For Tonight
It was so stupid, I started laughing at the wall or the thoughts that flooded my head. Well looks better now, suddenly I feel like this weight of how I should act was gone. I no longer needed to behave well because I am no longer in a relationship. I take another cup full. So I feel it burn my throat and stomach. Okay it's time to slow down or I am not going to enjoy any of it.
I look at my phone again. Two miss calls from Daniel and a text asking if I was still busy. I replied back to the text. Giggles controlling me and I couldn't stop smiling. My eyes were teary and I look like a mess. But I felt like I was free. Crazy wild and no longer tamed. Oh I am busy, just not with Matthew anymore ;)
I send it laughing and I took the bottle with me as I enter my room. It wasn't messy but cleaned because Matthew like having a clean room and place to be around. Oh how hard is it going to be for him to find a girl that knows him the way I do. Whatever girl he likes now, is going to be way more troublesome compared to me. I open my drawer and I turned on the music listen to whatever songs came my way from my playlist. I took of my shirt spinning in circles to throw it to the floor. Then stripping my pants down to the beat of the music.
I look at myself in the mirror. Smiling I can congratulate him. He help me take very good care of myself. My breast round and perky and full in my bra. My toned stomach that if I actually put force on shows how much I have improved. My legs and lower body all toned and well fed and pamper. My once brown long hair now cut into layers and painted black. My big beautiful light honey brown eyes that always had people staring. Oh yeah he is going to miss this I laugh.
Daniel loved my eyes, he always complimented them. Wait crap I forgot about him. I turn to my bed reaching out for my phone. Another miss call and text going. Wait what do you mean? What happen? Awee look how much he cares I laugh. Big news! :D I texted and laughed.
I'm starting to think again. Shit ... More liquor.
I grab another mouthful and tears started to blur my vision, this damn jackass I thought to myself. Why am I undressing, I should be out partying. I go to my drawer taking out some dark blue jeans with designed bleach white stains. "Yayy" I cheered to myself wiping my tears away as I pulled the pants on. My phone started to ring, without looking I answer it trying to sound casual.
"Hello?"
"What happen?" Daniel ask curious and worried.
"Nothing just getting dress to leave"
"Leave where" he says and I giggle amused to see him so worried.
A club I think, and it will be cheaper, since I won't buy any drinks."
"Where are you?" He ask urgently and I couldn't help but actually answer.
"I am at home, I just need to put on my clothes and leave" I commented and laughed.
"Stay there I'm coming over" he replies and before I could say anything he hangs up.
Oh well I'll just leave before he gets here, so I have roughly ten minutes depending how fast he drives.
I go back to the kitchen admiring my reflection in a shallow self pity. This other girl was probably prettier than me ... I couldn't help the thoughts. I rush another mouthful of liquor. Too quick I start to choke and need water.
Once done I leave my cup and bottle on the kitchen counter and go into the living room. My beautiful living room that was painted with a blood red and leather couch with marble table and I feel the need to just like and admire what I have and don't have. For example I have someone who pick some bitch over me. But I no longer have relationship rules to follow. I sprawl myself on the couch letting my mind get foggy.
My pillows smell of his cologne, and I remember he was here only just yesterday wrestling me for the control. I started hugging it tightly as I slid off the couch sitting on the floor. Just get over it I thought and heard the door open. What the hell is Matthew doing here. "Hello?" I heard him call out. "Get out!" I yelled and he came into the room "what happen?" He ask and I threw the pillow at him with all my force before I held tightly to my knees and tried to not cry in front of him.
"Veronica?" He says slowly as I came closer. That's not Mathew... I look up. "Fuck" I said as he leaves the room. I start wiping away the tears and realized I never put a shirt back on. So he just found me here in my pants and bra crying a drunken mess. Ugh as my day couldn't get any worse. Oh well what do I care. Let him see me, it's not like I'm doing anything bad.
I stood up going back into the kitchen and poured another cup. I am gonna regret tomorrow to. I start to take sips as he comes into the kitchen. "That's enough for you" he comment as he pulls the cup away. I try to reach for it but he keeps me away from it. "What happen? Seriously I thought you guys were going to finally see each other, and I come here to find you half naked and just about drunk." he started to question me. I look at him as hard as I could and then begin to laugh. "It's not so bad, there is no one to tell me I can't do this" I tell him laughing. "I can" he says as he unbuttons his shirts to throw it on me. "Nope I am single so I don't need to listen to anyone" I laugh again and swipe my cup away from him drinking before he forces it away from me.
