An Internal Dream

by waatp

Chloe loves Beca and has done for many years. Beca is marrying Jesse but is she hiding a secret? A one-shot based on a Friends episode. I own nothing. Bechloe.

.o0o. The Internal Dream. .o0o.

"Chloe Beale. What are you doing?" The red head said to herself, as she sat nursing a gin and tonic (her fifth, if you are counting), trying so hard to stop the jiggle in her left knee.

Not used to drinking alcohol since she began working double shifts at the hospital, the effects on her already confused brain were actually starting to cloud her already muddled judgement. What seemed like an amazingly aca-awesome idea yesterday, had now petered out to more of a lip biting, toe curling, fingernail chewing, stupid deliberation of what was right and wrong. Chloe raised the chilled glass and enjoyed the slight sting of the frosty wetness as she placed the tumbler to her forehead.

"WhatamIdoing?!" She mumbled to herself, not realising the words left her lips. She rolled the glass over her forehead and lazily opened an eye, catching her seatmate smirking at her, with an overly interested glint to his eye.

"Excuse me? Are you talking to me?" He asked, leaning slightly forward in his seat to get a quick peek down Chloe's shirt. In her slightly inebriated state, she hadn't realised the top buttons had come undone, revealing a bit more than just a flash of black lace. Chloe indolently smiled at him, shaking her head, before settling back in her chair, the gin making her tongue numb, words unable to form on her lips.

She pushed the drink away, pulled the airline blanket around her shoulders, and fastened her seatbelt. Plugging her earphones into her iPod, the first song that filtered through was Constant Craving by k d lang. Chloe shook her head at the irony as she thumbed through the selection, finally settling on some soft rock to keep her mind alert. She had a few hours to come up with a plan of either how to win Beca Mitchell's heart or let her go completely.

.o0o.

*Four Months Earlier*

The heavy, cream coloured envelope was propped up on the mantelpiece by the time Chloe got home from work.

She shook the rain from her jacket before hanging it up on the rack, placing her car keys carefully in the dish on the dresser. She smiled as she bent over to slip off her shoes before placing them on the shoe rack in the hallway. Living with Aubrey and her strict list of house rules had begun to rub off on Chloe. She had turned from quite the reclusive slob in her first year as a Junior Doctor - until Aubrey had moved to the same area and they had decided it would be "mutually beneficial and cost effective" (Aubrey's words) and "fun" (Chloe's words) to buy a place together - to being someone with a semblance of order in her life. Chloe still found it fun though to move Aubrey's orderly, alphabetised books and DVD's around just to see if she would get a reaction. Aubrey never said if she had noticed that her left shoes were always missing.

Chloe was careful not to make too much noise as she crossed from the foyer to the kitchen, knowing Aubrey would still be fast asleep at 4am. She pulled a bottle of water from the fridge, collected an orange from the dish on the counter before deciding to watch a movie until she was chilled out enough to go to bed. She spotted the envelope on the mantelpiece above the fireplace as she walked into the living room. She recognised the boxy writing belonging to Beca as a sliver of dread ran through her. She grasped the envelope between her thumb and forefinger and took it, along with her water and orange to the sofa. Tucking her feet underneath her, she slouched against the cushions and picked at the corner of the envelope to open it.

Rebeca Elizabeth Mitchell
and
Jesse Archibald Cosmo Swanson
request the pleasure of your company
to share in the celebration of their marriage
at St Mary's Church, 985 Point Harbour Road
Milton Heights, Los Angeles, CA
on Saturday August 9th 2014
at 4pm
and afterwards at Keeblers Bar and Inn
1101 Alpaca Way, Milton Heights, Los Angeles
RSVP ASAP

Chloe hadn't known whether to laugh or cry when she read the words three times over. She was happy for Beca and Jesse, as happy as a clam at high tide, she really was. But there was always that pang of regret that she had let Beca get away. Chloe had always liked Beca, pretty much from the first time she ever saw her at their College Activities Fair six years previously.

