Absolution

Summary: Harry has been cheating on Ron, his boyfriend of three years, with Severus. Harry breaks it off, and writes a letter.

Rating: PG-13 for two swear words and implied slash just to be careful.

Spoilers: None.

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me. They belong to J.K. Rowling. If they belonged to me, I wouldn't be worried about college money…

Warnings: Implied slash. Male/Male relationship.

A/N: Harry is in his seventh year and is a few months from graduation. In this story homosexual couples can (somehow) birth children and Severus Snape is not a complete git.

Sev,

I just wanted to write…for no apparent purpose. I don't even know why I'm writing this considering I just "broke up" with you. God, that sounds so fucking ridiculous. It sounds juvenile, like I'm a teenager again…oh wait. I am.

It just feels like I'm not sometimes. Maybe that's what first attracted me to you, your dry sense of humor, and your wisdom. I guess your wisdom failed with me, huh? I'm never a wise one to fall for, I always cause heartache. Even without the extenuating circumstances.

I know that I'm the one that broke it off, but I hurt just the same. Even without the changes we made, you were-are-my best friend. After this how do I go back to being friends? How do you?

I've always said that I was selfish. Do you believe me now? I guess that sounds callous…but it's the truth. I have Ron. I mean, yeah he ticks me off sometimes. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that when it's all said and done that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm going to get married, have the kids, the whole bit. I love him. I sometimes despise him, but all the same, I love him.

But, at the same time, I managed to fall in love with you.

I told you that I grew up. And I guess that I did. I know that I've said I guess way too much in this little paper. I didn't understand that I could love two people at once, but then I did. But what I did finally figure out was that as much as you can love two people at once, you couldn't be WITH two people at once.

I had to make my choice. And I did.

As much as I'm hurting, I know I've hurt you worse. Goodness, I know that you're a big boy, and you'll be ok. That's not what I m implying. I just want to hurt me for hurting you.

I've been looking back on my tour of duty at Hogwarts, and I'm finding out a lot. I'm learning things about myself that I never knew, and about others. I find myself thinking, (and sometimes saying), If I knew then what I know now.

Looking back on the moments that we've shared, I cannot figure out if I would change anything. Part of me wants to, because I never meant to hurt you. I know that's got to sound ignorant as hell, but I truly never meant to cause you pain. But, at the same time, I know I will always look back on those moments with a bittersweet smile. Sweet for the memories, bitter only because I ended them. Because I finally did the right thing. It may not have been right for me, but in the books, it's the only thing I could do.

You've saved me so many times. You've given me a reason to go on, when no one else could. You've always been there for me. The few months that we shared will always be remembered. I've never felt so…cherished. Respected. Beautiful. Loved. You gave me faith in myself, and treated me like a human. I'm just so sorry it had to end like this.

I know that it's worth nothing now, but I love you.

Forgive me.

Harry