Author's Note: Another angst story… I don't know if this one will have as much meaning as Last Minute of Life did but this is another story that wouldn't leave me alone for a while…
Summary: What would you do if your whole life revolved around your brother and your best friend? What would you do if your parents died, your brother belongs in an insane asylum and your best friend's suicidal? This is the story of a how a girl—scum of school, failure of society—deals with her life as an outcast, and you realize that life isn't like what we read in stories at all. But you still have to face it… with or without the assistance of the mysterious stranger… who helps you… but is ashamed of being seen with you.
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Chapter One
My Life
Beta-Reader: Manuca
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My mom is dead, my dad is in a coma, my brother belongs in an insane asylum and my best friend is suicidal.
I am nothing like them, but because they're what my life revolves around, I am labelled as an outcast.
I have very little friends, and even fewer real ones who actually care.
I try dressing in bright colours and dye my hair red, because I want to show others that it's not right judging a book by its cover. Like me. I dress like the sunshine, yet I hide so many dark secrets.
But it didn't seem to help at all. I am still an outcast, a loner, someone nobody cares about...
This is my story.
For my entire life—or for as long as I can remember—I have been alone. My mom died when I was two, my dad slipped in a coma after a car accident when I was six, and when he didn't wake up for nearly three years, my brother went insane. He would mutter incoherent things all day, usually revolving dad. He would see delusional images of dad then speak to him and cry tears of happiness. There are times when he's conscious of real life. And when he is, he cries even more. He remembers how he's supposed to be someone I look up to, how he's supposed to be taking care of me, how he should be the one working to pay dad's medical bills and not me.
My name is Kinomoto Sakura, I am 14 years old, halfway into my first year of high school.
I know in stories you hear about how divided up high school is; of popular people, of outcasts and of how outcast can never be friends with popular people. Well I'm giving you a taste of truth right here, but I also can't lie. I won't lie about my life. And here's the truth: my school is like that. Perhaps a bit more complex and full of social rules than most schools.
Here's how it goes:
There are basically four classes you can be,
You can be high, medium-high, medium-low, or just a plain outcast, the lowlifes.
The high class are basically the popular people you see in your school, consisting of cheerleaders, football players, soccer champions and etc. They are usually friends with all other high and medium-high class people and sometimes if they like the person, friends with some of the medium-low class members too. There are about 40 of them in school, and our school has about a total of 600 students.
Then you have your medium-high class people. They're almost the same as the high class people except they have to be careful around the high-class people. Normally, in friend way speaking, they'll judge you as the same, but when a real issue comes along, the high-class person's opinion always matter the most. There are perhaps 200 of those students around.
Bottom line: Don't piss them off.
After that it's the medium-low class. They're just your everyday people, but perhaps living in more fear than your everyday people. Your life would be normal as long as you kept out of everybody's business. Your main friends are people in the same class as you, and the other class people won't bother you. But sometimes, if a high or medium-high class person likes you, then you're allowed to be friends, and it won't bring shame to them.
However you must always be careful around them, because they have more authority than you, and if you make them angry, it won't just be a fight; they'll drop you to an outcast level. I have no idea how many of medium-lows there are, just as I have no idea how many outcasts are here. Maybe it's because we behave very much alike, the only difference is that it's not embarrassing to be seen hanging around them as it is with us.
Which bring us down to the low class. The outcast. The low class. The group I'm in. We are basically the shame and dirt of our school. If any other class people walk by us they pretend we don't exist. They'll run right into us and pretend nothing happened. We are not allowed to even speak with people of any other class, not even the medium-low class.
The only friends we're allowed to have are other low class people. The only problem is that every other class people gets informed of who is an outcast, except for the actual outcasts themselves, so if you're not careful and makes the mistake of speaking with some who's not an outcast, then you're basically doomed.
Which is why, outcasts keep to themselves. They live a life of terrible fear. Rumours say all the other class people have a list of all the outcasts in the school. I also hear that your class can change depending on your behaviour, but I don't believe any outcasts have ever been brought up to a medium-low level.
Who decides these things? Even though I am kept out from all gossips and all talks, there's one thing the school is clear of (even the outcasts): besides these four levels, there is one level above the high level. It consists of three people. They basically own the school. Two guys and a girl. All three in grade 11, yet they have control even over the grade 12s. They usually keep it to themselves and hang with the high class, but they have the right to speak to any other class people, including the outcasts (If any other class says a word to an outcast, your level will be dropped), and you'd better respond and suck up real good.