The friendship they had formed blossomed from slightly awkward in their first few months, Chloe knowingly invading the younger girls' fiercely protected privacy, to something of a solid, deep and true friendship by the end of the first year. After winning the ICCA's, Chloe had turned to Beca to celebrate as they walked off stage, wanting to give her a hug and whisper in her ear how amazing she was but Beca had run to Jesse instead. Chloe couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment and she had brooded over this for some time until Aubrey had stepped in.

"You clearly are in to her. You have to say something." Aubrey had said to her one afternoon over a shared ice cream in the corner booth of their favourite café.

"Yeah, right! She's with Jesse now."

"So? I have no idea what she sees in that douche."

"Me neither but I'm not going to make split up what seems to be a good relationship because I have the hots for her."

"You also can't live you life never knowing."

Chloe knew Aubrey was right but it wasn't as simple as that. She wasn't one of those girls who destroyed relationships or friendships to get her own way. She wasn't that brazen or cruel. So she just watched from afar as Beca and Jesse grew closer and closer together, celebrated every milestone of their life as it came and went, commiserated with Beca when Jesse annoyed her, offering her a shoulder to cry on and a place to stay after she and Jesse moved in together and they had argued. She even gave Jesse advice for birthday gifts, ideas for dates knowing Beca would enjoy the simpler things in life and words to say when he had been an asshat for the twentieth time that month.

She hadn't quite known what to say when Jesse asked her to go shopping with him to pick out an engagement ring. She went anyway, because how could she not? She then just spent the next five days locked in her bedroom with Aubrey pounding on the door to get her to come out, eat something or at the least take a shower because the green funk around the door was simply not acceptable. It had taken Aubrey eventually taking a wrench to the door to get Chloe to leave her bed, and a further two days of Aubrey not leaving her side before she stopped crying.

Eventually, she came to accept that Beca would never be hers. And she swallowed all the longings and all the feelings she had down into the pit of her stomach and pasted a smile on her face. She threw herself into her work, which she loved and decided if she couldn't have Beca in the literal sense of the world, she would be just about the best damn friend she could be to her.

Planning her bachelorette party was probably one of the more difficult things she had had to do but she did it. With lots of friends, family and copious amounts of tequila, Chloe had made it through the night without crying. Beca looked so beautiful, so happy, almost radiant about the life she was about to start with Jesse.

Chloe was pretty sure she hadn't intentionally get Beca so drunk she couldn't walk. She was quite happy to let Fat Amy take the blame for that one. She may have helped ply her with alcohol as drunken Beca was just about the funniest thing she had ever seen or heard. Not wanting to let Jesse see their bad influence on his future wife, they all agreed to keep Beca at Aubrey and Chloe's apartment until she was sober enough the next day. Aubrey had Stacie and Amy staying over in her room so it was, almost unfortunately, obvious that Beca would have to stay in Chloe's room with her, seeing as Lilly had bagged the sofa and Cynthia Rose was already asleep in the hallway closet.

Surprisingly, Beca was quite compliant as Chloe took her jeans and boots off. She threw a tee shirt at Beca as she left the room to use the bathroom feeling an enormous sense of relief when she came back into her bedroom that Beca had managed to swap her plaid top for something more comfortable to sleep in all by herself. Beca was already in bed under the covers by the time Chloe had returned so she had simply slipped in under the blankets next to her. Beca had uncharacteristically turned over to face Chloe and snaked a lazy arm over the redheads' waist. Chloe hadn't meant to stiffen at Beca's touch, hadn't mean to bite her lip at all she was doing to her. But Beca was too drunk to notice anyway. Beca had nuzzled, yes nuzzled into Chloe's shoulder and breathed tequila fumes onto Chloe's neck. Chloe could feel the beads of sweat on her forehead start to form but kept her hands to herself and turned her face away from Beca's sleep laden features.

She had lain there for several minutes before she dared move.

Upon trying to sneak out of Beca's limpet arms, she managed to disturb her, prompting Beca to hug Chloe tighter to her and draw her closer to her. Beca had opened a lazy eye and caught Chloe's pained expression.

