A/N: Hello you, you and you! I think I'm definitely in a writing mood. A few months ago, while I didn't even watch the show anymore, I've « dreamed » of something. Actually, even if I don't watch the show, with the same interest as before, but more Dawsey Fire now lol, my imagination is working a lot about our ship and I imagine them in some circumstances, some joyful, some worse. So today, I wanted to try writing a story I've dreamed about one night, I don't even know how it is possible to dream about it.
I hope you'll love it. But, before, a little warning: for the more sensitive of you, grab your tissues!
Sorry for eventual language mistakes.
A VERY BIG THANK YOU to Claire (Gygyfr) who has helped me with this story and, especially, with the translation of the first part. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !
Have a good read, and see you at the end for a little review!
Gaëlle
"Evening ladies and gentleman. For the sake of those who do not know me, my name is Antonio. Gabriela, the future bride is my younger sister. I feel privileged to share in this beautiful occasion and very honored to give a little speech. On behalf of the entire family, I would like to take this opportunity to invite Matt, my future brother-in-law into our family. Some of the fondest memories I have of my sister include the day I stopped by Firehouse 51 to help Matt with some cases. She couldn't take her eyes of Matt. She was literally drooling over him. Yes, because, for some of you, Gabby and Matt are together for six years now. But, for those like me who have known them for a much longer time, they've met ten years ago at Firehouse 51 when Gabby first arrived to fill the spot of PIC in Ambulance 61. They turned around each other's for years, hiding their respective feelings and their sexual attraction to the other one in the best way they could, but nobody was blind. Everyone knew that these two both liked each other, that these two were made for each other, except them. What a shame! But here we're, six years after their first official kiss on Gabby's porch… Yeah, yeah, Matt, I told you she told me everything every now and then… No, I'm kidding, it's just I know how to have answers to my interrogations, you know, I'm a detective after all… Well, more seriously, here we are, celebrating their engagement, well, maybe, the third one in fact, I don't know, I've stopped counting, but, in reality, it doesn't matter, we don't care, because, YES, THEY'RE FINALLY GETTING MARRIED! You guys will be great together, and you're the perfect example to say that true love has always a habit of coming back… But, please, no more necessary breakups or drama, promise me. Please raise your glasses to Gabby and Matt! I love you and I wish you all the happiness that money can't buy!"
Two weeks later…
GABBY'S POV
It was the routine, a call to a banal road accident. After helping the victims, we stayed on the scene about an hour to help clear the road and reopen it to the traffic. A start of shift as normal as usual, for a day like other ones.
As firefighters, we have our moments of happiness and pain. We can give birth of a tiny being as we can see a life end. It's sometimes difficult to be detached from what we see, from the families broken because of fires or accidents, from these children who become orphans in a second, from these people who lose everything. We can also lose one of our own. We know the risks of the job, but this doesn't make things easy, so when we go back to the firehouse after a hard call, we must ignore all this. Some play cards, others read the newspapers, the last watch TV. We have to empty our minds before the reality catches us. Back from the scene of the road accident, I lean on the door separating the apparatus floor and the common room, and I look at them, these people who have become my second family over the years. Brothers. Sisters. And even more. Otis and Cruz are sitting in front of Brett at a table and listening to her read some fanfictions talking about firefighters. Stella and Herrmann are pouring coffees in their mugs while Jimmy our candidate is preparing lunch. The members of the Squad are behind me, all sitting at their reserved table, playing cards.
I look at my engagement ring, and I notice only one thing is missing around me, this man, my lieutenant, my love, my fiancé, the man of my life. We know that at the firehouse we have to separate our private life and our work. It hadn't always been easy, it even leads us to our break up a few years back, but we decided to face this together and never let work take over our relationship and guide us to a downward slope, then a black hole once again. And never let the unsaid words break our story. So, we decided to get married, well in a few weeks. Everything is planned with chief Boden. Once married, I will come back as PIC on ambulance 61, so that we can still work together. Not seeing Matt in my field of vision, I decide to pour some coffee for him and join him in his office. On the way, I am stopped by Connie. She looks at me in a weird way, but I don't pay more attention than that. "Gabriela, you are needed in the meeting room." Without asking questions, I comply and head to the so-called room. I come in. In front of me, standing, there are chief Boden, Sergeant Voight and a third person, a woman, whose face isn't unknown to me but I can't remember her name. Voight and this woman were in their official uniform, it worries me.