"He broke up with you? Why?" He ask me still trying to get me into the shirt. "Those amazing feeling went out the window and to another girl" I laugh and fall over. He leans over and pick me up. "And this is why you want to be so damn reckless" he complains as he lays me down on the couch. The room was spinning and i had to take a moment to remember who i was and where. "Put on a damn shirt" He yells and he takes off his sweater wrapping it around me.
"What happen between you to?" He started to question me. "You want to know?" I said softly trying to sit up. "Alright I'll show you" I tell him as I make it look like i am going to go get something from my room. "close your eyes" I said as i got up and he did as told. I started to think on why I was doing this, I didn't question it. Let him go on and guess if he think I only think of him as a friend. "Keep them close" I laugh and he started to frown. "Ok how about I open them instead." he said loudly leaning back.
I was in the kitchen looking at him from the door with a full cup in my hand. He thought it, he thought I was going to do it and decided to lean away. So…. He doesn't feel the same way about me. "Women!" he yells as he spots me taking mouthful of drinks out of my cups. HE run towards me to pull the cup away and throws it in the sink. "Yeah nice job just break my cups while you're at it then" I complain feeling more hurt than before. I put my hand in the sink and begin to pick up the pieces of broken glass to thrown them away properly, "Don't do that, you are going to -"Ow!" I cry out as i grab on the wrong way, but I didn't let it go, I held it together letting it dig into my palm as I went to the garbage and threw it away. Pulling the last one slowly. I look up and found him nowhere to be.
"it's okay….. I'm okay" I whisper to myself and i begin to run the water so that i can clean my hand. "I tried to tell you, did i not?" He says grabbing my hand forcefully and pour alcohol over the wound, I pull away wincing in pain but he doesn't let my wrist go and soon he starts to bandage me up. "It wasn't that deep so don't worry about stitches" he says softly. He throws his head back and closes his eyes trying to relax. as he leans against the counter. "If you take the bottle one more time Veronica" He starts to say but I am already extremely close to his face "Hey" I say softly and before he can feel how close I am to him I press my lips against his and back away before he pushes me away.
He doesn't pull away he just opens his eyes and looks at me, "Thank you" I tell him again almost feeling like I have been rejected and destroyed everything I have done when it comes to feeling. I turn away and begin to walk to my room to take his sweater off. I take a shirt off the floor and I put it on. A spider man shirt, All the guys i know love this D.C and marvel world so they got me into it. I turn off the lights feeling like I have no energy left and I let the drinks take over me.
My body starts to grow numb and I can't keep focus. will I regret this later on, Most likely but that is the reason I have my money and my liquor. "Veronica" I hear him call me as he enter the room. "what did you just do?" He ask me as he gets on the bed, with me. I don't want to answer him. "Hey, you are not falling asleep on me until you answer me, why?" he ask me. "Because" I said slowly throwing the blankets on top of me, "I have nothing left to lost at this point, and I wanted to see how you feel" I tell him and ignore the water flooding my eyes.
He leans in and close his lips around mine and I freeze in shock. "So you are telling me that I don't have to deny it to myself anymore?" He questions me. I don't know what he is implying but he kiss me and I am not letting that go. I pull him close to me grabbing him and kissing him. But soon I can't help it and he notices the tears around my eyes. HE wipes them away and then pulls the covers over him. "I don't know if I want to ask about the tears right now, nor do I want to know if you only did that because of all the drinking you did, so go to sleep we will talk in the morning" He tells me and I lean back in bed and close my eyes.
The morning was not for talking. The curtains were not drawn so light flooded my room and I made my way to the bathroom. I love how well my body can handle liquor. I went in there to check how much of a mess I was. I didn't look good, like I was going to get sick but I felt fine, with nothing but a small headache. "Hey!" HE knock on the door and I jump nearly slipping on the floor. "did you just fall?" he question me…."why must you know everything?!" I yell and get up opening the door. He looks at checking to see if I had any bad consequences to deal with after all the drinking. "i made breakfast" he says and leaves again. I stand there a little dumbfounded. Is he gonna question me about last night? Does he think I don't remember?