So here is Kai's One shot as promised. It took me awhile but I'm finally happy enough with it. I'm hoping to finish the Epilogue for MFC by the end of the weekend, so look out for it. MEMF followers- I'm working hard on it. About two big scenes from being done. Special thanks to Sugarapplesweet for being a large help with this. I write for Gray so much it was hard not to give Kai Grayish thoughts ^_^;
Anyways, I hope this is up to expectations, and that you guys are stoked for the epi coming up soon. Any questions, leave it in a signed review or PM me and I'll answer them quick as I can :)
Disclaimer: I don't own HM
A long time ago I had come to accept that there are many things in this life that you do not understand, that there are so many things that one cannot question.
Que sera sera. Whatever will be will be.
I wont lie about it. When Claire came to me and ask me to take her with me, I had hoped it meant she wanted to be mine.
It was hard to tell her no, hell it was hard for me to say no to anyone. But…the tears that had been in her eyes made it that much harder.
So maybe I would be killed the next time I set foot in Mineral Town, because Goddess knows she had not one but two over protective men in her life. So maybe she would never be able to think of me the way I did her, especially when she seemed to love Gray so damn much.
But I still hoped, even though I kind of already knew it was a stupid idea. Because she had already given the key to her heart to someone else, even if he was too dense to realize it.
But when I admitted defeat and told her she could tag along with me to the city, she had been so exited. She had been so happy that she'd gone so far as to glomp me in a tight clumsy hug and thank me. So in a matter of moments I pulled her down the pier and placed her on the ferry before I could talk myself out of it.
When it came to Claire it had always been in my nature to make her smile…
When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
I guess it was when I actually figured out why she wanted to come to the city that things sort of went downhill. Because I never would have agreed if she had told me the reasoning, for multiple reasons- the second being my own death if something went wrong while she was here.
The more personal reason was the same reason everyone else had given her when she brought up this surgery. She was just so…precious and such a wonderful person that none of us really wanted to lose her. Not for her to be able to have her sight again.
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one
I had been against it from the get go, and it had taken a lot for me to agree to let her go through with it without placing a call to Mineral Town to let Jack or Gray know exactly what was going on. I was praying that something would come up and the surgery would have to be delayed.
So I had been kind of relieved when the doctor's pre-screening had come back with a negative for a plausible candidate. But it had been the reason that had made me flip my lid.
"Kai calm down."
Calm down? Calm down?!
"He's going to kill me Claire. You don't understand. I never would have taken you out of Mineral Town if I had known there was even the possibility..." I trailed off as I looked at her, my hand tightening its grip on hers as I led her down the busy city sidewalk. I veered through a crowd, dragging her behind me at a dangerous speed as I headed for the hotel.
There weren't many times that I felt the need to ditch someone for some alone time, but this damn sure called for it.
I dropped her off in the hotel room, and headed downstairs to the bar basement, hell bent on drinking the stress away.
"I'm pregnant."
The words kept echoing through my head, and at some point in the night I had asked for a pen, and wrote down my apology letter to the father of the unborn child. Of course I would never send the damn piece of napkin, with sloppy handwriting begging for mercy.
After all if it were me…
If someone had the mother of my unborn child, had in my eyes stolen her away in the middle of the night, I don't think I would be able to go easy on them. But in my defense it wasn't like I knew about it. Because I never would have taken her if I had.
I could only hope the man was so happy to have the woman back that he would conveniently forget about me.
I took a few hours for me to finally gain enough patience to go back to the hotel room. Claire was sitting on one of the old ratty twin beds, staring blankly into space. When she heard me come in she turned her head in my direction, taking a deep breath.
"You are planning on taking me back," she murmured, more as a statement than a question.
"I don't see another option," I muttered darkly, taking off my bandana and tossing it to my bed. "Gray is going to be pissed," I added absentmindedly, wondering if he would accuse the baby of being my own.
"I'm not going back," she said quietly, yet the tone in her voice left little room for argument.
"Claire you have to," I sighed, frowning at her. "Gray is…"
"I'm not . And I'm not telling him. For all I know…right now he's with Mary…and…" she trailed off, her hands furiously scrubbing at her face to wipe away the few stray tears that had begun to fall.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
Call me a sucker, but I had never been able to deal with an emotional woman like this. It was probably why I had tried hard to not get attached, and it was what scared me so badly when it came to Popuri. It was hard but I usually left to give a woman time to compose herself. But with Claire, seeing her like this just made my chest ache painfully and I was unable to even look away. If anything, I couldn't stop my feet from mindlessly walking over to her and turning, my body collapsing on the bed and pulling her back, so her head rested on my chest as I stared at the ceiling.