"What's going on? What are you doing here?" I ask them, very anxious. It can't be good. I am sure that something bad is going on. Why they are here? Why they have their uniforms? Why Boden is here? No one answers me. All three look at me insistently. "What… What's going on?" I ask once again, tears coming up to my eyes, my legs beginning to shake. Inwardly, I know why they are here, I am not stupid. I've been there. "TALK TO ME!" I shout, tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Gabriela…" chief Boden pronounced my name as he approaches me before putting his hand on my shoulders to force me to sit.
"I don't want to sit… I… I want… I just want to know… Why they are here…" I sob.
"Gabriela, please, sit down…", chief Boden insists. He has been clearly already aware of the situation.
"I don't want to sit!" I scream. "I want you to tell me the truth! Go ahead, talk to me! Tell me!" I scream. "I know why you're here; it's not a simple courtesy visit, right?"
"Gabriela, I am sorry…" Voight begins to speak with his hoarse voice.
"Miss Dawson, something happened. That's why we're here today…" the black woman started her explanation with a very detached air. No expression is visible on her face, she is like a robot programmed to announce the bad news.
"Who are you, uh? You didn't even introduce yourself!" I look at her straight in the eye.
"I am Commander Emma Crowley. I accompany sergeant Voight today to tell you that your brother, Antonio Dawson, has unfortunately died in the line of duty. I am sorry, miss Dawson, my sincere condolences", she says without any emotion.
I look at her, incredulous. I am unable to do anything. I can't move. I don't talk. I look into the void. I knew that they would tell me this, but hearing it officially makes me a bombshell. Everything is collapsing around me. My legs give way on the ground. The two mugs of coffee I still had in my hands fall to the ground, breaking the silence, and I collapse on the cold floor of the firehouse.
MATT'S POV
After the call, I locked myself in my office to write the report as quickly as I can. The paperwork is not my pleasure, so the faster it's done, better it is. I raise my head and look at the picture on my desk. Gabby and I, couple years ago, on vacation in New-York City. One of my favorite pictures. My arm surrounds the shoulders of the woman I love, her hand is on my chest, and we kiss each other during a sunset on the Brooklin Bridge. I think back to all these years spent in her company, good and bad times, but, especially the good ones. I escape; I lose myself in my mind when someone knocks on my door.
"Come on in!" I say.
"Hey."Severide enters my office.
"Hey, everything okay?" I ask him.
"I was just coming to ask you the same question…"
"Why that?" I begin to get worried.
"I… I just passed in front of the meeting room… And… Gabby… Chief asked me to find you… For… For Gabby…", he says, disorderly.
"What? What Gabby? What's going on?" I get up and approach him.
"Kelly, talk!" I continue.
"Gabby, she… She's in the room with Boden, and two police officers in uniform. I think I recognized Voight…", he explains to me. I look at him, forcing him to continue, and quickly. "When I passed, Gabby was stoic, not moving, and then I heard some dishes crashing on the ground… When… When…"
"When what, Kelly? Jeez, Kelly, tell me!" I shout, trying to get through the door, but he won't let me.
"When I came in, Gabby was on the floor, in Boden's arms… Something bad must have happened…", he says with a trembling voice.
I look at him with eyes full of anxiety, I push him sideways and start running towards the meeting room, Kelly behind me. I enter raging in the room and I watch the scene before my eyes. Voight has bright eyes and was controlling his sobbing, placing his hand over his mouth. Next to him, there is a woman in uniform. She stands straight as a broom. She doesn't move, she doesn't react. She looks straight in front of her. I follow her gaze. On the ground Gabby, covered in coffee and pieces of porcelain, turned into a ball and crying. Boden is behind her, crying to comfort her the best he can, but Gabby is crying uncontrollably. She is shivering. She is screaming. My heart breaks at the sight of the woman I love, crying like she never cried before. Boden looks at me over her shoulder and signs to me to approach.