"Yooou ... oookaay?" She sluggishly slurred, a wide grin appearing showing perfectly white teeth.

"You need sleep. Come on, it's time for peepers." Chloe smiled despite herself as she tucked a kiss on the top of Beca's head, breathing in the fresh scent of her coconut shampoo.

"I ... loovvvvvvvvve ... yooou." Beca continued and she slowly lifted her head off Chloe's shoulder. She raised herself onto an elbow, her heavy head following a split second later.

"Yes, I love you too!" Chloe said with mirth as she raised her head to meet Beca's eye line. "Now, sleep, or I'll have Jesse after me for sleep depriving you."

"He's an ... ass ... asshat at times." Beca said, her words becoming more focused and coherent and she moved her check next to Chloe's. "You're ... you're never an assssshat."

"Well ... I ... mmph ..." Chloe's words were cut off abruptly by Beca's lips. Chloe wasn't sure how they found their way to her own lips but she tasted tequila as Beca pushed her mouth harder to Chloe's. Hesitant at first, knowing that it was what she wanted but cautious of it actually happening, Chloe kissed her back. Their lips brushed lightly and Chloe sensed a little dart of tongue as Beca begged for entrance into Chloe's mouth. Chloe was almost angry that this had taken so long as wet and hungry mouths tasted each other. Their tongues battled for dominance and Beca let out a soft moan as Chloe curled her hand through Beca's hair. Looking into her eyes, Chloe realised that she loved Beca with every inch of her soul. She wanted to hold onto her forever, sharing breaths and tasting her tongue. They pulled apart, breathless and panting as Beca lay back on her pillow pulling Chloe down with her.

It was only a few moments before Beca fell back to sleep, the tequila induced coma finally winning the battle. Chloe had lain awake for hours wondering what it all meant. Debating every scene in her head, replaying the kiss, searching for a sign that Beca loved her too. She finally fell asleep as the sun was rising, the taste of Beca still on her lips.

The next morning, Chloe was up, showered and dressed for work before Beca had even stirred. She was nibbling on a piece of toast and flicking through a magazine perched on top of the kitchen counter when Beca's sleepy face and mussed up hair appeared around the door frame.

"Good morning!" Chloe said happily despite being unaware of how she should bring up the matter of their kiss.

"Oh God ..." Beca said, shielding her eyes as she padded her way into the kitchen, reaching for a mug for coffee. "How much do you guys hate me?"

"Hate you?" Chloe asked, her eyes dancing, just pleased that Beca was talking to her.

"How much did you make me drink last night?"

"Oh!" Chloe said brightly. "I think you decided you would drink the whole bottle. Amy topped you up after that."

"Oh God!" Beca groaned, filling a large mug with hot, black coffee and emptying in half the sugar bowl. "Thank goodness I don't remember any of that."

"You have no memory?" Chloe asked. "You don't recall any of last night?"

"There was tequila. Amy was dancing with a pot plant. Lilly was eating cinnamon. You were singing. Aubrey ... I don't know any more." Beca said as she took generous gulps of coffee.

"That was pretty much it!" Chloe said, desperately trying to decide whether to say anything.

"I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid or embarrassing. I get kind of clingy when I've had a drink. Thanks for letting me crash in your bed. I hope I didn't talk in my sleep. I'm sorry ... I don't remember anything."

"No, it's OK." Chloe said. "There was ... there was nothing. Nothing at all. Look, I've got to go to work. Go back to bed and sleep a bit more. Or just make yourself at home. Lilly and Cynthia Rose have gone but no one else is up so you'll have some peace for a while."

"Thanks Chloe. Maybe I'll see you later today." Beca pushed herself off the counter she was leaning against, wrapping her fingers tightly round her mug. She moved to stand next to Chloe as she jumped off the counter. "Have a good day though. Thanks for last night. I lov ... Yeah, thanks."

