Greetings! This is my first TMNT fanfic, but not my first fanfic! Let's get this out of the way:
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!! TMNT is owned by someone else, and 4Kids created the amazing episode "Same as It Never Was," which this fanfic is based on.
By the way, there seems to be a debate over whether or not Leo is blind in the episode "Same as It Never Was." Honestly, he either is or isn't. You can argue either way, really, and I for one didn't think he was blind in that episode. The official story synopsis doesn't suggest he's blind, so I'm going to say he's not blind, k? You can say he is if that's what you think, but please, since this is my story, just go with it.
Now onto the main story!
Lasting Scars, Lasting Wounds
His hideout was a small one, in a place where there was naturally ear-deafening noise. He had grown used to it, and could sleep in it. It was a place that anyone had to know was there in order to find. It was where he slept, and meditated. Or at least, where he tried to meditate.
It wasn't the noise that prevented him from meditating. No, he had been able to meditate in worse noise and chaos than this place offered. This almost deafening noise was not so hard to ignore to meditate, not if he put his mind to it. No, what often kept him from meditating were memories.
They were not a pleasant companion for him, although these days they were his only companion. He sometimes would be contacted by the resistance to help in specific ways, but for the most part he went off on his own, doing what he could to fight the Shredder. No, he spent most of the time alone, and he often found himself trapped in his own memories, particularly when he was here, in his hideaway.
He stood up and stretched. He had just spent a good hour meditating, and training was about to start. He went over to fetch his brothers, only to discover that his second youngest brother, Donatello, was missing. He asked his other two brothers if they had seen him, or knew where he was, and gotten blank looks.
They skipped practice on Master Splinter's suggestion and looked for their brother. His shell-cell was laid out next to Donnie's computer, although his bo-staff was missing. Fear grew in the pit of his stomach, and they looked everywhere they could for their brainy brother.
Weeks went by before they finally went back to training, and even then it was horrible. There was no sign or trace of their brother, and his disappearance went both ways. He could be alive, just somewhere else. Yet again, he could be dead, and they just hadn't found his body.
Master Splinter would insist that Donatello would return to them, and they just had to be patient.
He gasped slightly as the memories of that period of time washed over him. The never-ending fear, the anger, and the despair were all still potent, even after all this time. Why did he abandon us? he wondered with a sigh as he rubbed a hand over his head. Why did Donnie just leave us behind, if he's still alive?
It was better to think that Donnie was dead. It hurt, but not as badly as the thought that Donnie had abandoned them. He didn't think he could stand it if it turned out that Donnie had abandoned them.
Michelangelo had taken Donnie's disappearance the hardest. The two had always been close, and enjoyed goofing off together when Mikey could drag Donnie out of his ever-present studies and tinkering. He was also the only one of the three brothers that Mikey would go to if he had had a nightmare. Mikey hadn't dared to go to either of his remaining brothers after Donnie's disappearance when he had had a nightmare. It had hurt to see him refuse to seek comfort, and for a while, simply curling up on Donatello's bed would ease some of his pain. Of course, that was the only thing in Donatello's room that he dared to disturb, for the day when Donatello would return.
Now it didn't matter. That room, and everything else in their home, was gone. Smashed to bits by the Shredder's robots and men.
"What's that sound?" I ask Mikey, frowning slightly at the slight ticking noise. I'm hoping it's coming from his video game. My hopes of that are dashed when Mikey pauses his game, and the ticking sound increases.
Suddenly the entrance from the sewer bursts open. Mikey and I pull out our weapons, and all I can think is that our enemies have finally found out home. It had been five years since Donnie's disappearance, and while April has been a great help in keeping our defense system running, they're falling into disrepair. They finally failed us.
"The Foot!" Raphael gasps as he dashes out of his room. He lets out a roar, and attacks. Mikey and I jump in as well, in part to give the Foot more targets. Soon we're surrounded and overwhelmed.
"No! My sons!" I hear Master Splinter yell, and suddenly he's in the midst of the battle as well. It's hopeless, but this is our home. We haven't done much against the Shredder in the past five years – mostly just hindering the Purple Dragons – so why is he doing this to us now?
"Leonardo! Get your brothers out of here! I'll hold them off!" Master Splinter orders me, and a feeling of shock and dread rise up. Please tell me he did not just say what I think he did. Master Splinter gives me a look in a brief moment of time where neither of us are fighting. I see in his eyes that he knows what will happen to him if he stays, and I suddenly realize that the same fate awaits all of us. "Tell Donatello that I always knew he'd be back, when you see him, and that I never blamed him for his disappearance," Master Splinter tells me quietly before he's back into action.
