Dirty Little Secret
Summary: Bruce didn't know. He could never know. Dick would do anything to make sure Bruce never remembered what he did under the influence of Poison Ivy's pollen and Scarecrow's Fear Toxin. But, whether Bruce knows or not, doesn't change the facts. Dick is fourteen, terrified, and pregnant.
DtCW
Dick scrambles back, hands and feet scuttling under him, refusing to take his eyes off Batman. The man towers over him, as large as a mountain, and Dick swears the shadows surrounding him come alive, reaching out to grab him and pull him back towards the imposing figure.
"Batman, get a hold of yourself!"
His back hits a wall and the other walls of the room begin closing in him.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Batman stops in front of him. The whites of his lenses glow even brighter than they should. Batman kneels down, and Dick can hear Scarecrow in the background. "12:22 pm. Batman corners Dick. 12:23 pm. Batman removes Dick's clothing."
Dick glances down and he's naked. His hands dart between his legs to cover his genitalia. It doesn't make any sense and some part of his mind is screaming at him that this can't be real, but Dick can't separate himself from his own fear long enough to listen to the rational part of him. He shuts his eyes and opens them. There are bright red handprints around his wrists, his thighs, his neck. He aches between his legs. He hurts and one of his eyes won't open all the way.
Batman reaches out and places one hand on his leg, gently pulling it away from his body. Dick stares at him before he glances down and notices how he has somehow curled up into the fetal position. "No." he whispers, yanking his leg back towards himself.
Batman snarls.
And suddenly he's over Dick and try as Dick might, he can't fight him off. He would scream, and yell, and shout, but there's a hand wrapped around his neck and he can't breathe and—
Dick awakes with a jolt. There's a scream buried in his throat, a crushing weight on his chest, and a splattering of tears on his face. He covers his mouth with both hands, knuckles turning white, and lets out a slow breath through his nose.
Thirty minutes later, he has worked his way through many of the breathing exercises Bruce has taught him. He's calm enough, confident enough, to sit up in bed and chance a look at the glowing red numbers on his digital clock. 3:25. He had gone to bed less than an hour ago.
Dick gets out of bed and makes his way across the room to the attached bathroom. When the light flicks on, he spares barely a glance at the opulent bathroom. Instead, it's his reflection he can't look away from. There is no black eye, no split lip or any other injury to indicate something was wrong. Those had healed up over a month ago. He closely examines the boy in the mirror, making notes about the flaws in his appearance. His hair is a shaggy mess, but that's to be expected. It's his red rimmed eyes, the bags collected under him, and the pale complexion that concerns him.
He's looked like this for days.
He can't go on like this.
DtCW
When he first moved into the manor, Dick used to have nightmares. Horrible nightmares that used to have him wake up screaming. He had been seven and he'd been struggling with all of the changes in his life, that sleeping in his room—big and empty and so so quiet—had been too much for him. He'd made up for this by sneaking into Bruce's room at night, before the man returned from patrol but after Alfred had checked on him, and sleeping under his bed.
Bruce for all his discipline and intelligence was a terribly irresponsible guardian, never bothering to check up on Dick before he went to bed, and as a result, he'd actually gotten away with it for two weeks before one of his nightmares had him waking up Bruce as well.
After that he'd slept in Bruce's closet, and somehow gotten another week out of it before Bruce had caught on. The only reason Bruce checked up on him every night was because it became a game for them after that. Finding the best places to hide and sleep and waiting for Bruce to locate him, take him back to his own bedroom, and stay with him until he fell back asleep. The top of his wardrobe and his laundry baskets were the best two places he ever found.
It was three months after Dick had moved in with Bruce, one day before he discovered the identity of Batman, when Dick finally gave up on waiting for Bruce to take the initiative. Instead of hiding somewhere creative, he had gone and curled up in the man's bed. Bruce had walked into his room and stared at Dick in his bed. Dick pulled the covers down and patted the spot beside him. Bruce had carefully picked his way over to the bed, feet never making a sound, and sat down beside him.
After a moment of staring at Dick, he reached over to pick him up and Dick, sitting up, knocked his hands away. Bruce continued to stare, blues eyes just a touch wider than normal, lips pursed just enough to be barely noticeable. "Lie down." Dick said.
Bruce took a moment before obeying.
Nodding, Dick lay back down and rested his head on Bruce's chest. It was the soft scent of Bruce that started to lull Dick to sleep. Something strong and safe that reminded him of safety and love and understanding. It was as he began drifting off to sleep that he felt himself being gathered up in Bruce's arm as the man slowly sat up.