But Gray wouldn't ever do that to you…
That was what I should say to her. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Even knowing that she was pregnant with his child, even knowing that those were the words she needed to hear to make her pain stop. But then after several minutes of listening to her soft hiccups and whimpers I decided to force the words out of my mouth, however unwilling.
"I don't want to go through life…unable to see my baby when there is even a chance that I can," she finally whispered, interrupting what I was about to say. I blinked down at her, my eyes wide and my mouth slightly gaping.
"W-What are you talking about Claire? If you have the surgery, you could die. Then…then your baby won't even have a mom," I muttered, pushing her bangs back from her fevered face. "You need to stop crying, you're making yourself sick."
"You don't understand…how…how can I live with myself knowing there was a chance I could…and just not. It's not fair at all, that…that because of something I was stupid enough to deal with…" She stopped trying to explain herself then, settling instead on crying into my chest. I sighed and patted her head, stroking her hair soothingly. When she finally quit crying it was because she was asleep, and I let out a large sigh.
"I wont make you go back," I whispered, pressing my lips to her forehead. How could I make her go back when she would hate me, and herself, for allowing it to happen.
I would just have to deal with Gray when the time came.
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
"I'm sorry Ms. Nelson but we cannot perform your surgery until after the baby comes."
"B-But that means I won't be able to see the baby when I have it," she protested meekly, and I sighed as I squeezed her hand.
"I already told you that it was probably too dangerous a procedure to do while pregnant," I managed out, my eyes flickering to her slightly swollen belly. I leaned in, my eyes shutting as I murmured the words to stop her protest about the decision. "He would never forgive you if you didn't make it out, and took the only part of you he would be left with," I warned gently.
The woman stiffened some, and when she nodded her head I chuckled.
"Let's get out of here. We have to go to that ultrasound appointment," I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck. I was certainly jumping through a lot of hoops for a woman- and a kid- that wasn't mine. And I knew it had more to do with the fact that if I didn't Gray would castrate me when he found out.
It was because even though I knew I would never be to her what Gray was to her, that at the moment Claire needed me. And I was just selfish enough to cling to that.
It's okay.
"He's perfect Claire," I managed out, carefully placing the fragile infant in her arms. Her eyes were vacant but her face showed the frustration she must have felt as she brushed her fingers down her face.
"I can't make him out," she finally said, falling back into her hospital pillows. "I can't tell if he has dimples, or…" I placed my finger over her mouth and shushed her.
"Probably because you're exhausted and highly medicated woman," I chuckled, pushing her bangs back and kissing her forehead. "Being upset isn't going to help things now. If you're still dead set on this surgery you need to rest up so you can heal faster."
She closed her eyes, and I made myself comfortable on the small recliner in the room designated for fathers that were devoted enough to stay with their wives or girlfriends instead of going home to a comfortable bed. I was just getting comfortable when Claire's voice rang through my thoughts.
"You think I'm selfish, don't you?" I blinked at the words and then released a drawn out sigh.
"It's not about me and what I think Claire. I think you will regret it…I just think…it's too risky. But I'm going to support you no matter what."
Claire was quiet for a long time, and she finally let out a small laugh. Her laugh caused the infant in her arms to gurgle and let out a loud yawn.
"You…are entirely too good to me Kai. Its like…you're my guardian angel."
It's okay.
I sealed the photo of Claire and Cameron in and envelope addressed to Gray, and then that envelope into a larger envelope addressed to Popuri. At least this way, regardless of what he took away from that photo he knew of the kids existence. And it was a wonderful photo, the first I took of the mother and her son when she was able to see him for the first time.
I deposited the envelope before I could talk myself out of it, and headed to a local hobby store, determined to make sure to do everything in my power to try to make sure that even though he wasn't here, that all the important moments were caught on film, one scene at a time.
It's okay.
It wouldn't make up for it at all, but it would help ease the pain I imagine.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
"What a handsome young boy."
I looked from behind the lens of my camera to see an older woman standing next to me, an old man I assumed to be her companion standing close behind her.
"He is, isn't he?" I chuckled, returning to my camera and taking a few more pictures of Cameron playing in the park, trying his best to climb the steps to the slide. His pudgy fist kept trying to pull himself upward, but he seemed reluctant to leave his large ball behind for the other children to play with. I snapped another quick picture when Claire picked him up and placed him and the ball on top of the slide. "His mother makes sure to never let me forget it, either," I joked, looking back at the old couple.
"I'm sure she's very proud," the older woman chuckled, stepping closer to me, her cane digging into the sand beneath us. "And you seem to be a very devoted father young man. Not man men would be out here like you are, trying to memorize everything. The lot of them, my Galen included, seem to not realize that time does pass, and before you know it the nest is empty and you look back wondering where all that time goes."