As far as I know, which is very little, their names are: Yamazaki Takashi, Li Syaoran, and Mihara Chiharu. They're the ones you have to real sweet to, but I've seen them through the halls a couple of times and it seems both guys are cooing over Mihara-sama. It makes me think that she's the actual, as in actual actual queen of the school.
But who am I to judge? Not even high-class people have a right to think about such things, who the hell do I think I am?
The bell rings.
Lunch.
The most dreadful word.
I walked out of the class, limping slightly because I'm supporting almost my best friend's entire weight. People walked by us like we didn't exist. I waited in a cowering corner in the class until everyone has walked out and was gone.
Daidouji Tomoyo wasn't moving much, which meant I had to do the walking for both of us. Yeah, Tomoyo. That's my best friend. A suicidal but beautiful girl. I had known her since I was four and I love to her death. But a year ago her father left her mother for another woman and took all the money and house away from them. Now her mom's throwing unpredictable fits and when she does she would abuse Tomoyo. Tomoyo had always been a sweet, emotionally weak, rich girl. She's like glass, and her mother just dropped her from a five story high building. She's completely shattered.
I dragged her towards Kinomoto Touya's locker slowly, seeing the invisible tears that pour down her face, no matter what day, what night it is. Touya; that's my brother, the one who would be in an insane asylum right now if I had ever brought him even close to a hospital. Even though he's in grade 12, and outcasts usually don't stick past grade 10, my brother still is an outcast, perhaps one of the worst ones.
But something was wrong. Even for the life as an outcast. Somehow, people were on the side instead of walking in the middle of the hallway as they always do. In fact I think Tomoyo and I were the only ones still moving. They were frozen and for once looked at me instead of through me. Something's wrong.
I turned around.
OH SHIT!Behind me at the end of the hall, dominating the ground was the Kings and Queen of the school, Mihara-sama was in the middle with Li-sama and Yamazaki-sama walking at the same pace slightly behind her, one on each side. Mihara-sama looked ready to kill; she's furious at something.
Every step was bold, every expression was powerful, every sway was attractive, and every speck on her was perfect. When she walked her hips swayed, her breasts bounced, her legs showing off their smoothness and creaminess. It's no wonder all the guys were in love with her.
"Tomoyo, move… we gotta move!" I muttered, pushing her as fast as I can. But she kept leaning the wrong way and it was difficult to get her to move at all, never mind at a certain direction. "Tomoyo… please…" I said, near tears when I heard footsteps approaching.
"Tomoyo… Tomoyo… I know you can hear me… maybe you don't care, but I do…" Stomp, stomp, stomp, STOMP, STOMP, STOMP. "Please! Move!"
A hard blow hit my head and I fell to the ground bring Tomoyo down with me. I managed to crouch but Tomoyo lay right across the floor.
The three of them stepped right on her as they walked by. It was as if she was just a flat decoration on the floor.
"HEY!" I cried standing up. Okay, I might be an outcast, but there's no way I'm letting anyone treat my best friend like that! "I SAID HEY! HOW DARE YOU TREAT HER THAT WAY?"
Slowly, they spun around with a smug and dangerous look on their face. "What did you say, bitch?"
"You heard me! Listen I don't care what you're thinking right now! Honestly, because I don't care about you! I want you to apologize to Tomoyo though!"
Mihara-sama—no, she doesn't deserve that name! Chiharu walked up and pinned my face to the ground. I was getting dirt in my mouth as she tried grinding my face with the floor. "Excuse me," she said sweetly, though spitting poison. "I'm afraid I didn't quite hear what you said, could you repeat it please?"
I coughed and gagged. I tried getting the words out of my mouth even if it killed me, but I couldn't. "A-ck… I—ck… I… sai…ck…"
I could feel her smiling. "Good girl." She let go of my face and stood up, ready to walk away.
But I will not be humiliated like that. I stood up as fast as I could and I lunged at her. "BITCH!" I screamed as I jumped on her, tackling both of us onto the ground.
"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" She scratched me across the face and pushed my head back so hard I ended up falling backwards.
A pair of hands grabbed my shoulder, pinned me on the ground and once again I was eating dirt.
