=Yes, this is playing off of my last one-shot "A Dozen Battles Won" a bit, but who cares. Also, if you're a Hanadan fan, make sure you give me a buzz on AIM. My screen name is "erie chan." Thanks!=
Unwitting Guardian Angel
***
I didn't look up once from my food as Tsukasa and Soujiro argued. After the initiating words of, "That crazy girl! Why did she have my old stuffed rabbit? I've never even seen that necklace before!" and the response, "You are such a lousy idiot!" I had tuned out the conversation. It was just as well, for I feared I would end up clocking Tsukasa if I so much looked at his face.
I'm surprised at myself. I've hit my best friend twice the last few months--I've never hit him before even once. If I thought it would do anything to solve the situation at hand, I'd easily do it again. I sighed when I lightly kicked the torn bag at my feet with one toe.
That evening I didn't go home. I knew Tsukasa was tempted to follow me--talk to me--ask me what was really going on, but even if he had, I wouldn't have the heart to tell him just exactly what it was that he had done. The proportions of the pain he had caused were astronomical. I wondered for a brief moment if it would have done any good to explain it to him.
But as I kicked a plastic cup briefly before picking it up and throwing it in the trash, I knew that when a person changed, they became a new person; he had to wonder why he was no longer like his old self. There had to be a question in his mind--who was she? why did everyone but him know her so well? what had he missed?
He had to wonder. I wanted him to.
It was midnight when I finally showed up on my own doorstep, tired, dark-eyed, and in desperate need of sleep. When I finally ended up on my bed, I thought it was foolish to have come in so late, as I needed to be at school if there was any chance of interaction between Tsukushi and Tsukasa. I had to mediate--I had to keep Tsukasa from acting rash and insensitive and Tsukushi from enduring any more emotional damage. I knew the strong weed girl probably would not be able to survive many more direct blows to her already fragile heart.
Damn that Tsukasa. It was frustrating because, to be reasonable, he really was not at fault. Fate was cruel to both of them.
***
I did manage to wake up on time, amazingly. Though a bit sluggish, no more than usual, however, I made it to school and was surprised to find Tsukasa had not arrived and Tsukushi had disappeared to her first morning class. Resignedly, I retreated to the emergency staircase and waited for something to happen.
When the door opened, I put on my best smile in preparation for greeting a most assuredly sad and worn out Tsukushi--however, when I looked up, I saw my idiot of a best friend looking at me with one eyebrow raised.
"What's that look for?" he growled at me, walking over with both hands jammed into his pockets. He looked over the side of the stairwell, reminding me of a king looking over his kingdom for any signs of trouble. "I saw your girlfriend today, how come she's not with you?"
I was milliseconds away from knocking that smug look off of his face. But I restrained myself and in a curt tone I replied, "I thought you would have learned by now that she's not my girlfriend." At that, he only shrugged and yawned.
"You like her, don't you?" His question was unexpected. Of course I like her, I wanted to shout, I love her. I could take care of her better than you have, anyway--I thought that should count for something, but I knew she didn't feel the same about me. Not any more, I'd lost my chance.
"I do," I told him, grabbing the railing with one hand and pulling myself up so I could face him eye-to-eye. He jerked back in surprise at my sudden action. "In fact, I love her. But you know what? She doesn't love me. No, not anymore, she loves someone who has forgotten all about her," I said in my most derisive voice. I scowled at him once for good measure before leaning on the railing and looking away.
I heard a grunt of annoyance. "I just don't understand it," he ground out. When I looked over, he had his eyes on the ground, his eyebrows tipped in confusion. "All these things are expected of me, but I don't even remember her. How am I supposed to love her? She's loud, obnoxious, and rude!" Tsukasa's mouth opened as if to continue, but his shoulders sagged abruptly and he exhaled, raising his eyes to meet mine. I was as surprised as he was. "If what you say about me loving her is true, and you love her too, what about her is it that I'm missing? She's common, poor, and not pretty!"
And then, I laughed. I laughed at him, at his ignorance, his blindness, his inherent childishness. When I saw him start to become frustrated at my seeming mocking of him and my lack of a response, I managed to curb my laughter and speak coherently.
"Makino Tsukushi is everything you hate," I finally said, earning a confused and somewhat irritated look, "and that's why you love her. Here, sit down. I'll tell you about it."
***
You met Makino Tsukushi when her friend fell down the stairs and landed with one foot in your face. But Tsukushi told you--all of us--exactly what she thought of us (and exactly what we were): that we were over-fed, spoiled brats that had nothing but our money and our fathers' names. You gave her a red tag.