« Gabby… » I murmur, tentatively stepping towards her. She turns her head slightly to see me approaching her. « Matt… No… » she croaked before shaking her head, but this doesn't stop me.
I approach and kneel next to her. I place my hand on her arm. "I'm not going anywhere." Before I know it, she's in my arms, crying hysterically into the crook of my neck. I held her really tight to reassure her the best I can. Over her shoulder, I meet Voight's eyes and ask him, with a sign of the head, for an explanation. "Antonio…", he replies simply with his lips and in an inaudible way. And I realize. Antonio is gone. Antonio is not coming back. Tears come up to my eyes, but I try to stay strong. She needs me. She just has me now.
Thirty minutes later, Gabby has calmed down a bit. Chief Boden beckons us to follow him in his office for more privacy, the news having already spread in the firehouse and everyone is now clumped behind the door. They are in shock, sad, and above all, concerned about Gabby, but they don't need to see her like this. With Kelly, I get up and take Gabby in my arms.
"I can walk…", she says, trying to get out of my arms. I know her enough to know what she is trying to do, she is doing her Gabby. She pushes people away as soon as she's not doing well. I don't resist, I put her on the ground, but I take her hand while we walk together to the Chief's office. We locked ourselves inside, with both officers and Severide. I sit on the couch with Gabby. Chief sits at his desk, inviting Voight and Crowley to settle down in front of him. Severide gets a little off the scene, on the edge of the window, as he's used. Gabby curls up on the couch, I push her against me and she grabs my shirt with all her strength.
"I am here…", I whisper into her ear.
"What… What happened?" Gabby finally asks after several minutes of silence.
"We've been called to a hostage situation at a school. We intervened, pending the arrival of SWAT to put the children in a safe place. There were several shooters dispatched throughout the building. Antonio and Adam were together on this call…", Voight tells to a very attentive Gabby. "They managed to evacuate the kids through the emergency exit before one of the shooters caught them. Adam was at the rear, he was in sight of the shooter. When he started raising his gun, Antonio interfered, and…"
"And he took the bullets…", Gabby sobs.
"Gabby, your brother died a hero. He saved many lives, children and his partner…", Voight says, approaching her and placing a hand on her leg. She curls even more against me. "Gabby, Antonio had a heroic behavior… I know that's not a consolation, but I want to emphasize this point. You can be proud of him…", he continues.
Gabby straightens suddenly, rising in fury. "A hero? A hero, you say? HE IS DEAD! ANTONIO IS DEAD! What's the point, it won't bring him back!" she screams before leaving the office, hysterical, choked by tears. She slams the door behind her, startling everyone in the office and in the sleeping room. I watch her running away, well, or rather staggering. The whole room looks at me, but I am unable to say something. I began to get up to go find her, but Boden interrupts me.
"Leave her alone, Matt…"
"But… I have to… It's… It's Gabby…", I answer with a trembling voice.
"Trust me, she needs some time alone", Boden reassures me.
"By the way, Casey, as for firefighters, cops write a letter to their relatives in case something bad happens… Of course, Antonio wrote a letter to Gabby, I'll give it to you", Vought says, handing me an envelope. I thank him with a nod. "We're here if you need us. We'll come and take some news from Gabriela later. You can count on us", he finishes before greeting everyone.
Then, the two officers leave the firehouse under stunned gaze.
GABBY'S POV
I run outside the firehouse, I need to feel the cool air on my skin. My eyes strings because of my cries. My throat is dry because of my screams. My cheeks are wet. My heart is beating fast. My whole body is covered with sweat. My legs are trembling. I can barely stand. I lean on the wall of red stones at the back of the firehouse and I try to get pass the anguish that begins to completely paralyze my body. I end up falling apart on the stone floor. The freezing cold attacks my skin, but I don't care. It's insignificant at this point. I close my legs to my chest and I hold them very tight, hiding my head in my lap.