Chiharu's shirt and skirt was wrinkled but she was smirking. "Don't screw with me." She walked in front of me and kicked my face. It was then I realized she wasn't the one holding me down. She's gotten Takashi to do it for her. Or more like he voluntarily did because he knew that's what was expected of him from the Queen.
She narrowed her eyes at me. Those beads of hatred. She yanked at my hair.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
With a force pushing me down now one pulling me up, it hurts. It hurts like hell.
"YEAH BITCH, SCREAM! I WANT YOU TO KEEP SCREAMING YA HEAR?"
"Stop."
She was so stunned that she dropped my head straight to the ground. I think my nose is bleeding now.
"Excuse me?" Her eyes were deathly as she glared daggers at Syaoran.
"I said stop. You're hurting her." He walked in front of me and bent down. "You too, Takashi."
He let go of me, though slowly and reluctantly.
I sat up with every bone in my body aching. I looked up and our eyes met. "You have very beautiful eyes." He told me.
"Oh… thanks…" I told him quietly. Then, added, "I just want Chiharu to apologize to Tomoyo, is all…"
"Yeah?" He chuckled. "She won't. But I'll take her place." He walked up to Tomoyo and gently, he whispered. "So sorry about everything, girl. Shoulda treated you with more respect," He then turned back to me. "Happy?"
"Yeah," I muttered.
"Good. You should smile, makes you prettier than you already are."
Could this really be happening? I thought to myself. He just complimented me… complimented me… wow! "Thank you…"
He was thoughtful for a bit. "Chiharu, Takashi you guys leave without me."
"What?"
"Yeah." He replied.
"Fine." They replied walking away.
"The rest of you, go."
And within seconds the entire hall was clear. It was just me and him. Uh, and Tomoyo. "Would you like to have lunch with me?"
I smiled. I did more than just smile. I swelled and threw my arms around him. "That sounds like fun…"
He didn't mind it. "Great, where would you like to go?"
Okay, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, STOP! Stop this before it gets too far! Goddamnit what were you thinking?
You think that type of stuff really happen in real life, huh? Do you?
Well you know what? FACE IT! It doesn't! You've just been reading too many goddamn fairy tales!
First of all, I would never have the guts to stand up to them. Two, I was just trying to make myself look brave fighting Mihara-sama and all. Truthfully, Mihara-sama would never do the fighting. Before a finger on me would land on her, the whole school would be jumping at me and defending her. And last, why the hell would Li-sama and my eyes meet? Why now of all times?
If I really behaved like that, if it really would be love at first sight, don't you think our eyes would've met long before? And last, I admit, I do have a crush on Li-sama. God I know it's impossible but I love him. I really do. He's just so handsome. I know it's wrong to like a person just based on their looks, but as soon as I see him, I can't help it. I can't help but to fall in love.
I'm still huddling on the ground from when Mihara-sama knocked me over, and as those thoughts raced through my head, I closed my eyes, bit my lips and wanted to cry. There's no point in lying, but I also know that Li-sama is way out of my league. As in way. It's hard enough to say hello to a medium-low class person, how the hell am I suppose to get him to fall in love with me?
They stepped on Tomoyo and kept walking, not slowing their pace, not stumbling. They must be really used to stepping on people.
They walked away.
I did nothing.
Except maybe after they were a safe distance away I pulled Tomoyo into a sitting position and moved her legs away from the middle of the floor.
At the end of the hall where the Kings and Queen were, I heard Mihara-sama's horrible, terrifying scream. Yeah, nice fantasy. As if I would really have the guts to stand up to her. Even if I did, one snarl from her, I'd cower. Mihara-sama's beautiful, sexy, but she's got the scariest anger problem I've ever seen.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE OR SOMETHING?"
Curiosity got the best of me and I peeked to see what was happening.
Li-sama was holding a 12th grader guy up against the wall as Chiharu yelled. "YOU SAID YOU KNEW! YOU SAID YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE! YOU SAID YOU WERE GOOD! SO WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT THEN, HUH?" She bellowed, throwing a 30-page report on his face. That must've hurt.
"I-I'm s-s-sorry, sorry Mi-Mihara-sa-sama… I, I tried I really did… I, I thought i-it was, was g-good…"
"WELL IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH AND YOU KNOW THAT NOW DON'T YOU?"
"Y-yes…" the boy answered feebly.
"APOLOGIZE!"
