She cradles his dead body, tracing the drying tracks of tears on his cheeks, and the weight of everything finally sinks in. He's dead, and even if she wasn't the one to do the deed, it still feels as if the dagger were in her hand.
This is all your fault. Everything she's done, she's done it for the sake of her country. The uprising, the fight against Beignon, the war against the laguz, all for the sake of Daein and the king she'd worked so hard to bring to the throne. Now he's dead. This is all your fault, the voice whispers again, shaming and cold. You stupid girl. You stupid, naive girl.
"I'm sorry," she whispers to no one. Lady Almedha has collapsed under the weight of her own sorrow. Sothe and General Tauroneo are off talking somewhere. She's alone with the pale corpse of the man she killed, and she's never felt so alone.
The Maiden of Miracles. Our savior. Daein's chosen one. People singing her praises from every corner of the country only hurts now, and she imagines them turning their backs on her. Murderer. Filthy branded. Worthless. Stupid girl. All of her efforts have done is end an innocent life. The life that mattered most.
"I'm sorry," she whispers again, fighting back tears. This is all your fault. Even in death, he's beautiful. That gentle face, slender fingers, soft blue hair...his eyes are closed now, never to open again, but she remembers them full of sorrow and wisdom. Gone.
She holds him tightly, burying her face against his hair. Like cold straw, it feels. General Tauroneo did the deed, not me, she tries to remind herself, but does it matter? It was her own deeds that led up to that horrible moment.
"I'm sorry." She doesn't even know who she's apologizing to anymore. Pelleas, Sothe, General Tauroneo, Daein, Lady Almedha, Yune, the Dawn Brigade. Jill and Zihark have turned their coats back to the other side, to his side. How much longer until the others lose faith in her? We love you, Micaiah, we'll always support you. No, she wants to scream, don't support me, all I'll do is hurt you! This is why she left Sothe all those years ago, to protect him from the stigma against her kind. Now who she is has come back to hurt someone else.
It wasn't worth it. Everything she did, she did it for Daein, and in the end it amounted to nothing. They still suffer under the Blood Pact. Pelleas is gone. The war shows no signs of ending. All of Tellius will be ash in less than a month, and it will be all because of her.
"I'm sorry." It's a mantra now, and the tears are falling against his hair. I give up, I surrender. No more. I can't do this, I can't I can't I can't. A voice inside tells her she doesn't mean it, but she shoves it away. "Pelleas, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
She carefully rests the body back down on the sheet, smoothing the wrinkles in his clothing. They'll bury him tomorrow, and everyone will remember him as the brave king who sacrificed his life to help end a war.
Only Micaiah will know the truth, and it will haunt her for the rest of her life.