"I can imagine," I murmured, my face heating some at her misunderstanding. I wasn't about to correct her though, as I would only be given a disapproving look of a man who had shacked up with some slut who had several kids by several men.
In a way, what she said I guess it was true. I wanted to capture as much of the child's life as I could, placing it all in my collection of scrap books for his father to look at after he no doubt killed me. And I was sure she wouldn't be the last person to mistake me as a father, even if the kid looked nothing like me.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one
"Uncle Kai?"
I blinked at the small voice, feeling my glasses fall down my nose some as I looked up at the wall clock, noting it was approaching midnight and well past the four year olds bed time. I almost yelled for him to get back to bed, but with Claire being back in the hospital recently I had become used to him sneaking out of his room once a week to have random talks about questions he ought to not be thinking about at his age. Things like if his eyes were going to quit working like his mother's had. And when she would be able to come back home from the hospital.
I sighed and removed the glasses, placing them on top of the scrapbook. I didn't really need the damn things but they made it easier to make sure I had everything in the proper place before I cut the pictures the wrong way. I turned on my swivel chair, looking down at the all too familiar pair of dark blue eyes.
I knew that Claire didn't know what Gray looked like, but how she could look at Cameron and see any bit of herself in him I didn't know. As far as I was concerned Claire didn't appear to have put any effort into making this kid- that or Gray's DNA kicked hers out of him.
"What is it, kiddo?" I chuckled when the child glared at the use of the nickname he hated. He crossed his arms and looked down at the plush carpet of the room.
"I wanted to ask you somethin' is all," he muttered out. I felt my eyebrows raise in curiosity and mimicked him, crossing my arms over my chest. It was amazing how he could have so many of his father's characteristics without having ever laid eyes on the man.
"Shoot," I said with an encouraging smile, having had practice at being patient in moments like this years ago in a dusty old inn with a very similar moody individual.
"Everyone at school…" he began, his young face pulled into a frown as he tried to piece the words together. "…has a daddy that comes and picks them up. No uncles…just mamas and daddies."
"Well," I began, rubbing the back of my neck at the statement, and shrugging my shoulders. "When you're mom gets home…I'm sure she'll go back to picking you up. So you don't have to be embarrassed…" I trailed off when he began to shake his head.
"No…that's not it. Johnny was saying…that his daddy takes care of his mom when she's sick. So…I was thinking, you take care of my mama, so…I mean…you can be my daddy, right?"
I felt my mouth open at the suggestion of the four year old, and I felt my heart swell some in pride. He might not be my flesh and blood, but I had been the first to hold this baby, had watched him grow from a helpless infant to something just past a toddler. I knew enough from the kids in his daycare class that most of them weren't this bright. But the conclusions and thinking process there just made me feel so proud.
"Cameron…" I began, grabbing him into a hug and plopping him on my knee. "I'd love to be your daddy," I whispered, resting my chin on top of his head before taking a deep breath. "But you already got one out there. And when we finally go back home, to your mama's home…he's not going to want to share you with me."
"I don't have a daddy," he muttered, trying to wiggle out of my grasp.
"Yes you do. And…the only reason he isn't here right now is because no one told him about you," I began, hesitantly. "You're daddy is…a really good person," I explained, and I felt the change in the child as he turned to look at me.
"Do you know him Uncle Kai?" he asked, his large eyes shining in a mixture of tears he was to proud to shed and what I presumed was hope.
"Boy do I," I chuckled some, wishing I had a picture to show the child. But Gray hadn't been one for photographs.
"Is he nice?"
"To your mama, and…he'll be nice to you when he meets you," I whispered with a nod, picking the child up and taking him to his room. I put him in bed and covered him up, sitting on the edge of the racecar bed and leaning with my back against the wall.
"Is he strong?"
"Strongest man I know Cameron. He makes things, like tools, and he can make jewelry. He…made your mama's favorite necklace." The questions kept up for at least an hour. Is he tall? What color are his eyes? Does he look like me? Will he like me? Will he love me?
I answered everyone as honestly as I could, keeping the answers short and sweet.
"Did mama love him?"
"Very much so. And he loved your mama a lot. Why, I remember the first time I met her, you daddy was so angry at me…" I trailed off when I saw the child's eyes widen.
"Did….did my daddy like you Uncle Kai?" he asked, almost hesitantly.
"He…did. Just…not around your mama," I said quietly, my face falling some.
"Why?"
"I'm sure he was afraid… I would take her away from him," I said without thinking, then mentally berated myself.
"And you did…" the young child said quietly before snuggling down deeper in his blankets. "I'll make sure…to protect mama from you for my daddy. Then…he'll be glad that I was here…and not with him. He wont feel bad about mama leaving, because I was here to protect her…" When Cameron's eyes shut and his breathing evened out I let out a long sigh. I leaned down and kissed the top of his head, fingers grazing over his soft red hair.