Li-sama pushed his face straight to the ground. "I-I-I'm s-so sorry, M-Mihara-s-sama, it'll never happen again, I-I pr-promise!"
She smirked. "You promise? It'll never happen again next time? THERE IS NO NEXT TIME YOU DIMWITTED RETARD! YOU THINK I'LL EVER FRIGGIN' TRUST YOU AGAIN?"
"N-No…" I felt sorry for him… he looked like he was ready to cry. But I didn't stand up for him. Such thoughts were unthinkable.
"NOW BECAUSE OF YOU I'M GETTING A 60 IN HISTORY YOU UNDERSTAND? SIXTY! MY MOM WILL NOT ALLOW THAT AND YOU BETTER FIND SOMEWAY TO GET THE DAMN TEACHER TO CHANGE THE MARK! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, JUST DO IT! UNDERSTAND!"
"Y-Yes…" the boy choked.
Mihara-sama softened. Or at least that's what it seemed. She picked up the report from the ground and put them into his hands. "Good. Now I want you to eat it."
"W-What?"
"ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY ORDERS? EAT IT!"
Li-sama held his head off the ground as Yamazaki-sama ripped off a page, and stuffed it into his struggling mouth. "This is what 'eat it' means." He said in a monotone. "Now you do the rest. You really don't want me to feed you. Trust me. I just might lose my temper."
He nodded, and by now, he really was crying.
Mihara-sama randomly pointed at a couple standing near. "I trust you two to report to me his behaviour."
"YES MADAME!" The saluted and stood guarding the boy, making sure he ate every piece.
Mihara-sama was satisfied. She turned around and her two boys followed.
As they walked back, maybe Tomoyo thought it would be a fun joke or something, but just as they walked by, Tomoyo suddenly collapsed onto the ground, and her legs lashed out.
Mihara-sama wasn't expecting it. There was suddenly this leg in front of her.
She tripped.
My eyes went wide.
She never hit the ground of course, the second she started stumbling Li-sama reached out and held her, helping her to regain her balance. But he held her tighter and closer than needed, and just the sight of that made my heart ache.
She turned her face and stared at him straight in the eyes for quite a while, not asking him to loosen his hold around her waist. After a while, she gave a small, seductive smile. "Thanks." She said.
"My pleasure." He replied, letting go. And I hope to God there was no double meaning to that.
Mihara-sama spun around, and her expression changed almost immediately. She saw Tomoyo lay sprawled on the ground, bent down, held her up by the chin and pinned her throat to the lockers.
I watched, terrified.
But I did not come to her defence. If anything, I backed away. Maybe I am a cowered, but I can tell you this for sure: if you were in my situation, I can guarantee you wouldn't have gotten in their way either.
A group of people rolled up their sleeves walking towards Tomoyo, ready to beat the hell out of her. All Mihara-sama had to do was hold up a finger at them, telling them she wants to deal with this personally, and all of them frozen without moving another inch. "What the hell did you do that for?" Chiharu asked casually, but the tightness in her voice showed anything but that. She was so threatening and close that her lips were almost against Tomoyo's.
Tomoyo didn't care. No, if she didn't care for life, what else could she care for? She smirked a little, and spat on Mihara-sama's face.
Mihara-sama took a step back, stunned as she smashed Tomoyo's skull to the ground. Tomoyo let out a surprised yelp of pain.
"WHAT THE FRIGGIN' HELL WAS THAT?" Immediately girls rushed forth and began cleaning her face. "HOLD HER DOWN! I'M SO NOT DONE WITH HER YET!" With that, she scurried into the washroom with a bunch of girls as Yamazaki-sama pinned Tomoyo to the wall.
"You've got guts. I'll give you that much." He whispered. "But you're a dead girl."
She laughed. "If it wasn't for Sakura over there, I'd been a dead girl a year ago."
A minute later Mihara-sama came out with a perfectly clean face and put her face to Tomoyo's. "You're dead." She whispered.
"I was dead long ago." Tomoyo laughed again. "Go ahead, kill me, and see if I give a damn." She held out a knife from her pocket and threw it at Mihara-sama's feet.
Li-sama picked it up and handed it to her. She smiled malicious as she ran the blade across Tomoyo's face. A line of red began to appear.
I covered my mouth in horror. But still, I knew I could do nothing. But I am almost positive they won't kill Tomoyo.
