Preface
My heart ached more than my body. Even though I had been punched, kicked, tossed against a wall, and stabbed in the stomach it all seemed small compared to the pain inside my heart.
"Looks like you didn't love him enough"
The words rang in my head, every waking moment. Even if I was asleep they were still there, impregnated. I could hear and feel the whole world, everything in it, but it was shaded away by those words. The rational part of me that they weren't true, that they were doing to me exactly what he wanted them to do, but the wild part of me, listened to them, thought about them, considering the possibility of them to be true. Maybe I hadn't cared enough; maybe I didn't fight hard enough.
I did love him, but what hurt the most was, that I didn't save him, I didn't have the strength to fight enough. I had been weak, and that was something I would never forgive myself for. I had taught myself not to be weak, but when it really came down to it I had been the weakest of them all. I should have been the one who died, not him.