Hawaii Five-O and Hogan's Heroes belong to others. I'm just visiting their worlds. Toby Cockatoo (and his real-life alter ego) are mine. This story was beta'd by my cockatoo. He wanted to be certain I portrayed the behaviors correctly.
CARTER, THE COCKATOO, AND THE COPS
Steve McGarrett studied the smallish carrier sitting on the corner of Five-O office manager Jenny Sherman's desk. Intrigued by the faint scratching sounds emanating from the object, the tall detective bent down and looked in the cage-like door. A big white bird stared back at him.
"Hi! Hello! Achtung! Raus! Raus!" The bird enthusiastically greeted him, practically bouncing with excitement. Just what a cockatoo ordered: a new person to play with. This one looked interesting. What new and wonderful toys would he offer for a cockatoo's enjoyment?
None, it turned out. McGarrett focused an annoyed look at the office's other human inhabitant. "Where did this bird come from? He's definitely not a suspect in any case."
"He's Carter's bird, Toby. Carter dropped him off," Jenny responded. "Doc Bergman found evidence of an unknown substance in one of his 'patients' and he and Che asked for a consult."
"So what is this bird doing here?" McGarrett sputtered. "Shouldn't he be in a cage? At home?"
"Want peanut!" came the response from the carrier, followed by a loud screech.
Hurricane McGarrett was approaching Force One when a quickly-stifled chuckle alerted the lead detective to the presence of his team. "Gentlemen, my office." Then, "Careful, Kono," as the big Hawaiian detective stuck a finger through the bars on the carrier door.
"Hey, he bit me!" squawked the officer as he quickly withdrew the now very sore finger.
Danny couldn't resist. "You gonna arrest him for assaulting a police officer?"
"Gentlemen . . ." McGarrett began again. They moved into the big office and shut the door on the screeches now coming from a large, angry cockatoo. That man had taken away his interesting new friends! Toby cocked his head as he considered how to show him who was really in charge. A glint of mischief sparkled in his black eyes.
Cockatoos are highly intelligent and Toby was smarter than most. He'd learned a few lessons about picking locks during the time he'd spent in the tunnels that crisscrossed Stalag 13. The carrier's plastic would take too long to chew through, but that door . . . He stuck a foot through the bars and began to delicately manipulate the catch, muttering to himself all the while. A few minutes' work and he was rewarded with a soft click. A tentative push against the door and freedom! He flounced toward a surprised Jenny, raising and lowering his crest as he considered the possibilities. A desk full of interesting toys: papers to shred, small objects to throw, even a human to offer scritches and perhaps delicious treats. And was that a donut on the corner of the desk? Time to investigate!
A startled Jenny caught her breath as she watched the hyper-excited bird sample her morning snack. Toby gave the long-suffering secretary a warning look. Jenny backed away and left the tasty treat to him. At least he'd stopped screeching.
The donut finished-shredded into a pile of crumbs was more like it-Toby busied himself with the contents of Jenny's desk. This was interesting! Lots of small things to throw, papers to shred: a wonderful new playground and no one around to tell him "NO!" Where to start? Ah, the eraser! One quick bite and one eraser became two. The pieces were quickly tossed on the floor. The stapler was next. And was that a telephone? Toby tentatively beaked a few buttons. What wonderful beeping noises and so easy to imitate! Toby tossed his head as he gleefully continued to play with the phone. A squawk, punctuated by a menacing beak clack, warned the approaching Jenny away. No one was going to interfere with a cockatoo's playtime. If his person had the effrontery to leave him in a strange office with a demanding boss, well, he had the right to entertain himself. And entertain himself he would as he started to attack the papers in Jenny's in box, chortling hysterically.
A buzzing sound from the intercom caught his attention. McGarrett's "Jenny" was answered with a loud "Report! Report!" followed by a couple of bars of a slightly off-key whistled version of The Marseillaise.
Steve's voice took on an annoyed edge. Hurricane McGarrett was now approaching Force Two. "Call Bergman!" the lead detective roared. "Tell him to send Carter over here now, consult or no consult. Five-O is not a bird-sitting service!" Dead silence from the intercom, then a concerned "Jenny? You OK?"
"No, I'm not!" she answered. "That bird opened his carrier. He's destroying my desk!"
Help arrived in the presence of Danno and Chin. The young second-in-command sacrificed his jacket to capture the wayward bird and stuff him back in the carrier. Chin looped his handcuffs through the latch-carrier and bird secured. Steve gave Jenny a quick, comforting hug while Kono offered a cup of coffee and a donut he'd squirrelled away for future reference. Jenny looked at the mess. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She decided to laugh. Toby voiced his annoyance with a few ear-splitting screams.
The detectives grinned at one another. Maybe they'd better postpone their meeting and help Jenny repair things in the office. Things were more or less back to normal when the door opened, admitting Lt. Colonel Andrew Carter, head of pharmacy at Tripler Hospital.
"Hi everyone," the officer began. "Thanks for watching Toby for me. He wasn't any trouble, was he?" Then, noticing the addition to the carrier's latch, "Why the handcuffs?"
The look on Steve's face put a stop to Carter's questions. "If he wasn't already in a cage, I'd arrest him for wanton mischief." McGarrett suddenly chuckled, finally recognizing the humor in the situation. "Why did you leave him here? Why not take him to your meeting with Berg and Che?"
"He doesn't like labs—reminds him of the vet," Carter replied. "I told him to behave!" He shook his head as he continued, "I'm actually taking him to visit the kids in the pediatric cancer ward at Queens. He can do lots of tricks, so I have him put on a show. It helps take the kids' minds off their illness for a while."
"So he's doing community service?" Danny questioned. "I guess that means we'll have to release him into your custody. Book 'em, Carter!"
Pau!
Cockatoos love to take things apart. Toby's alter ego actually took the door off his cage!