"It was fun!" Chloe said, trying not to bite her lip at the words Beca didn't say as she took in Beca's space cadet, confused look. "Be good and I'll see you soon."

She decided to brave a brief hug and wrapped her arm around Beca's shoulder, meeting the same stiff return she always did when she invaded Beca's personal space. Chloe picked up her handbag and jacket and walked to the front door, ignoring the empty glasses and bottles as she swept through the living room. She turned back to see Beca staring after her and raised her hand in a final goodbye as Beca looked confused, vacant and tired all at the same time.

.o0o.

Chloe groaned under her airline blanket, remembering the kiss from six months ago. It had never been mentioned by either girl again, Chloe choosing not to bring it up after Beca seemed to have no memory from that night. Beca had acted normally when Chloe had seen her later that night when all the girls had gone out for dinner later that evening and she had talked about Jesse for most of the night. Jesse had picked her up from the restaurant later that night to take her back to their airport hotel room before they took their flight the next day.

All of the Bella's had been invited to the wedding, all of them were excited as anything to be flying in from where they were all living to Los Angeles were Beca and Jesse had moved to a little over a year ago. Aubrey was possibly the least surprised of them all when Chloe announced that she wouldn't be attending. She blamed work and her shift pattern, letting no one in on the pain she was feeling. Aubrey knew. She had known Chloe long enough to understand every look and expression on her best friends face. Chloe steadfastly refused to talk about it.

Beca said she understood and Jesse said the wedding wouldn't be the same without her when she told them she wouldn't be able to make it. Chloe knew she couldn't attend the ceremony, sit and listen as Beca said her vows to someone who wasn't her. She didn't hate Jesse; there was very little to dislike about him really. She just wished it was her. Beca had graciously said that if there was a last minute change of plans for her just to come as the evening reception was a simple buffet and disco and there was always room for Chloe in their lives.

As the plane touched down and her fifth gin and tonic rolled around in her stomach, Chloe realised she was in fact no further forward in her plan of what she was going to do. She just decided that Beca needed to know how she felt. She needed to be honest with her. When she had booked the flight the day before, in a moment of blind panic; she could admit to that, it had felt like such a sensible thing to do.

Pulling her phone from her pocked and switching it on as soon as she entered the airport terminal, she tapped out a message to Aubrey telling her she was in Los Angeles and would be at the ceremony. Hailing a cab from the terminal proved to be difficult. The line was over fifty people deep and she was running so late by the time she got to the front of the queue, she knew she would only make the service by the skin of her teeth. The outfit she was wearing wasn't crumpled and she was pleased she had decided to travel in a summer dress, unaware at the time that she wouldn't have had time to change. She reapplied her lipstick and fixed her hair in the back of the cab as it bumped along.

She flicked open her phone as she got closer seeing a message from Aubrey saying that they had to be seated as the service was about to start and to find them when she arrived. The cab pulled up alongside the Church and Chloe threw a few bills at the driver, thanking him profusely as she exited the vehicle, grabbing her small bag as she went. She strode directly into the Church, ignoring everything and everyone around her. It was only when she was about to enter the foyer of the Church that a voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

"Chloe! You made it!"

She spun around at the sound of Beca's voice, suddenly embarrassed that she had waltzed past the brunette on her purposeful stride into the Church.

"Beca?! Hi! Yes! I'm here! I got on a plane! I'm ..."

"You OK?" Beca said, as she took a step towards Chloe. Chloe surprised herself at taking a step back.

"Yes, I'm fine!"

"You seem ..."

"Beca, you look absolutely stunning!" Chloe squealed as she took in Beca's dress properly for the first time. Beca had gone for an off the shoulder boned bodice, detailed in tiny silver sparkly beads. The tailored skirt fell to the floor gracefully, accentuating Beca's slim figure and making her look taller.

"Thanks Chloe. That means a lot. I feel like such a dork right now."

"You are beautiful ... I mean you look really beautiful."

"Erm ... thanks. Hope you know ... people, don't ... you know ... laugh in there!"

