I wanted to get this out before the stasrt of the fifth season of The Venture Brothers. The fourth season ended with a lot of things up in the air, which seemed like an invitation to imagine what I'd like to see happen. Thus "A Day in the Life of a Reformed Henchman", which in turn lead to "Lady Au Pair II" which sets up this story. In return for being allowed to become the new Lady Au Pair Kim is required to leave off Arching Hank Venture for one year, and also to do a mission for the Guild. This is that mission. Since trailers for the fifth season indicates that none of my ideas will become canon I probably should carry on with these stories, but until the new shows start airing next week I guess I can get away with one more tale. - beb.

"Target has been sighted" whispered in her ear over the music from her iPhone

"Showtime," she replied softly, and got up.

She threw her hands over her head and stretched She was standing on the lounging area around one of several pools at a big resort hotel in Cancun. She didn't check to see if the target had noticed. She knew without looking that she had captured the attention of every male around the pool. She fussed with the position of her deck chair for a bit, adjusted the blanket that lay on it. After a while she took off her cover-up and fiddle with the fit of her bikini. It was a forest green that perfectly complimented her long, red hair. There was't a lot of bikini to adjust, but she did it several times. Having killed as much time as she could, she sat down and opened a tube of sun block and slowly began applying it to her arms and legs. Out of the corner of her sunglasses she saw the target approaching. Everything was going according to plan.

She was struggling to reach the middle of her back with the sun block when a sauve, deep voice asked, "would you like some help?"

Bingo! she thought to herself, contact has been made. "I'd hate to impose," she said, glancing from well manicured toes up hairless legs to a broad and equally hairless chest to a face impossibly handsome. The dossier had said he'd had a lot of plastic surgery. And every dollar of it well spent.

"For a lovely girl like you, it would be my pleasure." he took the tube of sun block out of her hand and squeezed a portion onto his hand, spread it around a bit to warm before touching her back. He rubbed the lotion in with strong, confident hands.

"I could get to like this," the girl thought, then decided to say it out loud.

"You don't have a boyfriend to help with these matters?" the man asked in a voice that could have made a fortune in voice-over work.

"Too many boys, not enough man," she replied and hoped that wasn't putting it on too thick. She did have a boyfriend but a restraining order kept her away from him for the next year. She did have a couple of employees who were, she imagined were at this very moment taking enormous number of pictures of her in her bikini, the perverts. Either one could have killed for the chance to put sunblock on her back. Neither, though were Anton Koswalski, millionaire inventor and subject of a Guild take down. Taking him down was her first assignment as a member of the Guild of Calamitous Intent.

Anton continued talking to her in a smooth, continuous way. Making numerous compliments about her skin, her hair, the bold black stripe running through the red. He was a practiced seducer. As he talked his hands ran across her back in wider and wider strokes. They slipped under the string of her top then slid down her side. She must have tensed in anticipation of him groping her breasts because his hands hesitated a second then went back up. Without asking he stated rubbing lotion of her hips and running down her thighs.

When he started to move in on her inner thighs,Kim decided she'd spent enough time getting the fish hooked. She rolled onto her side and smiled up at the man. "Thank you for you help. I'm Claudia."

"Anton. Anton Koswalski. It has been a please to help." He smiled with perfectly even, white, capped teeth. "Are you here on business, or pleasure?"

"You could say it's both," Kim told him. "I'm a Au Pair and while my employers are having a second honeymoon in Bali I brought their children here for a vacation."

"Ahh," he said. "What a delightful way to kill two birds with one stone. Where are your charges?"

"Tim-Tom's over in the Splash Zone," she said pointing to a small chubby-looking boy in baggy pants and a t-shirt. The t-shirt hide a rather old appendix scar for a 4 year old to have. "And Kevin is at the water slide." A small black boy waved at her from atop the slide. He had a small camera in his hand. Through a combination of mirrors and lenses what looked like an ordinary camera with a 3x zoom lens actually produced a 20x zoom factor. She wondered how many voyeur pictures he had taken, then decided she didn't really want to know. As long as they stayed off the Internet...

Anton was looking a little confused at the black and white children. "Where they adopted?" he asked.

"No. Mrs. Townhouse has an eclectic taste in men," she said with a wordly sigh. "And since she has all the money, her husband puts up with it." Kim wondered if she should add something provocatively sexual to that barebone story? Nah, she'd already thrown in enough. "So what do you do?" she asked, innocently.

"Oh, I dauble a bit in Big Science, play the stock market, gamble."

"Does Big Science mean there's a Little Science as well?" She forced a giggle. "And what's the difference?"