I think back on everything we shared with Antonio. The big brother everyone wishes to have. We made the four hundred shots together. He took me everywhere with him. He was always there for me. The role of overly-protective big brother clung to his skin. He was a family man. He was a devoted brother. He was always there watching over me, and I don't know how I am going to do without him. Who I could entrust all my secrets? To whom I would now turn to for advices? Who will lead me to the altar the day of my wedding? I think back to this wonderful speech he made some weeks ago during our engagement party, he was able to make us laugh and make us cry at once. He will be sorely missed by me. I don't know what I will become without him. The love he bore me made me feel alive. He helped me through the most difficult moments of my life, like the death of our parents, also in the exercise of their functions. I feel empty. A part of me is gone now.
The creaking of the door made me straighten the head. Matt, his hand on the lock, looks at me intently with a heartbroken look. He slowly approaches me to sit next to me without saying anything. We stay there, sitting one beside the other, walled up in silence. After a few minutes, he took my hand in his, and gently caresses it. "Gabby ... I'm sorry ..." he said in a soft voice. I feel he's sad too. For one answer, I shook his hand harder and harder, and I replied: "I'm fine ..."
MATT'S POV
Gabby is broken, I see it, I feel it, I know her better than anyone, but the only thing she told me is that she is doing well. Typically, Gabby.
"Gabby ... Come on, it's me. I know you, you're not okay and it's totally understandable considering the circumstances. But I am here; all the firehouse is here for you ..."
"I don't need help, Matt, and most of all, I don't need pity!" She retorts in a very cold tone.
« Baby… You should go home… I'll ask Boden to have the rest of the shift off to stay with you… » I tell her.
« No, it's fine. I want to work, it's the best thing I can do today. »
"Gabby, you're not able to work and to run into burning buildings, and you know it. Come on, let's go home ..."
"I DON'T WANT TO GO HOME! I DON'T WANT TO SPEND MY DAY THINKING ABOUT MY BROTHER! I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT MY LOSS! I DON'T WANT COGITATE ALL DAY LONG! I CANNOT!" She jumps up and starts screaming, calling attention to us.
"Gabby, be reasonable please ..." I get up at my turn, put my hands on her shoulders but she pushes me.
"LET GO OF ME!" She screams once again. I've never seen her like this.
"Dawson, you're going home. It's an order. "Boden interferes. "No discussions possible." I look at her, tears come to my eyes. My heart aches for her; I'd like to take the pain on her behalf. Severide approaches me and puts his hand on my shoulder to support me. Gabby stares at us one by one. She finally put her red eyes on me. She looks me in the eyes for a long time, probably waiting for me to take her defense and plead her case in front of Boden, but it will not happen. She cries, doing a "no" with her head, and starts running to the locker room. She strikes with all her might against her locker. Severide, Boden and I follow her. We are witnessing her; she's looking at her name on the locker.
"Dawson ..." she murmurs, before attempting to take off the label with all her strength.
« Gabby, let's go home… » I approach her.
« Don't you dare touch me… » she growls.
« Gabby, don't push me away… »
« I'm fine, I told you! » she bellows.
« GABBY! You're NOT fine! You've just learned that your brother has dies this morning, you're NOT fine! »
« ENOUGH! Gabby, you're going home with Matt. I'll come by to check on you after shift. » Boden ends the discussion. Gabby punches her locker once again. Severide goes to my office to bring me back my affairs, and we leave.
Gabby is walking ten meters in front of me. She sits in the truck, and she doesn't speak the whole way home. She's glued to the window and looking at the road unfold in front of her eyes. We arrive at our apartment fifteen minutes later. She remains motionless. I go around the truck, I open the door for her, but she still doesn't move.
"Gabby, come on, get out of the car ..." I beg, while trying not to push her.
"I want to see him…" are the only words she can pronounce at that time.
Two days later
Gabby is still hardened in her silence and denies the evidence. She doesn't speak. She acted as if nothing had happened. Her eyes are red and puffy due to permanent crying. She has big rings and bags under the eyes due to the lack of sleep and black thoughts during nights. She has dug a face; I cannot manage to make her eat something. I don't recognize her, she makes me really worried.
She expressed the wish to see the body before the funeral of Antonio. Today, therefore, I accompany to the burial chamber.
"Baby, are you ready to go?" I ask her, through the door of the bathroom.
"I'm coming ..." she said, going out. She is unrecognizable. Grief changed her. "What? Why are you looking at me like that? Looks like you've seen a ghost ..."
