AUTHOR; Ohai, guys. This was just an attempt at something different to what I was thinking of doing. I have time on my hands (maybe a little too much) and thought I'd do this. While I'm not sure how you guys will see it, I wanted to make it funny without taking The Joker out of character too much, as Heath made him more than I've ever seen him before (I'm an odd, obsessive Batman fan. oo). Anyway. I'm planning it to be a one-shot but if you TRUELY want me to continue, tell me and I'll see what I can do. But don't say it unless you want it gone further. XD
Anyway... Enjoy. (:
The air was heavy with the humidity that laced the chilly, wet air
The air was heavy with the humidity that laced the chilly, wet air. The police officer's shoes sloshed quietly on the sodden walkway as he held his gun tightly at the ready, his breath short and nervous. He was scared that the sound of his rapidly beating heart was loud enough to give him away, as he stalked an allegedly dangerous criminal. Several calls in the past hour had alerted the Richmond police station of an oddly dressed man in clown makeup that had threatened various citizens at knifepoint. He had already had an altercation with this fellow, where the two exchanged words before the strange man took off down the road, causing the officer to reluctantly follow after him in the hopes of arresting him. The officer was scared however, he was a rookie and the voice of this stranger was creepy enough to make him think of turning back in defeat.
Suddenly a piercing pain stabbed the center of the officer's back and he reeled around, but not before a blade was thrust through his neck sending crimson fluids down the front of the officer's shirt. He only had time to catch a glimpse of the man's face which would have stopped his heart if it was not already experiencing turmoil from the wounds. The stranger's mouth was twisted in a sadistic grin, which was extended by two scars on each side of the man's mouth. The lips and the scars were covered in a bright red lipstick while white makeup covered the entire of his face. His eyes were rimmed black and they were the last things the officer saw before he sunk to the ground, gurgling through his last breaths before he at last was still.
The stranger looked down upon the man as he narrowed his eyes. "Hmm… Two… up-ah tight to be funnnnn…" he mused, before he turned on his heal and walked away with a slight bounce in his step; looking for a new activity.
--
The following day at the local high school, a year ten class was proceeding to… attempt a test. However due to one of the students the rest of the classmates were hindered in their ability to try to do their best.
Crack, crack Went the girl's neck as she moved her head side-to side.
"Um… Eim… can you please stop that? It's distracting the other students." Her teacher, Ms.Hallow asked.
"But I'm FINEEEESHED!" she whined back.
"Well let's see…" Ms.Hallow said, making her way to Eim's desk to check.
"NO CHEATING!" Eim screamed, diving over her desk in an attempt to snatch up her paper.
Instead she went flying forward, toppling over the edge and ending up with her head underneath the chair of the person that sat in front of her.
The teacher began to rush over to Eim, attempting to see if she was okay. "Eim! Are yo-" but was cut off by a dreamy Eim.
"Eimmy isn't in right now… Leave a message… BEEEEEEEEEP."
The entire class was now completely off topic and the one in the chair which Eim was under rolled his eyes while he let off a rather large fart.
"Oh bitch no…" Eim gasped.
She flung the chair over, sending the student to the ground. He was stuck under one of the legs of the other chairs and as he struggled to get up, Eim pounced on him and held his head down. What followed was an attack of wet-willies and the theft of his shoes. Eim proceeded to prance out of the room, swinging the stolen shoes from the laces as she opened the door.
SMACK!
The shoes collided with a face on the other side of the door and as Eim brought them down she noticed that there was white and red smudges on them.
"That-uh was not… very… nice…" the man with the clown makeup sneered, narrowing his eyes down at Eim.
He grabbed the shoes and threw them across the corridor behind him and they fell out an open window, to the ground below.
"Thaaaaaat was not very… NICE." Eim squealed in the man's face.
He narrowed his eyes even further before his hardened reply sent her backwards (and it wasn't just the force of his body moving forward in a threatening motion), "I am the… Joker-ah… and I can dooo… whateverrrrrr… I want-uh.."
His voice quivered with annoyance and in his mind he desperately wanted to shank this girl to oblivion. But no… it was too soon. All he wanted was some fun in a random building with random people before he had to go back to the familiar scene of Gotham City. If he could find his way back, that is.
Eim simply let out a loud, long slurping noise and jumped forward, licking the side of The Joker's face.
The Joker let out a gurgling sound before pushing Eim over the table behind her, whipping out his smallest blade and moving towards her, quickly. He thrust the blade at her face, wanting to get this over with but at the last moment, she caught it in her teeth.
"Didn't your mother tell you not to play with knives?" she attempted to ask, but since there was the fact that The Joker's blade was between her teeth (No, readers you are NOT allowed to get dirty mental images from that), made it sound more like "Duh'int yoaw mov'ah tew oo' aught oo' quay wi' knoives?"
The Joker maneuvered the blade so that it was right beside her lip "Speaking of motherszz-uh… would you like to know… how I got these scarsss?" he hissed in her ear.
Her eyes moved to the left in her eye sockets, noticing the time on the clock, then to the right noticing that her fellow students had scrambled to the back of the classroom in the fear of The Joker. Trust herself to get in a situation like this.. not like she could help it anyway, with her constant high moods.
In a second she had somersaulted backwards, wrenching the knife from her lip, which caused a small cut to appear there. She jumped up and did a small jig.
"IT'S PEANUT BUTTAH JELLEH TIME! PEANUT BUTTUH JELLEH TIME!" she grooved in her own moment before opening her eyes again, and noticing that no one moved towards her. Everyone was just about sure that she was as crazy as the knife-wielding maniac in the room, especially the knife-wielding maniac.
Quickly, Eim skittered out of the room, slamming the door behind her and she ran down the corridor only to stop half way when she heard a click.
The Joker had locked the door to the classroom.
"Shit" she mouthed, as she hesitated. The people in there were her friends, and had been for four years. Or almost, anyway. But she wasn't perfect, and all though she put herself on the spot a lot, she was far from brave.
The classroom door wrenched open, and The Joker peeked out. "Care to uh… join uss?" he offered.
Eim placed both hands up and gave a little laugh, backing up, "Naw… I'll be fine… Gotta poop."
Eim then skittered out the corridor's door and away from the clown.
"I hate clowns…" she whined as she walked aimlessly around the school. "HEY! NACHO DAY! GONNA BE FIRST IN LINE AT THE CANTEEN. FUCK YES!" she screamed, and skipped her way to the canteen. "Yay… peanut butter jelleh time!"
Yeah.. see I'm not sure how well that went. In my opinion it wasn't my best OR funniest I could have come up with but I have no idea... I'm just pulling crap out of my ass. Any type of reviews are more than welcome. If I suck, tell me. DO EET. And if you like it, swell. ;D
x.Eimmy