That's when it started, I know. I could see it in your eyes; every time you bullied her and she only stood firmer against you, you enjoyed it. No one had dared talk back to you before, and almost more than your pride you liked how she acted exactly like your big sister. She even kicked you in the head once and you were a sputtering idiot for hours afterwards.
I think while trying to stifle your feelings for her you oppressed her; when her friend Kazuya transferred, you red-tagged him too, and when you thought that she might like him or me, you felt threatened. You even denounced our friendship. For a few weeks.
You were her first kiss. On the cruise in Atami, do you remember that? Either way, that's where things started for the two of you--I left for France, but when I got back, you made it perfectly clear that she was yours. And she wasn't about to take that from you. She's always been her own woman, and it took you a decently long time to figure that out.
It amazes me that you could even allow her to be forgotten; she's altered all of our lives. You two have gone through everything--your mother hired a look-alike to try to seduce Tsukushi, you've been engaged to Shigeru, she traveled all the way to New York to come after you, I even dated her for a while. But you two always made it through; but I guess you just weren't strong enough for her.
Or she was too strong for you.
But it doesn't matter now. You've relinquished your claim on her, and I'm the only one who loves her now. I thought, why shouldn't I try to go after her now? But the truth is that I knew she impacted you too much to just be forgotten that way. You have to come back to your senses. I don't even think that I can save her, no, not any more.
***
I stood up and stretched, taking one look at his dumbstruck face before walking off down the stairs. I was most of the way to the bottom when I heard Tsukasa's voice saying, "Rui."
I glanced up at him. "She made a bento for me--I know, that stupid girl Umi tried to tell me she made it, but her bento just wasn't the same--and I knew that it was what I was missing. I don't even know her, but when I saw her crying face and heard her tell me she was never coming back, I felt something rip inside. That baseball, the necklace, they make the pain more exquisite; but I don't know what it is. I can't love someone that I don't know, Rui. Don't expect me to. She was important to me, I think I know that much," he paused and looked at me, his expression unusually forlorn, "so take care of her for me."
All I could do was nod my head and wave one hand. I turned and left.
Tsukushi and I were never like she and Tsukasa. They were drawn to each other, they were magnets, whether the attraction was pushing or pulling against their bond. From the first moment to the last, everything about them was fire--unexpected, intense, and sometimes painful. But that was just the nature of it, because though they may not be able to realize it, that is what they both need and live on.
So I know that I'll never be able to give her what she needs, as much as I want to. However, until Tsukasa gets his sense and goes back to her, I suppose that I'll just have to do.
***
"Rui!"
I'm startled out of my daze when I hear the door flap open with a gust of wind. Before I can move, a ball of energy flies into me, locking her arms around my waist and her head lodging in my chest. I smile and lightly pat her head of dark hair, glancing up as Tsukushi adjusts a basket of laundry on her hip.
"I don't see why you have to do that yourself. That's what the maids are for," I tell her, already knowing her answer. She shoots me a disapproving look.
"Why should they do something I'm perfectly capable of doing myself? And look at this, this is just Miru's laundry! You naughty little girl, if you would just stop getting all your clothes covered in dirt and grass!" Tsukushi lets out a sigh and sets the basket down on the porch, looking out over the large garden. The small girl disentangles herself from me, and giving me a kiss on the cheek, bustles back to her mother to grab a piece of clothing from the bag and attach a pin to it. "You hardly act like a lady," Tsukushi scolds.
Miruko laughs mischievously and hands her mother the pinned dress. "I'm not a lady, mama," she giggles as she bounds away.
With a sigh, Tsukushi watches the girl disappear behind a tree and hangs the clothing up on the line. She looks at me and smiles--the smile I love so dearly--before she turns to her task and says, "I hope you'll be staying for dinner. Tsukasa should be home in half an hour."
I give an automatic response of, "I'm sorry, but I really have to go and meet Shizuka, she's leaving in a few days," and turn my head to watch the tiny girl spring on a butterfly like a lion in training. As I sit in my car just outside the house, watching my best friend pull up in his chauffer, I wish that it were my family, not his. I'm not a good friend, I think when he's greeted by an excited daughter and commanding wife, but I take what I can get.
They go inside the Doumyouji mansion and I drive away. I think I'll wait until tomorrow night to tell Tsukushi I'm leaving for France. Tsukasa won't forget her again.
She doesn't need a guardian angel anymore.