"You're a brave little bitch, you know that?" Chiharu said, amused. "You really aren't afraid of death, but everyone's gotta be afraid of something…"
"Nothing." Tomoyo affirmed. "If I don't give a damn about life, I don't give a damn 'bout nothing."
"We'll see." Mihara-sama circled her a bit, then, coming to a decision, she grinned. "Spin her around, pin her chest on the wall." She took a couple of steps back until she was practically glued to Li-sama. She leaned back a bit more so that her head rested on his shoulder, and she whispered something in his ear.
He nodded. "I would care." He replied.
She smiled and walked back to Tomoyo. "What, gonna stab me in the back, you backstabber?" She snorted, laughing without a care.
"I'll wipe that smile off your face if it's the last thing I do." Her hand went up; the blade facing downwards, her hand came down.
The blade came and swiped across Tomoyo's long, beautiful grayish-black hair.
The soft tresses that had taken her over three years to grow fell around her.
I was mortified. But not nearly as much as Tomoyo. God.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Her high-pitched screaming rang across the hall. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" her voice was pitched and squeaky like I had never heard before. "NOOOOOOO! NOT MY HAIR! STOP!"
But Mihara-sama was laughing like a maniac as she went cut, cut, cut! at Tomoyo's hair until she was practically bald. Tomoyo was struggling so much it took Yamazaki-sama and Li-sama together to hold her down.
"Well," Mihara said, admiring her screaming piece of art. "That's as much as I can go without making your pretty little head bleed." She laughed. "Who's laughing now, huh bitch?"
Tears were pouring down Tomoyo's face, she was going into shock. "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU BITCH!"
Mihara-sama threw her head back and laughed. "Yes, damn me to hell. But for saying that, you're going to pay." Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse. Mihara-sama took the knife, and she began to cut the threads on Tomoyo's cloth.
Piece by piece, her blouse, her skirt, her bra and her underwear fell around her.
I couldn't watch anymore, the humiliation, the way the watchers laughed, and the way Mihara-sama laughed. I ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. I buried my face in my hands and I wish I could just vanish into a puff of smoke. I couldn't bear it.
Outside I could still hear the dreadful screaming, and the laughter.
Then, I heard Mihara-sama's voice. She was speaking to another random person again. "I want these cloths remade into panties, and I want you to give out as many as you can to grade 12 guys and I want them wearing them tomorrow with nothing else."
God. How could she be so cruel? I thought to myself, near tears. At the same time I wanted to kill myself for not being able to stand up for Tomoyo just when she needed me the most. Instead, here I am, cowering in a bathroom.
What made this worse was that this wasn't just a laugh. Whatever Mihara-sama says, is done, and I know that by tomorrow, there will be guys walking around wearing panties made from Tomoyo's clothing. And to make it worse, Tomoyo's naked for the rest of the day. I know she could go home, I know she should, but I also know for a fact that Mihara-sama would never allow her to leave school.
God. I buried my face into my hands and fell onto the cold floor. Yet at the same time, I heard a small voice in my head, saying: Gosh, I'm just so glad that it's not me…
Sick, isn't it. There Tomoyo is, suffering probably the worst punishment, and I dare be relieved I wasn't in her position.
But that's just human nature. That's just the way I was programmed to be. I can't help it… I hate myself for this, at the same time I still feel the relief. Maybe I should've been the one who's suicidal, not her.
The sounds died away. I opened the bathroom door and peeked outside. All I saw was Tomoyo's naked body on her ground with her beautiful tress around her. God. How could they have the heart to do this?
Far away I hear giggling, and I see Mihara-sama laughing as Li-sama picked her up into his arms and twirled her around and around. He didn't laugh. In fact he rarely showed emotions. But he was half-smirking laughing now.
And I'm in love with the guy. I felt sick at myself. But it's just another one of those things that I can help but to accept. I fell across Tomoyo's body and I hugged her to me. "I told you…" she whispered to me in a completely soulless voice. "I told you there was a reason why I was suicidal…"
"No, Tomoyo… we'll get through this together… just survive today and tomorrow, and everything will be like it was before…" What am I to do? All I want to do is the right thing, but it just seems so hard to decide what is right.
Because everything, no matter how cruel, has a hint of 'right' in them.
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Author's Note: This story genre should be more of a Angst/Tragedy/Romance rather than just Angst. I realize this as I read through it. God, I feel so bad for Tomoyo…
4622 Words.