Okay, just so I don't get sued or nothing like that, I'm putting this little disclaimer:
Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. The characters and events in this story – even those based on actual people or events – are fictional.This is a figment of my imagination so bogus that not even the guy who really owns Teen Titans could ever make it possible.
I have about two dozen other things I'll need to "disclaim" but I'll save that for the end, okay? Snoogans.
It was about 10:30 PM at the T-shaped tower. All five Titans were scrambling to pack their bags, anxious to leave for their big spring break vacation. Having just defeated Trigon, perhaps the toughest villain they had ever faced, Robin agreed that a little R and R would be good for everyone.
"Stupid little spiky-haired punk bitch, making us leave at 4:30 in the goddamn morning…" Cyborg muttered under his breath as he gathered his essential gadgets into a large metal case. He was struggling to close it when a raspy voice behind him yelled, "Hey Cy!"
He jumped up with a startled yelp. When he saw that it was only Beast Boy he sighed with relief. "Man, what're you doing sneaking up on me like that?" he snapped.
"Jeez, sorry dude," Beast Boy replied. "I just wanted to ask if I could hide my, uh, 'deodorant' in your bag."
"Why can't you put it in your own bag?"
"Because," Beast Boy whispered, "it's not really deodorant." He glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was looking. When he decided the coast was clear, he pulled out a normal-looking plastic deodorant container. "Nothing suspicious, right?" He then lifted off the cap, revealing a shredded, brownish plant stuffed inside.
Cyborg sniffed the strange substance. He stared at Beast Boy in disbelief. "Man, this is WEED! If Robin finds this-"
"…I'll get my ass handed to me on a silver platter," Beast Boy said. "I know. That's why I can't have it in my bag. He wouldn't think to search your stuff, right? So keep it safe for me, will ya?"
Cyborg shook his head. "No way, dude. I don't want all my stuff smelling like dope."
Beast Boy made a sulky face. "Fine. I'll ask Raven."
"Yeah, right!" Cyborg laughed. "Good luck with THAT!"
He crept down the hall to Raven's closed door. Checking to make sure no one else was around, he lightly rapped on the door. "Hey, uh, Raven? I was wondering if you'd do me a favor…"
The response he got was silence. He cracked open the door and peered inside. The room was only dimly lit, and he couldn't tell if anyone was there or not. He called her name again, and again no one answered. Guess I'll just wait for her to get back, he thought.
He sat down on her bed and felt something brush his hand. Lying beside him was a strange, cylindrical object. It was about ten inches long and rounded at the end. Curious, he picked it up, accidentally hitting a switch and causing the object to flash neon light.
"Jeez," he said to himself, "who would've thought Raven collected light sabers?"
He examined the light saber, trying to figure out what about it Raven could possibly find interesting. Turning it upside-down, he found another switch, which he pushed to "ON." The object began to vibrate and made a loud buzz.
"Dude!" he exclaimed. "Sound effects! Sweet!"
He took the light saber in both hands, holding it as if it were a weapon. Swinging it around his head, he slashed at his imaginary enemies and defending himself from their counter-strikes. Suddenly he heard footsteps and female voices coming from the hall.
"Shit!" Beast Boy whispered to himself. Thinking quickly, he switched off the light saber, dropped it back on Raven's bed and, figuring he wouldn't have enough time to make an escape, ducked under her bed.
"Um, friend Raven?" said Starfire timidly. "I do not believe I am in possession of this 'suit of bathing' of which you speak."
"Don't worry," Raven said reassuringly. "I have an extra that you can borrow. It's a little big on me anyway, so it should fit you fine. Just remind me tomorrow morning, okay?"
"Oh, I shall!" Starfire shouted in that excited-little-girl-on-Christmas-morning voice. "I am most grateful for your generosity, friend Raven!" She was about to catch the dark girl in a tight hug, but Raven, seeing what was coming, slid backwards into her room and closed the door.
Raven clicked the lock and threw off her cloak carelessly onto the floor. Beast Boy heard her footsteps getting gradually louder until he could see her feet right next to his face. She noticed the light saber on her bed and picked it up. "Hmm, knew I left it around here somewhere…" she muttered to herself.
She slid out of her shoes and began to unzip her leotard. Beast Boy heard the mattress creak as she plopped on top of it. He also heard her stereo click on and loud rock music bursting from the speakers. Now wearing only her lacy black bra and panties, she switched the light saber on. "Perfect way to end a long week…" she said deviously.
Beast Boy was trying to figure out what she meant by that, but his thoughts were interrupted by the loud moans above him. Jeez, he thought. I had no idea Raven was into that kind of stuff…
The moans began to grow louder and louder, drowning out the loud music, until they became screams. Beast Boy began to panic. Shit, what if she's in trouble? He thought hectically. Meanwhile, Raven felt the long-awaited sensation beginning to pulse through her sweat-drenched body. She was so close…
Beast Boy jumped out from his hiding place. He shouted, "Don't worry, I'll save you Ra-"
His eyes grew wide as he stared at her. Raven, paralyzed with shock and embarrassment, struggled to find the words to yell at him. Before she could react, however, Beast Boy grabbed her toy and threw it on the floor. He took the form of a gorilla and furiously trampled it.
"Die! Die! Die! Die!" He screamed, now back in human form. Confused and slightly amused, Raven switched off the music.
"Uh, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Stand back, Raven!" Beast Boy yelled warningly. "Your light saber's possessed by some evil force of forceful evil! It almost killed you!"
Raven shook her head in disbelief. "Are you seriously that retarded?" she laughed.
"Shut up!" he shouted defensively. "I just saved you life. The least you could do is say thank you."
She picked up her "light saber" and held it next to Beast Boy's face. "Haven't you ever heard of a vibrator?"
There was a long silence as Beast Boy stared at Raven, then at the vibrator, and then back at Raven.
"No," he finally said.
Raven shook her head again. "Just get out of my room," she muttered.
He left without a word. She locked the door behind him and began laughing uncontrollably. "Holy shit," she said to herself. "This is going to be a very interesting trip…"
Well, I figured why not start off with a bang. Bet you'd never see THAT on the series! Now do you see why it's rated M?
Peace, Love, and All Things Rock,
Terra The Masterful