.

I will not say how much my Aveeno cream is great for the face while Erik is around.

I will not ask Erik if I can have his croaking recipe.

I will not teach Erik to sing Adele's Someone Like You.

I will not teach Erik to sing Taylor Swift's You Belong With Me.

Actually, I won't teach Erik ANY Adele or Taylor Swift songs.

I will not challenge Erik to arm-wrestling.

I will not teach Raoul or Christine of "sex-education". Awkward…

I will not teach Christine to sing Katy Perry's Hot N' Cold.

I will not tell Christine unmasking a masked guy isn't really smart.

I will not ask Erik to slow dance with me.

I will not let Erik watch Christine while she is taking a bath, because I'm pretty sure he already does.

And I will not let Raoul do that either.

I will not show Erik, Christine and Raoul The Corpse Bride.

I will not introduce Erik to Facebook or online dating.

I will not let Erik drink any coffee or Redbull or anything like that.

I will not introduce Raoul to Cosette, so they can write a book about the fact that there's no reason for so many people to hate them.

I will not ask Mrs. Lovett if she's interested to go from Men-who-slit-throats to Men-who-punjab.

I will not introduce Erik to Tegan Jovanika.

Because, well, I don't want Tegan to get punjabed…

(And she would probably get the Magical Lasso lecture from Madame Giry…) (if you get the Doctor Who reference here, virtual cookies for you!)

I will not teach Christine to sing Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble.

I will not teach Erik to sing Justin Bieber's Boyfriend.

Because it's just so creepy. "If I was your boyfriend, never let you go…"

And I won't teach it to Raoul either.

I will not teach Madame Giry or Meg to do kung-fu.

Though I'm pretty sure they actually can.

I will not pierce Erik's belly button. (I'm not really sure where that idea came from, but just picture how disgruntled Erik would be with a girly butterfly hanging from his belly button.)

I will not tell Christine that it's dangerous and not very smart to wander off with strangers.

I will not tell Erik or Raoul that there are stories involving them in a romantic relationship.

I will not introduce the characters from POTO to the characters from Dracula.

Because it might just give them all really weird ideas.

I will not introduce Erik to Rose Tyler.

I will not tell Christine that no one really takes her daddy issues seriously.

I will not sing Lady Gaga's Born This Way while Erik is around.

I will not attach Miley Cyrus to the chandelier, in the same position like in Wrecking Ball.

I will not tell Erik to yell: "TIMBER!" when the chandelier falls.

And I will not yell "GOAL!" when it crashes.

I will not introduce Erik to Éponine.

I will not tell Erik or Raoul Christine is actually lesbian. (Inspired by Aria)

I will not teach La Carlotta to sing Lady Gaga's Applause.

I will not ask Sweeney Todd to shave Raoul.

Even if Erik promised me to pay me in hugs.

Okay, maybe if Erik promised me to pay me in hugs…

I will not introduce Erik to Joffrey Baratheon.

Even though his number of fans would increase drastically if he punjabed Joffrey.

I will not introduce Erik to Rumplestilskin.

Because it would have really bad consequences.

I will not ask Erik how he got an organ down in the undergrounds.

I will not give Christine a sonic screwdriver.

I will not let les Amis de l'ABC join the mob down to Erik's lair.

Leroux

I will not give Erik the idea of putting TVs in his torture chamber instead of the mirrors, and put on Carebears, or Twilight, or The Three Musketeers 3D, or Dora the Explorer, or any Barbie movie, or The Notebook on repeat.

And I'll probably add the Fifty Shades of Grey movie when that will be out.

I will not introduce Erik to Ace McShane.

I will not introduce Erik to Gollum either.

I will not ask the Daroga to give me a piggy-back ride while we are in the catacombs.

Kay

I will not bring les Amis de l'ABC in Persia.

I will not let Danaerys Targaryen give Drogon to the Shah, so he can insult her and she can just kill him and the Khanum.

Even if that would be even more badass and awesome than in Game of Thrones, especially with Erik and Nadir around.

I will not introduce Madeleine to Fantine.

Though I'm sure it would just do her good.

I will not give little Erik a drum set so he can drive his mother crazy(er).

And I will not give Erik the idea of giving Reza a drum kit, so he can drive the Daroga crazy(er).

I will not introduce Javert to hum… Javert.

I will not tell Erik and Nadir that they have to defeat an evil force and destroy the One Ring.

Though I'm pretty sure they would defeat Sauron in no time.

I will not give Erik a rose bouquet and tell him they come from Nadir.