A journal for Karigan, a companion to A Secret Love of Zachary Hillander.
I simply cannot give in to you. I will not lose my honor, even if it means my heart will shatter. The pieces can be picked up and put back together. There is always a way. I have to hold firm to that fact, even if my heart will never be whole again.
You once tempted me with the chance to be with you, to be yours, but I need more than just a night here or there, always worrying about who might discover us. It is not a way to live. Even if it is the only way to be with you.
While I may never be able to stop loving you, I know we can never be together. Try as you and I might fight our circumstances, it is always doomed to fail. We were simply born into the wrong class, at the wrong time and for that, we must accept that we can never be together. I must accept it.
I may not be able to be near you without longing desperately for you, I will never besmirch your name or all that you have done. You deserve so much more than what I can offer you.
The daily life and emotions of one insignificant Rider should not be of any concern to you nor will you ever know how much I love you and how much it kills me to see you with anyone else.
My hearts desires and wishes will be buried deep in me so that I can stand proud and tall in your presence. You deserve that much. You will not have to deal with the pain of my broken heart or how hard it is for me to breathe without you.