"You should eat Gabby ... I'm worried about you ..."
"It will be fine, I assure you ..." she replies, unconvinced herself by her own response, before deposing a gentle kiss on my lips and stroking my cheek tenderly. During the past two days, she tried to distract herself with sex, which also led us to raise our voices a little when I refused her advances.
GABBY'S POV
For several weeks Boden allowed me to return to work, but every shift, everyone looks at me with puppy dog eyes and with pity.
"Come on guys! Stop looking at me like this, it's been weeks now ... I'm not a snowflake, I'm fine. What happened happened, I'm okay ... "I tell them in the common room. Matt and Severide look at me insistently. I hear Kelly say to Matt, "She is not doing well ... She's not consistent, she's acting out, without thinking ..." then I turned to him and replied icily, "Kelly, thank you for your concern, but I'm perfectly fine!"
Matt shook his head in despair when the sirens announce us a burning building. We are all moving towards the garage when Matt grabs my arm: "If you don't feel able to do it, tell me, I beg you ..."
"I'm ready, I've told you, and all is fine. My mind is perfectly clear. "
"Be careful, please, I care about you ..."
"I promise," I say squeezing his hand.
Once arrived at the scene, Casey gives us our respective missions. I'm with Hermann on the third and last floor of the building. We're searching every crack and crevice under this roof, in search of possible victims, or for survivors. We arrive at the last apartment when Boden gives us the instruction to leave, the structure being unstable and threatening to collapse. Hermann starts down the stairs; I am following him when I hear a noise in the hall. I cannot help but turn around. I run toward the last apartment, the one we haven't had the time to check before being called out. The flames were very high. The heat is stifling. Smoke prevents visibility. I continue to move forward to the sound of an iron bar, tapping on a metal object. The ground crunches under my feet.
MATT'S POV
I see Hermann getting out of the building. Everyone is there except Gabby.
"Where is Dawson?" I ask him.
"She ... she was behind me on the stairs ..." he said, turning around, panicking seeing that she's not behind him. "I ... I don't know ..."
"Chief, Dawson is still inside ..." I inform him, totally panicked.
"Dawson, Report!" He yells in his radio.
"Gabby!" I yell at my turn.
Everyone is standing in front of the building. We look at the building with horror when an explosion rings and a heap of flames takes out windows.
« GABBY! GABBY! GABBY, REPORT! REPORT! » I scream at the top of my lungs.
« DAWSON! » Boden yells at his turn, but no one is answering.
« GABBY! COME ON! REPORT PLEASE! » I shout one more time, totally desperate.
I bent down, grabbed my helmet to the ground and walked toward the entrance of the building, when I see someone through the black smoke. It's Gabby. She no longer has her mask or helmet. "GABBY!" I cried, at the same time relieved to see her in the flesh and upset by her behavior. "What happened? Why didn't you follow Chief's orders?"
"I thought I heard someone knocking on a metal object to signal his presence ..." she coughs. I give her a bottle of water. "But ... But ... There ... There was no one ... No one..."
"It's unconscious! What on earth were you thinking?"
« I thought it was worth giving it a shot… »
« You break the rules; you do so at your own peril… It's totally irresponsible, Gabby! » I yell at her and everyone is looking at us.
« Come on, Matt, I'm here, I'm fine… No problem… » she tells me in a provocative tone.
« You keep saying you're fine, but you're definitely not fine, Gabby! » I get angry. « Do whatever you want to grieve. If you don't want to talk, fine, but I don't know… Cry, yell, break glasses, punch me, do whatever the hell you want but don't put you at risk. Because, me, I'm still there. I'm still pretty much alive, and I need you. I FUCKING NEED YOU! Do you understand that? I LOVE YOU AND I NEED YOU! » I scream to her and she looks at me, amazedly.
« Casey, I don't think this is the right time or the right place to do that… » Severide joins me, and pushes me away from where Gabby is, and guides me back towards the trucks.
We arrive at the firehouse an hour later. Hardly have we laid the ground with feet that Chief calls us, Gabby and me, into his office.