"Mikey! Raph! We're leaving!" I yell at them. Oh, shell – Raph just got knocked out! "RAPH!!!" I scream and leap over to him. Mikey's suddenly there, and between the two of us, we're able to get out of there. Master Splinter blocks the Foot from following us, and destroys the passageway that we just used to make our escape.
"What about Master Splinter?" Mikey asks me in a panicked voice as he glances behind him. "We have to go back!"
"No, Mikey – we need to get to safety first. I'm not going to impose ourselves on April again – not after what happened the last time we stayed there for a long period of time," I mutter quietly.
"B-but…" Mikey stares at me.
Tears are forming in the corners of my eyes, but I angrily blink them out. "I'm sorry, Mikey, this is what he wanted. Master Splinter… he knew what would happen, and… he wanted to give us a chance to live," I tell my little brother quietly, looking away as we continue to carry Raph. I can hear Mikey starting to snivel, but thank God, he's continuing to walk. A lump forms in my own throat as we continue to move through the sewers.
He gasped as that memory hit him, and he had to work hard not to cry. They had found safety, for the moment, when Raphael had finally woken up. By then, it was too late, and Leo knew it.
It hadn't taken much for the resulting argument to occur. Raph, so grief-stricken, had refused to see the logic and noble sacrifice of their master and instead focused on what the three of them could have done to save him. Telling Raph that he was unconscious at the time did nothing to make the red-banded turtle any happier.
Leo put a hand up to his left eye. His face was heavily scarred, but unlike Raph, he retained the use of both eyes. It did not make things easier on Raph to be half-blind, but in some ways it was better than what had happened to Michelangelo.
About ten years after Master Splinter had died protecting them, they had tried to go up against the Shredder. In that battle, Raph had lost his left eye, and Mikey had lost his left arm from the elbow down. They had been lucky not to lose each other, but Raph hadn't seen it that way. He had left, guilt-ridden for letting Mikey lose his arm, and blaming Leo for everything, but mostly Master Splinter's death.
Leo just couldn't deal with Mikey anymore. He still loved his little brother, but seeing him without his left arm – it was a constant reminder that he, too, had failed to protect his little brother.
Living on his own – it was hard, but it was better than being with people. People – they were a reminder of who and what he had lost. Donatello was the first of Leo's loses – he had lost a brother, and one of the smartest people he had ever known. Master Splinter – a father, a teacher, and so much more.
Raphael – despite the fact that he was a live, Raph was still lost to him. Raph's anger and fury, which Leo knew had to mask his own grief, would never let it go that they had lost their father. Michelangelo – like Raphael, Mikey was still alive, but lost to Leo. Mikey was a reminder of Leo's failures, and being around him just made Leo want to howl with grief and despair.
Casey Jones was now lost to them as well. He had died in their last attempt to kill the Shredder, when the three turtles had sworn not to try again. Raphael had taken Casey's death the hardest, even over Casey's wife, April. The vigilante had been a close friend of Raph's for so long, it was like they were brothers.
Leo sighed, leaning back in his small hideaway. He now lived for very few things. Donatello's return – he had to deliver Master Splinter's message, even though by now he had given up hope that he'd ever return. Yet until Leo died, that was one of the things he lived for, if only to keep him going.
Defeating the Shredder, somehow – that kept him going, too, although he had given up most of his hope in accomplishing that, either. But he had to try, he had to keep fighting.
Maybe that was the real reason Leo was alive. He lived to resist the Shredder, now that he couldn't defeat him. If he couldn't kill the Shredder, he would resist him in any way he could. In a way, it was enough for him to keep going. If he could accomplish either of the other goals he had before he died, he would be grateful.
"Donnie," he whispered as quietly as he could. "You better come back, bro – we could really use you're big brain right about now." As always, his voice was drowned out by the rumbling machines that stood near his hideaway.
Whew! That's done! I have a few ideas for future chapters, but I can't guarantee anything. For now, this is not complete, but if I don't get any interest, I may leave this as a one-shot.
That being said, please, PLEASE read and review!!! I like reviews - they encourage me to write. (I really should get back to my Plant Girl story, but I'm a little... discouraged at the moment.)
That's all from me for now!
~Star~