"Little science is stuff like your Ipod. Big Science asks the most important questions of the universe, life and so on. Some people wish only to invent a better post-it note. I'm after the secrets to gravity!"

"Wow" Kim said, trying to look impressed. Truth be told when talking like that Anton Kowlaski sounded every bit as retarded as Hank Venture's retarded "super-sceintist" father. She could see why the Guild of Calamitous Intent wanted he taken down a few pegs.

They flirted for a few minutes until Kim was sure the hook was, as it were, firmly set, then suggested they go for a swim. They splashed around in the pool for a while. Anton was forever showing off his skills as a diver. He was good but his need to show-off grated. When he started playfully grabbing at her and planting kisses on her lips she decided that was enough. She asked what time it was then said she had to get the boys in out of the sun. She called to Kevin and Tim-Tom and when they came up made introductions to the nice new friend of hers. They acted like they hadn't been following his every moveement for the past two days. And whined like any four year old when told play-time was over and they had to go inside. Congenital midgets, both in their late 30s they were surprising adept at playing children.

The "boys" marched into the hotel while Kim was picking up hers and their things - towel, an untouched paperback novel, her iPod, and so on. As she was finishing up, Anton asked if he could take her to dinner that night.

Stage Two!

Kim congratulated herself. Of course she played hard to get, first refusing, then letting him sweet talk her into coming. Kim suggested they met in his room for some drinks before dinner, which he thought was a really great idea. Moments later she was walkng towards the elevators with the information they hadn't been able to get out of the hotel for two days - his room number.

She rode the elevator up to the fifth floor and walked down the corridor to the suite she and the Muderous Moppets shared. It consisted of a living room with built-in bar and two bedrooms. Kim threw her things on a near-by couch and called "Oh, boys! Your mummy's here!"

There was the sound of a shower running in the moppet's room. After a moment Tim-Tom walked into the living room, wearing only a towel around his middle.

"Put some clothes on!" she ordered but he just looked at her with his practised innocent look and said, "I just got out of the shower."

"Where's Kevin?"

"He's in the shower."

"Fine. Tell him when he comes out that our pigeon has asked me out to dinner and I have his room number."

"Great," Tim-Tom complained, "Cavier for you, nothing for us."

"I hate cavier, besides you can order up room service any time you like. Don't think I didn't see that lobster you two ordered last night."

"Eh. We can afford it." And they could, thanks to a bank heist the three of them has planned a couple months back. They'd hijacked a bank car and made off with a million dollars in assorted currencies. Four men had died defending that truck, which bothered Kim from time to time. Though mostly it bothered her that it didn't bother her more often.

However they were plowing through that million dollars a lot faster than Kim cared for. They had gotten in trouble with the Guild because she had stolen the identity of Lady Au Pair from its creator. Buying off the creator, the current Dr. Mrs. The Monarch, and bribing the Guild to forget about the trademark infringement had cut a deep hole in their cash on hand. But the Guild wasn't just about money. It also about control and - oddly for a gang of super-criminals - order. Because she had tried Arching wiithout permission they had put her on probation for a year during which she could not molest Hank Venture in any way. Also they demanded she perform a mission for them.

Anton Kowalski was a non-aligned super-scientist the Guild had marked for a take-down. She wasn't required to kill him. In fact the Guild actually sort of frowned on simple solutions like that. It created a shortage of super-scientists for the villains to Arch. But the Guild wanted his operations set back a couple years. How was up to Kim, sorry - the New Lady Au Pair. If she could siphon a couple million out of his bank accounts in the process, well, that's how the game was played.

"Conferance after I've had my shower," she said. "And I want both of you in clothes!"

"Yes, mum," Tim-Tom answered respectfully and walked back to the bedroom. Just before closing the door he dropped the towel and mooned her.

I am push this on a bit further, if not this a 007-ish story with Kim as Bond and Koswalski as the generic villain. There would be a flying island, an attack by Sphinx (with cameo by Brock) and Kim escaping from a fate worse than death by her own grit.

This is the first of two stories about the new Lady Au Pair. In the other, following this story Kim is frustrated because she can't arch Hank and because she can't see Gary either. So she has the Moppets kipnap Gary and tried to turn him into her sex slave. But Gary resents being held prisoner and keeps escaping (and being recaptured) finally during a trip to an art museum he notices Kim admiring one of the painting there and suggests that he'll help her steal it if she will let him go afterwards. And so it becomes a caper yarn. While I have much of the story written out in my head it never got written down so this story may never happen. Pity because I thought it was a good one. -Beb