« Close the door behind you and take a seat » he orders. "Gabby, your behavior is inconceivable and inexcusable. I understand you're sad, you're angry, but you can continue to do so. You voluntarily put yourself in danger by acting against my orders and those of Casey. You also put your partner at risk. You put Matt in danger, he would run into a building about to collapse to save you ... You cannot go on, Gabriela. It's been several weeks you're acting like this. Your colleagues doubt your judgment on calls. This is no longer possible, we must find a solution ..." he said.
"Chief, I'm fine, you know as well as I do ... Don't listen to what they all say, I'm fine. I'm just doing my job. I was sure to have heard someone ..." Gabby defends herself. I say nothing, I listen.
"It's not only about today, Gabriela. Three weeks ago, you've been suspended in the void. A fortnight ago, you almost go under a car ... It cannot last. You are relieved of your duties as long as you don't do what it takes ..." I close my eyes at the Chief's words.
She looks at me, I avoid her gaze. "You knew?" She asks me.
"Of course not... I reply.
"It's you who asked him, right?" She accuses me.
"Gabby, it didn't have anything to do with Matt. This decision mine and I assume it entirely." Boden intervenes. "Matt, can you give us a moment please?" he asks me. I nod and leave his office.
GABBY'S POV
"It's not fair, Chief ..."
"You leave me no choice, Gabriela ..."
"But I need to work, you know that ..."
"What you have to do is to grieve. Matt told me you hadn't wanted to open the letter written by Antonio, why?"
"I don't need it. I've cried enough, I just want to move forward ..."
"Gabby, you will not move forward as long as you will not accept your brother's death. I understand this is difficult, believe me, but you've to. You keep repeating that you are fine, you push people who want to help you ... You're in denial, Gabby. You need to talk to someone; you should express what you feel. Without it, you will not get out of this vicious circle. Let me help you, let Matt help you ..." Tears come to my eyes. "Go talk to the Chaplain Olinsky if you want to talk to someone outside, but don't harden in your silence, nothing good can come from that". I look at him, completely lost. "Now, go home, Gabby. I don't want to see you here as you will not be at peace with yourself ..."
I get up and leave his office without a word but, with eyes filled with tears. Matt looks at me from the dorms, I ignore him and make my way to my locker. I get my things and come out of the firehouse.
"Let me take you home ..." Matt offers me, running behind me.
"I prefer to walk back!" I replied between sobs, without looking back at him. He tried to take me in his arms from behind, but I pushed him away. "Please, leave me alone ..." I managed to say between sobs but he resisted. He tightened his arms around my waist and stuck my head in the crook of his neck. I tried to fight him but, I give up seeing that he was too strong for me.
"I'm not going anywhere ... I've already told you and repeat, I will not give up on you, Gabby. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not ..." he whispers in my ear holding me firmly against him. I turned around in his arms and collapse in tears against his chest. His uniform was soaked in seconds.
"I'll walk you home ..." he said, without giving me time to challenge.
Once at home, he carries me to our room. He lays me gently on the bed and began to undress me. I let myself into it, I'm completely exhausted. He takes care of me as he has always done. He gives me one of his loses tee shirts and tucks me under the duvet. I take his pillow and buried my head in it. Matt massages my back. "Sleep ... I'll come home as soon as I can... Never forget that I'm here and I love you," he said. Before leaving, he presses a last kiss on my hair and placed on my nightstand the letter written by Antonio.
Exhausted, I slept a few hours. When I woke up, I had a feeling of a hangover. I felt achy and nauseous. I sat up in bed and drank the glass of water that Matt had left on the nightstand next to the letter. I took a deep breath and decided to open it. I hadn't even unfolded it that my visibility was already blurred by tears.
« Gabby,
I don't really know why I'm writing this letter, because I really hope that this letter never gets to you, because if it does, that means something has happened to me and I'm dead. It also means I'll never see you again and I'll never be able to tell you how much I love you again. You've made me the proudest big brother in the whole universe. I'm so damn proud to have had you as a little sister. You've shown me what family is and what it feels like to be loved.