"God, sorry! You need to get on. I'll see ..."

"No, it's fine." Beca said interrupting Chloe. "I've got a minute or two. I'm so happy you came. Thank you!"

"Yeah, well, I needed to I guess. I needed to see how happy you are."

"Why?"

"It'll just be easier."

"Easier?" Beca asked, her eyebrows knitting together for a moment.

"Yes." Chloe answered truthfully.

"How do you mean?"

"It will be easier to let you go." Chloe admitted, biting her lip and focusing on the wall behind Beca.

"Let me go." Beca repeated, as she nervously scratched her nose.

"Yes." Chloe said again.

"You don't have to let me go Chloe? I don't understand. We'll always be friends."

"I mean ... Jesus, Beca!"

"What Chloe?"

"Don't you get it, don't you understand. I love you! I love you!"

Chloe watched Beca's face as the world began to swirl around her, telling herself again that that fifth gin and tonic was a mistake as she felt her mind grow foggy. Everything around them both seemed to fade out as Beca continued to stare at Chloe.

"Chloe! I'm getting married. Right now. To Jesse. Whom I love."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just ..."

"Just what?!" Beca exclaimed very loudly. She shifted her eyes to the entrance to the foyer as she saw her father flick his head around at the sound of her raised voice.

"I needed you to know Beca. I've loved you for years."

"Chloe, it's my wedding day."

"I know Beca. I'm sorry."

"Why?" Beca asked, the tears beginning to brim in her eyes.

"Why what?" Chloe asked after a few seconds.

"Why wait until now?"

"You are happy with Jesse. I just wanted you to know. My timing stinks, I know that. I'm sorry."

"I wish you had said something before."

"Before?"

"Before ..." Beca said as she waved her hands towards the packed Church.

"Beca?"

"We could have good together Chloe but its too late. I wished you'd said something earlier."

"You like me too?"

"Chloe ..." Beca lowered her voice. "... I love you, all right. I've loved you for years. Six months we shared an amazing kiss and it felt so right, despite it not being Jesse. It felt like our mouths belonged together."

"You remember that?"

"Fuck yes!" Beca exclaimed, causing her father to turn around again. "It was the best kiss of my life."

"Why the hell didn't you say anything?" Chloe cried out.

"Why didn't you?!"

"I wanted to. But you didn't mention it the next morning and you said you didn't remember anything." Chloe said sadly, remembering the morning after her bachelorette party.

"Because of Jesse. I felt like a complete dick for doing that to him. And to you. I didn't know you liked me."

"Well, now you know."

"It's too late Chloe. I'm marrying Jesse right now."

"OK, that's your decision. I'm sorry. I had to tell you. I wish you every success with him, I really do." Chloe said as brightly as she could manage.

"Chloe, I'll always love you. There will always be a special place in my heart. I'm sorry too."

"Best friends for life?" Chloe asked.

"Of course. Goes without saying." Beca said as she grinned from ear to ear.

Beca pulled Chloe into a hug and held her tenderly as her father drew up along side the girls. As they pulled apart, he looked surprised to see his daughter with tears in her eyes.

"Are you all right Beca?" He asked, his voiced laced with concern.

"Yes Dad, I'm fine. Chloe made it!" Beca responded.

"I can see that!" Dr Mitchell said, and he patted Chloe on the shoulder.

"I'm going to go and take a seat." Chloe said and turned to look Beca in the eye. "Good luck! You look aca-amazing. Catch up on the dance floor later?"

"Sure thing Chloe. And ... and ... thank you."

Chloe squeezed her arm as she slipped in through the side door of the Church, spotting the row of Bella's almost immediately. She walked a few paces and saw Amy catch her eye. Desperate for her not to shout anything out, knowing her need to be loud at all times, she put her fingers to her lips and took a seat next to Aubrey at the end of the pew. All the Bella's turned to look at her with huge, genuine smiles and for the first time in four months, heck, the past six years really, she felt that it was going to be all right. She could let Beca go. She had to let Beca go. Beca didn't love her enough to want to be with her. And Chloe knew with the rest of the Bella's by her side, she would be fine.