"No." he mumbled, squirming away until he was sitting up on his own. "Behave yourself."
"What?"
Dick scowled at him. Laying back down and glaring at Bruce until the man lay back down and Dick could regain his previous position. "I'm staying here for the night."
"And when was this decided?" Bruce had carefully draped one arm around Dick, still giving him the same look from earlier.
Huffing, Dick turned his head to look at him. "You're not very bright, are you?"
DtCW
He'd continued sleeping with Bruce up until a year ago. Once his heats started up, Bruce insisted that Dick sleep in his own bed. It wasn't exactly an argument he'd won, Dick could be stubborn when he wanted to be and he had not wanted to sleep alone. It was only recently that he'd been consistently sleeping alone.
And that was making Bruce and Alfred suspicious.
Dick grabs a hand towel resting on its silver stand on the marble countertop. Running the cold water, he soaks the soft white material before pressing it to his eyes and turning off the tap.
The suspicion can be easily dealt with. All he has to do is go sleep with Bruce.
Dick wants to. God, he would like nothing more than to just hop into Bruce's bed, cuddle with the man, and let that wonderful scent surround him until everything was better. He knew he would feel so much better if he just got to curl up with the man.
But, there is a part of him that is scared. Scared of how he will react to Bruce. Worries he will give himself away, let on that something is wrong with him.
There is an even smaller part of him that is afraid of Bruce.
As a rule, Dick hates that part of himself with every fibre of his being. It represents that small part of him that doesn't understand what happened, that thinks Bruce would willingly hurt him, that doesn't fully trust Bruce after what happened.
It's the part of him that blames Bruce.
His eyes are less red, he notices as he pulls the towel away from his face. He takes a slow deep breath, before exiting the bathroom. His room is still too large for him. Every time he walks in he feels himself desperately trying to catch a whiff of Bruce's scent.
It's stupid and ridiculous and Dick should just cross the hall and sleep in Bruce's room.
Dick climbs back into bed and stares at the ceiling. He's actually surprised when he feels himself drifting off to sleep.
Bruce is starting to get suspicious.
Dick jerks up into a sitting position. His hands begin to tremble and he has to work his way through all of Bruce's breathing exercises before they stop. A glance at the clock shows he's been awake for an hour. He gets out of bed, leaves the room, and crosses the hall.
His hand rests on the door knob for a brief eternity and Dick feels his eyes tearing up. He takes another deep breath, slow and controlled, just like Bruce taught him.
Bruce is starting to get suspicious and the last thing Dick wants is for him to go poking around. Negating his suspicion is easy; all he has to do is spend the night in here, just like he would if nothing was wrong.
His grip tightens on the doorknob, but he can't open it. Dick turns on his heel to go back to his room.
It doesn't matter if Bruce is suspicious. Dick covered his tracks. All the footage has either been deleted or doctored. He updated the files personally, as Bruce couldn't recall anything from that night. Nobody knew except for him. And so what if Bruce found out? It wouldn't matter wouldn't change anything. If Bruce knew that he'd—
Dick whips back around and marches back to Bruce's door. He twists the knob and pushes it open, creeping into the silent room.
Bruce's scent brings tears to his eyes. It's everywhere and it surrounds him and Dick is so relieved at how safe he feels. He'd been avoiding this room for over a month now, and this first step in here has brought back all the comfort of safety he has been missing.
He's only half surprised when he crawls into the bed and sees Bruce's eyes examining him. "Dick." he murmurs and opens his arms up wide.
Dick half dives half flops into his arms and blinks back tears as he snuggles into the man. He feels large fingers gently running through his hair and chances a glance up. Bruce has a small smile on his face. The first Dick has seen in a while. He ignores the small twinge of guilt he feels at the thought; instead, he focuses on memorizing that smile. From the soft look in his eyes to the gentle curve of his lips, everything about Bruce is content and relaxed.
This is why Bruce can never know. He'd never be able to forgive himself. He would destroy himself because of something he had no control over. Dick became Robin to help people, but he also became Robin to protect Batman. And he will do that. He will carry this secret with him to his grave and make sure that Bruce never loses that smile.
Gently, Bruce presses a kiss to Dick's forehead. "Go to sleep, Dick. You're safe."
Closing his eyes, Dick takes another slow deep breath, feeling all the tension escape his body as Bruce tightens his arms around him.
For the first time in forty-five days, Dick believes that.