You're the person I know I could turn to when I needed help. You're the person I looked at when I needed to smile and you are the person I went to when I needed a big hug. And, I know, it was the same for you, and I'm really sorry to leave you there alone today. I wished I would have been able to watch over you much more longer, but destiny has decided otherwise. I promise you, I'll look after you, always. I'll protect you from whenever I'll be. Never doubt that I'll always love you.
I'll truly miss your help, your conversation, your laughs and your hugs. I'll miss you as much as you'll miss me. You were the most important of my life.
Just remember, like mum used to say, that we all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes, we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it's easier. Sometimes, we find our way out. But regardless, always, we are found.
I'll be connected with you, no matter where you are.
Tomorrow will be another day. The sun will be breaking in your eyes to start a new day. This broken heart can still survive with a touch of your grace. Shadows fade into the light. I'm by your side for the eternity. So, don't be sad too for too long. You've a beautiful life in front of you, you need to enjoy it the fullest.
I love you with all my heart.
Antonio »
I cry my lungs out; the tears are dipping the paper. Antonio's words fade little by little. I take my phone and text Matt: "I need you..." before collapsing of all my weight in the bed and I squeeze the letter against me with all my strength.
MATT'S POV
The Chief gave me the authorization to go back home at the minute I've received her text. I arrive at our apartment an hour later. It is plunged into darkness, without any noise. I put down my affairs the most discreetly possible and go to the bedroom which is lit up by the only lights of the street. I find Gabby, sleeping in the middle of the bed, squeezing against her a piece of paper. Handkerchiefs are almost everywhere scattered on the bed. I clean and go to the bathroom to take a good hot shower. When I come back into the bedroom, I lay down next to Gabby, and like every single night, I hold her tight. My naked chest becomes wet in no time. Gabby put her trembling arms around my waist and put her hand on my chest. Suddenly, I find myself crying too. It was too painful for me to see her so miserable.
"I'm sorry…" she murmurs against my chest.
"You've nothing to be sorry for, Baby… You're hurting and this entire thing is hard. I'm so sorry I haven't been able to help you…" I try to reassure her with my trembling voice.
" You're nothing to be sorry for either… I pushed you away…"
"I'm here for you, Gabby, you know that. I'm always there and I'll be there when you'll be ready…" I caress her hair.
"I know, you're always there for me… You've been there for me too many times to count…"
"That's because I love you, Gabby… And no matter what happen in the future, I won't let anything stand between us. We can get through anything together."
"I know." she whispers, finding herself comfortable in my arms. "I love you, Matt."
"I love you too. More than anything." I reply. I kiss her forehead, and as I fall into sleep, I thought about how today was the turning point for Gabby. My Gabby will be back in no time.
The weeks which followed, Gabby took several days off. On our advice, she went to talk with the Chaplain several times. She went to District 21 to get back Antonio's affairs. She also went to free his apartment. She got back some personal effects which she keeps in a box with the letter of her brother. She has opened to me more and more about how she feels. She has found back her smile, the sleep and the appetite. I've found back the love of my life.
Five months later, we are finally husband and wife. The ceremony was really emotional for the both of us, but especially for Gabby. It was really hard for her not to have her brother by her side. Kelly walked her down the aisle as the big brother that he has always been for her.
Now, we're sitting in a beautiful piece perfectly decorated, listening to the speeches of our closest friends and family members. Kelly has decided to surprise Gabby and to play his big brother's role forever: "Good evening ladies and gentleman. For those who don't know me, I'm Kelly Severide, Matt's best man and Gabby's close friend. It's not easy for me today to take the place of someone who is gone too soon and who'll never get the chance to see how his little sister was beautiful and resplendent the day of her wedding." Gabby is crying next to me. She curls against my chest, as Kelly continues speaking: "I can't help but think back to his smile, to the joy he exuded when he saw you, Gabby, happy and ready to marry the man you love. I won't be able to give a speech as good as the one he did at your engagement party, but I just want you to remind you that he's here with you, with us, today and that he'll be there forever with you. You've a guardian angel."
A/N: Okay, I'm clearly exhausted! My eyes are puffy! I've spent like eight hours in this story, and still, with the help of Claire (Thank you again!). I hope it was worth it and you loved it. Please, don't forget to leave a review to give me your impressions. Love, G.