"You made it!" Aubrey whispered. "Beca's late! Typically!"

"No, she's in the foyer. I was just talking to her." Chloe said as Aubrey snapped her head around to look at Chloe.

"Did you ...?" Aubrey asked quietly, the unspoken words saying volumes.

"Yes."

"And?" Aubrey asked in a hushed voice.

"I'm sitting here aren't I? Not jumping into a cab."

"Chloe ...?"

"I'm good. It's all good." Chloe said softly, doing her best not to cry and ruin her mascara. "It will all be good. Just get the day over with and you are coming with me on a spa weekend next weekend."

"I am?"

"Yes. Need you." Chloe said sadly.

"OK. I'm there.

"Thank you."

Aubrey squeezed Chloe's fingers as music began to fill the air. It was one of Beca's own mixes, a mashup of She by Elvis Costello (Notting Hill being one of Jesse's favourite movies) and A Thousand Years by Christina Perri (taken from Twilight, another one of Jesse's favourite films much to Beca's absolute disgust). Beca had made it work, blending the two hits quiet superbly. The congregation began to stand as the whoosh of the Church doors sounded throughout the Church. For the first time since arriving, Chloe saw Jesse standing in his tuxedo at the very front of the Church. Benji, his best man, stood next to him, looking about as green as possible. Jesse caught Chloe's eye and smiled warmly at her. Chloe knew he was the better person for Beca in that moment.

She felt the tears prick her eyelids as she watched Beca take her first steps into the Church. She quickly took the tissue that Aubrey had thrust into her hand and dabbed at her eyes as Beca continued fluidly down the aisle. She smiled warmly at both Beca and her father as they drew parallel to the row of chairs the Bella's were sitting on. Beca cast as eye towards them all and grinned before locking eyes with Chloe. For the briefest of seconds, Chloe watched Beca falter slightly, missing her step. The brunette blinked several times before looking ahead again.

Chloe stood and watched as Beca made it to the front of the Church. As she turned to face Jesse, Beca shot a look towards the congregation, catching Chloe's eye. Chloe smiled as brightly as she could, half nodding several times towards Beca, letting her know everything was OK. Beca turned her head back towards Jesse and the Minister raised his hands for everyone to take a seat.

"Dearly Beloved ..." He began, smiley broadly at the congregation and gesturing with his hands. "... We are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony, which is commended to be honourable among all men; and therefore, is not by any, to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together ... let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

As much as Chloe wanted to, she didn't leap up out of her seat and profess her undying love for Beca. Jesse had won her heart. She hadn't. She felt Aubrey's fingers lightly touch her leg but there was nothing Chloe was going to do to embarrass Beca.

"Marriage is the union of husband and wife in heart, body and mind." The Minister continued. "It is intended for their mutual joy, and for the help and comfort given on another in prosperity and adversity. But more importantly, it is a means through which a stable and loving environment may be attained. I have been asked by Rebecca and Jesse to keep my speeches short. And this I will!"

This caused the congregation to laugh quietly as the Minister gathered up both Beca's and Jesse's hands together.

"Jesse, repeat after me. Mean every word you say. Speak your hearts desire. I, Jesse Archibald Cosmo ..."

"I, Jesse *cough* Archibald *cough* Cosmo ..."

"Take thee Rebeca Elizabeth ..."

"Take thee Rebeca Elizabeth ..." Jesse repeated.

"As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us."

"As my lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, till death parts us." Jesse said warmly. Chloe's heart sank a tiny bit at the words. She hoped Aubrey was up for spending a lot of time together in the coming months, she needed distracting.

"Now Rebecca, repeat after me please. And remember, mean every word you say. Speak to the one you love. I, Rebeca Elizabeth ..."

"I, Rebeca Elizabeth ..."

"Take thee Jesse Archibald Cosmo ..."

"Take thee Chloe Beale ..."