"I'm sure he will be," I said to myself, carefully steeping over the toy cars and discarded coloring book on my way out of the room.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
"I want to come home," the woman protested weakly from her hospital bed. I shook my head and grabbed her hand, rubbing my thumb over it.
"You know I can't do that Claire. You have to stay here until you're out of the woods completely."
"But Cameron needs me," she protested and I squeezed her hand slightly tighter, my head shaking.
"If you come home now…all this," I explained gently, my free hand brushing her bangs back. "Coming her, having the surgery….leaving Gray…it will have been completely pointless."
"It's not though…I was able to see Cameron, even if just for a little while. Even if I didn't get to see Gray…"
"But there is a chance you still could see him," I reminded, and Claire shook her head.
"I won't have the surgery again Kai. If…if the growth is back…I'll live with it. I can't …I can't do it now. I won't chance leaving Cameron now. I'm not as selfish now…as I was then." I cupped her face and brought her to look at me, even though at the moment I knew it was pointless.
"Wanting to take the chance to see your child isn't selfish. I would have done the same," I assured her, my eyes flickering to the clock. I sighed and shook my head. "I have to go get Cameron. I'll bring him tomorrow, ok?"
"Only…if he wants to come. He doesn't like seeing me in this place."
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
"Fluid?" I repeated dumbly, though I felt hope blossom inside my chest. "So its not a growth?"
"No…they say the area has filled with fluid. They…want to make a small incision and drain it out," she explained quietly. "The say…it isn't that high of a risk. At least not…like the first surgery."
"So let them do it," I stated quietly, arms crossing over my chest.
"Is there really a point in risking anything at all Kai? Its been five years. I'm sure…things have changed. That…it doesn't matter if I'm able to see him or not. I'm sure he doesn't look at me that way anymore."
I gaped at the woman, before gritting my teeth and standing up. I highly doubted Gray had quit loving her just because she was gone. And I knew…that he still was waiting. But I didn't know if I could tell Claire that.
"If you wont do it for him," I hissed out, grabbing her shoulders, my eyes shutting tightly. "Do it for me. So you can see the way I look at you, even if you don't feel the same. Do it for me, for Cameron, so you can see how he looks at you, how he grows, and how he loves you. Do it…because I'm selfish."
Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay
"Absolutely not," I growled out, nearly dropping the spoon I had being stirring the sauce with into the pan.
"Why not?" she deadpanned, her arms crossing over her chest in annoyance.
"Because I don't think it's the right time," I shot back, becoming frustrated with the woman. What was the hurry all of a sudden. It had only been six months. Another six, at the doctors recommendation wouldn't hurt.
But she was determined to head back to Mineral Town. To Gray. So damn set on leaving me and the life I had tried to build for us. But…
It was stupid of me. Because I always knew, that she belonged to him, with him. No matter how much I tried to pretend.
"I have to go back Kai. You don't understand. I've…been dreaming about him." I looked at her disbelieving, and shook my head.
"How can you dream about someone you've never seen?"
"I can hear his voice, and I can smell him, feel him. Kai…I need him. I need to go back. Even if…it's too late. I want to see him one time…just in case there are more complications.
I thought about her words and let out a defeated sigh, knowing all too well that she would get her way in the end.
Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray
"Claire," I murmured as I saw the familiar town coming into view in the distance. Cameron was below deck napping, and I placed my hand on hers, watching how she seemed to be overloaded with anxiousness.
"Yeah Kai?" I smiled some, and closed my eyes. I already knew that things would go her way when she stepped off this boat. That the love of her life would take her in his arms and never let her go. But I couldn't help but to wonder…if it had been to late. If Gray…had given up what would happen with us,
"If…he isn't there for you, will you marry me?" I asked quietly, squeezing her hand tightly.
"Kai," she murmured out, her eyes falling to our hands.
"It doesn't matter…to me if you feel about me like I do you. I can love you enough for the both of us, just like I've been doing for over five years now. So if…it's too late for a future with Gray. Will you take one with me?"
She was silent for a moment, and she opened her mouth to give me my answer, only to have a small child wedge between us, glaring out over the railing as he separated us.
"He'll be there. My daddy is a good man, and he loves my mama very much. You told me so Uncle Kai. So I know…he'll be there."
I smiled at the wise words, and I had already knew they were true. I had just wondered what if. But I didn't have time to waist on that anymore.
"Mama, I can't find my hat," Cameron mumbled tiredly, leaning his head against her thigh. I watched with a sad smile as Claire picked him up and headed below deck, no doubt so Cameron could finish his nap and she could search the cabin for his hat.
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
